Friday, 29 May 2009
First job was to drop off a bag full of videos and books at the Hospice Bookshop and then a pair of jeans at my LNS, for them to be taken up, before venturing up the stairs to the Clinic to see Jan.
We relocated from Reception to the treatment room where she immediately weighed me and took my blood pressure. I had a nice surprise from the scales: despite a holiday that saw me eating potatoes a little more often than usual and snacking on tortilla chips during those Trivial Pursuits evenings (how can you not eat when everyone else is?) and keeping the bad habits occasionally since getting home the scales showed a weight drop! Now I'd have been quite happy with a maintaining week, ie: staying the same and that's what I fully expected, so it was great news to hear that some lbs had come off anyway. At the last weight in my weight was 12st 9lbs - this time it was 12st 4lbs......... 5lbs gone! Maybe it had something to do with all the walking around we did on holiday then all the activity during the mass sort out we've been having since coming home - no idea, but whatever it was it worked! LOL
The BP reading was a bit of an odd one: it was 108/87 with a pulse rate of 100. I had lugged a couple of heavy bags down the street on a warm day, walking relatively quickly, and climbed a flight of stairs not so long beforehand, so Jan made a note of it and decided to check it again at the end of the session.
Next she asked how I was and I told her about the relaxing holiday and Reiki treatment triggering off a mammoth clearing out session at home and how liberating I'd found it. As she says: every item we have in our home holds memories for us and they can absorb that essence, so as they build up so do all the vibes that come off them - as a Sensitive I would pick up on it and that's why I feel dragged down by it all and why getting rid of it makes me actually feel physically and mentally "lighter". It was so good to hear someone say I was a Sensitive. As I told Jan, for a long time I wondered if I did have any abilities because they were so hit and miss (with the health issues overtaking all else I seriously doubted it) but she told me when I first walked into the Clinic she recognised the abilities and saw me in exactly the same state as she was 8 years ago. I know I've always picked up on people's moods and the atmosphere in places - both can affect me, especially bad moods and atmospheres. Now I'm not just healing but developing, so am learning the proper skills to protect myself when needed.
Next was a discussion about monthly problems and moods. There was a bit of a scare with the monthly, with severe clotting, but Jan explained that the mass I lost was due to the herbs in my medicine causing a sloughing that's needed to stop me developing fibroids, which was a real risk (sorry, trying not to get too descriptive but it's difficult to explain without some details). Despite this I didn't feel particularly tired afterwards and had carried on at reasonably good energy levels during and afterwards. Combining this with the need to sort out and declutter at home Jan felt everything had come together and created a kind of watershed moment for me which resulted in a sudden release of pelvic congestion and mental blockages, allowing me to move forward. (I've felt that many things recently have been giving me lessons on letting go and this just reinforces that feeling). My memory, though it still has the odd off day, seems to be sharper too. Jan said the change in me was very noticeable, as I was looking much brighter, coming over as more energetic, positive and enthusiastic. Yes, I'm reclaiming the real me - the person I was before the agoraphobia and panic attacks and all the other health issues began and it feels good! :0)
As for the treatment: the herbal mix is to remain the same - herbs for hormonal balance, the fibroid deterrent and a couple for the blood pressure, nothing for Candida killing yet. The L-Glutamine is to continue for a little longer and am to carry on taking the Chromium Complex and Acidophilus as usual. When I let her know tomorrow how many L-Glutamine I have left she'll decide when to stop it, to restart me on the Candigest. I mentioned that my nails seem to be a little brittle at the moment so now have a 90 tablet course of Zinc supplement to take to help with that.
