Wednesday, 16 September 2009


Well the slight reorganisation of meals and getting things ready beforehand worked out slightly better, in that I wasn't late for the Development Circle this week.... though things did end up slightly rushed. That was mostly because DH runs on a totally separate time continuum to everyone else and will not be hurried, no matter how much you ask, plead or threaten dire consequences if he doesn't pull his finger out. LOL Thankfully the Honda is a speedy little number and can take full advantage of the faster stretches of road - though that's not always good for my heart rate or blood pressure. ;0)

When I arrived there was just Aureen and S2, so we sat and nattered until Sh and A arrived. Aureen had hoped that another lady, J, would turn up but she didn't - the two other ladies expected that night had already phoned to say they couldn't make it. Hopefully those three will come next week and boost the numbers further - S1 should be back then too.

This week Aureen read us a piece about the Aura written by Ursula Roberts (some of it can be seen here - scroll down a little). Over the years I've picked up some basic knowledge about auras but it was interesting to realise that it's not only opening and closing of chakras but also the expanding and contracting of each members aura that can have an effect on how well a Circle runs. There was a line drawn picture for us to see showing the difference between strong and weak auric emanations and a list of what can adversely affect your own aura: poor diet; lack of exercise; lack of fresh air; lack of rest; stress; alcohol; drugs; tobacco; negative habits and improper psychic activity....... and illness will also make a difference, though that's mostly to the colours.

There was also a diagram to show the different aura layers and what they are called: the Etheric body; the Astral body; the Feeling body; the Lower Mental body; the Higher Mental body and the Soul body. Plus there was some information about each body/layer and what they do/why they are there (couldn't think of any other way of phrasing it). To be honest I was a bit disgusted about how basic my knowledge of this actually was - I've barely scratched the surface and am in serious need of much more reading up on the subject.

Aureen then proceeded to open the Circle, then we went on to place ourselves in our bubbles of protection and open our Chakras. Two things became pretty clear to me straight away: 1) the neighbours were definitely feeling much livelier than they had been the previous week, therefore the noise was much more of a distraction and 2) my concentration levels, for various reasons, were all over the place. It was a struggle to make sure I did everything properly but seemed to get there in the end.

Aureen asked if any of us had seen or sensed auras before. Most of us had met people we had an instant aversion to and had made us feel as if we'd pulled away from them and also met others that we'd been instantly pulled towards; or walked inot a room filled with happiness and laughter and felt like we'd "expanded" into it and also been in situations where we picked up on others moods and feelings and been affected by them. I think Sh and S2 said they had vaguely seen auras a few times. I said I hadn't seen an aura but thinking about it later am not sure if that was quite right: I've previously been laid in bed in my darkened bedroom doing relaxation breathing, have raised my arm and seen a slight glowing layer around it - up until now I've just assumed it's a trick of the dark/light on my retina that's caused but is it? I'll have to ask about that next week.

So it was on to sensing our own aura: eyes closed, three deep breaths in and out, pulling energy along our chakras and using it to sense our aura. I now know I was having more serious concentration problems than I originally thought because I can't actually remember exactly what we did - and that means I can't practise this at home, in the hopes of doing better next week. How bad is that? :0( I know I didn't do it right because initially I was doing it like a creative visualisation (imagining a screen in front of your third eye and seeing the image/s on that) when I was actually supposed to be sensing out from my own body, iykwim. Despite the error I think I sensed "something" but I couldn't tell you what - I certainly didn't see any colours, presumably because I hadn't done it right in the first place.

From this we then had to imagine our auras stretching out towards the person on our left (Aureen) and our right (A), all the while trying to sense or see the colours in the person's aura. My usual problem: the impressions I got were so quick it was impossible to register them, let alone make any sense of them. From there we had to then stretch our aura all around the group. This may seem odd but it seems, as Aureen told us later, that we need to be able to do this blending of our auras so we can work together as a cohesive Circle, to raise enough energy to go on and do all the other things eg: psychometry, mediumship, healing etc etc. Then we had to pull them back to ourselves and relax.

