REIKI - 17TH APRIL

I felt well ready for this month's Reiki session. Although I'd felt much calmer on leaving the Clinic after my acupuncture the occasional down session started coming through again on Friday.

Jan was the receptionist today, though I didn't have much time for a natter before Aureen called me into Treatment Room 2. As I was putting my bag down and taking off my coat Aureen asked how I was. I told her about my reaction to G's news, the upset, the acupuncture treatment, the special dates (birthday and anniversary) and how I was feeling then. I was still feeling emotional, as I got upset a bit again, and then a little cross with myself. As I said to her: with my beliefs about the afterlife, and the proof I've had, why am I still grieving? Her answer was simple: because I miss their physical presence. She then explained that hanging on isn't letting them progress to the next level and I said I knew that and it was another cause of frustration and anger with myself, as I don't want to be the cause of holding them back.

Aureen said that she would perform psychic surgery again, as it seemed she hadn't got it all previously.... and perhaps some of it had grown back. With that I had taken off all my jewellery (bar my crystal pieces) shoes, specs and scrunchie and got on the treatment bed, where Aureen covered me up with the blanket.

Soon after starting the treatment Aureen asked me which Chakra it was in and immediately I said heart, as I'd thought this even before she'd asked. She asked what it looked like: a ball of wool, but not the neat and tidy ones you buy from the shop - this was more like those untidy, self-wound balls of yarn that go in all directions. I thought that was it but then said that I felt that some of the tendrils from it were reaching into my throat Chakra too, as I couldn't always talk about some of it (certainly not to my DSis). When she asked me what colour it was I was initially unsure and said so, then I could clearly see it: it was mostly black, but shot through with red and told her that the red was for anger. She said it was OK, to just relax now, as she had called on Archangels Rafael and Michael and they were there helping.

Part way through the session I could feel tears start to trickle down my cheeks and I brushed them away. Aureen stopped long enough to hand me a tissue, then carried on. a while after, when the tears had stopped, I heard Aureen's voice telling me that it was alright and my heart Chakra was being filled with lots of pink light: I knew this, as I could see it swirling behind my eyelids - not the usual vivid pink, a gentler colour, along with lots of spring green (the Chakra colour). I could feel myself become more and more relaxed as the session went on and was almost on the point of zoning out into sleep when it ended.

Aureen gently touched me on the shoulder and asked if I was OK. I said I didn't have that definite feeling of something having been removed, as I did previously, but I did have the same shell-shocked sensation, a sure sign of what she had been doing. She told me that she had removed it, pulling out the tendrils from my throat, and that it had been extremely heavy - this she had passed over the Archangels Michael and Rafael, for them to take up into the Universe and transform it, whilst she then filled everywhere with pink light. I told her about seeing this and also that I had seen my Mum and Dad's faces.... and that I had said goodbye to them. She was pleased this had happened and that I'd been able to do this. She then told me she'd seen my Guide. I told her that I knew he had been there, as I'd seen him too: this time he had been wearing the moccasins and leggings I'd seen him in previously but this time he'd appeared to be bare-chested, apart from a beaded breastplate; I'd seen his face a little more qucily before seeing his dark hair in a single braid; instead of the full eagle feather bonnet on his head there were two feathers.... and as soon as I saw them I heard the words Two Feathers repeated three times. Aureen smiled and said: well now you know his name. So my Spirit Guide is called Two Feathers. :0)

Aureen then told me that she had been really surprised because when she'd seen my Guide he'd spoken to her. He'd said: My daughter is not just grieving for her parent's in this lifetime, my daughter also grieves for her parent's in another lifetime. He then told her that I'd had a previous life as a Native American.... and during that life I'd witnessed my parent's being killed in front of me. I'd carried the trauma of that over with me into this incarnation, so when my Mum and Dad died it had triggered the previous loss and that was why I am grieving so hard.... and why it feels like a part of me died when they did. She told me that, as well as doing the psychic surgery removal she had also rescued that part of me.

As I listened it felt as if several things clicked into place. I told her that it just seemed to make sense, and that it also explained a couple of things from my childhood. Whenever I was swinging on a swing I always imagined myself, and clearly saw the mental image, of myself as a Native American girl galloping on a pinto pony across a wide open plain - I later put this down to a good imagination but now wonder if it had been an actual past life memory. If ever we watched cowboy films and there was an attack on a Native American village I would get really indignant and say it was so wrong... I was always on the side of the NA's. Then there would be the state I would get into if I ever thought about my parent's dying. Yes, children do go through a phase of thinking about this but this was more than that and I would get into a real panic about it..... until I eventually learnt to block it out. It seemed to confirm a few things for Aureen, as she nodded. It also explains why the previous psychic surgeries haven't fully excised everything and why it keeps building up again.

