Sunday, 17 January 2010


I was so glad to get a text from Aureen to say that the Development Circle was on, especially as the planned first session had had to be cancelled, due to all the snow we'd been having making the roads treacherous.

This time round I'd taken notice of something Aureen had mentioned at the last session I'd attended: I made sure to eat much earlier than usual, to ensure that my body wasn't totally focused on digesting. It also meant that I had more time than usual to get ready, so could take things easier.... and DH had taken the afternoon off work, so he was home - that made it easier for me to get him organised and ready in plenty of time, rather than having to wait for him to finally appear from work at the last minute. Result: a much more leisurely pace all round with a steadier drive out to the village, arriving in plenty of time and in a much more relaxed state.

I was the first to arrive. Aureen asked how I was, saying that I looked really well, and how had everything gone. I was glad to tell her that the op had gone well and that everything externally had healed well and that, as far as I could tell, everything inside had done too, though I was still on the no lifting/carrying ban. As we were talking S2 (Angel Workshop S) arrived, so she heard much of it too. I asked if they'd had a good festive season: there was a hesitation from Aureen and she said it hadn't been the best. S1 had enjoyed hers but it had had its moments. La arrived soon after, minus her Mum L, closely followed by A. I popped to the loo at this point (didn't want a full bladder causing tropical moment overload during the evening!). As I came down the stairs there was a knock at the door, so I opened it to Sh: who said hello and you look well and gave me a hug. That was a pleasant surprise, as she is usually quite a reserved person. :0)

As Aureen said we were all there we went through into the other room..... all taking up the seats in the places that we seem to have claimed as our own. I asked LA if L wasn't coming and she said that no, unfortunately L had had to drop out as she had a lot on at the moment. That was an upset: I really like L and had instantly felt comfortable in her company from the first time I'd met her (unusual for me) and I loved her attitude and approach to the Circle work, in that she wasn't necessarily there for an end result but was intent on enjoying the journey. It was certainly something that made me think about my own approach and a valuable lesson she taught me. La said she may eventually rejoin when things ease up.... am keeping my fingers crossed that this does happen.

As we settled Sh said she had to share something that had happened during the holidays. Apparently A had given a message to Sh about seeing a caravan and Sh going on holiday to Leeds, visiting the Armouries Museum and describing a view she would see over a lake. Sh couldn't own it at the time as it wouldn't be her choice for a holiday and the one she was booked on was to Venice. Cue a weird set of happenings: Sh car broke down on the way to the airport so she missed her flight; her friend decided not to waste the time off she had and suggested they go somewhere else instead..... to Leeds! And, at this same friends suggestion, they had a visit to the Armouries..... and when Sh saw the same view described by A realisation had hit home. It looks like the caravan wasn't a literal image but a symbol for a holiday in this country. WTG A - a perfect hit! :0)

With that Aureen made a start. This week, to get us back into things after the break, we were going to do a long but gentle meditation, so there probably wouldn't be much time for anything else by the time we had completed this and discussed what had happened. So the Circle was opened, protection made and Chakras opened and we went straight into the guided meditation.

For this we had to relax, concentrating on our breathing, slowing it and then listening to our heartbeat, then listening for our sound. Next we were to imagine roots growing from the soles of our feet and our root/base Chakra down deep into Mother Earth until we were firmly rooted and anchored. Next we had to imagine pulling up the Earth energy into our root Chakra and imagine it filling it, then think of ourselves as a rock and imagine what rock we were and where we were and how it felt. Next pull the energy up and fill our sacral Chakra and think of ourselves as a plant: what type we were, how it felt and go with the seasons. On to the solar plexus Chakra, this time imagining ourselves as an animal. With the heart Chakra we had to open it up and allow ourselves to fill it with love and give that out. For the throat Chakra we had to imagine an upside down triangle with the flat base stretching from ear to ear and the angles going down, so that the point was touching our throat Chakra, then I think it was this one that we had to ask what our purpose was, which led onto the third eye Chakra and linking in to our Angel and Archangel. For the crown Chakra we had to imagine filaments/cords reaching out from there into the Universe and then that energy coming down them, through us and into the Earth. We then had to relax, allowing it to disperse, thank all for their aid and then slowly come back to ourselves.

