Wednesday, 27 January 2010


On chatting with Aureen I'd asked her how she was doing. She didn't look as drawn as she had done on the Tuesday night but was obviously still feeling tired, as she was sitting down as much as she could. I told her about not having been well since I'd last seen her and the incident at my DSis's work that was causing some upset at the moment and how worried my DSis was (the added stress). I said I was looking on the bright side and doing my best to keep my DSis positive too: we'd all called on the Angels for help and when, later in the week, I thought of her and pulled an Angel card it was the All is Well card. This indicates that although it may not seem like it at the moment, whatever is unfolding will have a positive outcome with unforeseen benefits. I then had to pop out with Jan to pay - she then stayed at the reception desk to await her next client.

When I went back in the room I took off my rings, scrunchie and shoes and went to sit on the treatment bed. Aureen asked if I was feeling stressed and I admitted I was, though was doing my best to stay calm and help my DSis stay positive, plus I was also feeling the lack of a session in December. So she told me she would do a gentle treatment this time to try and help me with relaxation.

I laid down and mentioned how odd it felt not being in the other room, as I loved the feel of it in there. Aureen said she knew what I meant and said it probably had something to do with all the positive healing energy having built up in there. Well, whoever gets to use that room next will surely benefit from it. So I settled down under the fleecy blanket, the relaxation CD started and the session began.

There were no swirling colours or revelations, as such, this time.... it was every bit as gentle as Aureen had said she would make it. She didn't so any Chakra work, just concentrated on grounding me and working on my head area. When she first touched my head I had a fleeting image of the head and shoulders and swept back wings of an Angel, very similar to the new Angel ornament my DH bought me just before the festive season. When she placed her hands over my third eye I saw the caduceus and when she placed one hand on my third eye and one on my heart Chakras for some reason my saliva glands kicked in my mouth began to water a bit.... it had been quite dry up until then. I also felt the knot in my stomach unravel and go and I became more and more relaxed.

Before I knew it the session came to an end. Aureen gently touched my shoulder and said my name and asked if I was OK. I sighed and stretched slowly and said: I'm fine, you can just leave me here, as I could quite happily nod off now. She said not to worry if I ever did do so - apparently others had done so during treatments. LOL I told her that it had been a lovely session and I'd been pleasantly surprised: I'd been a little concerned at how things would go since the move into the front room, with it being closer to the road, but I needn't have. I'd been aware of it initially but as the treatment progressed it faded into the background and hadn't bothered or concerned me at all. Aureen said that showed a real improvement and I realised that it also held true at the latest Circle sessions too: noises that used to distract me previously now, in the main, fade like that.

I told her about the knot disappearing and how much of a relief that was. The Angel was expected, it being Angelic Reiki. When I told her about seeing the caduceus I said: that's the doctor's sign, isn't it? thinking it represented healing but she smiled and said that it was very good to see, as it meant kundalini energy had been rising. I said I hadn't felt any sudden surges or anything like that during the session, which is what I thought would happen with that, only deep relaxation. She didn't say anymore on it, just smiled at me. She also told me that my Guide had been present again and that he wanted me to be aware that he was there to help me through the stressful time. I hadn't really been aware of him during the session but there had been times duing the previous few days when I would suddenly think of him and felt it was because he was there. It's a comforting thought: no matter what is going on in your life and no matter how much you think you're on your own..... you're not, because your Guide and your Angel are there, ever present and ever willing to help. :0)

She asked me if I'd had any problems with my right arm. I said I do have occasional aches, mainly in my shoulder and up my neck, that was probably aggravated by repetitive movement from stitching and computer mousework. But no, not there and she pointed to the elbow area. Nope... at least not at the moment, so she said just to watch for it as it had come on her and she knew it wasn't associated with her. OK, will keep that in mind. Funnily enough, at the end of the session, I'd felt an uncomfortable sensation in my right foot that I didn't think was me but forgot to mention it (one to ask on Tuesday night).

By this time I could sit up and started sipping the water Aureen handed to me. We began to talk about the Circle and some of the events there and I told her that I thought I'd improved recently because I'd sussed out that I worked differently to the others which had stopped me worrying that I might be doing something wrong and explained why I thought that (mentioned in other posts). She said that everyone worked differenlty and picked things up in their own way, using one or more methods and to a greater or lesser degree. It looks like I am predominantly clairsentient, though this doesn't mean that I can't/won't develop further with the clairvoyance or clairaudience. Since I'd realised this it made me aware that those times I said I hadn't got anything I probably had, I just hadn't realised it because I hadn't gone with what I'd felt at the time - the change is that now I do. My poor Guide: he must have been banging his head on a Spiritual brickwall up until then! LOL

As we carried on chatting I started donning my scrunchie, specs, rings, shoes and coat. When I was ready Aureen mentioned again that she planned on doing the clearing the clutter meditation at our next Circle meeting - I was looking forward to it. With that we said our goodbyes and I walked home.... on my own.... and it felt good to get through tht barrier again. :0)

Later in the afternoon I ended up grabbing the fleecy blanket and laying under it on the settee and promptly fell asleep for about an hour and a half and felt very refreshed when I woke and still minus the stomach knot. That was a truly lovely session. :0)

Tuesday, 26 January 2010


Saturday 23rd was the date for my next visit to see Jan and I was ready to see her: the previous week hadn't been a good one at all, as the nausea I'd been feeling developed into something of a stomach upset and I was struggling to eat (not like me, since the op). On top of this was some added stress that wasn't helping at all. So DH got ready and saw me safely into the Clinic, before he carried on down the High Street to do some shopping and then head home.

