REIKI - 17TH APRIL

I felt well ready for this month's Reiki session. Although I'd felt much calmer on leaving the Clinic after my acupuncture the occasional down session started coming through again on Friday.

Jan was the receptionist today, though I didn't have much time for a natter before Aureen called me into Treatment Room 2. As I was putting my bag down and taking off my coat Aureen asked how I was. I told her about my reaction to G's news, the upset, the acupuncture treatment, the special dates (birthday and anniversary) and how I was feeling then. I was still feeling emotional, as I got upset a bit again, and then a little cross with myself. As I said to her: with my beliefs about the afterlife, and the proof I've had, why am I still grieving? Her answer was simple: because I miss their physical presence. She then explained that hanging on isn't letting them progress to the next level and I said I knew that and it was another cause of frustration and anger with myself, as I don't want to be the cause of holding them back.

Aureen said that she would perform psychic surgery again, as it seemed she hadn't got it all previously.... and perhaps some of it had grown back. With that I had taken off all my jewellery (bar my crystal pieces) shoes, specs and scrunchie and got on the treatment bed, where Aureen covered me up with the blanket.

Soon after starting the treatment Aureen asked me which Chakra it was in and immediately I said heart, as I'd thought this even before she'd asked. She asked what it looked like: a ball of wool, but not the neat and tidy ones you buy from the shop - this was more like those untidy, self-wound balls of yarn that go in all directions. I thought that was it but then said that I felt that some of the tendrils from it were reaching into my throat Chakra too, as I couldn't always talk about some of it (certainly not to my DSis). When she asked me what colour it was I was initially unsure and said so, then I could clearly see it: it was mostly black, but shot through with red and told her that the red was for anger. She said it was OK, to just relax now, as she had called on Archangels Rafael and Michael and they were there helping.

Part way through the session I could feel tears start to trickle down my cheeks and I brushed them away. Aureen stopped long enough to hand me a tissue, then carried on. a while after, when the tears had stopped, I heard Aureen's voice telling me that it was alright and my heart Chakra was being filled with lots of pink light: I knew this, as I could see it swirling behind my eyelids - not the usual vivid pink, a gentler colour, along with lots of spring green (the Chakra colour). I could feel myself become more and more relaxed as the session went on and was almost on the point of zoning out into sleep when it ended.

Aureen gently touched me on the shoulder and asked if I was OK. I said I didn't have that definite feeling of something having been removed, as I did previously, but I did have the same shell-shocked sensation, a sure sign of what she had been doing. She told me that she had removed it, pulling out the tendrils from my throat, and that it had been extremely heavy - this she had passed over the Archangels Michael and Rafael, for them to take up into the Universe and transform it, whilst she then filled everywhere with pink light. I told her about seeing this and also that I had seen my Mum and Dad's faces.... and that I had said goodbye to them. She was pleased this had happened and that I'd been able to do this. She then told me she'd seen my Guide. I told her that I knew he had been there, as I'd seen him too: this time he had been wearing the moccasins and leggings I'd seen him in previously but this time he'd appeared to be bare-chested, apart from a beaded breastplate; I'd seen his face a little more qucily before seeing his dark hair in a single braid; instead of the full eagle feather bonnet on his head there were two feathers.... and as soon as I saw them I heard the words Two Feathers repeated three times. Aureen smiled and said: well now you know his name. So my Spirit Guide is called Two Feathers. :0)

Aureen then told me that she had been really surprised because when she'd seen my Guide he'd spoken to her. He'd said: My daughter is not just grieving for her parent's in this lifetime, my daughter also grieves for her parent's in another lifetime. He then told her that I'd had a previous life as a Native American.... and during that life I'd witnessed my parent's being killed in front of me. I'd carried the trauma of that over with me into this incarnation, so when my Mum and Dad died it had triggered the previous loss and that was why I am grieving so hard.... and why it feels like a part of me died when they did. She told me that, as well as doing the psychic surgery removal she had also rescued that part of me.

As I listened it felt as if several things clicked into place. I told her that it just seemed to make sense, and that it also explained a couple of things from my childhood. Whenever I was swinging on a swing I always imagined myself, and clearly saw the mental image, of myself as a Native American girl galloping on a pinto pony across a wide open plain - I later put this down to a good imagination but now wonder if it had been an actual past life memory. If ever we watched cowboy films and there was an attack on a Native American village I would get really indignant and say it was so wrong... I was always on the side of the NA's. Then there would be the state I would get into if I ever thought about my parent's dying. Yes, children do go through a phase of thinking about this but this was more than that and I would get into a real panic about it..... until I eventually learnt to block it out. It seemed to confirm a few things for Aureen, as she nodded. It also explains why the previous psychic surgeries haven't fully excised everything and why it keeps building up again.

What she said next gave me pause for thought: she would have to perform psychic surgery on me again during my next session. This time she would treat the past life trauma and heal it, as it was still affecting this lifetime, and to ensure that I don't carry it over with me into any future incarnations. OK, I understand the need for this.... but flippin' heck, the psychic surgery I've been through for this lifetime's problems have been pretty heavy - goodness knows what that is going to be like!

By this time I'd had a few sips of water and felt up to moving, so I climbed off the bed and started putting my bits and pieces back on and Aureen recommended that I take it easy for the rest of the day and have a lie down at some point. It was almost time for her next client, so I gathered everything together, thanked her and went out to reception. Jan took me into Treatment Room 1 for a chat. I told her what had been revealed by the session.... and she told me about her own past life memory and how her father from that lifetime had become her Guide. We discussed how the menopause treatment was going and I asked if she could make up some more of the herbal mix for me, as I was finding that the combination of the herbal mix and acupuncture was, in the main, working well together - I get the occasional glitch when I'm not feeling well or if I haven't had soya milk daily... and spicey foods can trigger a few flushes too. As she made up my mix we chatted a little about the upcoming Healing Course and, as it was being held in her home and Jan was feeding us each lunchtime, she double-checked what I could and couldn't eat, so I told her that I was still basically doing the Candida diet, as it suited me so well.

When the mix was ready I made my next appointment and paid my dues, thanked her and left. I didn't bother with anything else but went straight home... to an empty house, as DH and DS were out. After I'd had a quick bite to eat and sat looking through a magazine I soon realised that the recommendation to have a lie down was more of a necessity. Just as I was heading up the stairs my DH arrived home. After a quick hello and chat about what he'd been doing and what had happened with Reiki he soon realised I was struggling, so he helped me upstairs and made sure I settled OK, then left me to sleep..... for two solid hours.

A bit later, as we were sat eating our Saturday night take-out curry, I told DH that, about a month or so after my op, I'd got the sensation of not feeling quite right: beforehand I'd been buzzing with energy, getting lots done and, mostly, quite positive but afterwards.... well, I was certainly more subdued, been taking life really seriously and just didn't quite feel like "me". I felt that hadn't got anything to do with the missing ovaries and lack of monthlies, as I was glad to see them go and stop causing me problems..... I'd been looking forward to menopause and finally embracing my Crone years. Whilst I still didn't quite get the feeling of having had something removed during the psychic surgery I could now sense that something had changed and felt I was more like the real "me". He said that I certainly seemed a lot calmer than recently, though often was after Reiki.

I guess only time will tell as to whether or not it has made a real difference. :0)

REIKI - 20TH MARCH

Saturday started out a little hectic as I'd asked DH if we could go to the Harlequin Office Furniture place in the morning, to see if they had anything suitable for storage in my Craft Room, as they were only open until 12pm. As usual, when we need to be somewhere in a hurry DH continued to operate on a totally different time zone to everyone else. LOL We made it there about 20 minutes before they were about to close. A young chap came to find out what we were looking for and what it was for: some kind of storage unit and a filing cabinet to go in my Craft Room. He showed us various cabinet type units with doors on but they weren't right. He showed us the filing cabinets and explained a bit about each. The budget version looked OK but the drawers were shorter than the cabinet..... what's the point in that? As I pointed out, the room is small and I need to maximise the storage space to make sure I can get everything in there that needs to go in. He showed us a different one, a nice silver colour with 4 full depth drawers - that was definitely the one.... of course it was a bit more expensive than the other one, wasn't it! He then showed us some sturdy bookcases that have adjustable shelves - they stock extra shelves, so I can get more when I decide how many I need. DH wrote down all the measuremenets and other details so we could have a measure up at home and work out where they'll go. The same place can also supply some rubber rollers for my computer chair, which are much quieter and better for rolling on laminate flooring.... much cheaper than buying a new chair and they'll fit them for us if we take the old chair in. The upshot: the items I want are all carried in stock so, once ordered and paid for, they can arrange a delivery slot and they will even put it all up and place it where it's wanted. How good is that? We came away from there quite happy with what we'd seen and found out. :0)

From there we had to go straight home so I could get some dinner and then get ready to go for my Reiki session. Of course the weather was a tad wet when it was time for me to walk down the street - good job I bought a new kagoul last year. LOL

When I arrived at the Clinic it was to find Jan was being the Receptionist. I asked how she was doing - she certainly looked better and seemed far less fraught than last time... and sounded it, too. The move is suiting her very much and she's settling in nicely to her new home. She asked how I'd been doing so I told her that the last few days hadn't been so great: I'd run out of the herbal mix a while ago and had decided to see how I went without it, relying on the acupuncture, rejigging my diet a little and some supplements that included red clover leaf extract capsules I'd bought from Julian Graves some time ago. My 28 day cycle had been on the Thursday: I'd felt great after acupuncture but by the evening I'd felt a tad fraught.... and had felt really fraught Friday and into Saturday. She asked what I meant by fraught: well, don't leave any sharp implements near me... or blunt ones, for that matter - DS had been giving me some attitude Friday night and I told him he had better just shut his mouth or I'd be over to sort him out. If it hadn't been for having my tray on my lap at the time I would probably have been over there and done a laying on of hands.... and it wouldn't have had anything to do with healing. LOL The feisty moods had been interspersed with really low sessions, not helped by the flushes and night sweats being a real bugger. I told her that what I'd been doing just wasn't enough, that I'd felt much more balanced whilst on the herbal med, with the flushes and sweats being barely noticeable...... obviously it was something in the combination of ingredients within the mix that worked for me. It was worth the little experiment, to find out, but I'd had enough - I wanted that balance back. LOL Jan was quite pleased with that and said that she'd love to have some feedback from me, when I am in again next Thursday, on how I am feeling then because, if I have settled down again, it means she might just have found a really good combination that could help some of the other women she's treating for menopausal symptoms. I said I'd let her know. She didn't have time to mix the med then as I was due to go into Treatment Room 1 (where her dispensary is) for Reiki and she had someone booked in for a colonic and they should be arriving shortly. She asked if I could go back at 3.30pm when she would have finished and I said that was fine. As she was going to be busy when I came out the next appointment was arranged and I paid for this session.