As it was such a lot to remember Aureen decided to go around the Circle, taking each Chakra at a time, and see what we had seen and felt.

Again I won't go too deeply into the others visualisations, as some of it was personal to them. But S1 was a rock atop a mountain; La was granite; A was slate; S2 was a rock in the ocean; Sh - am afraid I can't remember and Aureen had been a large rock, part of a mountain. This one I'd connected with quite well: I got the word granite but wasn't sure if that was me or if I'd picked up on La. I saw myself as a large'ish rock sat in my giant redwood forest, with pine needles on the floor (no sneezes this time! LOL), and I was half buried in the Earth and half above. I'd been there for a long time and I had a covering of moss in places and birds happily hopped over me. I felt strong, firmly rooted and very calm - it was a lovely sensation and we'd all enjoyed this.

For the plant: S1 I can't remember; La was a bluebell; A I think was a tree; S2 I can't remember; Sh I can't remember. For this I felt a sudden surge from my feet, as if sap was rising in Spring, which actually made me sit up straighter in my chair. After that I'd fully expected to see myself as a tree, so it threw me a little when I saw a Scottish thistle and heard the word thistle at the same time. I also kept having the word daisy go round and round my head...... so much so that the song Daisy, Daisy started to trip through there too.... but I put that bit down to distraction at the time and didn't mention it. I said I thought I knew what this was getting at: the prickles on a thistle are defensive (in retrospect I would probably describe it more as self-protection), so it was probably telling me not to be so prickly and to open up more. Aureen nodded at this. When she came to tell us about her plant I understood: she had seen herself as holly, so could relate to the prickles and what I'd said, as she recognises that she can also be quite defensive around people and has problems opening up. She then realised that actually being holly wasn't so bad: it was an evergreen, so kept its colour all year round, and also had beautiful red berries, which also fed the birds.
Now I'm looking at the thistle with new eyes: yes, it has those self-protective thistles but it is also an adaptable survivor plant, able to seed itself wherever it finds itself; it's seeds feed certain types of birds and can be used for nest lining and was also used in the past for stuffing pillows etc, so it is useful; it also has a lovely purple top to it, purple being a royal and Spiritual colour with links to psychic healing; the milk thistle plant is used in herbalism, especially for aiding the liver. Yes, there's much more meaning to these images when you start to look deeper. :0)
As for the daisy: it stands for innocence but I'm still working out if it has a relevance (rather than a mind wander) and what it is. I do remember many happy childhood days spent making daisy chains though. :0)

For the animal: S1 saw a leopard; La saw a Giant Panda (and made us laugh at how she told us); A saw a lioness; S2 I can't remember; Sh saw a deer and Aureen a cat. Mine was a bit confusing, mainly because I have a real "thing" about owls, especially barn owls, and had gone into this part hoping to see one, so it took me a while to cotton on to what I did see: firstly a mouse with a twitchy nose, then an otter of all things, which was totally unexpected and had me mentally saying: What??!! Again there was a message there for me but how much so only came to me later. During the Circle I said I felt the mouse was due to my being chronically shy as a child, especially in new situations or meeting new people (I've worked really hard over the years to overcome it and it's still an ongoing process). The otter I saw as a playful creature and that it was probably telling me I need to bring more of this into my life. Aureen said that an otter is also an independent creature, fully at home in it's water environment.

As I've thought about it since, I realise that the mouse is fully relevant to me now, as a recovering agoraphobic and panic attack sufferer: it shows me as timid and afraid of the big wide world, hiding away in a bolt hole, only coming out when I think there's nothing there to hurt me but always ready to run back and hide when it gets too much or I feel threatened. The otter is me as I can and should be: independent, confident in my abilities, out there and enjoying life as it comes, going with the flow, trusting in myself and other people and having fun. I'm working on it. :0)

For the heart: S1 I can't remember; La said she had difficulty with it initially but what happened was good; A, S2 and Aureen I can't remember; Sh had had a similar experience to me. Initially it was like a roll call of all my loved ones who now walk in the Otherworld, including my nana's who I had problems with in this world - thinking of them always used to set off an anger and/or a rejection response (I didn't want to think of them because they did some nasty things to me, my Mum, Dad and siblings in this world and I'd get angry about it - totally pointless, so I would reject the memories) - and that anger wasn't there towards them (though it did happen slightly when a particular aunt and uncle appeared - obviously I still have some issues to address there). Then I just felt all warm and happy...... a truly lovely feeling. Aureen said that the lack of anger to the nana's showed I was developing. I hope so - holding such anger is self-defeating and damaging and serves no useful purpose.