When I got upstairs Jan took me into what is usually the Colonic treatment room for our consultation, as Aureen was in the other room with her client. I handed over my food diary sheets and her first words were that she didn't think there was any reason for me to continue to take them in. I guess I am sticking to the healthy eating OK........ and it'll save some paper, as well as printer and pen ink. LOL

She asked how things had been going since my last visit. I told her about the nauseous feeling I'd had from the Sunday and the stomach upset it triggered and the anxiety feelings this always seems to trigger, then told her a little about the added stress that wasn't helping. She asked if I was sure that I wasn't actually causing the anxiety reaction myself. No, my stomach had already been feeling off before the added stress and I was doing my best to stay calm..... and on comparing symptoms with DH and DS it pointed to my having a variation of the bug that they had had. I'd also thought that taking one of the vitamins with my evening meal hadn't been helping (maybe giving it a bit too much to do) and I wasn't too keen on the fact that it gave me bright yellow pee. The latter was a sign that it was working but my stomach had felt better since I stopped taking it, so I'd prefer to leave it out until it was back to normal. I'd felt so crap I'd got to the point that I would have tried anything to feel better.

We chatted about a couple of other things, then she said that she felt that we had probably gone as far as we could with the herbal side and that, at this point, I would probably benefit more with a course of acupuncture instead.... and that would certainly help with the nausea. How did I feel about that? I said I'd seen the needles used when I'd spoken to the acupuncturist at the Holistic Fair she'd held last year and they didn't bother me - I don't have a needle phobia and it was only when having blood taken that I didn't like to see what was happening.

So the upshot of this was that I am now booked in for my first acupuncture session on the 2nd February - it would have been  this Friday (29th January), except that I am going to stay with my DSis for the rest of this week, so won't be here.

In the meantime Jan altered the herbal mix slightly by taking out the liquorice and adding red clover instead and also added echinacae, to help me fight the bug I've had. She would just make me a weeks worth, to see me through until the acupuncture appointment. I forgot all about asking her to weigh me, so have no idea if I've lost anything but with the loss of appetite I've had I reckon I should have...... I'll just have to see if I can be weighed at my next visit instead. :0)
Aureen had finished with her client by this time, so Jan took us through so she could mix my medicine and I could chat with Aureen. When it was ready I added some herbal teas, a couple of snacks and Osteoguard tablets and went to pay - Jan would be in with another client when my Reiki treatment would be finished, so she wanted to get it done beforehand. Whilst I was paying she mentioned that she'd sold her house, though the timing wasn't great: she's currently rebranding the Clinic, preparing a brochure for publication and generally got a lot on, so the last thing she wanted was a house move on top but the Universe has decided to pile on the pressure. She has to be packed up and out part way through February.... and currently doesn't have anywhere to go to. I wished her Luck and hoped all went well.

I then went back into the treatment/dispensary room for my Reiki session.


I wasn't quite as organised this week, eating a little later than planned, but it was still early enough. Unfortunately my stomach wasn't very happy and I'd been feeling nauseous on and off since Sunday but I decided to ignore it, as my stomach is prone to these occasional problems. Although we were a little later at setting off this week I still managed to arrive first... just. A arrived just as I'd sat down in the living room. We had some general chit chat whilst S1, S2 and Sh arrived. La couldn't come as she had to work.

We went through into the other room and took our usual places, then Aureen told us that this week we would be doing some psychometry and clairvoyance after doing an initial meditation to prepare ourselves. That created a bit of a buzz. OK, though I, I won't expect too much after freaking myself out with the watch the previous time we'd done the psychometry, I'd just go with the flow...... and I'd just see what happened when we did the clairvoyance.

Before starting Aureen told us a little more about the Spirit Guide Silver Birch and read out a piece that consisted of questions that had been asked of him and his answers. It was extremely interesting and helped me to confirm some of the beliefs I have and think about others - lots to digest further later.

After this it was time to open the Circle, protect ourselves, ground and open our Chakras. From there we went on to breathe deeply, listen for our heartbeat and breath, then listen for our sound, then invited our Spirit Guides to step forward to help us.

Discussing how we felt we had done afterwards it was soon realised that the listening to our breath and for our heartbeat had been a bit of a struggle to do. S1 hadn't liked it and it felt like the start of a panic attack for her but, on the bright side, rather than it going on to develop, she'd managed to control it and just concentrate on her breathing and it had gone better. A had struggled a little but felt she had got there anyway. I found it dificult to do both at the same time, as my breathing went out of whack when I tried to listen for my heartbeat.... and I don't reckon I really hear my sound as such, it's more a sensation I feel than anything else. S2 seemed to connect OK and finally got to see part of her Spirit Guides face, something that hadn't happened before. Sh has done this before, so did better too, though I can't remember all of what she said.