Aureen was now ready for me, so off I trotted. Aureen then asked how I'd been doing so I gave her a potted version of what I'd told Jan. I also told her about the postponed pick up of my new car, thanks to DH not getting the insurance sorted in time, and how disappointed I'd been about that and feeling generally fed-up. She said there was obviously a reason the pick up not happening yet. Yep, I know, which is why I didn't get really upset about it, but if it had just been the one thing I'd probably have been fine.... but there have been quite a few niggling things that have all come at once..... and I'm so obviously menopausal at the moment. I didn't need to say more: she knew exactly what was meant, as she's been through it already and hadn't had a good time with it. So, as there was lots of tension and I was feeling out of balance she decided to concentrate on relaxation and easing of the tension during this session. I took off all my jewellery, hair scrunchie, shoes and specs and got onto the bed so the treatment could begin.

If I've learnt anything from these Reiki sessions it's that you can never guess how it will develop or what will happen, as no two are ever the same. It took me a little longer to settle into the session this time, mostly due to the inward tension but also because there was quite a bit of noise outside, on the High Street, but thankfully the worst of that soon faded into the background. This time I wasn't really aware of many of the Chakra colours swirling behind my eyes but what I did really notice was the energy from Aureen's hands every time she placed them up near my head: it was much more noticeable than usual and was sort of a cross between a buzz and a tingle, just on the edge of hearing.

At the end of the session she said my name and asked how I felt and had I picked anything up? Chamomile, I said. Towards the end of the session that word came to me and it was so forceful I almost said it out loud. She asked what I thought it meant. Well, I've been feeling fraught and I've got some Chamomile herbal tea at home but hadn't been drinking much of it lately - Doh! Aureen said it seemed like my body was letting me know what it needed - yep, and I shall certainly start drinking it more often.
She asked if I'd been aware of any colours this time, as she'd been really aware of blues and purples, almost sparking from her hands. No, not really, and even though I usually see the Chakra colours quite vividly I hadn't really been aware of those this time either, it seemed more of a sensing/feeling session. I told her about feeling the energy buzz/tingle from her hands very strongly and that I'd also felt slight hot and cold sensations around my body but not like obvious changes in exterior temperature, more subtle and, again, more like energy shifts through my body that felt like something was being gently pulled through it. I'd felt this the most when she worked on my Crown Chakra and compared it to opening my Chakras but in reverse. My feet tingled for a while after the final grounding too.
I'd initially seen Angel images. When I see these in my minds eye they are usually quite basic in shape: a head and neck with a long, thin "gowned" body and swept back wings, usually they are all fractal light (sometimes bright light, sometimes like a stained glass window) - this time I just saw the head and wings shapes in silhouette, enough to make me aware of them and then they were gone. I also saw the head of an old lady who had white curly hair but I didn't see her for long enough to make out more of her facial features - I could only tell Aureen that she wasn't my Mum..... and I didn't know who she was. I got the name George again, which is definitely linked to her, and I saw a man's face: dark hair and a dark moustache... again too fleeting to get much more detail, so I didn't mention him.
Aureen told me that she'd found that both my sacral and solar plexus Chakras had been quite flat when she started working on them but had sorted them out and I told her that could explain why I'd recently been having difficulty visualising the orange of the sacral Chakra - the yellow of the Solar plexus had been a tad insipid too.
From about half way through the session there were times when I just didn't know where Aureen was. Sometimes it was due to my feeling another pair of hands working on me in a different area.... sometimes I couldn't feel her hands at all and I couldn't sense where she was, almost as if I'd been left on my own - that was the weirdest sensation ever. Aureen then told me that part way through the session she had opened her eyes and looked at her hands.... and saw a tiny pair of female hands laid over hers - I said Deidra? But she said no, they were definitely adult hands, just very small and pointed to her middle knuckle area - very small hands, then. Maybe they belonged to the white haired lady whose face I saw? 

I sat up and made my way to the chair by the consulting desk so I could start putting my things back on and take some sips of water and where Aureen kept her file (she keeps notes in there - not sure what specifically, though feel it may be similar to the notebook that her Guides told me to keep). Jan tapped at the door and asked if it was OK to come in - her colonic guy hadn't turned up (which she suspected might happen), so she could come and make up my herbal med mix now, rather than having to go back later.

Aureen asked if, when having a Reiki session, I felt I was letting go of things. I can't say as I'd been aware of letting go of anything more than the tension this time.... and compared it to the times when she'd performed psychic surgery - now those times I definitely felt and knew something had gone. I felt this session was more about sorting out the tension and getting me back on an even keel, and I certainly felt much more relaxed than when I'd first walked in.... and we spoke about the chamomile thing coming to me again and how that will help keep me calm. Jan piped up from her dispensing area and said: funnily enough, I'm just adding that to your mix now. LOL

I then asked Jan how the change was suiting her and if she felt a difference in atmosphere between her home and the town. Most definitely and she said said how difficult she'd found it to adjust the first time she'd come back to the Clinic after having some time off during the move and needing to protect herself more thoroughly when coming into the town. I can appreciate that: whenever we've been away on holiday, especially when it's been to the Lake District, it always takes me a while to settle back into my home - I always feel quite jangled, iykwim. We had a bit more chit chat, then Aureen was ready to leave, so I thanked her and said goodbye and see her on Tuesday. As she got to the bottom of the stairs and opened the door we both heard her say Oh! in an odd way and were just about to shout and ask if she was OK when we heard the door close behind her. Once I'd finished the conversation, paid Jan for my med and said goodbye and went to the door I found out why.... it was raining but it was just the tail end of what had been an absolute deluge. There were actual streams running down the gutters and paddling pools worth of puddles all over the place. Yuk!

I decided not to venture further down the street, especially as I was feeling quite tired, so just popped over to Tesco Express (jumping over the gutter streams and dodging the paddling pool puddles) to get a couple of things we needed, then headed home. DH had disappeared off to the Museum while I'd been gone - they are currently running an exhibition on the LTC, as they've just celebrated their 60th Birthday, and DS and a few of the other members had been helping out with the visitor event they were putting on that day. DS and the other members were all in costume from various performances they'd put on. I wouldn't have minded going to see it but the timings were all wrong for that.

After I'd put the shopping away and sat and did a crossword I realised just how tired I felt and started heading upstairs.... just as DH came throught the front door. A quick chat later and I carried on up the stairs, as I was really struggling to concentrate by this time - DH commented on that and said that I actually looked tired too - and went to bed for a couple of hours. It helped and I felt much better after that. I will have to ask Aureen just what she did, when I see her again. Not only because of the tiredness I'd felt.... but also because I've been feeling much brighter since. :0)

REIKI - 20TH FEBRUARY

I wasn't actually due to go for my next Reiki session until Monday but a phone call from Jan first thing Saturday morning changed all that - she'd had a cancellation and the 12pm slot was now available. Needless to say, I snapped it up.  I hurriedly got myself showered, hair washed and sorted  and a meal eaten. By the time I'd done everything needed to be done to be ready to leave the time had disappeared on me and I made it out of the door with just five minutes to go.