The throat, third eye and crown Chakras part was taken as one - Aureen hadn't expected a great deal from us for these, as they are quite hard and we are all still developing. S1: I can't remember what she said for the throat but she had found it difficult to connect and felt not much had happened; La said she just wanted to go back to being her rock as she'd really enjoyed doing that bit, LOL; A said she initially felt uncomfortable pressure in her head with the throat visualisation but then a continuation of the love from the heart Chakra; S2 had quite a profound experience and Aureen said that it showed her potential as a healer; I can't remember what Sh said. What I remember of Aureen's was that she had seen deep green - immediately I knew that she had connected with her Archangel: Rafael, the healer. Unfortunately I can't remember the other things she said.
I had been able to see the upside down triangle and all the while we were doing that bit I was aware of a very annoying clicking noise in my right ear. Now I was aware that the central heating timer made a clicking sound when the heating came on, as I pointed out, but this was different and it was definitely internal to me - so much so that I desperately wanted to stick a finger in my ear and waggle it around, which made the girls laugh. Aureen smiled and said that it was OK, it showed that that area was being opened up. I didn't get the feeling that I met my Angel or Archangel but I did feel a continuation of the loving, happy feeling I had from the heart Chakra - I felt hugged - and when I asked what my purpose was I heard one word: Serve. When Aureen had said imagine the filaments reaching out to the Universe I saw a quick image of the glittering Milky Way, then one of five white cords reaching up and then white light.

I forgot to mention hearing the word (and I'm still working on what it means and how I'm meant to serve) but when I mentioned the other bits Aureen said that I had gotten a lot more than I ever had before. I laughed and said: well, I've had my gammy bits taken out. That made them all laugh and Aureen said that there had been an awful lot of power there and carried on. Later I got a bit concerned that they might think that I'd made some of it up, so I wouldn't look like the also-ran or something. I hope not: I consider my word as my bond, so don't lie - and what would be the point of lying/pretending anyway? That would be totally self-defeating........ and would also be doing a disservice to Spirit.

Several things were different this time though: I have had the gammy bits taken out and that's left me wondering if it has made a difference, as in having a block removed - I certainly feel a whole lot better knowing there won't be any monthly problems now; I'd eaten much earlier and that certainly seemed to make a difference, so I'll be making sure I do that every week from now on; being able to do the psychometry (even though it freaked me out) gave my confidence in my abilities a boost; since having the op I'd been practising some of the meditations and techniques we'd already done - not as much as I would have liked to but more often than usual; over the last few days I realised that my way of working is different to the others and just because it's different doesn't make it wrong or any less valid.... it's just different. I was always more intuitive, going on gut instinct and feelings, and getting sudden insights "out of the blue", or an inner "knowing" and, after years of suppressing this, have been re-learning how to trust it and myself again through attending the Circle..... and, though I might have been a bit confused by some of what I got, I had trusted it and told the girls about it - whereas previously I'd say I hadn't received anything because I wasn't sure, hadn't realised it was being given to me or just hadn't "gone with the flow". I think (hopefully!) I may finally be grasping the concept: stop listening and listen.

Once we had all discussed what we had seen Aureen brought out the Healing Book so we could add any names, then she read out a prayer by Deena Metzger called Please Heal the Animals (scroll down a little). That touched my Pagan soul. With that it was time to close down our Chakras, protect ourselves, un-anchor our roots and close the Circle. Aureen suggested that, during the coming week, we all took time to think about the plant and animal we had seen ourselves as (she knew we could gain further insights from these), then we all said our goodbyes.

So long as there's no further bad weather (or ill health) the next Circle will go ahead..... and I'm really looking forward to seeing what's in store. :0)

1 comment:

Julie said...

Nice prayer, a good start to the new year for you all