Moonglow's Meanderings

The Latest News

2011-12-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

So what have I been up to since my last post, all those many moons ago?

Well.... Aureen's Circle dwindled away to nothing, unfortunately. Her health continues to give her problems and the Universe is ensuring that she does take the year-long break she is meant to have. I miss her and the girls but I know that these things happen for a reason... and when the Universe decides it's definitely time for you to move on, then you have no choice but to listen and move. LOL

I've continued to attend the local Spiritualist Church's Wednesday night Open Circle. Most of the time I received very little from Spirit... and my Guide, when asked one evening if I was supposed to open for messages told me, in no uncertain terms: that's not what you're here for. OK, that told me... so I had to learn to be patient, lend my energies to the group (be an "energy battery", as B referred to myself and a couple of other ladies there) and watch how the other members worked. I admit that, at times, I began to wonder if I was on the right track here... but then I plucked up courage one night to speak to B after the Circle had ended, to tell her about my last Circle folding and to ask if there were any Development Groups being held that I could attend, as I felt I needed more training and wanted to learn. The upshot was that, although there isn't currently one being held at the Church, she did recommend one being held by a previous member... her details were on the Church's website. She also mentioned that there was the possibility of some workshops being held at a future date, so keep an eye on the noticeboard in the foyer and for the monthly newsletter, which was available from a table at the back of the Church. Needless to say, I kept my eyes duly peeled. LOL

So I realised that, if things were to move forward, I needed to make a few decisions about what I wanted to do and how to proceed. The Universe would give me occasional signposts to point the way and open certain doors at the right time.... but it was up to me to take those first steps and walk through those doors. So I checked out the website and found the details of Pauline Dring, an SNU member and local medium, who runs regular workshops for those wishing to develop their contact with Spirit, and gave her a ring. What a nice, down-to-earth lady she sounded (and has since proved to be) and I got the details for some of her upcoming workshops, some of which clashed with our summer holiday at the beginning of July. I was also due a holiday with my DH, DSis, Aunt, Uncle and cousin in the Lincolnshire Wolds in August and everything was also complicated by a kitchen refurbishment that had my mind firmly fixed on the material plane..... having noisy workmen in the house is not a conducive atmosphere for meditations, especially when they like topping up with regular cups of tea or coffee. LOL

When we returned from our summer holiday I wasn't well. Not only had I had an allergic reaction and stomach upset two weeks before going that had only eased up when I stopped using certain face creams and a hairspray, but I'd also got a severe upset on the last Thursday of our holiday. Thankfully it eased up enough to allow us to travel home on the Saturday... but it was an uncomfortable trip for me. From this we went straight into a mad week of having the Gas Fitter arrive to put a new central heating boiler in, a GP appointment for a check up, a fasting blood test to fit in (all results OK, thankfully), the plasterer skimming the kitchen ceiling on two consecutive evenings, an acupuncture session, an Open Circle evening and a painter round to price up for painting the new ceiling..... it kind of put development to the back of my mind again for a while, though I did have the firm conviction that it was definitely time to be more pro-active.

So, on Saturday 6th August I rang Pauline again, to find out when the next workshops were being held.... there was one on that day at 1pm! So, before I could think about it and get worked up, I got her address and told her I'd see her later... then had a mad dash round to grab a bite to eat and get ready. My DS dropped me off, as I didn't fancy driving there the first time, with not knowing the area or what parking was like there... good decision, as there were roadworks and parking was virtually impossible. There was just myself, Pauline and two other ladies: L and G. It was a sunny day, so we started out being sat out on the patio... a lovely, relaxing way for me to be introduced to new people and a new situation. We went in to a conservatory area to do the workshop. We started with psychometry, each of us placing an object on the floor between us and then choosing an object we were drawn to... the others chose first, so I was left with G's watch. I was able to pick up her birth month and date, then was guided by P to bring in Spirit to give messages to G: I connected with her grandfather and was able to tell that he passed in hospital from a heart condition that involved an irregular heartbeat (I felt it, as my heart went funny!), could give a brief description of him, and that his passing was slow then quick.... a long onset of problems/deterioration but his actual passing was fast, and a few other things I forget now. P had my ring and was able to bring through messages from both my Mum and Dad - and that they were going to help me with my Development work, which was lovely to hear - I then knew why I had been sensing them both around me recently. :0) We had a break for a drink, then a nice meditation, followed by doing readings using an angel card as a focus: we chose a card for our partner - I was still partnered with G - and I picked up from the message it held that she had a long term upset going on in her family but that she had the power to heal it, along with other relevant details. This involved a situation with her DS and DIL... personal, so I won't go into details. We finished with another drink and a chat afterwards. Such a relaxed session and I was left stunned by how much I'd managed to bring through... it also made me realise just how depleted the energies had been getting towards the end of my old Circle. I came away buzzing, to say the least. :0)