When I arrived at the Clinic Jan was there as Receptionist and her and Aureen were chatting. They asked how I was doing - great, though in a bit of a whirl and thinking the Universe had had a hand in how things had worked out. When I'd seen Aureen at the last Circle I'd said how odd it would feel to have Reiki on the Monday (it has always fallen on a Saturday previously); DH and I were supposed to have been going off to a Mind, Body and Spirit event in Newark that day but the night before there had been a fire on the steelworks and he'd been called into work to deal with the aftermath, which left me free to take up the cancellation slot. So things had worked out perfectly! LOL

Jan then mentioned the Shamballah Healing Course that I'd expressed an interest in attending. The dates have been changed to April, to the two weekends following on after Easter, and will be held at her new home, which is out in one of the villages. I said I'd definitely need to be mobile by then which made both her and Aureen look startled and ask if that meant I was going to start driving again. So I reminded Aureen about the amber traffic lights and Ready, Go that she'd mentioned at the last Circle: I said that as well as having a set of lights outside my drive there was also something I hadn't mentioned, in the hopes that someone might pick it up - that the weekend before DH and I had actually been to a garage to have a look at a couple of cars that were for sale. The prompt for that was DH telling me that, as he was now Stage Manager for the Blackadder performance in May, he wouldn't be available to take me to Circle on Tuesday night.... and neither would DS, as he's in the performance - my reaction being: OK, then I really need to be mobile by then, don't I? So I'm currently looking for a female instructor I can go to for refresher lessons and on the look-out for a nice little run-around. They both said what a huge step forward that was and that it showed just how much I'd improved. Definitely: I now feel, despite the occasional glitch, a totally different person to the one who first walked into the Clinic back in November 2008. :0)

I made a note of the dates for the course and told Jan to let me know when she needed the deposit for it. She then told me that around the end of March/beginning of April (depending on when she was fully settled in) she was also going to set up a women's group in her home - very informal, it would touch on all kinds of Spiritual things.... the kind of group where we chat and swap ideas, each learning from the others experiences. Hot drinks, cold drinks and snacks would be on offer too. It's just the kind of thing I would love to be involved in, meeting more like-minded people, so I smiled and said that I definitely need to be mobile then! LOL

With that it was time to go through for my session with Aureen. This time we were to be in the other Treatment room, which is usually referred to as the Colonic room as that's where they are given. It had been re-jigged especially and the treatment bed had been moved away from the side wall and placed in the centre of the room. As I took off my rings, brooch, belt etc Aureen and I chatted.  I mentioned about being a little disheartened after the last session but realised that it was down to me, having had a Spiritual hand slap (You get out what you put in) and she said that Spirit was testing me. I had a feeling they were and said that I'd always felt that I would need to work a little harder to prove myself to Spirit after having given up meditation previously.... and though I had felt a little disheartened I certainly wasn't going to give up. I explained about struggling to fit things in, as the days just seem to get away from me quite often and, before I know it, my DS is back from work and it's time to prepare tea and then I have no chance to practice. Aureen said that things got like that for her too, so she tended to do some of her meditations etc when she first goes to bed. I've tried that but usually end up falling asleep.... Aureen said that sometimes happens to her too but it isn't anything to worry about - at least I'd be getting some practice in. So I'll be trying that more often from now on.

I then told her about some research I'd been doing. Since she gave me the message about the holiday in the USA and going to visit Sioux land, every time I thought about it I kept getting the word Oglala. As well as that, whenever I think of my Spirit Guide now I associate him with the name Red Cloud. This week I had a nosey around on the internet and made some discoveries: within the Sioux Nation there are different tribes.... and one of those tribes is called the Oglala Sioux, now living on a reservation in South Dakota; further Googling revealed that there was a Chief of the Oglala tribe called Red Cloud during the 1800's during the wars with the settler's and American Army. It was one of those amazing, jaw dropping moments when I saw all this, as I hadn't had the foggiest idea beforehand. Aureen said it would be interesting to see what happens when we do the Spirit Guide meditations. So hope we are able to do these soon. :0)

I laid on the bed, was covered with the fleecy blanket, the CD turned on and the session begun. I wasn't sure how it would go this week with it being in a different room, and the sun was shining brightly through the blind and right onto my face, making me turn my face to the left slightly to avoid it. I needn't have been concerned though, as I soon settled down and relaxed into it.

At the end of the session Aureen gently called my name and asked how I was and if I felt relaxed, as I'd seemed very much so to her. I did feel relaxed, though not to the extent where it felt like I was going to fall asleep. It had been very good though. I lifted up my right hand to check and it was curled up, though hadn't been aware of it happening at the time, and I said it had felt like someone had been holding my hand - Aureen's reply was that probably someone had been. She then asked what I'd seen. Well, the Chakra colours were there, especially yellow and Spring green when she had her hands over my ears, though I wondered if that was because of the sun shining on me. I'd actually seen my garden - much better than when we'd done the meditation too, as I'd seen flowers. She was pleased because that is what she had started visualising for me at the start of the session and she asked what colours the flowers were. I couldn't say for certain as, although there were flowers and lots of them, I'd seen them more as an after-image than a clear, colour one. She said there were lots of lilacs, purples and lavender colours - with lilac and lots of lavender plants, as well as lots of herbs, along with my fruit trees. I forgot to mention that I'd seen the fairy I should have seen in a previous meditation... or that my reaction had been: fine, so now you show up! LOL

I'd seen quite a few people too: fleeting images of faces and some full figures, male and female, but too quick to say who they were; only two came through clearly, a little girl, stood in front of me and to the left, turned slightly towards but facing away from me, and a man. The man was stood in front and to my right, facing towards me, and I described him as a typical Moses type figure, with long white hair and beard, stood tall and with a staff of some kind in his right hand. Aureen had seen him too and said she'd initially thought he was a shepherd holding a crook but felt my description fitted him better. Not too sure who he was or where he fits into things.... but I guess that might come up at some point in the future.

There were times when I couldn't tell where Aureen was - she'd have her hands on certain areas, move.... but hands were still there and at one point she was stood to the right of my head and it also felt like there was someone stood at the left side too, and for quite a while. I also saw Angels in my minds eye. I didn't see them the same as I'd seen the figures though, which had been distinctly figures, albeit fleeting. The Angels had the general swept up wings and long gowns shape that is reminiscent of the "people with wings" ornaments you can buy but were totally made up of light, sort of prismatic, radiating from the centre of their "bodies" outward. I didn't see them for long, just enough to know they were there.

Aureen smiled and said that was good, as when she'd placed her hands over my eyes she had felt hands placed over the top of hers, assisting in the healing. And this time she'd called on Archangels Michael, Chamuel and Rafael to help her in the healing. She'd been working on remaining grief - as she pulled out the cords Archangel Michael cut them. I told her that, funnily enough, twice I'd caught myself thinking about my Dad - definitely Dad, rather than Mum - though not in an upset way. He'd also been on my mind a bit this week too.... and I was finding that I could think about both of them without the instant wanting to burst into tears feeling I used to get. Another sign of improvement that Aureen was pleased about and said that what she was doing was, basically, mopping up the residual stuff which would help bring about further improvements.

By this time I felt OK to sit up and started to sip some water. She then said that I was deeply grounded at the moment as my Root Chakra was showing vibrantly red and, going back to my garden, that I needed to do the Meet Your Goddess meditation again soon, as she felt that my Goddess had something to say to me and that I needed to hear it. I said I would make time to do this soon.

We then chatted a little about the group and I said that I was so glad that S2 had brought her Mum through for her on Tuesday and hoped it had helped. She said it had and she was really pleased and had a big smile on her face (yes, Julie - I do feel that her faith in Spirit does help her a lot). I said that I found S2 amazing in her accuracy - Aureen said she had high hopes for her, that she had for us all, but that S2 was a special case. Definitely: if ever you've seen Colin Fry or John Edwards bringing messages through..... believe me, S2 should be right up there with them. :0)

As we were chatting I was gradually putting my rings etc back on and remembered to mention to her about my chat with the receptionist, Gail, on Thursday and the fact that she'd expressed an interest in attending a Circle again. Aureen said what I had felt whilst chatting to Gail - that she was a really nice person and would fit in perfectly with the existing group. So Aureen is going to ring her soon.... fingers crossed for a positive outcome. :0)

By this time I was ready so we walked back through to the reception area, where Aureen's next client was waiting. I thanked Aureen and told the lady to blame me for keeping her waiting, as I'd been chatting to Aureen. With that I paid Anne, who had taken over as receptionist so Jan could go home and carry on packing. As I hadn't seen Anne for quite some time we ended up going into the other room for a bit of a chat, so we wouldn't disturb the lady's treatment. The chat was a good one that resulted in some useful information for me, as she had had a total hysterectomy some years ago and was coming out the other side of the menopause. She also told me that her DH is about to start a new job as a UPVC window repairer..... so I've asked if I can have his details, so I can arrange for him to come and give us a price for replacing the old, rotted seals on our front windows and door. A little more chat and I suddenly realised just how hungry i was feeling, so we said goodbye and I headed for home.

The day might not have gone to the original plan but it had definitely worked out much better than hoped for. :0)

REIKI SESSION - JANUARY

On chatting with Aureen I'd asked her how she was doing. She didn't look as drawn as she had done on the Tuesday night but was obviously still feeling tired, as she was sitting down as much as she could. I told her about not having been well since I'd last seen her and the incident at my DSis's work that was causing some upset at the moment and how worried my DSis was (the added stress). I said I was looking on the bright side and doing my best to keep my DSis positive too: we'd all called on the Angels for help and when, later in the week, I thought of her and pulled an Angel card it was the All is Well card. This indicates that although it may not seem like it at the moment, whatever is unfolding will have a positive outcome with unforeseen benefits. I then had to pop out with Jan to pay - she then stayed at the reception desk to await her next client.

When I went back in the room I took off my rings, scrunchie and shoes and went to sit on the treatment bed. Aureen asked if I was feeling stressed and I admitted I was, though was doing my best to stay calm and help my DSis stay positive, plus I was also feeling the lack of a session in December. So she told me she would do a gentle treatment this time to try and help me with relaxation.

I laid down and mentioned how odd it felt not being in the other room, as I loved the feel of it in there. Aureen said she knew what I meant and said it probably had something to do with all the positive healing energy having built up in there. Well, whoever gets to use that room next will surely benefit from it. So I settled down under the fleecy blanket, the relaxation CD started and the session began.