Next we did the psychometry. For this Aureen said that, rather than us doing this on each other's belongings, we would all do this with one item and proceeded to take a ring off her finger and handed it to A first, then for it to be passed around the Circle: S1 next; then me; then S2 and then Sh. This proved to be quite interesting. A felt it was something passed down; she sensed happiness and sadness and something about a little girl with blonde hair. S1 said all she saw was a spanned bridge. I felt my heart beat a little quicker but associated it what had happened last time so didn't mention it (should have though!) and said that it reminded me of my Mum's wedding ring and that it made me think of my Mum...... a thought I should have followed but didn't. S2 picked up the most: that it was passed down and was a mother to daughter feeling; that there was happiness and sadness attached to it; a tightness in the chest and difficulty breathing (which she didn't like the feel of) and quite a bit more besides. Sh I can't remember.
Aureen said we had all done well but she wouldn't go into it in more detail until after we'd done the clairvoyance session.

So the lamp was turned out, so we were sat in the dark, and we went on to open our minds and see what we could pick up. This was another good session but unfortunately I can't remember all of it. Here's what I do:

Initially I "saw" movement slightly to my right, like a shadow moving, about the height of a reasonable sized adult, then got a fleeting image of a cat, then I was drawn to Aureen and I felt sadness. I got myself convinced that her cat had crossed over the Rainbow Bridge, jumping to conclusions rather than letting things come to me. Next my eyes felt very irritated, kind of sore and watering, then I got a banging headache on the left side of my head, thought I saw some blue flowers (possibly irises) and my crown Chakra was tingling and throbbing like crazy.
S2, Sh and Aureen all try to get round everyone to give messages and they gave them. All three had picked up on me walking in my garden in Spring, very happy. Aureen had seen lupins and S2 had seen a similar flower (can't remember what it was called) and Sh had seen lots of flowers. I laughed and said that must mean we're finally going to be buying and planting some, then. LOL S2 said I was dressed in a vest type top and was really buzzing - not the type of thing I usually wear but who knows, if I lose more weight? LOL They all said that it would be a turning point point and Sh said that it would be the end of a lot of sadness and a turning to happiness. It was all very positive and seemed to indicate some of what I've been feeling is starting to unfold.... and they didn't know it but I'd only recently said that I was fed up of the lousy weather and was really looking forward to Spring this year, when I could get out into my garden again. :0)
S2's message to Aureen consisted of two words: Ready Teddy. She didn't know what that meant and when she asked her Guide he told her that didn't matter - Aureen would know.

When we'd all given our messages or impressions and discussed those that were relevant to other people Aureen then went on to tell us that she would now tell us what she wouldn't earlier: her Mum had passed away on the previous Friday morning. She had thought about cancelling the session but then decided to go ahead, as she felt that we would help to cheer her up. My heart went out to her and I told her that I just wanted to go over to her and give her a big hug (not possible, as it would break the Circle). We told her how sorry we were but this was obviously affecting her, so she went on to tell us how what we had picked up was relevant.

For the ring: it was her Mum's wedding ring, passed from mother to daughter. It was associated with the happiness of the wedding but now the sadness of her passing - also happiness that her Mum was where she wanted to be, in Spirit. That's where S1's bridge came in - symbolism for her Mum having crossed over. My own observations were relevant....... and if I'd followed those thoughts through, as I should have, would have made the connection..... though I do feel something at the time stopped me from doing so. All of S2's observations were spot on and the tightness in the chest/breathing problems was the pneumonia Aureen's Mum had at the end - so the change in my heartbeat had been relevant.

For the clairvoyance: Aureen had also seen a cat and it was for S1. I have since wondered if it was symbolic for Aureen, as her animal in the previous weeks meditation had been a cat, so that the grief I'd felt and associated for with the cat was hers (this symbolism business can really make it difficult to always know/understand what you're receiving!). The eye irritation: her Mum had complained the day before that her eyes were very sore and bothering her. The banging headache: her Mum had had a fall some weeks before and banged her head and that had still been bothering her. I guess the crown Chakra thing was because it was fully open to Spirit but I don't know what relevance the blue flowers were (unless I'd picked up on what the others were picking up for me, maybe?).
As for S2's Ready Teddy: there was a tradition of teddy buying between Aureen and her Mum and she was currently carrying around two teddies in the back of her car that were to go into her Mum's coffin. So it was literally a case of Ready Teddy Go - they were waiting to go.

There was more but I'm afraid so much has happened since Tuesday - some of it very stressful - that I am struggling to remember...... a lesson on making sure I post things much sooner!

So the Circle drew to a close with the usual procedure, ending with Aureen giving us the print out of the Silver Birch session. When we stood up to go S2 gave Aureen a hug first (she lost both her parents within the last two years) and then I went over and gave her the big hug I'd wanted to give her earlier. She needed it by then I think, as she looked extremely drawn by this time. After this we all said our goodbyes and left, with Aureen saying that we would be doing a lovely meditation that Sh had reminded her about....... if she could remember how it went.

It had been a very good session in one way but one that was tempered with sadness too. We'd made sure Aureen's name was in the Healing Book during the session and she's been in my Angel Prayers ever since.

Sunday, 17 January 2010


I was so glad to get a text from Aureen to say that the Development Circle was on, especially as the planned first session had had to be cancelled, due to all the snow we'd been having making the roads treacherous.

This time round I'd taken notice of something Aureen had mentioned at the last session I'd attended: I made sure to eat much earlier than usual, to ensure that my body wasn't totally focused on digesting. It also meant that I had more time than usual to get ready, so could take things easier.... and DH had taken the afternoon off work, so he was home - that made it easier for me to get him organised and ready in plenty of time, rather than having to wait for him to finally appear from work at the last minute. Result: a much more leisurely pace all round with a steadier drive out to the village, arriving in plenty of time and in a much more relaxed state.

