Tuesday, 9 March 2010


DH was running a little late again this week so it didn't matter that I had ample time in which to make and eat my meal and get ready.... it still ended up a rush to get out to the village in time. :0( I almost didn't go, as I felt quite tired by this time, my stomach was playing up a little and I felt somewhat out of kilter, though wasn't sure why.

When I arrived Aureen, Sh and S1 were there and I apologised for being late. Aureen then told us that S2 wouldn't be there this week due to car problems (wish I'd known, as we could have detoured to pick her up... then we could both have been late together LOL); A was now over her chest infection but was having babysitter problems again - Sh said she knew someone available locally, if A didn't get sorted and our new Circle member G couldn't make it this week due to working late, which I knew already. So it meant we were a full house with just the four of us.

We went through into the other room, pulling our chairs a little closer together as we sat. Aureen said that this week, as we weren't all there, we would be doing a different meditation.... this one was to enhance our auras, to allow us to be better seen by Spirit, but it was a difficult one so we'd have to really work at it. Difficult wasn't a word I'd been hoping to hear, feeling as I did, but what the heck... I'd give it a go. LOL

The Healing Book was passed round, then the Circle opened and prayers said, protection put in place, grounding done and Chakras opened. For the meditation we had to: listen to our breathing, taking each breath in through our nose and out through our mouth, and go through each part of our body to relax it, ensuring that we were deeply relaxed; we then had to imagine we were breathing in our favourite colour, allowing it to permeate all through our body, whilst breathing out a different colour (best to do the Chakra colours in turn, as it's to enhance our auras); when we were comfortable enough doing this we then had to visualise a sacred space all around ourselves (think slightly expanded aura) and fill this with white light, all the while continuing to visualise the colours going in and out; after a while we then had to imagine a wall of bright blue light around this white light filled space, imagining it glowing and surrounding us.... all the while maintaining the white light and breathing colours bit too. Next we had to imagine that the roof of the house slid back to reveal a beautiful summer sky with fluffy white clouds above us - one of these clouds was "ours" and we were to go to our clouds in whatever way we wished to (fly, climb a ladder or stairs, whatever) and lay on it, imagining the fluffiness etc. We could either be alone or invite someone to join us - if someone joined us we were to ask if they had a message for us and listen to it. After a while we were to come back down from our cloud and become aware of where we were and come back to oursleves.

Aureen asked Sh how she had done and she felt it had gone really well. She was able to see and breathe the colours fine, though seemed to have breathed out black, and had imagined the sacred space as a silhouette all around herself and filled this in with white light. When Aureen said imagine the wall she's seen a brick wall and couldn't get rid of it, so had painted the brick wall blue and that had stayed solid - though she had difficulty imagining it behind her. She'd climbed a golden ladder to her cloud and Archangel Michael had joined her. He gave her a personal message which she'd found very uplifting and comforting. She thanked him, then had climbed back down the ladder afterwards. Sh said she had really enjoyed this meditation and would do it again at home.

Aureen then asked me how it had gone. Well, I felt relaxed so had benefited that way. I had been able to "see" my favourite colour, a lovely turquoisey sea blue/green, and breathed it in and had initially breathed out black, then gone on to do the Chakra colours (though seemed to see particular ones more often). Imagining the sacred space around me and filling it with white light was reasonably OK, though my breathing went off a couple of times. Getting the wall of blue light was OK.... if I forgot about the breathing and white light..... and didn't have to imagine it behind me too. LOL I wasn't sure how I got up to my cloud, though I heard the word fly - I didn't feel myself do that, I just seemed to be on there..... though I couldn't say I'd really seen the cloud (though did feel slightly cushioned during this bit of the meditation), or felt anyone had joined me, especially as I had to keep reminding myself to do the breathing bit. I know women are supposed to be good at multi-tasking but, sheesh!, there are limits! LOL

S1 had done the breathing colours OK and had also initially breathed out black (I guess we all picked up on each other with this). Once she'd realised it should be other colours she went with the Chakra colours, as I did. She had also managed to do the white light bit but had had to continually remind herself about her breathing once the blue wall bit came in. She went up to her cloud via a staircase (I think) and had been there alone. She hadn't wanted anyone else to be there and had been OK with that initially but had then felt quite lonely and a little sad, so felt she hadn't really enjoyed the meditation. There is obviously a message in there for her that she needs to look at more closely, though Aureen didn't comment - I guess she wants us to think about and work out some of these things for ourselves. :0)

Aureen herself said she doesn't find this meditation overly easy and she'd been practising it for a while now. I can't remember if she told us what she had seen. She did say that she would like us to regularly practise this over the next week. The whole point of it is to build up our auras, making them as bright and strong as we can so that they can be clearly seen by Spirit - the brighter and stronger the aura the more it is attractive to them. It all helps in the work we wish to do. :0)

Next we had to open ourselves for clairvoyance. I couldn't help it... I mentally cringed and my confidence dropped straight into my shoes. This bit hasn't been going well for me already and now I was feeling really tired and my stomach was gurgling a lot, making me feel self-conscious and distracted. Again I thought I'd just give it my best shot. During this bit the time seems to drag in one way but go too quick in another.