What she said next gave me pause for thought: she would have to perform psychic surgery on me again during my next session. This time she would treat the past life trauma and heal it, as it was still affecting this lifetime, and to ensure that I don't carry it over with me into any future incarnations. OK, I understand the need for this.... but flippin' heck, the psychic surgery I've been through for this lifetime's problems have been pretty heavy - goodness knows what that is going to be like!

By this time I'd had a few sips of water and felt up to moving, so I climbed off the bed and started putting my bits and pieces back on and Aureen recommended that I take it easy for the rest of the day and have a lie down at some point. It was almost time for her next client, so I gathered everything together, thanked her and went out to reception. Jan took me into Treatment Room 1 for a chat. I told her what had been revealed by the session.... and she told me about her own past life memory and how her father from that lifetime had become her Guide. We discussed how the menopause treatment was going and I asked if she could make up some more of the herbal mix for me, as I was finding that the combination of the herbal mix and acupuncture was, in the main, working well together - I get the occasional glitch when I'm not feeling well or if I haven't had soya milk daily... and spicey foods can trigger a few flushes too. As she made up my mix we chatted a little about the upcoming Healing Course and, as it was being held in her home and Jan was feeding us each lunchtime, she double-checked what I could and couldn't eat, so I told her that I was still basically doing the Candida diet, as it suited me so well.

When the mix was ready I made my next appointment and paid my dues, thanked her and left. I didn't bother with anything else but went straight home... to an empty house, as DH and DS were out. After I'd had a quick bite to eat and sat looking through a magazine I soon realised that the recommendation to have a lie down was more of a necessity. Just as I was heading up the stairs my DH arrived home. After a quick hello and chat about what he'd been doing and what had happened with Reiki he soon realised I was struggling, so he helped me upstairs and made sure I settled OK, then left me to sleep..... for two solid hours.

A bit later, as we were sat eating our Saturday night take-out curry, I told DH that, about a month or so after my op, I'd got the sensation of not feeling quite right: beforehand I'd been buzzing with energy, getting lots done and, mostly, quite positive but afterwards.... well, I was certainly more subdued, been taking life really seriously and just didn't quite feel like "me". I felt that hadn't got anything to do with the missing ovaries and lack of monthlies, as I was glad to see them go and stop causing me problems..... I'd been looking forward to menopause and finally embracing my Crone years. Whilst I still didn't quite get the feeling of having had something removed during the psychic surgery I could now sense that something had changed and felt I was more like the real "me". He said that I certainly seemed a lot calmer than recently, though often was after Reiki.

I guess only time will tell as to whether or not it has made a real difference. :0)

REIKI - 20TH MARCH

Saturday started out a little hectic as I'd asked DH if we could go to the Harlequin Office Furniture place in the morning, to see if they had anything suitable for storage in my Craft Room, as they were only open until 12pm. As usual, when we need to be somewhere in a hurry DH continued to operate on a totally different time zone to everyone else. LOL We made it there about 20 minutes before they were about to close. A young chap came to find out what we were looking for and what it was for: some kind of storage unit and a filing cabinet to go in my Craft Room. He showed us various cabinet type units with doors on but they weren't right. He showed us the filing cabinets and explained a bit about each. The budget version looked OK but the drawers were shorter than the cabinet..... what's the point in that? As I pointed out, the room is small and I need to maximise the storage space to make sure I can get everything in there that needs to go in. He showed us a different one, a nice silver colour with 4 full depth drawers - that was definitely the one.... of course it was a bit more expensive than the other one, wasn't it! He then showed us some sturdy bookcases that have adjustable shelves - they stock extra shelves, so I can get more when I decide how many I need. DH wrote down all the measuremenets and other details so we could have a measure up at home and work out where they'll go. The same place can also supply some rubber rollers for my computer chair, which are much quieter and better for rolling on laminate flooring.... much cheaper than buying a new chair and they'll fit them for us if we take the old chair in. The upshot: the items I want are all carried in stock so, once ordered and paid for, they can arrange a delivery slot and they will even put it all up and place it where it's wanted. How good is that? We came away from there quite happy with what we'd seen and found out. :0)