I was the first to arrive. Aureen asked how I was, saying that I looked really well, and how had everything gone. I was glad to tell her that the op had gone well and that everything externally had healed well and that, as far as I could tell, everything inside had done too, though I was still on the no lifting/carrying ban. As we were talking S2 (Angel Workshop S) arrived, so she heard much of it too. I asked if they'd had a good festive season: there was a hesitation from Aureen and she said it hadn't been the best. S1 had enjoyed hers but it had had its moments. La arrived soon after, minus her Mum L, closely followed by A. I popped to the loo at this point (didn't want a full bladder causing tropical moment overload during the evening!). As I came down the stairs there was a knock at the door, so I opened it to Sh: who said hello and you look well and gave me a hug. That was a pleasant surprise, as she is usually quite a reserved person. :0)

As Aureen said we were all there we went through into the other room..... all taking up the seats in the places that we seem to have claimed as our own. I asked LA if L wasn't coming and she said that no, unfortunately L had had to drop out as she had a lot on at the moment. That was an upset: I really like L and had instantly felt comfortable in her company from the first time I'd met her (unusual for me) and I loved her attitude and approach to the Circle work, in that she wasn't necessarily there for an end result but was intent on enjoying the journey. It was certainly something that made me think about my own approach and a valuable lesson she taught me. La said she may eventually rejoin when things ease up.... am keeping my fingers crossed that this does happen.

As we settled Sh said she had to share something that had happened during the holidays. Apparently A had given a message to Sh about seeing a caravan and Sh going on holiday to Leeds, visiting the Armouries Museum and describing a view she would see over a lake. Sh couldn't own it at the time as it wouldn't be her choice for a holiday and the one she was booked on was to Venice. Cue a weird set of happenings: Sh car broke down on the way to the airport so she missed her flight; her friend decided not to waste the time off she had and suggested they go somewhere else instead..... to Leeds! And, at this same friends suggestion, they had a visit to the Armouries..... and when Sh saw the same view described by A realisation had hit home. It looks like the caravan wasn't a literal image but a symbol for a holiday in this country. WTG A - a perfect hit! :0)

With that Aureen made a start. This week, to get us back into things after the break, we were going to do a long but gentle meditation, so there probably wouldn't be much time for anything else by the time we had completed this and discussed what had happened. So the Circle was opened, protection made and Chakras opened and we went straight into the guided meditation.

For this we had to relax, concentrating on our breathing, slowing it and then listening to our heartbeat, then listening for our sound. Next we were to imagine roots growing from the soles of our feet and our root/base Chakra down deep into Mother Earth until we were firmly rooted and anchored. Next we had to imagine pulling up the Earth energy into our root Chakra and imagine it filling it, then think of ourselves as a rock and imagine what rock we were and where we were and how it felt. Next pull the energy up and fill our sacral Chakra and think of ourselves as a plant: what type we were, how it felt and go with the seasons. On to the solar plexus Chakra, this time imagining ourselves as an animal. With the heart Chakra we had to open it up and allow ourselves to fill it with love and give that out. For the throat Chakra we had to imagine an upside down triangle with the flat base stretching from ear to ear and the angles going down, so that the point was touching our throat Chakra, then I think it was this one that we had to ask what our purpose was, which led onto the third eye Chakra and linking in to our Angel and Archangel. For the crown Chakra we had to imagine filaments/cords reaching out from there into the Universe and then that energy coming down them, through us and into the Earth. We then had to relax, allowing it to disperse, thank all for their aid and then slowly come back to ourselves.

As it was such a lot to remember Aureen decided to go around the Circle, taking each Chakra at a time, and see what we had seen and felt.

Again I won't go too deeply into the others visualisations, as some of it was personal to them. But S1 was a rock atop a mountain; La was granite; A was slate; S2 was a rock in the ocean; Sh - am afraid I can't remember and Aureen had been a large rock, part of a mountain. This one I'd connected with quite well: I got the word granite but wasn't sure if that was me or if I'd picked up on La. I saw myself as a large'ish rock sat in my giant redwood forest, with pine needles on the floor (no sneezes this time! LOL), and I was half buried in the Earth and half above. I'd been there for a long time and I had a covering of moss in places and birds happily hopped over me. I felt strong, firmly rooted and very calm - it was a lovely sensation and we'd all enjoyed this.

For the plant: S1 I can't remember; La was a bluebell; A I think was a tree; S2 I can't remember; Sh I can't remember. For this I felt a sudden surge from my feet, as if sap was rising in Spring, which actually made me sit up straighter in my chair. After that I'd fully expected to see myself as a tree, so it threw me a little when I saw a Scottish thistle and heard the word thistle at the same time. I also kept having the word daisy go round and round my head...... so much so that the song Daisy, Daisy started to trip through there too.... but I put that bit down to distraction at the time and didn't mention it. I said I thought I knew what this was getting at: the prickles on a thistle are defensive (in retrospect I would probably describe it more as self-protection), so it was probably telling me not to be so prickly and to open up more. Aureen nodded at this. When she came to tell us about her plant I understood: she had seen herself as holly, so could relate to the prickles and what I'd said, as she recognises that she can also be quite defensive around people and has problems opening up. She then realised that actually being holly wasn't so bad: it was an evergreen, so kept its colour all year round, and also had beautiful red berries, which also fed the birds.
Now I'm looking at the thistle with new eyes: yes, it has those self-protective thistles but it is also an adaptable survivor plant, able to seed itself wherever it finds itself; it's seeds feed certain types of birds and can be used for nest lining and was also used in the past for stuffing pillows etc, so it is useful; it also has a lovely purple top to it, purple being a royal and Spiritual colour with links to psychic healing; the milk thistle plant is used in herbalism, especially for aiding the liver. Yes, there's much more meaning to these images when you start to look deeper. :0)
As for the daisy: it stands for innocence but I'm still working out if it has a relevance (rather than a mind wander) and what it is. I do remember many happy childhood days spent making daisy chains though. :0)