There were no swirling colours or revelations, as such, this time.... it was every bit as gentle as Aureen had said she would make it. She didn't so any Chakra work, just concentrated on grounding me and working on my head area. When she first touched my head I had a fleeting image of the head and shoulders and swept back wings of an Angel, very similar to the new Angel ornament my DH bought me just before the festive season. When she placed her hands over my third eye I saw the caduceus and when she placed one hand on my third eye and one on my heart Chakras for some reason my saliva glands kicked in my mouth began to water a bit.... it had been quite dry up until then. I also felt the knot in my stomach unravel and go and I became more and more relaxed.

Before I knew it the session came to an end. Aureen gently touched my shoulder and said my name and asked if I was OK. I sighed and stretched slowly and said: I'm fine, you can just leave me here, as I could quite happily nod off now. She said not to worry if I ever did do so - apparently others had done so during treatments. LOL I told her that it had been a lovely session and I'd been pleasantly surprised: I'd been a little concerned at how things would go since the move into the front room, with it being closer to the road, but I needn't have. I'd been aware of it initially but as the treatment progressed it faded into the background and hadn't bothered or concerned me at all. Aureen said that showed a real improvement and I realised that it also held true at the latest Circle sessions too: noises that used to distract me previously now, in the main, fade like that.

I told her about the knot disappearing and how much of a relief that was. The Angel was expected, it being Angelic Reiki. When I told her about seeing the caduceus I said: that's the doctor's sign, isn't it? thinking it represented healing but she smiled and said that it was very good to see, as it meant kundalini energy had been rising. I said I hadn't felt any sudden surges or anything like that during the session, which is what I thought would happen with that, only deep relaxation. She didn't say anymore on it, just smiled at me. She also told me that my Guide had been present again and that he wanted me to be aware that he was there to help me through the stressful time. I hadn't really been aware of him during the session but there had been times duing the previous few days when I would suddenly think of him and felt it was because he was there. It's a comforting thought: no matter what is going on in your life and no matter how much you think you're on your own..... you're not, because your Guide and your Angel are there, ever present and ever willing to help. :0)

She asked me if I'd had any problems with my right arm. I said I do have occasional aches, mainly in my shoulder and up my neck, that was probably aggravated by repetitive movement from stitching and computer mousework. But no, not there and she pointed to the elbow area. Nope... at least not at the moment, so she said just to watch for it as it had come on her and she knew it wasn't associated with her. OK, will keep that in mind. Funnily enough, at the end of the session, I'd felt an uncomfortable sensation in my right foot that I didn't think was me but forgot to mention it (one to ask on Tuesday night).

By this time I could sit up and started sipping the water Aureen handed to me. We began to talk about the Circle and some of the events there and I told her that I thought I'd improved recently because I'd sussed out that I worked differently to the others which had stopped me worrying that I might be doing something wrong and explained why I thought that (mentioned in other posts). She said that everyone worked differenlty and picked things up in their own way, using one or more methods and to a greater or lesser degree. It looks like I am predominantly clairsentient, though this doesn't mean that I can't/won't develop further with the clairvoyance or clairaudience. Since I'd realised this it made me aware that those times I said I hadn't got anything I probably had, I just hadn't realised it because I hadn't gone with what I'd felt at the time - the change is that now I do. My poor Guide: he must have been banging his head on a Spiritual brickwall up until then! LOL

As we carried on chatting I started donning my scrunchie, specs, rings, shoes and coat. When I was ready Aureen mentioned again that she planned on doing the clearing the clutter meditation at our next Circle meeting - I was looking forward to it. With that we said our goodbyes and I walked home.... on my own.... and it felt good to get through tht barrier again. :0)

Later in the afternoon I ended up grabbing the fleecy blanket and laying under it on the settee and promptly fell asleep for about an hour and a half and felt very refreshed when I woke and still minus the stomach knot. That was a truly lovely session. :0)

REIKI - NOVEMBER

On arriving at the Clinic - a little later than I usually manage, due to sleeping through the alarm a little - I found Jan and Aureen chatting in the reception area. After saying hello Jan took my coat and said I looked a little bothered - a little, as I hate running late so had walked quite fast down the street. When I'd caught my breath Aureen took me through to the treatment room.

This time Aureen said she was going to concentrate on bringing in lots of peace, to help keep me calm for my operation, and surrounding me with lots of healing energy. As we were talking I mentioned about the names I had got in a couple of Development Circle sessions: when I think of the first name I heard I see it written in my minds eye as high up and to my left (where I "heard" it), medium sized lettering and light green colours, fairly large and with fluffy edges; on the other hand, when I think of A's name and the word job I see them low down and to my right, and as long, thin letters in white. Aureen said that it was symbolical and that I would have to work out what these things mean to me, but for her the greens for her represent the heart Chakra (love) and the fluffiness would mean that they were in need of some comfort: so she would take it that the person concerned was in need of a little more love, along with a few hugs for comfort, than usual - I said that definitely fit, as it was L's DSis and she was to undergo some treatment shortly. She didn't go into the symbolism for the other - we had to start the session and I feel she wants me to work that one out for myself....... it may take a while. LOL

So Aureen washed her hands, came back and started the CD and the session began. There was the usual movements starting the session and she held my head in her hands but very little other contact (that I was aware of) in this session. I was still aware of Aureen's movements, especially when the CD finished before the end of the session and she went over to switch it on again.... but I wasn't fully aware, as in focusing full attention on them, as I seem to do sometimes. I seemed slightly disconnected from it, though not in a negative way - I think it was more to do with being so deeply relaxed that the every day "noticing" side of my brain just wasn't concerned with those things right then.

At the end of the session Aureen gently called my name and touched my shoulder, to fetch me back, and asked if I felt peaceful. Oh, boy - did I! LOL I felt extremely peaceful and calm and a couple of times I'd actually felt like I was floating and other times it felt like I might even drift off to sleep. It was pretty obvious I was relaxed as I was slightly slurring my words initially. I then told her that I didn't know if it was due to the music or not, as it was different to the usual one, but I kept getting the oddest feeling that there had been Fairies around me and also butterfly wings and dragonflies. She laughed and said that she had also been aware of Fairies, and also Elementals, which she had thought was odd...... because the music she had played was actually an Angel music CD and she works with the Angels during her Reiki sessions. But she said that it wasn't surprising though, not only as I am a Pagan, but because I'm very strongly grounded in the Earth - they had been bringing in healing Earth energy for me. :0)

A really odd thing happened whilst Aureen held my head in her hands: I had a very clear vision of our Earth (the iconic globe as seen from space) cupped in a pair of hands - and suddenly my head was that Earth cupped in Aureen's hands and it was the weirdest sensation I've ever felt. Then it went back to the same image in front of my minds eye and the Earth changed into a crystal ball, still cupped in those hands. Then it was gone and Aureen removed her hands. I know this held a message for me.... I just have to work out what it is. Though I do feel it's relevant to what happened when I got my pack of Angel Therapy cards out the night before: I pulled out the Earth Angel card, read the details and, as I wasn't sure its message was relevant, had then put it back in the pack, shuffled again..... and out popped the Earth Angel card again. I guess it is relevant after all. :0)

Aureen then told me that part way through the session she had visualised a pyramid above the treatment bed, with the corners aligned to the four corners of the bed, and had placed us inside it. She had then visualised us inside the healing crystal cavern, within the pyramid. It made me laugh because, as I told her, believe it or not I had "seen" a quick image of the Giza pyramids and part way through the session had actually caught myself wondering if I should be doing the crystal cave meditation! She said everything showed that we had both connected extremely well during the treatment - I was so happy to have picked up on so much and am hoping that it means I am beginning to do what the message I received last week was telling me to do: to stop listening and listen.

She then told me that my Guide had appeared and stood at the bottom of the bed through much of the treatment. His message for me: he would be with me throughout on Friday and afterwards, to help give me the strength and courage to get through it. I smiled and said I had a feeling he was there, as I'd seen his face at one point during the session - it was also good to know he'd be with me, especially on Friday..... the nerves are beginning to creep in.

I then told Aureen about something that had happened on the previous day: I'd been having a nosey on eBay (as you do, LOL) when I was pulled up short by two pictures of charts that showed two different Native American's in full war bonnet style headdress. One was wearing the typical eagle feather bonnet and I enlarged the picture for a better look - great image but not enough to tempt me to buy. The other NA was wearing a bonnet made of fluffier feathers, really unusual and not one I'd seen before, so I enlarged the picture for a better look....... and promptly got the weirdest sensation in my body, sort of a dropping combined with a pulling towards the image on the computer screen - this had never happened to me before. As I told Aureen, this wouldn't be my usual choice of picture to stitch but there was something about that reaction that tells me I have to get the chart and stitch the piece for my home.

I then told her that normally, if I was ever going to stitch a NA piece, it would be for my cousin who remembers a former life as a NA brave - in fact he even remembers his death in that lifetime.... shot by a cavalryman. It was so vivid that he used to have nightmares about it when he was a child (and still doesn't sleep well as an adult). Aureen said she felt that I had probably been a NA girl in that same lifetime and had known my cousin then..... and that my Guide may well have been known to me in that lifetime too. That gave me the collywobbles and I then told her something that I hadn't shared when I told her about redoing the throat Chakra meditation at home, when I had seen my Guide with his arms outstretched towards me. I had also heard one word as he did that: Daughter. I don't know yet if it was meant as a generic term (as in, daughter in spirit, iykwim) or literally. I guess, as Aureen said, that is something that will hopefully be revealed some time in the future. :0)

As I was putting my jewellery and shoes back on I mentioned to Aureen what La had said to me as I left the Circle last week (about being sorry that I would be missing the sessions soon, but that she wouldn't miss the bossy ladies or the freezing cold). I told her that, although I had sensed something was there I hadn't known their sex or who they had been there for - I'd just assumed that, as he was right in La's aura, he was there for her..... so I felt I'd better explain that to La and ask her if he was for me. Plus also ask her (and the others) to tell me if that happens again so that I can ask whoever it is to step back and stop bothering them. Aureen said not to worry: that knowing who it was etc would gradually come to me, it's a matter of practice and reading the symbols correctly. I still think it best to check with La though......... I wouldn't want her thinking I'd deliberately ignored what was happening.