On the following Monday (8th) P held a two hour Circle session and I drove myself to this, parking quite a ways up the road as the roadworks were still there. I had a surprise when I got in... the room was full of women and one male and it was a little overwhelming initially, though I felt better when I saw G and L were there. Thank goodness I'd had the gentle introduction on the Saturday! I got myself seated and quick introductions were made once everyone was there... though very few of the names stuck, I'm afraid (I need to hear names several times over before I remember who is who! LOL). I then got a surprise... as I was "new blood" P got me to choose an angel card and hold it for a while, to imbue it with my energies, then this was passed around the Circle for each member to see what they could pick up. The chap partially described my Dad, quite a few picked up on my indigestion and the more chronic problems that my Dad had with reflux, one lady was spot on when she said she felt I was a born worrier, which contributed to my indigestion problems; another picked up on medals (Dad's) and a few other things were mentioned. Then it came to an older lady, Sh (who turned out to be 74, but she didn't look it at all) who promptly gave that Dad had passed from oesophageal cancer, gave me several names of family members who had also passed, and said that Dad was with someone who had been out in Burma, as they were showing her the Burma Star, which this chap had got, and said that Dad was pleased as it was like old soldiers together... plus a few other very relevant details. I was blown away, though couldn't place the Burma Star chap..... until my Uncle told us it was their Uncle! So once again I learnt something new about my family via messages from Spirit. :0) We then went on to do something called Transfiguration. A chair was set up in the slightly darker room through an archway in which one of the Circle members (a volunteer) sat and the rest of us gathered chairs around so we could all watch. The volunteer sat and relaxed whilst P sat beside her to help her relax. She started to talk a little and her face seemed to droop on one side a little, as though the Spirit lady she'd brought through had had a stroke... from gentle questioning and input from what various people picked up, it was ascertained that the Spirit lady had recently crossed over and was confused and lost and scared, so P and the volunteer helped her to go to the Light. I felt a bit so-so about this, I must admit.... I don't doubt the sincerity of it but I hadn't really seen much that was totally convincing. Then Sh (the lady who'd given me the messages from Dad) got up and took the chair. She channelled messages from a female Spirit Guide - all very uplifting, though I don't remember a word of it. Quite a few folks were saying they could see this, that and the other... apart from her speaking a little posher and seeming a little younger, I didn't really see much. Then there was a switch and she brought through her male Chinese Guide: again there were folks saying they could see shadows on the wall, as if someone was stood to the side of Sh, and some could see beautiful colours.... nope, nothing. Then all of a sudden something changed.... and instead of a 74 year old lady with closed eyes sat there I could see her Chinese Guide: I could see the conical hat he was wearing, his elongated face and Fu Manchu style moustache and a robe and, most disconcerting of all, his eyes were open and he was looking back at us all. I was stunned and just said: Oh, Good Grief. My reaction broke whatever relaxed state I'd gotten into and I couldn't see all of him again... but I could see glowing eyes looking back and P's face, in my peripheral vision, was a golden glow for the rest of the time the Guide was speaking. P asked me afterwards if I'd seen anything and I gabbled out what I had seen. That's the first time I've ever witnessed anything like that and it was totally amazing! Once again I went home buzzing. LOL I have seen this done several times since and though each time is a little different, it is still as amazing to watch.

During this time I also began something called Tarot Journaling, after reading the book I'd found in the Grasmere garden centre shop, whilst we were on our main summer holiday. Each day I shuffle my tarot deck and see which card comes out... I then write a detailed description of the card, then follow on with whatever springs to mind concerning the card. After that I write down the meaning of the card from the accompanying booklet and compare the two. I also add any further notes that occur to me after reading the booklet, then a breakdown of what happened during that day. It's a useful way of freeing up my subconscious for working with and getting to know my Tarot deck better and it's surprising how much my intuition does actually pick up about each card... maybe not always spot on, but then each reader will pick up something different from their cards and also develop their own meanings for each one as they go along. It's also interesting to see the relevance of each card to each day's happenings. I kept this up during the weeks holiday I had in August (and since) & have now done this with each card. I've started again with the same pack but this time I am writing words that occur to me and developing a kind of flow chart, then using what this has revealed to write what I feel the card is about... I'm about half way through the pack at this time. Again, it's really interesting to see what I naturally pick up through intuition and how it compares to the actual description of the card.