For the animal: S1 saw a leopard; La saw a Giant Panda (and made us laugh at how she told us); A saw a lioness; S2 I can't remember; Sh saw a deer and Aureen a cat. Mine was a bit confusing, mainly because I have a real "thing" about owls, especially barn owls, and had gone into this part hoping to see one, so it took me a while to cotton on to what I did see: firstly a mouse with a twitchy nose, then an otter of all things, which was totally unexpected and had me mentally saying: What??!! Again there was a message there for me but how much so only came to me later. During the Circle I said I felt the mouse was due to my being chronically shy as a child, especially in new situations or meeting new people (I've worked really hard over the years to overcome it and it's still an ongoing process). The otter I saw as a playful creature and that it was probably telling me I need to bring more of this into my life. Aureen said that an otter is also an independent creature, fully at home in it's water environment.

As I've thought about it since, I realise that the mouse is fully relevant to me now, as a recovering agoraphobic and panic attack sufferer: it shows me as timid and afraid of the big wide world, hiding away in a bolt hole, only coming out when I think there's nothing there to hurt me but always ready to run back and hide when it gets too much or I feel threatened. The otter is me as I can and should be: independent, confident in my abilities, out there and enjoying life as it comes, going with the flow, trusting in myself and other people and having fun. I'm working on it. :0)

For the heart: S1 I can't remember; La said she had difficulty with it initially but what happened was good; A, S2 and Aureen I can't remember; Sh had had a similar experience to me. Initially it was like a roll call of all my loved ones who now walk in the Otherworld, including my nana's who I had problems with in this world - thinking of them always used to set off an anger and/or a rejection response (I didn't want to think of them because they did some nasty things to me, my Mum, Dad and siblings in this world and I'd get angry about it - totally pointless, so I would reject the memories) - and that anger wasn't there towards them (though it did happen slightly when a particular aunt and uncle appeared - obviously I still have some issues to address there). Then I just felt all warm and happy...... a truly lovely feeling. Aureen said that the lack of anger to the nana's showed I was developing. I hope so - holding such anger is self-defeating and damaging and serves no useful purpose.

The throat, third eye and crown Chakras part was taken as one - Aureen hadn't expected a great deal from us for these, as they are quite hard and we are all still developing. S1: I can't remember what she said for the throat but she had found it difficult to connect and felt not much had happened; La said she just wanted to go back to being her rock as she'd really enjoyed doing that bit, LOL; A said she initially felt uncomfortable pressure in her head with the throat visualisation but then a continuation of the love from the heart Chakra; S2 had quite a profound experience and Aureen said that it showed her potential as a healer; I can't remember what Sh said. What I remember of Aureen's was that she had seen deep green - immediately I knew that she had connected with her Archangel: Rafael, the healer. Unfortunately I can't remember the other things she said.
I had been able to see the upside down triangle and all the while we were doing that bit I was aware of a very annoying clicking noise in my right ear. Now I was aware that the central heating timer made a clicking sound when the heating came on, as I pointed out, but this was different and it was definitely internal to me - so much so that I desperately wanted to stick a finger in my ear and waggle it around, which made the girls laugh. Aureen smiled and said that it was OK, it showed that that area was being opened up. I didn't get the feeling that I met my Angel or Archangel but I did feel a continuation of the loving, happy feeling I had from the heart Chakra - I felt hugged - and when I asked what my purpose was I heard one word: Serve. When Aureen had said imagine the filaments reaching out to the Universe I saw a quick image of the glittering Milky Way, then one of five white cords reaching up and then white light.

I forgot to mention hearing the word (and I'm still working on what it means and how I'm meant to serve) but when I mentioned the other bits Aureen said that I had gotten a lot more than I ever had before. I laughed and said: well, I've had my gammy bits taken out. That made them all laugh and Aureen said that there had been an awful lot of power there and carried on. Later I got a bit concerned that they might think that I'd made some of it up, so I wouldn't look like the also-ran or something. I hope not: I consider my word as my bond, so don't lie - and what would be the point of lying/pretending anyway? That would be totally self-defeating........ and would also be doing a disservice to Spirit.

Several things were different this time though: I have had the gammy bits taken out and that's left me wondering if it has made a difference, as in having a block removed - I certainly feel a whole lot better knowing there won't be any monthly problems now; I'd eaten much earlier and that certainly seemed to make a difference, so I'll be making sure I do that every week from now on; being able to do the psychometry (even though it freaked me out) gave my confidence in my abilities a boost; since having the op I'd been practising some of the meditations and techniques we'd already done - not as much as I would have liked to but more often than usual; over the last few days I realised that my way of working is different to the others and just because it's different doesn't make it wrong or any less valid.... it's just different. I was always more intuitive, going on gut instinct and feelings, and getting sudden insights "out of the blue", or an inner "knowing" and, after years of suppressing this, have been re-learning how to trust it and myself again through attending the Circle..... and, though I might have been a bit confused by some of what I got, I had trusted it and told the girls about it - whereas previously I'd say I hadn't received anything because I wasn't sure, hadn't realised it was being given to me or just hadn't "gone with the flow". I think (hopefully!) I may finally be grasping the concept: stop listening and listen.