With that I gathered my bags and we headed back to reception as I thanked her. A lady was sitting on the sofa and I said hello before turning to Jan to pay my dues. I looked at the lady again when Jan introduced Aureen to her (it was her first Reiki session) - she had been one of the other attendees at the Angel Workshop, the one who lives further down the same road that I live on. I smiled at her again, then she went through for her session with Aureen. Another one of those strange coincidences...... and I do wonder if she will be joining our Circle. :0)

I paid my dues and Jan gave me a time for the next due Reiki session: the 12th December. I laughed and said that, although I'd probably be feeling very much in need of another session by then, I thought it very doubtful I'd be able to walk down to the Clinic by then. Oops! LOL

I then told Jan about the chat I'd had with the Staff Nurse about the herbal medicines I was on and that she had rung Jan as she'd wanted to speak to her about which herbs I was taking, as she'd researched them and there were certain ones that had to be stopped before having an operation. Apparently some are a blood thinner, which means problems with bleeding too much; another makes a person who has had a general anaesthetic much sleepier during and after than they should be - in all, around a dozen that could be a potential problem in various ways. So Jan felt it wise for me to stop taking the pre-food medicine after my last dose on Saturday and the post-food one after my last dose on Sunday, just to be safe. I'd already stopped taking the digestive capsules anyway. So I'll not be taking anything to keep me calm on the run up to the op now. Oh, joy! LOL

With that I was ready to leave, so she wished me well for Friday and reminded me to ring her when I was home again, to let her know how everything had gone. I thanked her and left, then rang DH to meet me in the Hospice Bookshop (far warmer in there than out on the street!) so we could go on to do some shopping. I hadn't expected to find anything in there, as I'd already raided the shelves of most of the Angel books they'd had...... but I was wrong.


As you can see I found a couple more good books to add to my esoteric collection. Strange how they've rarely had these types of books in before.... and now there are useful gems in there almost every time I go in. A big thank you to the Universe! :0)

DH arrived just as I was paying, so we went to do the shopping: a pair of slippers for me, for hospital wear (my usual sandals are looking a tad too disreputable and I don't want to be accused of spreading any nasty bacteria around ROFL; a shop in Wilko's for a couple of bits I need to take in with me and some cleaning products to stock up my cupboards. We were glad to get home after this, as the bags were heavy. The rest of the day was spent pottering doing bits and pieces around the house and DH actually got on and started cutting some of the new flooring to size, ready for it to be laid in the little bedroom - my future Craft Room. The day was completed with our regular take-out curry and an evening in front of the TV. It seemed such a mundane way to finish the day after such a wonderful Reiki session........ but at least it keeps my feet firmly planted in this world. LOL

REIKI - OCTOBER TAKE TWO

Saturday 31st October was the date for my next Reiki session with Aureen. As it was Samhain and the first treatment since my recent unplanned stay in hospital I did wonder what might be in store for me. :0)

I arrived in plenty of time for the session start so there was time for a quick chat with Jan, who was doubling up as receptionist again, to check a couple of details with my new treatments. She also mentioned some new healthy snack foods she'd come across whilst attending a Herbalist's Conference the previous weekend: she was hoping to start stocking them soon and got her own supplies out for Aureen and myself to try. One was a slightly sweet snack with lots of seeds and grains with currants and raisins and a light coating of honey - so light it would be OK for me to have - and it was quite tasty. The other was more savoury: different nuts coated in something that I recognised the smell of but couldn't name but it did smell good. Hope she gets them soon as it would be nice to have something healthy to nibble on when I have the munchies, instead of all those tortilla chips. :0)

It was then time to go through to the treatment room. Aureen asked how I was and I said a bit so-so. She placed her hand low and level and said that I seemed a little flat.... it was a good way to describe it. I told her about the session with Jan the day before and the new treatments and that it had made me face up to something I'd been quite happily ignoring up until then. She told me not to worry and try to think positively, as what we think we can manifest for ourselves: the key is to continually think of myself as fit, well and healthy and see white light washing through my body. My name was in the Healing Book so that would help too.

That led on to her asking how I was enjoying the Development Circle: enjoying it and I really look forward to attending each week. I then told her about the piece I'd remembered about the groups of women being beacons of light around the world (see previous Development Circle post). We agreed it was odd how things like that stayed buried in the subconscious, only to pop up years later - she also said I bet you didn't expect to be part of one of those groups, did you? I certainly didn't and her words confirmed what I had been thinking too. :0)

It was time to start the session. This time there was a different music CD in the background, one with more water and woodland sounds, which I really liked.

This session proved to be much gentler than the previous ones and with very little direct hands-on contact from Aureen, apart from when opening and closing the session and when placing some crystals on my body: afterwards she told me that this time she worked on my aura, rather than my physical body, as this would work more slowly and be longer lasting, so that I would still feel the benefits from it when I have to go to the hospital for the scan and Consultant appointments.

There was no psychic surgery or sudden rushes of energy or fractured rainbows this time. There were plenty of Chakra colours swirling behind my eyes throughout and when the CD played sounds of running water I could clearly see pictures of the places where I'd walked by rivers at various points in my life, including my most favourite place in the Lake District. There was also a point when Aureen was working on one of the Chakras when I had a really odd sensation on my tongue and my saliva glands went into overdrive and I had to swallow alot - which also coincided with running water on the CD. Not had that happen before. There was also an instance of mild nausea but that quickly went. I also saw an image of a face in my minds eye but wasn't really sure who it may have been and also, at another point, the vague outline of a figure that seemed to be dressed in buckskin "shirt" and leggings - these were a little too fleeting to be really sure.

Discussing everything with Aureen afterwards she had picked up on the nausea: I said it could well be down to the treatments Jan has me on, as I'd otherwise felt fine. She said she had been pleased to see that all my Chakras were glowing strong and bright and spinning well, a sure sign of someone who is working regularly with them. She also said that she hadn't sensed anything nasty in my abdomen when she was working on me (nor had she done so in previous sessions either) and reiterated the point about thinking positively. She also said that Archangels Rafael and Chamuel helped with the healing, which I found reassuring. :0)

She also told me that, towards the end of the treatment, the sun was shining a little through the blind and three small circles appeared across my chest/heart, then another two circles appeared, making them five, and they all stayed there for quite a while. She said it was probably to do with the way the sun shone but what she found fascinating was that they were absolutely perfect circles in a dead straight line - something she hadn't seen or had happen before. It made me smile and feel that my heart was given further healing - reinforced when I later read that Archangel Chamuel heals all heart matters. :0)

I didn't tell Aureen but I'd asked the Angels, beforehand, to give me whatever was needed to help: what I received was Peace, deep relaxation and a calming of my thoughts, along with the healing. :0)

As we were chatting Jan knocked on the door to say that Aureen's next client had arrived and that her own was also there for a colonic and she needed to take my payment and book my next session before she could see to her client. We hadn't realised the session was running over, we were so involved in our chat. Oops! So I thanked Aureen and quickly went to sort this out, then said goodbye to them both and left.

As I'd already paid a visit to both my favourite shops the day before I didn't bother this time and headed back home, via a quick visit to Tesco Express. I ended up having a sleep a little later in the afternoon. Unfortunately the rest of the weekend didn't go well for me as I came down with a stomach bug on Sunday (the reason for the flat feeling, nausea and odd sensation on my tongue perhaps?) - it also came back to haunt me Monday night but thankfully cleared up after that. To be on the safe side I phoned Jan first thing and she recommended I stop all my treatments until Wednesday, then restart the medicine at 3ml and gave me a schedule for reintroducing all but the garlic and turmeric capsules. I see her again on the 13th, when we'll discuss the hospital verdict and the treatment, along with the gall bladder flush and those other two meds. Meantime, she's emailed me details for the cholesterol diet that will help relieve the gallstones problem. I'm already avoiding some of the foodstuffs, thanks to the dairy intolerance and Candida diet - the main difference with it is that pork is off the menu now, as is roast chicken (though cooked other ways is fine). Keep going at this rate and there's going to be a very limited range of things left to eat! Still it's better than surgery - especially after what I heard about the keyhole op going wrong! LOL :0)

REIKI - OCTOBER

It was time for my next Reiki session on Saturday 3 October, so back to the Clinic went I for the second visit of the week. When I got there Jan told me there was a stack of books on a table behind the door and to have a look and see if I wanted any. Free books? Now I definitely didn't need a second invitation to have a nosey and these were the two that made it into my bag:


Jan recommended one of the other books to Aureen, so she took that...... but there were about another 5 or 6 left on the table which were destined for a trip to the Hospice Bookshop if no one else wanted them. Not long after this it was time to go through to the Reiki Room.