After getting home from holiday the kitchen was completed... we've since found tiles and a light fitting for that & some of the work has been started (long story! LOL). I carried on with Wednesday night Open Circle at Church. I also attended a mediumship evening at a local Care Home: the mediums were a married couple, Ann and Brian Lamyman and it was being held as a fundraiser for the Church. I didn't get any messages given but it was good to see different mediums working and see some of the Church members in a social setting. DH had managed to double-book himself, so I went on my own... another first for me. :0) I've also since attended a demo (with DH this time) of P's and it was good to watch her work too, especially in such difficult surroundings... it was in an upstairs function room in a local pub but there was a 50th birthday disco blaring out downstairs, and a few folks who had had messages started to chat about it whilst P was still giving messages to others. I introduced DH and P to each other and had chance to chat to her a little at half time and afterwards... my main question being: how on earth did she manage to zone out all that noise to actually work! The answer was: practise. LOL

I've attended many more Monday evening and Saturday workshops since this and all have been interesting. We've also done readings using ribbons and other kinds of cards, as well as using Angel cards again, and we also do a little healing, occasionally some Philosophy and always do a meditation. Occasionally there are new people there, so I am getting to meet a much wider group of people - it can be a little intimidating but each time it happens it gets a little easier to deal with. :0)

As Aureen is having a year off I no longer have monthly Reiki sessions, which I miss. I go to the occasional Healing Session at the Spiritualist Church as an alternative, whenever I feel the need. In the meantime, am hoping that someone will come along who I feel as drawn to as Aureen, so I can start having Reiki again. It's in the hands of the Universe now.

I still have weekly acupuncture sessions. J not only helps my physical symptoms: topping up pain control of the arthritis in my hands; neck, back and shoulder problems and knee pain flare ups and control of menopausal symptoms, but mainly concentrates on treating me Spiritually these days. We have some very interesting talks each week and these regularly help me: sometimes she'll say something that gives me a new perspective on something; sometimes it's something that makes me think; sometimes there's a breakthrough on issues that have been bothering me. Recently the memories of being bullied at school resurfaced and I couldn't understand why now.... and J explained that I am now a much stronger person than I was, so am better able to face them, will be able to finally let all that negativity go and heal my inner child. Of course there's some resistance: finding excuses for not meditating and, when I do meditate, not being able to settle into it properly, to allow things to the surface... and, as usual, I'm trying to control something that can't be controlled. So it's going to be quite a bit of work for a while BUT I know it will be so worth it in the end, so am persisting with it.

And that leads to something that J asked me to discover some time ago: apparently we are all, when choosing to incarnate on the earthly plane, given a name that is one word and this one word covers the main lesson we are to learn in our lifetime. I meditated and asked the Universe what my name was and was given something that totally surprised me - as I have a thing about Wisdom (even having an elephant for a Power Animal called Wisdom) I was kind of expecting something to do with that. Imagine how surprised I was when what was given was: Persistence. Immediately I asked "Should that be Perseverance?", remembering one of the print-outs that Aureen gave us about Spiritual work being about Perseverance. The answer was a definite NO... Persistence. So I looked it up in the dictionary and realised just how relevant it was in my life.

I have also discovered that I have two more Native American Guides: one I call Grandfather, and he is here to help me to deal with the changes that are happening, and will happen, in my life.... he brings Bear Medicine with him - rebirth, transformation and strength; the other is Lone Deer, a NA woman, and she brings me peace and calm... I have only seen her a few times but feel she is there for other reasons too, which haven't been revealed yet. Some Guides stay with us always, others come in at particular stages of our lives or for particular purposes, then leave when their work is done... it's fascinating when you become aware of a new Guide and wait while they reveal themselves and the reason they have come... even more fascinating as they begin to work with you and you learn the symbols they use to guide you or when they actually talk to you as you ask questions and develop a working relationship with them.