Once we had all discussed what we had seen Aureen brought out the Healing Book so we could add any names, then she read out a prayer by Deena Metzger called Please Heal the Animals (scroll down a little). That touched my Pagan soul. With that it was time to close down our Chakras, protect ourselves, un-anchor our roots and close the Circle. Aureen suggested that, during the coming week, we all took time to think about the plant and animal we had seen ourselves as (she knew we could gain further insights from these), then we all said our goodbyes.

So long as there's no further bad weather (or ill health) the next Circle will go ahead..... and I'm really looking forward to seeing what's in store. :0)

Tuesday, 5 January 2010


This was not only my first appointment for 2010 but the first one post-op too..... and I felt like I needed the visit too. :0)

DH arrived back in time to walk me down the street. Normally I would go myself but there's a good layer of ice on all of the footpaths and I was scared stiff of doing myself some serious mischief, especially internally, if I slipped and fell. It was good to have a reassuring arm to lean on.... and wearing the Brasher shoes I bought (for basic walking on holiday) last summer gave me added grip too.

On arriving at the Clinic the rearranging Jan had done was immediately obvious: the reception desk is now in the small corridor; what was reception is now a second treatment room, containing Jan's dispensing area in the front right corner, behind the book shelves that hold her meds (the backs of these have a curtain over them, to prettify them), the treatment bed (for Reiki, acupuncture etc) is in the back right corner and a desk with two chairs is in the front left corner, with the door being in the back left; the Colonic room is on the other side of the corridor, with the toilet next to it. All the back of the upstairs, containing another treatment room, my favourite Reiki room, the kitchen and bathroom have been handed back to the owners - probably to hire out as a flat. I shall miss that Reiki room but in the current economic climate I can understand the reasons for doing this. The Chinese acupuncture place in town has already been a casualty of the recession and Jan doesn't want the Clinic to be another.

DH toddled off to do a little shopping and grab a warm drink in a cafe whilst I went into the new treatment room with Jan. I handed over a couple of empty bottles and realised I'd forgotten to take my food diary sheets down for her perusal. So she asked me how I felt things had gone since my last visit. Well, this end of the year proved more difficult than last year - all those images shoved at you of all those forbidden goodies does not help one bit when you're on a long term diet. Had I stuck to it? In the main, yes.... but there were a couple of exceptions: on my first trip out to the farm shops after my op I had told DH that I was getting a bit fed up of looking at menus and various foods and saying "I can't have that" over and over again - it would be nice if, occasionally, I could say "actually, I will have a bit of that". So when he ordered a scone with his cuppa I got him to cut it in half and I broke off a third of the smaller half, added a little jam (to stop it from being too dry - and because I wanted some) and ate it. As I told Jan: I thoroughly enjoyed it and it took the edge off but was glad I didn't have any more than that, otherwise I would have felt sick. So it looks like my body has well adjusted to the diet, as it certainly doesn't like too much sweet stuff - quite a change from the bar of Cadbury's chocolate a day habit I used to have! LOL The other exception was a little sausagemeat with my New Years Day turkey - though I wouldn't be repeating that as I'd paid for it with an acid stomach/minor indigestion later.

I wasn't sure if I'd done any damage to my weight, either, as I'd found that I'd been eating more since the cold weather had begun and, due to my op, hadn't been able to be as active as usual. Jan felt that this was also due to the menopause putting my blood sugars out of kilter (one of the many side effects of starting it, apparently) so I should stick to a low GI diet and she gave me a sheet with some info on about the kinds of foods I should eat and which to avoid - it's basically not much different to what I'm already doing, with a couple of minor exceptions, so there wouldn't be much change there. She said she would weigh me later, to check my weight. One good thing that came out of this: I can start to re-introduce a little bread to my diet. Yay! I don't think I'll bother too often but sticking to the salads for my dinner during this cold weather has been a bit of a trial and it would be nice to be able to have some warming soup occasionally....and soup without a piece of bread just doesn't fill me. The thought of having soup and dunking a yeast-free tortilla wrap in it just seems so wrong, somehow. LOL Oh, and I can have a few mushrooms as an occasional treat - basically don't go mad, take it slow and see how my stomach goes.

Jan asked how things were healing. I have a lovely, neat purpley red scar that should fade in time (and with regular applications of BioOil) and, although I ended up having a 14 day monthly right after the op (too late in my cycle to avoid it happening) everything seemed OK inside too. It wasn't until I thought to check my diary for dates that I realised on a normal 28 day cycle my next monthly should have started around Boxing Day - I did have a mood dip around that time (which is why I checked the dates later) but it was only then that true realisation hit home: after all these years I won't be having any more periods. I did have one odd moment after this, which felt a little akin to saying goodbye to someone you've known for a long time (after all, this has been a part of my life since I was 13 years old), that gave me pause.... but then the relief kicked in. It's good to know there won't be any more hassle every single month! Yay!