I told Aureen about realising that I had received something at the last Circle meeting: the name Janice, and that I'd recognised that I not only had to learn to trust what I was being given but also to trust in myself too - she said to make sure to ask the others if the name meant anything to any of them at our next meeting. Aureen then asked how I'd been since the last treatment, when she'd performed psychic surgery on me. I said I recognised how I felt later that day as being shell-shocked but that that had eased over the next few days and lately it felt more like a time of adjustment: I'd been carrying around that ball of grief and guilt for quite some time and, even though it was necessary to my well-being to have that heavy load gone, it had become a part of me....... so it's been about accepting and adjusting to having that part of me "missing" and also adjusting to the changes it's bringing about within. All positive changes I might add. :0)

She knew exactly what I meant and said it was perfectly natural and felt it showed that she had got it all out. I said I knew she had because of something that had happened a little earlier in the week: I was in the shower, washing my hair and letting my mind wander when, for some reason, I started thinking of the last time we'd seen Helen (DH's DSis), which was in Derby Royal's Mortuary, when we'd gone to say our goodbyes - I was OK, perfectly calm; next my mind went to the last time I'd seen Mum, which again was to say goodbye, though at the Funeral Home - this would usually reduce me to a blubbering wreck but no, perfectly calm; then my mind went on to the day dad had passed away in the Hospice, with the three of us (DBro, DSis and myself) by his side - that had me a blubbering wreck. I explained to Aureen that on the lead up to the psychic surgery session I'd been thinking about Mum a lot and had had lots of dreams about her (including the visit, where we finally got to say all the things we hadn't had the chance to before she passed away) and felt that either my subconscious or above (I pointed upwards) - or both - had been preparing me for that session. Now it felt like the same process was happening but this time with my Dad. OK, was her response, then it's obviously time to tackle those issues - she would be undertaking psychic surgery again (Oh joy, thought I LOL) but this time she would be using crystals, which she would place on certain parts of my body during the treatment, so it should help to make it a gentler process.

With that I'd removed my specs, hair scrunchie and all my rings but had left on my amethyst and citrine bracelets and asked if it was OK to also leave on my moonstone pendant, explaining that I wanted to use it as an Angelic talisman and the thinking was that wearing it during the treatment (Aureen gives Angelic Reiki) would help infuse it with that intention. Normally as much metal as possible has to be removed beforehand as it can interrupt energy flows but she felt that this would be fine. Funnily enough she said she had thought about bringing some moonstone with her, to help in the treatment, but hadn't got a piece - I'd just felt myself automatically reaching for it as I got dressed that morning and knew I had to wear it. :0)

As I sat on the treatment bed Aureen asked me what emotions I felt I carried for my Dad: there was grief at his passing and anger that someone of his age should have to go through that but there was also guilt. This guilt was a hard one to talk about and it made me cry as I verbalised it: when Dad had been diagnosed and went through the initial stages of treatment I'd prayed for healing for him...... but as it became obvious that the healing wasn't going to happen I then began to pray that they would take him quickly because it was cancer and he was in pain, and I felt guilty for effectively praying for his death. Aureen explained that those prayers for healing, though they weren't answered on this plane, would have been waiting for Dad when he got to the other side and would have benefited him there. I'd never thought of it that way before but, thinking about it afterwards, it made some sense: he passed away in April, we went to the psychic evening with Ian Lawman in May and received messages from Dad via him - that is awfully quick for someone who had such a painful passing (as we understand it, those souls who had trauma at death spend time in Spirit "hospital" for some time, to help them to adapt and deal with what happened). It was good to know that no prayer is ever wasted. Then I told her that when Dad passed I'd felt relief: because it was cancer and he'd suffered.... but it was tinged with relief for myself too, as it had got to the stage where I wasn't sure just how much more I could take - so some of the guilt was because it shouldn't have been about me at all. OK, we'd deal with it - time to lay down.

Once I was laid on the bed Aureen began straightaway with the opening movements at my head and feet, before starting the music, then stood to my left and asked me relevant questions on if I had to describe the guilt and grief: what shape would it be? I started to analyse but once again something else seemed to click in and I said a diamond (like on a deck of cards but not a flat one - 3-D); what colour would it be? Green, and I said that was odd because I expected it would have been black, like the other; what weight would it be? Heavy; if it had a smell, what would it smell like? Rank; where in my body was I carrying it? I almost said heart, then told Aureen that that was the first word but that I also wanted to say stomach - she said it was obviously both so I told her that would make sense because from the time of Dad's diagnosis and throughout his treatment my stomach had been in knots, I'd grown to dread the phone ringing as it usually meant Dad was bad and we had to make an emergency dash over to Doncaster to help, and I'd suffered three really bad sessions with my stomach (severe diarrhoea, occasionally vomiting and mild fever)..... and it bothers me whenever I get stressed. Plus I told her that the Aura/Chakra pic had revealed that my Solar Plexus Chakra had been closed, instead of spinning - and my stomach had been playing up then too. She said that it made sense for that being where I was holding part of it, told me to relax and close my eyes but try and visualise the diamond as I'd described it and see the Angels come into the room to take it out and away.

So the session began in earnest then and I soon felt Aureen place the crystals on my body: one on my throat; another towards my feet and I'm sure there was at least one more but I couldn't tell you which bit that was placed on (probably solar plexus/stomach area). I did try the visualisation but, as usual, I couldn't really see much of anything - though the colours were swirling quite vividly behind my eyes through much of the treatment. Further into the session I got an impression of that diamond shaped thing and also felt an odd sensation in my heart/stomach area twice, one after the other, almost like a tug..... but gentle. To be honest, although it was proving to be a much gentler experience than the time before, the thought was in the back of my mind that it seemed quite a boring session really.

Hah! It was just a case of the powers that be saving the best until last. Very close to the end of the session I felt a sudden "shock", though I don't like the negative connotations of that word as it wasn't a negative experience at all - but what happened came so suddenly that it certainly startled me and almost made me jump out of my skin: my whole body felt a rush of energy through it then I actually saw the most wonderful rainbow of colours in my minds eye that had me awed........ definitely an Oh Wow moment! I wanted to stay gazing at it but it disappeared just as suddenly as it appeared, though it left me wanting to giggle out loud. When Aureen moved to my feet there were more swirls of colours behind my eyelids and a feeling of white light, especially to my right side which I assumed was from the lamp in the room, and when Aureen moved away to work elsewhere there were still a pair of hands on my feet. When she removed the crystals and closed the session a little later my feet were actually tingling.

As always she asked how I felt. So I told her about my feet, which she said was a good sign. She had removed the diamond thing and my words were: it wasn't a healthy green. No, she likened it to a swampy, gooey kind of green - yes, or that rotten flesh kind of green, which was how it felt to me - either way it had obviously been festering away in there and the gentle tug sensations I'd felt were when it was being removed. Aureen said she'd held her pendulum above the area (which I'd been totally unaware of) and it had swung like crazy in a circle above it but had been much calmer later. She also said my Chakras were also fully cleansed: she'd removed a block on my Third Eye and cleared the Solar Plexus, so I should hopefully find things going a bit better at the Circle now (fingers crossed!). She said she'd also brought in a lot of White Light and that made me smile: I told her about thinking that there was a bright lamp to my right but when I looked the only actual light was an orange glowing heater that was in the far bottom right of the room, pointed towards my feet....... there wasn't any other physical source of light in the room. Then I told her about the rainbow: I likened it to looking into a good quality opal, though without the milkiness and much more vivid, more a kind of fractured rainbow. (I tried to describe it to my friend Alex and she said like a kaleidoscope, which is much more like the look of it - though the colours of that aren't quite right). I do wonder if it was something to do with the crystals.... it was certainly to do with my Chakras, as it contained all the Chakra colours within it. It had certainly left me feeling good and energetic....... a great improvement on the last time. I had some sips of water and was given instructions to take it easy for the rest of the day and to drink lots of water, to help flush any toxins out. I thanked Aureen and she walked me back through to Reception where her next client soon arrived, so I said my goodbyes.

Jan was Receptionist again, so I got the tablets and tea I needed added to my bill and paid. She was on her own so we got talking about a couple of things, including something she'd told me on a previous visit to do with her strained relationship with her DSis: it was odd how the chat led on to that but it just seemed like it was meant, somehow. Some of what I said to Jan really hit home later: that in every situation, even the most negative ones, there is usually something positive to come out of it - it's just a case of realising it, then recognising what that positive is and being grateful for it - and that without experiencing those negatives we probably wouldn't be who we are today. I've since been looking at various happenings through my life with a different perspective, even in my dreams, and that's led on to some letting go of all kinds of negative thought patterns and feelings that I'd realised were only serving to harm me..... and that has been another positive step forward. :0)

The conversation concluded we said our goodbyes and I left, absolutely buzzing with energy. I popped into the Hospice Bookshop (yes, again! LOL) and was glad I did as I found this:


This one is not only about the archaeology of Stonehenge but about the era it was in, so it looks at the people of Britain and Ireland from that time, their physical characteristics, tools, weapons, clothing etc etc as well as how they lived. I couldn't resist, so it came home with me. Next I popped into Sew Easie, as it had been a while since I'd last been in, to have a look at the ribbons and trims and managed to find a few that were new, so that meant a few nice additions to add to my finishing stash (unfortunately I forgot to take a pic before putting them away). Then I thought it best to heed Aureen's advice and started heading home, though I did pop in to Tesco Express for a few bits we needed first.

When I got home it was to find that DH was back from the van loading session at the LTC Guild Room. He was amazed that I'd done the shopping and come home on my own, going by how I'd been after the last session. I put the shopping away whilst telling him how different the session had been and what had happened. I did say I wasn't going to push my luck though and that I'd be taking it easy the rest of the day, as advised by Aureen, and that's exactly what I did.