From there we had to go straight home so I could get some dinner and then get ready to go for my Reiki session. Of course the weather was a tad wet when it was time for me to walk down the street - good job I bought a new kagoul last year. LOL

When I arrived at the Clinic it was to find Jan was being the Receptionist. I asked how she was doing - she certainly looked better and seemed far less fraught than last time... and sounded it, too. The move is suiting her very much and she's settling in nicely to her new home. She asked how I'd been doing so I told her that the last few days hadn't been so great: I'd run out of the herbal mix a while ago and had decided to see how I went without it, relying on the acupuncture, rejigging my diet a little and some supplements that included red clover leaf extract capsules I'd bought from Julian Graves some time ago. My 28 day cycle had been on the Thursday: I'd felt great after acupuncture but by the evening I'd felt a tad fraught.... and had felt really fraught Friday and into Saturday. She asked what I meant by fraught: well, don't leave any sharp implements near me... or blunt ones, for that matter - DS had been giving me some attitude Friday night and I told him he had better just shut his mouth or I'd be over to sort him out. If it hadn't been for having my tray on my lap at the time I would probably have been over there and done a laying on of hands.... and it wouldn't have had anything to do with healing. LOL The feisty moods had been interspersed with really low sessions, not helped by the flushes and night sweats being a real bugger. I told her that what I'd been doing just wasn't enough, that I'd felt much more balanced whilst on the herbal med, with the flushes and sweats being barely noticeable...... obviously it was something in the combination of ingredients within the mix that worked for me. It was worth the little experiment, to find out, but I'd had enough - I wanted that balance back. LOL Jan was quite pleased with that and said that she'd love to have some feedback from me, when I am in again next Thursday, on how I am feeling then because, if I have settled down again, it means she might just have found a really good combination that could help some of the other women she's treating for menopausal symptoms. I said I'd let her know. She didn't have time to mix the med then as I was due to go into Treatment Room 1 (where her dispensary is) for Reiki and she had someone booked in for a colonic and they should be arriving shortly. She asked if I could go back at 3.30pm when she would have finished and I said that was fine. As she was going to be busy when I came out the next appointment was arranged and I paid for this session.

Aureen was now ready for me, so off I trotted. Aureen then asked how I'd been doing so I gave her a potted version of what I'd told Jan. I also told her about the postponed pick up of my new car, thanks to DH not getting the insurance sorted in time, and how disappointed I'd been about that and feeling generally fed-up. She said there was obviously a reason the pick up not happening yet. Yep, I know, which is why I didn't get really upset about it, but if it had just been the one thing I'd probably have been fine.... but there have been quite a few niggling things that have all come at once..... and I'm so obviously menopausal at the moment. I didn't need to say more: she knew exactly what was meant, as she's been through it already and hadn't had a good time with it. So, as there was lots of tension and I was feeling out of balance she decided to concentrate on relaxation and easing of the tension during this session. I took off all my jewellery, hair scrunchie, shoes and specs and got onto the bed so the treatment could begin.

If I've learnt anything from these Reiki sessions it's that you can never guess how it will develop or what will happen, as no two are ever the same. It took me a little longer to settle into the session this time, mostly due to the inward tension but also because there was quite a bit of noise outside, on the High Street, but thankfully the worst of that soon faded into the background. This time I wasn't really aware of many of the Chakra colours swirling behind my eyes but what I did really notice was the energy from Aureen's hands every time she placed them up near my head: it was much more noticeable than usual and was sort of a cross between a buzz and a tingle, just on the edge of hearing.