Time for the second BP reading and this was another bit of really good news. The new reading was: 123/84 with a pulse rate of 74........... basically a normal parameter reading! WhoooHooo! When I first went to the Clinic back in November 2008 my first reading was 150/97 - 6 months down the line and it's reading normal. Now that's what I call a result! Jan was so thrilled she asked if I would be willing to write a testimonial to be put on the Clinic's web site - I shall wait until next week then get my thinking cap on........ the biggest difficulty will be stopping myself from writing the usual essay! LMAO
Next appointment made and dues paid I thanked her and left as someone else arrived. Out on the street I promptly bumped into S, who's DS had been a friend of my DS in Infant and Junior School. I hadn't seen her for years (she started working, I got busy doing my own thing then developed the agoraphobia etc) and her first words after Hello were: you've lost weight! LOL We had a very quick potted history catch up and had to say our goodbyes but am hoping we'll bump into each other again soon. :0)
After a PO trip, a call in at Help the Aged for a nosey at the books (two leapt off the shelf begging to come home with me!*grin*), a stop off in the Hospice shop where I spotted and bought a gorgeous size 16 sun dress in peacock blues and greens (to wear around the house) and a little food shopping in Tesco Express I went home. I was melting by then and glad to get into the cooler air of the house.
Later in the day I managed to have a word with Gardener Pete next door (both chaps are called Pete - to save confusion one is referred to as Gardener Pete and the other Corus Pete, due to their jobs). He came round to look at some work that needs doing in our garden and to give me a price which then led on to him asking if we were ready to take out the conifers and get the adjoining fence put up. They are willing to go halves and Corus Pete can get the wood to put up a proper lapped fence, using the existing metal uprights (one he put up for his parents is still solid after 25 years, so it's quality!). Whilst I'll be sad to take away Poppa Blackbird's nesting site those conifers have to go: we're not getting any younger and can do without all that trimming, plus it'll enable us to grow fruit trees along the fence - something we've wanted to do for a long time. I plan on planting a proper tree in the garden before long, in the hopes that Poppa Blackbird will forgive us and happily move his nesting site into that. We looked at trees at the weekend and feel a weeping silver birch would be more suitable than the mountain ash we'd previously been thinking of. Spotted just the right one with a nice vibe to it - just need to decide exactly where it's going then prepare the area and we can go fetch it. It's so goood to know another big job will get done shortly and will lead on to improvements in my haven. :0)
Tomorrow is the long anticipated Angel Workshop at the Clinic so I'm now away to my bed. Expect a write up on that in the not too distant future. LOL
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
The additional message: Look past the surface of this situation and see the underlying truth: that everyone involved is a child of the Universe filled with love. By focusing upon this truth you elicit loving behaviour and solutions. Even though appearances may seem otherwise, trust that a higher wisdom is in charge. Love is the only power that exists, and its light shines away any seeming darkness. Hold the intention to look for examples of this light within yourself and others, and you'll have more light in your mind, heart, thoughts and life. This knowledge is the foundation of peace.
Working with Archangel Chamuel: When you wish to feel more centred, calm and peaceful call upon Chamuel. He is the archangel of personal and global peace. He's very kind, loving and sweet and he'll evoke a pleasant feeling of excitement when he works with you. Know that Chamuel sees your true qualities and loves you unconditionally.
Earlier in the day I'd been reading the latest news on the Baby P case and, as always when it comes to child abuse cases, was struggling to understand how anyone, especially his own mother, could harm such an innocent. I can sort of understand a one-off loss of control that has tragic consequences........ but sustained, systematic abuse? Despite the message in the card I am still struggling to understand and still can't see where the love was in that situation or the adults involved - though I know Baby P will be at peace, looked after by the angels and surrounded with love now, Bless him.
In my own case I can understand the message: stop brooding, release the anger, let go and allow love and light in. It reinforces what I've been trying to do, so decided to use the message during the latest Reiki treatment.
On arriving at the Clinic, after firstly dropping off a bag of books at the local Hospice Bookshop (ones my DS had ousted) I had time to sit and calm and centre myself for a few minutes before Aureen called me through. She asked me how I'd been: apart from a few monthly niggles and what felt like a swollen gland on the left side of my mouth (under my tongue), not bad, having come back from our holiday feeling quite nicely relaxed and chilled out - though that had only lasted until 4 am the Saturday night/Sunday morning following the Friday we came home, thanks to the noisy madam next door and a car full of her mates blithely slamming car doors and bawling their conversation, for around half an hour, as if they were still in the middle of the night club! I wasn't feeling much love and light then, I can tell you! LOL Slightly out of sorts, rather than out of kilter, best described how I felt on Saturday.