Whilst I feel much better I am finding that the energy and stamina aren't that great and I get tired easily, not helped by the disturbed nights, thanks to the tropical moments that strike and wake me up. Plus, although I usually love having my two chaps at home this year I had found it very wearing (especially as DH got the lergy and the constant coughing and not taking the right treatment for it got very irritating) and was relieved when they went back to work. Jan reminded me that it took a while to get over an operation and general anaesthetic and because I was feeling tired it wouldn't have helped. I know, and DH also reminds me I've had an op, but I can't help it - I feel better so can't stop myself from expecting to be able to do what I used to. (Oops, there's that patience thing again! LOL). She said that the night sweats are something she can try to alleviate. The sweats aren't allowing me to drop into a deeper, restful sleep (I'm getting way more, very active dream sleep - great for helping you deal with issues or bringing insights or answers to problems but not so great for refreshing you). They can also be triggered by a full bladder, so I'll probably find I need to go to the loo more often during the night....... that was definitely happening already (and I can see the link between the two, now it's been pointed out - it holds true, as the flushes increase when I need to pee during the day too). So, to try and help me get an initial good 4 hours sleep, I'm on a Vitamin B supplement - that will also help with my memory problems (back in full on brain fart mode again) and a few other symptoms too.

She went through a list of menopausal symptoms, caused by the lowered oestrogen and rising progesterone levels:

  • More vulnerability to low energy, poor stamina and clumsiness (yes to all, though the post-op recovery is also responsible);

  • Slower in thought, have poor memory and lowered concentration (did I mention the brain fart mode? LOL Definitely yes to all);

  • They become more accident prone (sick of tripping over my own feet and cutting up veggies is getting downright dangerous);

  • They can become depressed or more anxious (low moods at monthly time - a little anxiety creeping in);

  • It's a time of lowered immune function, so open to infection (managed to avoid DH's lergy but occasionally have sneezing sessions and my throat and glands feel iffy - the supplements I'm taking already have probably saved me from developing it);

  • More susceptible to cystitis and thrush, eczema and asthma (the amount of fluid I drink should help avoid the first two but I have developed a couple of itchy patches on my torso - E45 cream liberally applied to stop it developing!);

  • Become irritable when hungry and cannot get food quick enough (for sure, and often hungry between meals - given me an insight into DH's diabetic pre-meal crappy moods);

  • After eating can become tired and even have headaches (can fall asleep after our main meal quite easily);

  • Blood sugars are greatly affected which may cause bouts of hypoglycaemia, leaving them more hungry, craving sugary foods, susceptible to weight gain, fatigue, headaches, migraines and a more increased anxiety level. Some women describe this feeling as being "jittery" (a few cravings, certainly get tired and have felt the agoraphobia lurking again since the op, not helped by not being able to get out because of the weather. Hoping the headaches/migraine do not appear - don't want them again!);

  • If still having periods then the rising blood sugar symptoms are even more exaggerated if they are taking the birth control pill and life can become very "dramatic" (thankfully not applicable!);

  • PMT symptoms such as weight gain (water retention), tender breasts, severe mood change, sugar craving, constipation, bloating and emotional instability are experienced and relationships can seem unstable (can retain water/bloat, occasional tenderness, mood swings minor at the moment but I was back to brooding on things again, mild cravings, back to occasional constipation problems, am not as laid back as I was getting before the op - thankfully relationships are going OK);

  • After their period they can suffer from self-loathing, confusion, low self-esteem and exhaustion (not applicable, thankfully);

  • All of the above symptoms will be intensified if the women are also under great stress (keeping as stress free as possible!).

To help combat the symptoms I'm on: the Vitamin B Complex (as previously mentioned) which, as well as helping with sleeping because I take it in the evening, also helps improve blood sugar and metabolism, as well as moods and depressive symptoms; Vitamin C with bioflavinoids, taking one with breakfast and another at lunch, which will boost my immune system and help combat stress; continue taking Osteoguard (on this because of the dairy intolerance anyway) which also has magnesium and a few other vitamins in it - the calcium guards against osteoporosis and the magnesium aids emotional stability, reduces muscle cramps and aches and guards against heart disease (which my Mum died from). Then I have one of Jan's special potions too, taking 6mls before each meal, to help with many of the menopausal symptoms, with some liquorice and sage to help my stomach behave itself. Once I am used to these in my system I shall introduce a Green Tea capsule every day as the anti-oxidants will help my whole system.... and I have almost a full tub left from the anti-cancer treatment stage and want to use them up. LOL

So it was time for the weigh-in. I took off my shoes, coat, and cardigan, to divest as much extra weight as I could, and stepped on to the scales. Had I done some damage and put extra pounds back on? No, my weight was exactly the same as it had been before I went into hospital - 11 and a half stone. OK I hadn't lost any - not even due to losing both ovaries and a rather large cyst - but with everything that had happened it was a BIG sigh of relief from me, as I was convinced I had gained some back. Thank you! LOL DH had turned up by this time and parked himself on a chair in the corridor (Jan heard the steps and had checked it was him).

After this Jan disappeared behind the bookcases to make up my potion. The beauty about this is that she can still chat, which she couldn't do when disappearing off to the other room. I mentioned about how I couldn't fault the hospital on the operation and how they'd looked after me on the wards but felt that the after care left a lot to be deserved, as it felt like it was a case of: OK, you've had your op - we've done our bit, so now you can bugger off.