Aureen turned the light back on and asked us, in turn, what we had received.

Sh had seen Mary and described her - she seems to be a regular for me and has even visited me in a dream and given me a message for my Uncle. (I have since discovered that she was my Step-Great Grandmother). There was a bit more for me and messages for S1 and Aureen but I can't remember them.

I just got the words Fuschia Man again, which was for Sh, the name George, something else I couldn't remember initially but later recalled was the name Deidra (didn't mean anything to anyone) and heard my name being called. Aureen asked "Your name" and I said yes, and that I also get that alot at home too.... but when I try to get more information on who's calling and why I don't get anything else and I find it really frustrating. I rubbed my face at this point and said I'm just not getting anywhere with it. To be honest, having this happen week after week is starting to get a little soul destroying - I get a great deal of comfort from the messages I am given and would love to be able to reciprocate, as I know the others feel the same when they receive messages, and I feel awful that I seem unable to do this. :0(

For me Aureen saw: a little white-haired old lady called Martha - I couldn't place her. She asked if archery meant anything to me, as she'd seen a proper bow and arrow and the arrow hitting the bullseye, though wasn't sure if this was actual or symbolic. I told her it was actual as we go to an Activity Centre whilst on holiday in the Lake District and I got to try out Archery, something I've always wanted to do.... and I plan on having another go this year. I'd actually love to take it up as a hobby. She also asked if I was going to be busy planting seeds in the garden - no, although I had some seeds from Dad's garden that he collected for me in the summer of the year before he passed and I'd been thinking that I really ought to scatter them soon. No, these were actual seeds being planted. No plans like that but I've since wondered if this was symbolic as, in the Pagan Year, this is the time of year for the seeds of new plans and projects to be planted, ready for harvesting later in the year.

I'm afraid I don't remember much else than this. I came away from the session feeling quite down, which DH immediately picked up on, and also very tired. I admit to asking myself if this really was for me, that's how low I felt. We went home and it wasn't long before I went to bed. It soon became apparent as to why I had been feeling so tired and out of kilter: during the night I started to get choking sensations, as I got a cold that ran down my throat (sorry - least gross way I could think of to put it! LOL) and my throat niggled and woke up with a sinus headache and generally feeling unwell. I had some breakfast, rang my DSis to let her know that I wasn't well and wouldn't be able to go over to stay, and went back to sleep. I spent the best part of two days sleeping, and gradually felt better. Perhaps the intensive acupuncture treatment brought out the bug somehow, in an effort to try and rebalance my system - something to ask Janet next time.

Since this I have been thinking much about the Circle and what I would like to get out of it/give back to it and my attitude towards it. I know I am trying too hard and that, in itself, can act as a block - but who doesn't want to do things to the best of their abilities? Realisation has come that, when I first joined the Circle, it was mostly because I wanted to see if I had any talents as a Healer and develop them..... discovering that we were to "talk to dead people" initially made me a little uncomfortable - I hadn't realised we would be doing this and my first reaction was that it wasn't really what I wanted to do, but that I would "give it a go". The successes I have had were a confidence boost and I thought the "issues" had been dealt with... OK, you can fool yourself but you certainly can't fool Spirit. The block has been subconscious but it's a block nonetheless and is one that I've come to realise, deep down, is based on fear. As I've discovered, Spirit won't force you to do something you're really not comfortable with or are afraid of...... so, as the message I received during an acupuncture session told me: I need to let go of fear. And the past few days the words "Perfect Love and Perfect Trust" keep coming into my head each time I think about these things and I also keep on drawing Angel cards with messages that are so relevant to this. So now I'm trying to let go of the fear and to do that I need to fully understand Perfect Love and Perfect Trust - to Trust in Spirit and know that it is Love that causes us and those who have crossed over to want to continue that contact...... and Love is nothing to be afraid of. :0)

1 comment:

Julie said...

When i think back to the beginning of this blog and the journey you have travelled, and the health issues you have overcome, i think you are doing really well. xx