It started out much as any other time: I got ready and tootled off down the street, this time clutching a bag with three parcels in it that I planned on taking to the Post Office afterwards. When I walked into the Clinic the first difference was that the furniture in Reception had been rearranged. It seemed a bit odd initially but it actually makes the room look bigger..... and it also means that anyone sat at the desk now doesn't have the window to their back and a draft blowing on them, plus they aren't on view when handling payments (always a good thing). Jan was the Receptionist again and asked how I was doing, as she knew it was my Mum's birthday. Actually I didn't feel too bad at that point and said so. I'd spotted on the Clinic's website that their workshops included An Introduction to Crystals and when I'd popped down to the Clinic for some more Candigest capsules earlier in the week had mentioned to Anne that I was interested, should one be running anytime soon. The message had been passed to Jan: she wasn't going to be running it this year but she reckoned that with my interest in crystals it was probably too basic for me anyway. She did mention that there was a Crystal Healing place in Goole that I hadn't heard about - I'd only been aware of a place in Sheffield that ran Melody Workshops and courses and the BSSK in Lincolnshire. Wherever they are I need to be able to travel and that's not currently possible - though I hope Jan will be able to give me a bit more information about the place in Goole next time I see her, so I can compare what's available. Another incentive to get me back driving again. :0)
By this time Aureen was ready to take me through for my treatment, so I followed her through. She asked me about the dream I'd had and I told her...... and promptly started to cry. Boy, I was doing fine until then LOL. As I explained to Aureen: the dream visit from Mum finally gave us the chance to say those things that we weren't able to at the time of her passing because Mum was unconscious much of the time and I wasn't there at the end. I told her that I'd carried an awful lot of guilt around over that ever since. Aureen said that if I was meant to have been there I would have been. As I said: on one level I know and accept that, and also acknowledge that I feel that if I had been there I would probably have held her back, even when she was ready to go, but on another level I still feel guilty for it. So Aureen said we were going to work on that and she would give me some very deep healing in this session.
All jewellery (except my crystal bracelets) plus specs removed I laid on the treatment bed and was covered with the fleecy blanket and Aureen went to wash her hands, then started the music and began.
The session really did start out just like any other, with my having to close my eyes and Aureen doing the usual movements, with the touches to feet and head and opening my chakras etc. The colours swirled behind my eyes, this time with various purple shades leading towards the red/pink spectrum and more blues than I've had before, plus small swirls of green and orange thrown in. I did notice that, although Aureen's fingers felt cold, her palms were giving off a lot of heat...... and she seemed to spend a little more time working around my head and crown chakra area. Then Aureen moved to my left and began to work on my throat and heart chakras and I was starting to really drift when I realised she'd moved over to the CD player and turned down the music - OK, that's never happened before so it penetrated the driftiness. She then came back to me, lightly touched me on my shoulder and said my name, which had me opening my eyes.
What happened next was the point where this session became so different from the others. She asked me if I had to describe where in my body the guilt was lodged where would it be? I started to think and analyse this but something stopped me and I seemed to trip into a kind of auto-pilot mode: I clenched my fist and placed it right in the area of my chest between my breasts and towards the base of my breastbone. (Thinking about it now: whenever I get really upset that's where it all seems to centre).
Next: what colour would I say it was? Black instantly popped into my mind. Now you'll know from the Development Circle post that I don't see black in a negative way, far from it, so I remember part of my brain half registering surprise when I gave Aureen that answer.
Next: if I had to describe its shape, what shape would it be? Instantly: a ball. As I said this I could actually visualise it.
Aureen then said OK, told me is was alright and relax as she went over to turn up the music again, then came back to restart the treatment. The odd thing was I just closed my eyes and accepted what had just happened as if it was a regular occurrence and, as the colours began to swirl behind my eyes again, thought it would carry on as usual.
That didn't happen! LOL Just a few minutes after Aureen restarted the treatment I felt a gentle wave of energy wash up from my feet, up my body...... until it reached the area I'd indicated as where the guilt was sat and that's where it seemed to stop, as if blocked. Next I got a sudden wash of sadness and gasped, trying to hold it back, but Aureen very gently told me not to stop it, that I had to let it out and handed me a tissue (no idea where that came from - had no awareness of her fetching one). All the while my eyes stayed closed, the tears falling and me mopping away........ and my nose getting blocked, so I had to breathe through my mouth. Normally I'd sit up to blow my nose but something kept me laid down on that treatment bed.
As the tears eased off I got the oddest sensation in the "guilt area": it felt empty, as if something had been taken out. Then soon after the same area began to feel warm...... and then it didn't feel empty anymore and the sadness had gone and I felt happier and couldn't help giving a small smile. I actually felt lighter. Then the rest of the treatment went on with the usual movements and hand placements and then the closing and grounding. The music stopped and Aureen gently touched me on the shoulder, saying my name and asking how I was. As soon as I opened my eyes I looked at her and said: you took it out, didn't you?