I got onto the treatment bed and laid down, was covered with the fleecy blanket and told to relax while Aureen went to wash her hands. While she was out of the room I called on Archangel Chamuel and asked for Inner Peace and to be filled with love and light - again I had to close my eyes immediately as the quiet of the room washed over me.
I try not to go to a treatment with any pre-determined ideas or anticipation of what will happen to try and stop any feeling of disappointment creeping in, iykwim. Some things seem to be a constant, such as seeing the colours swirling behind my eyelids and the relaxation I feel, but each treatment certainly unfolds differently and also seems to bring something different too.
Once the treatment had finished Aureen asked how I felt: Peaceful. Whereas the last session had been pretty intense this one had been very gentle and I was feeling deeply relaxed (had almost nodded off at one point, LOL) and at peace. Aureen said that as she started she'd asked the angels to bring me what was needed, rather than having a specific intention, so I told her about the Oracle card I'd pulled the night before being called Peace and that I'd called on Archangel Chamuel - it certainly worked!
She asked if I'd seen anything or felt anything during the session. Healing purple was predominant, as always, but there did seem to be other colours swirling behind my eyelids. Soon after the session started my left ear went "dull" (the music sounded odd to that ear) then cleared just as quickly and the niggling I'd had on that side of my face had eased. The pictures in my minds eye were more frustrating than usual: the only image I could make out was what I thought was a lotus flower - Aureen pointed out this was usually associated with the crown chakra and she'd been working on that when I saw the image. Everything else was so fleeting I was unable to say what they were.
Whilst I didn't get a definite feeling of someone else being in the room this time there was a moment in the treatment when I wasn't sure where Aureen was because I could feel a pair of hands working on me in one area and had the distinct impression of another hand working at the opposite end. I'd actually thought I'd felt this in previous treatments but it was so vague I shrugged it off. Not this time - it was more definite. Aureen smiled and said I wasn't the first person to mention it. It may seem odd to some but these things just don't freak me out - walking into my bedroom one night and seeing the classic white ghost shape by the bedroom window, now that freaked me out - but this: I just think "Right, OK" and accept it.
Aureen then told me that during the treatment an angel had come into the room. When she asked who he was, he said his name was Daniel (follow the link to Watchers - I like the Grigori explanation): he showed himself with black skin, was wearing a pure white robe, had pure white wings, and very white eyes with deep black centres. When she asked why he was there he said it was to show me the contrast between dark and light, then spread his wings to enfold us in a bubble of protection. Aureen said she then felt we weren't in the room any longer but had been taken up into the Universe, where other angels joined us - some to watch, some to help, before being returned to the room. So wish I could have seen all that! All the while the colour pink was predominant, from maroon through to palest pink - I hadn't seen the paler shades but the darker shades had been there. It may be a coincidence but several times through the treatment I distinctly felt the bed under me move - not quite a wobble, not quite a vibration - which is something that has never happened before...... maybe it was due to the energies or a sense of the movement? I then told Aureen a little more about the meaning of the Oracle card and what I'd asked for before the treatment had begun. I didn't mention my thoughts about Baby P the day before....... though I feel that also had some relevance to what unfolded during this session.