At the end of the session she said my name and asked how I felt and had I picked anything up? Chamomile, I said. Towards the end of the session that word came to me and it was so forceful I almost said it out loud. She asked what I thought it meant. Well, I've been feeling fraught and I've got some Chamomile herbal tea at home but hadn't been drinking much of it lately - Doh! Aureen said it seemed like my body was letting me know what it needed - yep, and I shall certainly start drinking it more often.
She asked if I'd been aware of any colours this time, as she'd been really aware of blues and purples, almost sparking from her hands. No, not really, and even though I usually see the Chakra colours quite vividly I hadn't really been aware of those this time either, it seemed more of a sensing/feeling session. I told her about feeling the energy buzz/tingle from her hands very strongly and that I'd also felt slight hot and cold sensations around my body but not like obvious changes in exterior temperature, more subtle and, again, more like energy shifts through my body that felt like something was being gently pulled through it. I'd felt this the most when she worked on my Crown Chakra and compared it to opening my Chakras but in reverse. My feet tingled for a while after the final grounding too.
I'd initially seen Angel images. When I see these in my minds eye they are usually quite basic in shape: a head and neck with a long, thin "gowned" body and swept back wings, usually they are all fractal light (sometimes bright light, sometimes like a stained glass window) - this time I just saw the head and wings shapes in silhouette, enough to make me aware of them and then they were gone. I also saw the head of an old lady who had white curly hair but I didn't see her for long enough to make out more of her facial features - I could only tell Aureen that she wasn't my Mum..... and I didn't know who she was. I got the name George again, which is definitely linked to her, and I saw a man's face: dark hair and a dark moustache... again too fleeting to get much more detail, so I didn't mention him.
Aureen told me that she'd found that both my sacral and solar plexus Chakras had been quite flat when she started working on them but had sorted them out and I told her that could explain why I'd recently been having difficulty visualising the orange of the sacral Chakra - the yellow of the Solar plexus had been a tad insipid too.
From about half way through the session there were times when I just didn't know where Aureen was. Sometimes it was due to my feeling another pair of hands working on me in a different area.... sometimes I couldn't feel her hands at all and I couldn't sense where she was, almost as if I'd been left on my own - that was the weirdest sensation ever. Aureen then told me that part way through the session she had opened her eyes and looked at her hands.... and saw a tiny pair of female hands laid over hers - I said Deidra? But she said no, they were definitely adult hands, just very small and pointed to her middle knuckle area - very small hands, then. Maybe they belonged to the white haired lady whose face I saw? 

I sat up and made my way to the chair by the consulting desk so I could start putting my things back on and take some sips of water and where Aureen kept her file (she keeps notes in there - not sure what specifically, though feel it may be similar to the notebook that her Guides told me to keep). Jan tapped at the door and asked if it was OK to come in - her colonic guy hadn't turned up (which she suspected might happen), so she could come and make up my herbal med mix now, rather than having to go back later.

Aureen asked if, when having a Reiki session, I felt I was letting go of things. I can't say as I'd been aware of letting go of anything more than the tension this time.... and compared it to the times when she'd performed psychic surgery - now those times I definitely felt and knew something had gone. I felt this session was more about sorting out the tension and getting me back on an even keel, and I certainly felt much more relaxed than when I'd first walked in.... and we spoke about the chamomile thing coming to me again and how that will help keep me calm. Jan piped up from her dispensing area and said: funnily enough, I'm just adding that to your mix now. LOL

I then asked Jan how the change was suiting her and if she felt a difference in atmosphere between her home and the town. Most definitely and she said said how difficult she'd found it to adjust the first time she'd come back to the Clinic after having some time off during the move and needing to protect herself more thoroughly when coming into the town. I can appreciate that: whenever we've been away on holiday, especially when it's been to the Lake District, it always takes me a while to settle back into my home - I always feel quite jangled, iykwim. We had a bit more chit chat, then Aureen was ready to leave, so I thanked her and said goodbye and see her on Tuesday. As she got to the bottom of the stairs and opened the door we both heard her say Oh! in an odd way and were just about to shout and ask if she was OK when we heard the door close behind her. Once I'd finished the conversation, paid Jan for my med and said goodbye and went to the door I found out why.... it was raining but it was just the tail end of what had been an absolute deluge. There were actual streams running down the gutters and paddling pools worth of puddles all over the place. Yuk!

I decided not to venture further down the street, especially as I was feeling quite tired, so just popped over to Tesco Express (jumping over the gutter streams and dodging the paddling pool puddles) to get a couple of things we needed, then headed home. DH had disappeared off to the Museum while I'd been gone - they are currently running an exhibition on the LTC, as they've just celebrated their 60th Birthday, and DS and a few of the other members had been helping out with the visitor event they were putting on that day. DS and the other members were all in costume from various performances they'd put on. I wouldn't have minded going to see it but the timings were all wrong for that.

After I'd put the shopping away and sat and did a crossword I realised just how tired I felt and started heading upstairs.... just as DH came throught the front door. A quick chat later and I carried on up the stairs, as I was really struggling to concentrate by this time - DH commented on that and said that I actually looked tired too - and went to bed for a couple of hours. It helped and I felt much better after that. I will have to ask Aureen just what she did, when I see her again. Not only because of the tiredness I'd felt.... but also because I've been feeling much brighter since. :0)