Sunday DH and DS were at the theatre Get In much of the day (unloading the set from the van and setting up it and all the tech stuff - lighting and sound - on the stage and checking it all worked OK) so I had another quiet day that involved completing a Halloween ornie, amongst other things. I also sat up on my bed to meditate whilst DH was home to have his dinner and to watch the Grand Prix, choosing to listen to a guided meditation CD on the MP3 player (it drowned out the sound of the TV. LOL). It was an Angel Healing meditation: I did get quite relaxed during it (a bit too relaxed again, as I kept falling asleep) but can't say I saw or sensed much of anything, then I went on to listen to another meditation CD that was just music. That was also relaxing and I didn't think much of anything was going to happen when Wham! the same sensation I'd had in the Reiki session the day before hit me again, although without the visual this time. I guess something in one of the tracks somehow affected my Chakras and triggered it........ I'll give it a few days before listening to it again to see if the same thing happens - if it does I'll have to ask Aureen about it to see if she has any ideas as to what is going on. In the meantime I'll be sticking to the aura sensing and stretching exercise, with the occasional Chakra meditation thrown in in the hopes that some kind of visualisation will start to happen....... so that should keep me out of mischief. :0)

BTW Julie: yes, I would go to the Spiritualist Church again and DH said he would be happy to as well. He enjoyed the service and the style of readings that were given - and admitted that he was pleased it had happened like that, as he'd been a bit nervous about it.
As for being drawn to particular colours: it could be to do with Chakras or with your Aura. I love sea blues and greens, as well as autumnal colours, and my Aura pic shows mine as a mix of blue and green. :0)

REIKI - SEPTEMBER

It's taken me a few days to get my head around what happened at my last Reiki treatment and get to a point where I feel OK and want to write about it........ so here goes.

It started out much as any other time: I got ready and tootled off down the street, this time clutching a bag with three parcels in it that I planned on taking to the Post Office afterwards. When I walked into the Clinic the first difference was that the furniture in Reception had been rearranged. It seemed a bit odd initially but it actually makes the room look bigger..... and it also means that anyone sat at the desk now doesn't have the window to their back and a draft blowing on them, plus they aren't on view when handling payments (always a good thing). Jan was the Receptionist again and asked how I was doing, as she knew it was my Mum's birthday. Actually I didn't feel too bad at that point and said so. I'd spotted on the Clinic's website that their workshops included An Introduction to Crystals and when I'd popped down to the Clinic for some more Candigest capsules earlier in the week had mentioned to Anne that I was interested, should one be running anytime soon. The message had been passed to Jan: she wasn't going to be running it this year but she reckoned that with my interest in crystals it was probably too basic for me anyway. She did mention that there was a Crystal Healing place in Goole that I hadn't heard about - I'd only been aware of a place in Sheffield that ran Melody Workshops and courses and the BSSK in Lincolnshire. Wherever they are I need to be able to travel and that's not currently possible - though I hope Jan will be able to give me a bit more information about the place in Goole next time I see her, so I can compare what's available. Another incentive to get me back driving again. :0)

By this time Aureen was ready to take me through for my treatment, so I followed her through. She asked me about the dream I'd had and I told her...... and promptly started to cry. Boy, I was doing fine until then LOL. As I explained to Aureen: the dream visit from Mum finally gave us the chance to say those things that we weren't able to at the time of her passing because Mum was unconscious much of the time and I wasn't there at the end. I told her that I'd carried an awful lot of guilt around over that ever since. Aureen said that if I was meant to have been there I would have been. As I said: on one level I know and accept that, and also acknowledge that I feel that if I had been there I would probably have held her back, even when she was ready to go, but on another level I still feel guilty for it. So Aureen said we were going to work on that and she would give me some very deep healing in this session.

All jewellery (except my crystal bracelets) plus specs removed I laid on the treatment bed and was covered with the fleecy blanket and Aureen went to wash her hands, then started the music and began.

The session really did start out just like any other, with my having to close my eyes and Aureen doing the usual movements, with the touches to feet and head and opening my chakras etc. The colours swirled behind my eyes, this time with various purple shades leading towards the red/pink spectrum and more blues than I've had before, plus small swirls of green and orange thrown in. I did notice that, although Aureen's fingers felt cold, her palms were giving off a lot of heat...... and she seemed to spend a little more time working around my head and crown chakra area. Then Aureen moved to my left and began to work on my throat and heart chakras and I was starting to really drift when I realised she'd moved over to the CD player and turned down the music - OK, that's never happened before so it penetrated the driftiness. She then came back to me, lightly touched me on my shoulder and said my name, which had me opening my eyes.

What happened next was the point where this session became so different from the others. She asked me if I had to describe where in my body the guilt was lodged where would it be? I started to think and analyse this but something stopped me and I seemed to trip into a kind of auto-pilot mode: I clenched my fist and placed it right in the area of my chest between my breasts and towards the base of my breastbone. (Thinking about it now: whenever I get really upset that's where it all seems to centre).

Next: what colour would I say it was? Black instantly popped into my mind. Now you'll know from the Development Circle post that I don't see black in a negative way, far from it, so I remember part of my brain half registering surprise when I gave Aureen that answer.

Next: if I had to describe its shape, what shape would it be? Instantly: a ball. As I said this I could actually visualise it.

Aureen then said OK, told me is was alright and relax as she went over to turn up the music again, then came back to restart the treatment. The odd thing was I just closed my eyes and accepted what had just happened as if it was a regular occurrence and, as the colours began to swirl behind my eyes again, thought it would carry on as usual.

That didn't happen! LOL Just a few minutes after Aureen restarted the treatment I felt a gentle wave of energy wash up from my feet, up my body...... until it reached the area I'd indicated as where the guilt was sat and that's where it seemed to stop, as if blocked. Next I got a sudden wash of sadness and gasped, trying to hold it back, but Aureen very gently told me not to stop it, that I had to let it out and handed me a tissue (no idea where that came from - had no awareness of her fetching one). All the while my eyes stayed closed, the tears falling and me mopping away........ and my nose getting blocked, so I had to breathe through my mouth. Normally I'd sit up to blow my nose but something kept me laid down on that treatment bed.

As the tears eased off I got the oddest sensation in the "guilt area": it felt empty, as if something had been taken out. Then soon after the same area began to feel warm...... and then it didn't feel empty anymore and the sadness had gone and I felt happier and couldn't help giving a small smile. I actually felt lighter. Then the rest of the treatment went on with the usual movements and hand placements and then the closing and grounding. The music stopped and Aureen gently touched me on the shoulder, saying my name and asking how I was. As soon as I opened my eyes I looked at her and said: you took it out, didn't you?

She seemed a little apologetic and explained that she had, though normally she would enter a session knowing she would be doing something called psychic surgery and would warn the person beforehand. She hadn't known it would happen as it wasn't planned but, as she was treating me, "someone" had come into the room (she didn't say who) and told her she had to remove it and do it immediately....... hence the pause in the session to ask me the questions, to help her carry out the procedure. She described what happened: she found the black ball and had gone to remove it but it was extremely heavy for its size, likening it to a cannon ball, and she had tried to lift it and struggled. Two angels then came into the room but as she finally managed to lift it out of me it dissolved into a thick, gooey, sticky mass and some dropped back in - as fast as Aureen scooped this goo out the angels took it away and gave it back to the Universe, to be dispersed and transformed. She felt she had got it all but only I would know that for certain. Once the area was "empty" a large clear crystal was placed in the space - she asked if I'd ever seen a clear crystal that had sunbeams reflecting off it, giving out little rainbows and sparks of light, which I have - and said that was what it was like. As it settled into the space it flashed and sparkled these little golden sparks and rainbows in every direction, sending them all through my body - this would remove any lasting remnants and keep it cleansed. Again I could actually visualise it.

Only then did I tell her what I had actually felt during the treatment and I'm still amazed by how the sensations I had felt matched with all that Aureen had done and described. It can't be put down to suggestion, as I know what I felt at the time and Aureen didn't, as I didn't tell her until after she told me what she had done. I told her I couldn't actually describe to her how I felt at that time as I was too brain-blown........ but I could say that I did feel lighter (thinking about that now I don't actually mean physically lighter, it's more to do with a lightness in my soul) and that whatever she had done it had definitely worked. Aureen then said that I would probably feel a bit off for a day or so and would definitely need to rest that day (compared it to having a tooth pulled) and would also be a bit emotional...... but should start to pick up by about Tuesday, when I'd begin to feel much brighter and happier. Meantime, I was to sit in the garden, or even go and lay down should I feel the need. Her parting shot was that if she hadn't got it all we would do it again next time and make sure....... flippin' heck, I'm not sure I could go through that again in a hurry! LOL

After thanking her I used the facilities (my bladder sometimes seems like it's the size of a gnat's!) then went to reception to pay my dues and make my next appointment. Jan said I'd missed all the excitement: the Tour of Britain cyclists had gone whizzing past, along the High Street, while I'd been in with Aureen - apparently the local motorcycle bobbies seemed to be having great fun whizzing along with them. I kind of vaguely remembered hearing a bit of a kerfuffle and some sirens at one point but it had only just registered. Aureen's next client was there and two relatives of hers had been out on their bikes following on. I'm afraid my comment was there was far too much testosterone around at that kind of thing for me. ;0)

As I paid my dues, getting another herbal tea while I was at it, and made my next Reiki appointment Aureen came through to collect her client and we said goodbye until Tuesday. Jan, who had realised I was fumbling around like some decrepit old biddy, then gave me a beady look and asked how I was - I couldn't say but I gave her the gist of what had happened. Jan's comment: she's extremely good, isn't she? Definitely....... though I think I'll appreciate just how good further down the line, when I can look back on everything and consider it when it isn't so "immediate", iykwim. I did know that I wouldn't make it over to Rosehill that day, not the way I was, so would be getting some flowers to put on the mantelpiece next to Mum and Dad's picture. I then said goodbye, with Jan laying her hand lightly on my shoulder as I left - must have looked about as rough as I felt, then.