The workshops at the Spiritualist Church went ahead: D holds them once a month, at £15 for around a 5 hour session - very reasonable priced when I've seen some workshops advertised at a £100... & often much more. I've been to two so far and have just signed up for the next one in January. It's nice to be led by a different person, as you get different viewpoints and techniques, and things are done a little differently to P's workshops... it's all interesting and great to learn. The first workshop: we did some psychometry, but just read the energy of the person, rather than using it as a way of bringing in Spirit; a meditation; did Philosophy and opened for messages at the end. The second workshop: we did ribbon readings (I'll do a separate post about this at some point); a meditation; Philosophy and opened for messages.
The Philosophy: we each took it in turns to take a piece of paper from a bag full and on it was written a single word - from that we had to stand at the front, call on our Guides... then speak on the word for several minutes. My first word was contentment and I kept my eyes shut throughout, as I found standing at the front of the Church in front of everyone quiet daunting (felt a little panicky initially)... but once I called in my Guide the words just seemed to flow out of me. Don't ask me what I said though, as I can't remember a word of it. The second time my word was acceptance... not sure if it was down to the fact that I now knew what to expect, or if it was the word (I am working on accepting myself as I am), but I kept blocking myself this time. It was definitely alot hairier second time around. The rest of the session and activities went well and I loved the meditations we did... I love doing ribbon readings and may well offer these when I start to work. :0)
I have certainly thoroughly enjoyed the workshops, am enjoying getting to know the other attendees better, have gained a lot from them and am looking forward to the next one... and seeing what D has in store for us.

I am continuing with a kind of home study in between the workshops and Circles: lots of reading of all kinds of relevant books on various esoteric themes and absorbing as much as possible. I want to take this a step further in 2012, by undertaking some actual training in Crystal Healing and Ear Candling. Am also hoping that a Mentor will present themselves, who will teach me other Healing techniques..... though, as I've long since realised, that is up to the Universe and will happen when it is meant to.

I've been to several Mind, Body and Spirit events throughout the year too. Some of them have involved a little retail therapy... I've added some more very nice crystals to my collection, some of which I was drawn to for use on myself (to aid with specific issues), some of which called me as they will be useful healing tools for me to work with on others. Mostly I tend to attend some of the talks that are offered at these events and that I've been drawn to.... that's the great thing about asking my Angel and Guides to help and guide me to whatever is needed for my greatest and highest good before going to these events: they always answer and the talks have all proved to be very interesting and amazingly relevant each time. Oh, and one of those events... I attended a second day, going alone and driving myself there and back, so another challenge has been met and overcome. :0)

So that's roughly where things stand at the moment, as we approach the festive season and the drawing to a close of 2011. It's been a very interesting year, with an awful lot going on on all kinds of levels - Spiritually, mentally and Earthly. There have been a few lows... but mostly it's been positive, occasionally challenging and most definitely exciting and interesting. With all the hype about the expected changes that are predicted for 2012 I feel it will be an even more challenging, but exciting and interesting, voyage of discovery to come.

Yuletide Blessings to one and all. :0)

It's Been a While....

2011-05-04T08:06:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's been quite a while since my last post and so much has been happening in the meantime. Here's some of what's been happening:
The Development Circle continued for some time but recently we had a surprise drop out, when Sh decided she no longer wanted to attend. She felt that coming to the Circle was acting as a constant reminder of losing her chap and wasn't allowing her to move on. As G had already dropped out, due to the ongoing situation with her DH, who has terminal cancer and isn't dealing with it at all well, this really brought into question whether the Circle could continue. It has always been a small group, so any loss of numbers really tells. Aureen and I also felt that the Universe was intervening here, as she needed a break, as she had lots going on in her work and personal life, and I was feeling a little unsettled and unsure of my direction... we also felt that S1 may not continue, as she'd also been having doubts about this being her path.
So.... Circle has been on hold in recent weeks, until S1 returned from her extended trip to Australia (NB: I saw Sydney Opera House for her during a Circle session some time ago), when we would then know her decision. I was delighted to receive a text from Aureen last week (18th - 24th April) to ask if I was up for Circle, starting on the 3rd of May. Too right I am!