She seemed a little apologetic and explained that she had, though normally she would enter a session knowing she would be doing something called psychic surgery and would warn the person beforehand. She hadn't known it would happen as it wasn't planned but, as she was treating me, "someone" had come into the room (she didn't say who) and told her she had to remove it and do it immediately....... hence the pause in the session to ask me the questions, to help her carry out the procedure. She described what happened: she found the black ball and had gone to remove it but it was extremely heavy for its size, likening it to a cannon ball, and she had tried to lift it and struggled. Two angels then came into the room but as she finally managed to lift it out of me it dissolved into a thick, gooey, sticky mass and some dropped back in - as fast as Aureen scooped this goo out the angels took it away and gave it back to the Universe, to be dispersed and transformed. She felt she had got it all but only I would know that for certain. Once the area was "empty" a large clear crystal was placed in the space - she asked if I'd ever seen a clear crystal that had sunbeams reflecting off it, giving out little rainbows and sparks of light, which I have - and said that was what it was like. As it settled into the space it flashed and sparkled these little golden sparks and rainbows in every direction, sending them all through my body - this would remove any lasting remnants and keep it cleansed. Again I could actually visualise it.
Only then did I tell her what I had actually felt during the treatment and I'm still amazed by how the sensations I had felt matched with all that Aureen had done and described. It can't be put down to suggestion, as I know what I felt at the time and Aureen didn't, as I didn't tell her until after she told me what she had done. I told her I couldn't actually describe to her how I felt at that time as I was too brain-blown........ but I could say that I did feel lighter (thinking about that now I don't actually mean physically lighter, it's more to do with a lightness in my soul) and that whatever she had done it had definitely worked. Aureen then said that I would probably feel a bit off for a day or so and would definitely need to rest that day (compared it to having a tooth pulled) and would also be a bit emotional...... but should start to pick up by about Tuesday, when I'd begin to feel much brighter and happier. Meantime, I was to sit in the garden, or even go and lay down should I feel the need. Her parting shot was that if she hadn't got it all we would do it again next time and make sure....... flippin' heck, I'm not sure I could go through that again in a hurry! LOL
After thanking her I used the facilities (my bladder sometimes seems like it's the size of a gnat's!) then went to reception to pay my dues and make my next appointment. Jan said I'd missed all the excitement: the Tour of Britain cyclists had gone whizzing past, along the High Street, while I'd been in with Aureen - apparently the local motorcycle bobbies seemed to be having great fun whizzing along with them. I kind of vaguely remembered hearing a bit of a kerfuffle and some sirens at one point but it had only just registered. Aureen's next client was there and two relatives of hers had been out on their bikes following on. I'm afraid my comment was there was far too much testosterone around at that kind of thing for me. ;0)
As I paid my dues, getting another herbal tea while I was at it, and made my next Reiki appointment Aureen came through to collect her client and we said goodbye until Tuesday. Jan, who had realised I was fumbling around like some decrepit old biddy, then gave me a beady look and asked how I was - I couldn't say but I gave her the gist of what had happened. Jan's comment: she's extremely good, isn't she? Definitely....... though I think I'll appreciate just how good further down the line, when I can look back on everything and consider it when it isn't so "immediate", iykwim. I did know that I wouldn't make it over to Rosehill that day, not the way I was, so would be getting some flowers to put on the mantelpiece next to Mum and Dad's picture. I then said goodbye, with Jan laying her hand lightly on my shoulder as I left - must have looked about as rough as I felt, then.
When I got out onto the street the noise hit me and I knew I couldn't get to the Post Office on my own, so rang DH. I went to wait for him in the Hospice Bookshop - much quieter and somewhere I felt safe enough to try and gather my scattered wits. Thankfully DH wasn't too long in getting there - long enough for me to spot a book about Fred Dibnah which DH liked, so I treated him. The parcels sorted we headed to the Butcher's for some sandwich meats, then over the road and back up the street to the Cleaner's (dropping off DS's suit), then to the greengrocer's where I spotted the loveliest chrysanthemum's, in a lovely autumnal shade - not quite a brown, not quite a yellow........ and all the while thinking that I really should have listened to Aureen and gone straight home, as my legs kept going wobbly and I got more and more tired.
I picked up a bit once I'd sat and had a drink, then something to eat, but a little later in the afternoon it was time to admit defeat and go to bed for an hour. That did help some and I enjoyed our take-out curry. DH and DS went out that night, to do a spot of crewing and help with a Get-Out at the theatre, then going on to the Final Night BBQ afterwards...... I pottered doing bits of this and that but couldn't settle to much of anything and went to bed around 11pm. I didn't get to sleep until gone midnight though - the Pete's were having a BBQ with friends and it got a bit noisy as the bottles of vino emptied. Can't complain though, as we had been invited - the timing was naff, is all.
Sunday we stayed home, partly so DH could watch the Grand Prix but mostly because I was still feeling bone weary. There had been a development though, as I could finally describe how I felt: shell-shocked. LOL
Oddly enough, not long into my starting this post, Aureen rang me to check on how I was feeling. She didn't think it fair to ask me tonight, at the Circle, in front of the others and she felt there probably wouldn't be the opportunity to get me on my own to do so. Her prediction wasn't far off: needed to lay down Saturday, needed to take it easy Sunday, more energy Monday (whizzed round all my jobs and did a couple of extras all in a morning!), certainly emotional, and definitely starting to feel brighter today. She mentioned the word lighter and that is exactly the word to use. That was so kind and considerate. :0)
So it's a change in routine today, to try and stop some of the last minute rush and stress we had last week: DH is having a cooked dinner at work and I've made myself something at home (I'll aim for the Malt Shovel trip another time) so we can have a lighter, quicker meal tonight and hopefully get out to Hibaldstow for the Circle meeting on time. So now I'm off to get a few other things organised. :0)
1 comment:
A very emotional and traumatic at the time sounding experience.
Thinking of you tonight at the circle.
{{big hug}}
xxxx
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