I had expected some kind of follow-up appointment with Mr Roberts (or one of his understudies) to check that all had healed OK, which would give me the chance to ask some questions. Nope - I was told "Oh, just go to your GP in 3 weeks time" and if I hadn't have asked I wouldn't have known to do that. Despite the fact that the op would put me into full on menopause there was absolutely no information given to me about what to expect or the help that is available and nor did they mention osteoporosis.... despite knowing I am dairy intolerant. Not even a flippin' leaflet made available on any of these!

So, OK, I have internet access at home and I can find out whatever I want, thanks to the click of a mouse and a quick Google, and ignoring the fact that I wouldn't touch HRT with a barge pole, BUT that isn't the point, is it? There is a duty of care for the total well-being of a patient and that information should have been readily available, especially as they knew that something they were going to do (removing my ovaries) would definitely trigger the menopause. If young girls can be inundated with all kinds of information about puberty, why isn't the same done at the other end of the scale for women like myself? Why should you have to find out things for yourself, either by going online or by talking to a female friend who is going through or has gone through the menopause? I just found it a rather shoddy attitude that smacks of a lingering chauvinistic attitude to "womens stuff"....... and that's particularly bad when it comes from a gynae department. It just makes me wonder how other women are treated and if they ever manage to get the info they need, especially those who don't have internet access.

Jan reappeared with my potion then, so we headed back to the booking desk in the corridor and my patiently waiting DH. Jan told him that she realised that sometimes people sat waiting in the corridor might hear what was said in the new treatment room - as it was him it was OK but, in case he was wondering, if it had been anyone else she would have put some music on out there, to maintain some privacy. That was reassuring to know.

She then asked how we felt about the new arrangement and if it would work. It does seem OK, and will certainly help to keep the overheads down, but my comment was: but you don't have a window to look out of - call it a Pagan thing, but that would drive me crazy. Luckily it doesn't bother her and she won't have to spend all her time in there - when she's with a client she'll be in a room with a window..... and she reckoned she could always put up a picture to look at. LOL

As it was the introduction of a new regime for a different "problem" we decided to make an appointment for 3 weeks time to assess how things are going, which lined up quite nicely with the day I'm due for my first post-op Reiki treatment with Aureen. So I'm going to the Clinic on Saturday 23rd, to see Jan first, followed by the Reiki session - it will give Jan chance to mix my med while I'm in with Aureen.... and DH should be around, in case it's still bad underfoot. So we paid my dues (or rather, DH got his wallet out LOL), said our goodbyes and left, making our way back home very carefully on the sheets of glass that pass for pavements at the moment.

Act of God - Graham Phillips

The excavation of a mysterious Egyptian tomb early this century holds the key to one of the greatest disasters to strike humankind. Strangely sealed, this was a tomb constructed to keep someone - or something - in.

Now in the paperback edition of his sensational book, acclaimed writer-detective Graham Phillips uncovers the evidence that links a chain of extraordinary events. The findings in this cursed Pharoah's tomb, new evidence from the polar ice caps which overturns ancient chronology, together with the eruption of an ancient volcano 300 times more powerful than the Nagasaki bomb, proves that the Biblical Parting of the Red Sea and Plagues of Egypt could be accurate accounts of actual events.

As a result there could also be a real, and totally believable, explanation for the perennial myth of Atlantis...

I do love this kind of book, mostly because the alternative theories make you think and question much of what has been accepted as historical "facts" for years. It's not always good to accept everything we are taught or told as truths - I prefer to keep an open and enquiring mind, never forgetting that history is always written by the "winners". After all, todays theories, many of which are openly ridiculed or criticised (eg: how our moon was created), occasionally turn out to be right.

I found the theories presented in the book interesting and most of the arguments put forward in it seemed quite valid but a couple did seem a little contradictory. I don't want to give too much away, in case anyone who reads this wishes to read the book for themselves, but the claims that Smenkhkare and Tutankhamen were brothers jarred, as it has been found that Smenkhkare is actually one of Queen Nefertiti's later throne names, so it rather punches a hole in part of the theory.

A reasonable book to add to your reading list if you enjoy this kind of alternative history theory book - it certainly helped pass some time whilst I was recuperating from my operation. :0)

An Angel Held My Hand - Jacky Newcomb

From the bestselling author of An Angel Saved My Life and An Angel By my Side comes a new collection of moving real-life stories from the Afterlife that will make you laugh and cry. Inspiring. Amazing. True. Bestselling afterlife expert, Jacky Newcomb, is back with more moving and inspiring real-life dramas about people who have had 'a little help' from the other side when they most needed it. Stories include: / The baffling 'shouting' angels who saved Granddad from falling down a mine / The angels who mysteriously guided the young girl safely through the fog / The angel who wakes a mother to warn her of the house's carbon monoxide danger / The 'premonition' which saves a young girl and her grandmother from being shot on a bus / The man who was frozen to the spot so he can be saved from a falling tree / The child who writes a Christmas card for the 'ghost teacher' These are just some of the miraculous accounts in this beautiful new collection from one of the UK's leading angel experts.

I took this book into the hospital with me, as I thought it a somewhat appropriate topic to read whilst recovering from my operation. LOL

This book contains less of the writer's own experiences than the previous book I'd read (An Angel Saved my Life) and more of true life Angelic encounters from other people - ordinary men and women who were Blessed with aid from the Otherworld. Another lovely, uplifting read.

Rather than bringing the book home with me and registering it with Book Crossing I gave it to the young woman in the next bed who had been admitted the night before I came home. After she told me some of her story I felt she needed the inspiration and a little Angelic intervention of her own. :0)