Aureen then told me that the angels gave her the image of a beautiful peacock in full display, to show her how they saw me. I can't say as how I've ever been drawn to peacocks as I have to barn owls but I do love the gorgeous colouring of their plumage. She also said that as soon as she placed her hands on my hips, to work on my base (or root) chakra she immediately saw lots of small wild animals around my feet and a firm grounding to the Earth - was I drawn to wild animals? Definitely! Over the years I've come to realise that I have more of an affinity for the wild creatures than with pets. Yes, pets give love in bucketfuls but having to take the painful decision to have our elderly cat put to sleep after she'd had a stroke was the final straw for me - I couldn't face having to do that again, hence the decision not to keep another pet. Besides, I love to see creatures out there, wild and free, able to follow their own natural instincts and patterns, rather than any that are imposed by humans.....no matter how loving or well meaning those humans are. An example: I love barn owls. I've seen a couple of them up close, in a bird sanctuary, being flown by their handlers and they are beautiful, sleek birds and it was great to see them flying..... not so great to see them tethered. Occasionally I've been lucky enough to catch sight of barn owls out in the wild, on their nocturnal wanderings - Wow! now that was awe inspiring, gave joy to my heart and those encounters have stayed with me, always to be recalled with the same awe inspired wonder. :0)
I'm also not surprised about being firmly rooted in Mother Earth - as a Pagan I should be. :0) Aureen again mentioned about being outside when I can. I told her that I get out into my garden as often as I can, weather permitting, and always feel better after doing so - though I do find the neighbours barking dogs and the Boy Racers booming in-car stereo systems an annoyance that makes outdoor meditation virtually impossible and indoor meditation difficult at times. I told her about loving being out in the countryside too and being drawn to certain places: holiday's at Rural Roosts are refreshing but the ones in the Lake District are particularly precious, as there's an affinity with the area that makes me feel that it's my Soul's Home - some places just feel so right and I come away from them feeling not only refreshed but at peace. She asked if we could move up there: it's my heart's dream but, unfortunately, no - DH's job is here and there's nothing up there that would be as suitable, or be as secure (well, as secure as any job is today). Besides, he's one of the few people I know who actually loves his job. For now I have to be content with how things are........ I've had plenty of practice at that. :0)
After sipping some water I tried standing up and found that I was a bit shakey, in that newborn lamb just starting to walk kind of way, so Aureen advised sitting in reception for a while before leaving and taking it easy for the rest of the day. I thanked her and as I was making my way through she smiled and said: I'll see you next Saturday. You are really going to enjoy the workshop and working with the angels. I certainly am so looking forward to it and can't wait to learn more. :0)
I sat in reception for a while, as instructed, before venturing down the stairs and out into the street. Boy, did the traffic seem suddenly loud! Luckily DH was waiting outside for me: he'd brought down a bag full of bits I'd sorted out for the other Hospice shop, so we took those over there first, then called at the green grocers for a few items before going home for some dinner. DS came home soon after, bearing his haul from Brigg Farmer's Market, so I helped put those away before spending the rest of the day quietly relaxing, stitching a needleroll for a Challenge. DH and DS went out to the LTC Quiz Night at the Guild Room in the evening so I also had a quiet night doing my own thing too. That precious feeling of peace stayed with me for several days afterwards, fuelling me through a Bank Holiday weekend of clearing out junk...... yet another lesson on letting go. :0)
I'm back at the Clinic this Friday (29th) to see Jan and again on the Saturday for the Angel Workshop..... I'll do a write up on both of those. :0)
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
Firstly Jan told me Janet's findings: overall is grief suppression, which upsets my inner balance, and also have liver, kidney, heart, gall bladder and adrenal problems and my cold hands and feet show a tendency towards diabetes something-or-other (a particular type that's to do with circulation - I really should have written everything down! LOL). Bear in mind that this is based on the Chinese medicine principals of body energies and healing, so doesn't mean I'm heading for organ failures - it means the functions of these organs are depressed or out of alignment in some way which is causing knock-on health effects, such as high blood pressure. I asked Jan if having a course of acupuncture would help me: it would but she didn't recommend it just yet. She's attending a Chinese Medicine Conference shortly and asked for permission to take my notes with her, so she can discuss my health issues, with a view to taking the Chinese approach to my healing via the herbs she prescribes in my medicine. She wants the medicine to be spot on, so I can really start to benefit from that, before helping things further with the acupuncture - a case of making sure what is prescribed is working first, rather than doing all kinds of treatments and not really knowing which ones are helping/benefiting me the most.