When I got out onto the street the noise hit me and I knew I couldn't get to the Post Office on my own, so rang DH. I went to wait for him in the Hospice Bookshop - much quieter and somewhere I felt safe enough to try and gather my scattered wits. Thankfully DH wasn't too long in getting there - long enough for me to spot a book about Fred Dibnah which DH liked, so I treated him. The parcels sorted we headed to the Butcher's for some sandwich meats, then over the road and back up the street to the Cleaner's (dropping off DS's suit), then to the greengrocer's where I spotted the loveliest chrysanthemum's, in a lovely autumnal shade - not quite a brown, not quite a yellow........ and all the while thinking that I really should have listened to Aureen and gone straight home, as my legs kept going wobbly and I got more and more tired.

I picked up a bit once I'd sat and had a drink, then something to eat, but a little later in the afternoon it was time to admit defeat and go to bed for an hour. That did help some and I enjoyed our take-out curry. DH and DS went out that night, to do a spot of crewing and help with a Get-Out at the theatre, then going on to the Final Night BBQ afterwards...... I pottered doing bits of this and that but couldn't settle to much of anything and went to bed around 11pm. I didn't get to sleep until gone midnight though - the Pete's were having a BBQ with friends and it got a bit noisy as the bottles of vino emptied. Can't complain though, as we had been invited - the timing was naff, is all.

Sunday we stayed home, partly so DH could watch the Grand Prix but mostly because I was still feeling bone weary. There had been a development though, as I could finally describe how I felt: shell-shocked. LOL

Oddly enough, not long into my starting this post, Aureen rang me to check on how I was feeling. She didn't think it fair to ask me tonight, at the Circle, in front of the others and she felt there probably wouldn't be the opportunity to get me on my own to do so. Her prediction wasn't far off: needed to lay down Saturday, needed to take it easy Sunday, more energy Monday (whizzed round all my jobs and did a couple of extras all in a morning!), certainly emotional, and definitely starting to feel brighter today. She mentioned the word lighter and that is exactly the word to use. That was so kind and considerate. :0)

So it's a change in routine today, to try and stop some of the last minute rush and stress we had last week: DH is having a cooked dinner at work and I've made myself something at home (I'll aim for the Malt Shovel trip another time) so we can have a lighter, quicker meal tonight and hopefully get out to Hibaldstow for the Circle meeting on time. So now I'm off to get a few other things organised. :0)

REIKI - AUGUST

I had my Reiki session with Aureen back on the 7th August and I felt the need of it, as I seemed to have developed a bad case of post-holiday blues........ and I wasn't too sure if the new medicine mix is suiting me all that well either.

As is usual Aureen took me through to the treatment room and asked me how things were going: I told her about the holiday blues - they have confirmed my long held belief that I should be living in the Lake District, as I am so much happier and contented when I'm there. The peace suits me and something about the place nourishes my soul. I also told her what I'd been doing that week: I'd finally sorted through the two cases containing my Mum's clothes, putting some in the charity bag, some that weren't too big I've put to one side as I'll wear them and some went back in the case, along with some of my too-big clothes, to go back to my DSis's, for her to try on - she'll keep what fits/suits and take the rest to the Bluebell Wood Hospice collection van at the Outlet. This was a big step forward...... those cases have been sat there since I brought them back to my house after my Mum passed away. I'd only been into them once before, the summer after she passed, when I got a couple of dresses and tops out to wear - I was seriously short of summery clothes and I guess I needed the comfort too.

Aureen was pleased I'd done this and, even though it had been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ride at the time, I'm pleased I have too. It wasn't exactly looming over me but it was certainly one of those things that needed to be done but I just kept putting off. The time felt right, it's done....... another step forward in my healing has been achieved. :0)

I laid on the treatment bed, was covered in the fleecy blanket and the session began, after Aureen had washed her hands and come back into the room. Again I just had to close my eyes.

So what happened in this session? At the start of the session, when Aureen went to my feet and was grounding me, in preparation for opening my chakras, I suddenly felt someone walk past on my left side, going from my feet towards my head - one of those definite, almost feel a draught kind of movements. Initially I assumed it was Aureen so didn't open my eyes to check...... only to quickly realise that no, her hands were still firmly on my ankles. OK - maybe I should have opened my eyes.... maybe I'd have seen an Angel. :0)

There was heat from Aureen's hands and the buzz in my ears when she worked on my head; an image of trees when she worked on my base chakra; a couple of dizzy spells (how on Earth you can feel dizzy when layed down I don't know!); a feeling I'd drifted off, possibly even dropped off to sleep, a couple of times during the session but occasionally I caught myself wondering if it was working this time - silly because it obviously was, as I was so relaxed....... it certainly didn't feel like I'd been there a whole hour when the session was over.

It's a bit hard to describe quite how I felt by the end of that session. There weren't as many fleeting images coming to my minds eye as in some, nor was it intense and I didn't seem to get many impressions of anything in the room, other than that initial feeling of someone walking past me..... the only word I could think of to describe it to Aureen was Deep. It made her smile: this time she'd gone for a deep healing, which was why I'd felt dizzy, to help with any residual issues left from my Mum's death. That sort out of her clothes had indicated the time was right for this.

I told her about the feeling of someone walking past and again she smiled and said she wasn't surprised: Archangel's Michael and Rafael were there, helping her. Rafael is the Archangel of Healers and Healing. Michael offers strength and protection and aids with Psychic Awareness..... he was there cutting the strings of negativity as Aureen pulled them from me. Funnily enough I'd had my Oracle Cards out the night before and out came Archangel Michael..... the card was totally relevant (only realised how much so after the session) and I'd called on him for help: if I did have any skills, to please help me develop them and show me what I am supposed to be doing with them in this lifetime. I hadn't told Aureen any of this. Next she told me that when she was working on my third eye the Archangels aided and they placed a tear dropped shape piece of lapis lazuli (scroll down the page), point downwards, onto my third eye - I wasn't to be surprised if I occasionally got the sensation that there's something on my brow, as it was left there. Another jaw dropping moment and some might put it down to the power of suggestion but since, at odd moments, it does feel like there's something on my brow.

She then said that as she was working on me she had a vision of my Mum: she was stood on the top of a green hill with two people stood, one on either side of her (she didn't know who they were). Mum was dressed in a pure white robe and was emanating a beautiful golden glow. She told Aureen that she was well and happy and this was how she was now and that it was now time for me to move on. That got me a touch weepy, so out came the tissues. LOL Unfortunately that also seemed to affect my concentration, so I didn't fully absorb some of what was said next but I do remember that Aureen said that two little cherubs came into the room, which was the first time she'd ever seen them, and they did something to my heart, to help cleanse it, and then filled it with a beautiful pink light. I think another couple of crystals were mentioned but I can't, for the life of me, remember what they were or what significance they had.

As for the trees: I am very firmly grounded in and have a strong connection to Mother Earth, so Aureen wasn't surprised. This comes out again and again whenever she works on my base chakra. Guess I wouldn't be much of a Pagan if I wasn't, now would I? LOL :0)

Aureen did warn me that it was quite possible that I would start to dream of Mum a bit more and probably start thinking back to the events surrounding her death etc and get weepy. I was to go ahead and cry: this wouldn't be the depression but a "good" weepiness, the type that releases, cleanses and allows me to let go. I'd actually had a couple of dreams of her and Dad whilst on holiday, along with some Pagan style dreams, and a couple of times since coming home - all of which had been good and left me feeling positive and happy. I guess my subconcious had already been giving me the messages...... I just hadn't allowed my concious mind to fully process and acknowledge them. I am such a slow learner! Aureen then said that next time she would repeat the same deep healing process for those issues concerning my Dad....... so it looks set to be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ride for a little while longer.

Aureen then gave me some really good news, though I'm afraid I was so emotionally blown by this time that it only just registered: she'd "bumped into" several people lately who have previously either attended a former Circle or had expressed an interest in joining one and all have expressed interest in attending one again. The friend who's house she holds the meetings in is currently home (which is why it can't go ahead now) but Aureen was going to see her, to double check that it would be OK for her to continue using it when she goes back to Spain again....... she couldn't see any problems with that. So, the Universe willing, it should all go ahead in September. Yay! It will be good to have that focus and no longer feel like I'm in a limbo state, as is current.

I thanked her and went to pay my dues and, as I'd felt a little dizzy again, sat for a while in reception chatting to Natalie, who was receptionist for the day. Once I felt OK I said my goodbyes and left for a wander down the High Street. My first port of call was, as usual, the Hospice Bookshop followed by a nosey in the newsagent's. I didn't leave empty handed from either as I felt the need for a treat:

I've read the middle book from this range so it'll be good to read the previous story and the follow on from it. And who could resist a stitching magazine that has a cute panda design and free threads attached? Certainly not me! LOL After this I headed off back up the High Street to Tesco Express for a few items then headed home.

Moodwise it has been a bit of a rollercoaster but I'm working through it and know I'll come out of it a much stronger person. Everything happens for a reason and everything follows a cycle. Life, death and rebirth being the greatest cycle of all. :0)