The break has given me the chance to look at what I would like to do and to receive a few insights. Whilst I didn't understand Sh reasons for dropping out I could/can appreciate that if that is how she feels, then she has to do what is right for her - it would be wrong of me, or anyone else, to try to convince her otherwise. She has to go where her path is leading her and, at the moment, it has diverged from us. I hope she finds the Inner Peace she's searching for. :0)

When I receive messages from loved ones, and feel their presence around me, I feel very comforted by that: just because they no longer have a physical body on this Earth plane does not mean that they sever all links with loved ones still here. Far from it, they remain very interested in all that we do and often "visit" us, and use whatever means we are open to to try and communicate this to us. I no longer fear physical death as much as I used to, as, since I've been on this Spiritual journey, I have had proof time and again that our essential energy (our essence - the soul) survives and goes on to something better. I do still miss my loved ones physical presence but the deep, raw, soul wrenching grief I used to feel that held us all back has eased and gentled greatly as I'm finding I can tune into their energy and sense them when they pay a visit. This, in turn, has allowed my loved ones in Spirit to go on with their journey and work in the Otherworld.
Realising and accepting this has made me recognise that giving messages to grieving people from their loved ones in Spirit is a form of healing in its own right and, thus, certainly has a part to play in the healing work I wish to develop. So I am now settled in my own mind that this is where I should be and what I should be doing. S1 has returned from her trip and is happy to continue. F's study and exams are completed, so she now has her free time back. S2 is ready to carry on. Aureen's life has settled back into more manageable proportions. And now the Circle is to resume. :0)
Hopefully the time is right for more people to feel drawn to joining us - more people will help the group to continue and new energies will help it develop further.

Throughout the lull I was keen to "keep my hand in", as it were, so I've continued with the meditation and practising as often as possible (though having DH and DS around during the recent Bank Holiday weekends has affected that somewhat, as we've been busy doing jobs). During one meditation someone bade me farewell - I assumed it was a Guide and feared it was Two Feathers, my Native American Circle Guide but he's reappeared since.... so it may have been a Guide I hadn't "met" as such, but whose time with me was over. I did see someone else a little later in the same meditation: a young (mid-20's to mid-30s) male who presented as a Hassidic Jew (black ringlets either side of his face and the typical black hat) and I received the name Levi. I haven't seen him in my meditations since, so still haven't discovered if it was him bidding me farewell... though it did feel more like an incoming energy. Am hoping more will be revealed at some point. :0)

During this time I also felt drawn to start attending the Open Circle at my local Spiritualist Church. The first week was very busy (around 20 people) and it was led by a young chap. No one spoke to me and I wasn't feeling too welcome, so I was in two minds about going back again... but something made me give it another go. So pleased I did: successive weeks have been run by an older lady (I think she may run the Church) and the atmosphere has been much more relaxed and friendly. :0)
The Circle is different from Aureen's: there's no meditations, no discussions about related topics, no direct teaching and no hands linking to Open. We all sit in a Circle, have an opening prayer followed by everyone reciting the Lord's Prayer - even though I'm a Pagan I don't mind reciting this, as I recognise it as a very powerful form of protection that no negatives can withstand and it's also good for drawing forth the Angels. Everyone then tunes in, in whatever way they do so, then anyone who receives a message then gives it to the relevant person.
The first week I was really unsure about what I should be doing and, feeling slightly panicky, asked my Guide if I should be trying to receive messages. A calm and gentle voice told me: Watch and Learn. So that's mostly what I've been doing.
I've been lucky enough to be given messages from a gentleman who turned out to be my paternal Great-Uncle the first visit, then a lovely message from my Mum on the third visit - along with messages from both my Grandad's, one of my Nana's and my young cousin. All spot on and totally relevant. :0)
The past couple of times I've been picking up small things - I got a name that I didn't give but it was later confirmed by another lady with the messages she gave. I feel I'm slowly adjusting to the different energies. Last week, towards the end of the session, the lady running the Circle referred to myself and the ladies sitting either side of me as "our powerful energy batteries" which made me smile, then asked me if I had anything to share (her Guides tell her when anyone is receiving anything) but I said all I got was the name Michael, a man not a child, and that there seemed to be a water link with him with him, as in running water like a stream or similar, but I was unsure if it meant he either lived near to or worked on water or if it meant he had drowned.... I lost the link each time someone else gave a message, and then I felt really self-conscious with everyone's attention on me. The lasy asked how long I'd been doing this work and I said over a year, probably about a year and a half, and that I had always found the visual part difficult. Since reading Doreen Virtue's book I've realised I mostly get mental images rather than Third Eye ones - so I don't see it in front of me but deeper in.... and sometimes it's just so fast I can't always make it out. As I described this I could see another lady (in her late 30's) nodding, so I guess she probably gets things the same way. The Leader lady told me to ask them to slow it down and it should help. With that we closed... but it gave me the courage to go up to her afterwards and ask if I could ask a couple of questions. Quite a few of the people there got messages and flowed so well with the information given, including herself, and I asked how it was possible to do that. She said it had taken her around 40 years to reach that point, some take much less, but that it was mostly about Trust (there's that word again!): trusting in what you got, rather than questioning it, and just giving what you got. My main problem is that I often start to over-think things, rather than going with the flow.... but it was real useful, as it's highlighted two of the main ways I block myself: lack of trust and over-thinking.
I also asked what the protocol was about giving messages: if I felt I had something to add, is it acceptable to chip in or should I wait until the person has finished giving their message? This one is down to judging each situation: if someone is in full flow, then allow them to finish and then say you feel you may have had the same link and then give what you got; if they are struggling a little, say that you feel you have the same link and ask if they mind if you add what you've got, as sometimes it can help make that person's link with Spirit a bit stronger. I thanked her and left.
I now feel I have a better understanding of why I need to go to this Circle: along with the other two ladies, I'm an energy battery - there to help raise the energy, so Spirit can communicate more easily with the more experienced members; for myself, at the moment, once someone starts to speak I lose the link... being here will help me to develop my concentration and focus, so I can block out any background noise and keep the link with Spirit - essential if I have to work in a noisy environment (there's constant background noise at M,B&S events etc). Whilst I've got better at blocking out most of the noises at Aureen's Circle and during meditations at home, especially compared to when I first started and everything would affect my focus/concentration level, this will be more of a challenge, though an essential knack to learn. The current plan is to attend both Circles for the forseeable future. Thank you to the Universe and my Guides for this opportunity to develop further. :0)