Aureen then started asking each one of us if we had sensed the colours of our own aura. Sh had seen several colours, S2 and A had seen or sensed a particular colour in theirs. Me? No colours, possibly a vague "something". She then asked each one in turn what they had sensed about the people either side of them, starting with Sh: she had been to a previous Circle run by Aureen so has been through some of the exercises before (though not this one) - she also seems the strongest developed of the group (apart from Aureen, of course) - she'd seen red for Aureen and green for S2.
S2 had sensed colours for Sh (purple I think) and either yellow or orange for A.
A had seen/sensed a little white and another colour around S2 and had sensed a little blue to me but also seen bright white from both my hands.
Aureen did say what she'd sensed for me and Sh but I can't remember what she said. She did explain a little about what each colour meant as she went round but I can't recall that either.
Then it was my turn and I definitely felt like the group dunce by now: what I'd seen was too fleeting and I didn't sense anything more than feeling warmth when we all extended our auras around the group - I knew I'd felt that because the rest of the time I was cold. LOL I couldn't help feeling frustrated nor stop myself from wondering if I was going to end up holding everyone back because, as Aureen explained, we need to be able to do these things well - and do them more speedily than we do them now - so we can go on and do the other work effectively. :0(

I admitted I may have problems with aura expansion because of my previous problems with agoraphobia and panic attacks. I explained that when I go out and I have to be in a very busy room (especially so when I'm eating out) and I don't want to feel overwhelmed by everyone around me I do something that's totally self-taught which I likened to "pulling myself in". I'm not really sure what I do or quite how I do it - I just do it. Now we'd done the aura thing (well, I had - sort of) was that what I was doing, pulling my aura in? Aureen said it was and made a joke of not wanting to share myself. I explained it wasn't so much that but more of a defense mechanism I'd learned to stop the panic attacks from happening, so I was more used to pulling in/closing down than opening up. I noticed Sh seemed to look as though what I'd just said had explained something for her - something she'd picked up on, maybe?

I didn't mention that because I'd had agoraphobia it had taught me to be used to and happy with my own company for much of the time (had to or I'd have gone stir crazy otherwise) and I am used to keeping myself occupied with solo activities, such as needlecrafts, computing and reading etc etc for much of the time. I also got used to only seeing my loved ones and one friend for much of the time I suffered from it too. So, basically, agoraphobia makes you become a tad anti-social. Compared to the time I spent on my own I haven't been getting out and about on a regular basis and meeting people again for very long really and most social skills are having to be re-learned.... and I've just been told I've got do something as intimate as sharing my aura with a group of people I barely know on a weekly basis. OK.... so now I really need to get my head around and beyond that, learn to be fully open and trusting...... and get some serious practice in to learn the techniques or I will be holding the group back.

Next we had to direct our thoughts to the person we felt drawn to and see if we could sense their aura. Sh chose A: she saw yellow and was drawn to her as she felt lively. I can't remember the others. I was drawn to Sh: again I didn't sense or see colours but I was drawn to her because of the calmness within her. Perhaps that may have been because it's something I could do with developing...... or maybe just because it's soothing. :0)

After this the Circle was closed and then Aureen asked if anyone had any questions about anything. A said she did, though it was more to satisfy her curiosity: she recapped on sensing my aura and seeing both my hands giving off white light and asked me if I was a healer. It gave me an odd sensation. I said no but that someone (my regular M,B&S tarot reader, Leonie) had actually told me a couple of times that I had healing hands. Aureen said yes, she remembered me mentioning it - so I said that the same person had also told me that I had missed my calling and that I should have been a nurse. Aureen got a big smile on her face and said yes, I should have been and I would have been a very good nurse, definitely - and that took me aback a little. Then she got an odd little look and smile on her face, wouldn't quite meet my eyes, and said that once we'd mastered the basics we would go on to do things like psychometry, readings and also healing and we would all have to wait and see what would happen......... as I said to DH later, it left me with the impression that she knew something I didn't and was perhaps looking forward to it being revealed. Guess I'm just going to have to be patient and wait and see what she has in store then. LOL

With that we all said our goodbyes and left. Thankfully DH pulled up outside just as I stepped out of the door. Once home I spotted a missed call from my DSis on my mobile (it had been on silent mode during the meeting) so rang her and later in the conversation I told her about the not overly successful evening. She thinks I'm probably trying too hard and I guess there is an element of that in it but it seems like I've waited all of my life thus far to get to this point so I want it to work and to do well at it. Realisation hit too: I was still getting over the intensive Reiki treatment I had on Saturday..... it was Mum's birthday the same day and that makes me a little low....... it's the wrong end of the month, with its attendant tiredness, low mood and air headedness...... and it's the waning and almost dark moon time and I do better during waxing and full moon time. So I'm hoping that combination was why I didn't do well this time (and so hope I'm not just trying to find excuses for a poor performance) and am keeping my fingers crossed for a much better session next week........ I'll let you know. :0)

1 comment:

Julie said...

I am sensing from your writing here Karan that you are still not comfortable with the new ladies and you haven't relaxed in their presence yet. Meeting new people is a learning curve still for you and as the weeks progress i'm certain you will form a very strong and supportive group and you will be able to give and receive all that is offered.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you can only take in and process so much information at any one time and i agree that you are still in a recovery from the weekend. Also, if some of them have had previous experience they will find some things much easier than others as we all do in all things we do in our lives.

Much love XXXX