As for the grief suppression: she'd spoken with Aureen and they both felt that, at this point, Aureen was the best person to deal with that, through the Reiki treatments and development she is giving. This led on to me finally opening up to tell Jan about my parent's deaths and the medical negligence involved in both. When I told her about Mum she asked why we hadn't gone to court over it. There were various reasons but the main one was that Dad didn't want to start what we all knew would be a long term and long-winded process, one that he thought he might not live long enough to see through to the end (presentiment of what was to come? I feel so) - he didn't want to leave it to us to finish, as he didn't want us to have the hassle - we respected his decision. We had also had the stuffing well and truly knocked out of us all by the suddeness of Mum's passing too, walking around in shock for many months afterwards - just getting through those days was hard enough. Jan felt that if I had fought this and channelled my grief and anger into getting justice it would have helped the grief process better - rather than it all getting bottled up inside, as it has. To be honest I have to agree...... but it's too late for regretting it and too late for doing anything about it now. I apologised to Jan for being so upset etc but I thought it would probably help her to know just what had happened and what was going on in my head (how it affected and still affects me) when it came to the treatment she prescribes - she told me there was no need for apology and agreed it would help. Today I feel talking about it all to Jan has been a big step forward - a cathartic experience. It's truly time to accept what happened, let it all go and move on. Some part of me is beginning to heal, slowly but surely. :0)
As usual the diary sheets were handed over so Jan could see what I'd been eating and how my body and moods had been since my last visit and how I was going with the L-Glutamine tablets. My stomach is still not right but that is down to the Candida trying to fight the amino acids in the L-Glutamine that are designed to fix the leaky gut the Candida gives sufferers - it's a case of persevering though because the benefits to my health will be worth it in the long run. To help counteract the digestive problems she gave me some Digestive Capsules that contain slippery elm, chamomile and calendula, all of which have calming properties - have to take two capsules half an hour before meals. I've got two weeks of these to take but go back to see Jan in three weeks time - this is to see if my stomach problems improve in those two weeks then deteriorate again in the week before I see her, when I'm not taking the capsules. This will help her to know what is and isn't working.
The hunger I've been feeling this last couple of weeks has two causes: the L-Glutamine amino acids are pulling in more nutrients, especially proteins, to help fix the leaky gut - it's probably making me want more to compensate for it; then there's gentian been added to my medicine (as an anti-inflammatory for my gut) but it's also used on anorexics, to encourage their appetites. Anorexic I definitely ain't but it's certainly triggering my appetite! Jan also explained all the ins and outs of the use of the L-Glutamine, as when I did an internet search it kept coming up with it's use by body builders. As I said to her: my hormones are already out of kilter, with a dark hair problem caused by too much testosterone production - I didn't fancy further confusing things and end up growing man-bits, thanks! ROFL Now I know the cause and effect of everything I'm happier and can deal with it.
Monthly wise there was no new news, as I haven't had my next one yet, as it's due on Monday, while I'm on holiday - Oh, joy! I'd been hoping it would set off early - like this week - so it would have been more or less over and done with by then. I told Jan I'd been jumping off the bottom step to encourage it but it was having none of it, which made her laugh.
The weigh in then came. I had been 12stone 9lbs, then I gained 1lb in a week at my previous consult - this time I was back to 12stone 9lbs. I'm happy with that as I'd truly thought, thanks to all the extra food I'd been eating, that I would have gained some..... and actually felt like I had. Yup, getting back to 12stone 9lbs is good! Lots of walking around planned for our holiday, in the hopes I can burn off some more calories/fat and show a loss at my next visit! :0) We didn't bother with blood pressure - there was no point, as I knew it would be all over the place after talking about such emotional things. Jan is going to concentrate on the blood pressure at my next consult, as she'll have been to the Conference by then.
After making the next appointment, paying for my dues and a herbal tea, I thanked her and left. Next stop was Wilko's for some toiletries for our holiday, then Help the Aged to have a nosey through their books, then picked up some diabetic biscuits on the way home. I didn't call in at the Hospice Bookshop as planned as it was getting late and past time for my dinner - plus I was already toting a couple of bags already, one of which had a bottle in it containing three weeks worth of medicine, so was rather heavy.
All told, the consult was an emotional but very productive session that I feel was of mutual benefit, in that it helped me to open up and thus will aid Jan's treatment of me.