The acupuncture sessions continue on a weekly basis. The menopausal symptoms are generally well under control, with only the occasional blip - if I'm fighting off a bug I tend to get a few flushes start, which is quite useful for gauging when my immune system needs a boost. LOL The arthritic problems need the occasional boost, as does my back and shoulder - usually self-inflicted from over-doing it in the garden. The weekly treatments keep things nicely "topped up" and the Qi flowing. The main focus, these days, is treating me Spiritually, to aid my development, and I feel this is helping me greatly, as does the weekly chats with Janet. I've told her that I view her as a Mentor: each week sees different topics being discussed and these give various results: sometimes it gives me another piece in the puzzle, as it were, enabling me to achieve a better understanding of a concept I'd been struggling with; or a different view point is given, which makes me look at something from a whole different angle; sometimes our talks will set me off on a whole new tangent; there's also the occasional Eureka! moment thrown in too.
My last treatment was a pretty intensive one: I had some bottled up anger and some other residual negative emotions that needed releasing, as they were holding me back by blocking me, and this involved building up the Qi via manipulation of the needles in the top of my feet (one in each) and some "homework" to do later in the day. Manipulation of the needles really makes the Qi "bite" and can be quite painful, but it does help shift things, so I had to say stop when it got too much for me. I didn't do too badly, though it did make me hold my breath. Despite this the session was a good one, though I could feel things were building up, rather than relaxing. That night DS was out and I asked DH if he could go out too, so he happily disappeared off to the Guild Room for the evening to do a few jobs. Now the homework began: I had to shut all the windows in the house and pre-prepare some music to play loudly; then I had to go out into the garden barefoot and slowly walk widdershins (anti-clockwise) in a circle, feeling the Qi in everything around me as I did so; when I could feel this I had to gradually increase my walking speed, building the energy without and within; when it had built to a peak I had to go inside to the pre-prepared room, start the music and...... scream at the top of my lungs as much as I needed to let all the anger and other negativity out. When she had told me this earlier I wondered what the neighbours would think, should they spot me outside, and if they heard me screaming.... thankfully we live in a detached house, so that helped... though the word that cam to me when I thought about the process was: liberating.
So I walked my widdershins circle and, though not too certain about feeling the energy building without, I definitely felt it building within. When I couldn't stand to hold it in any more I shot in, locking the door behind me, and started off the music - Firestarter by Prodigy.... it semed appropriate somehow. And then I started to scream. Initially it was a repressed, held-in roar in my throat.... but then I really let rip. Tears began to pour and I could feel all this negativity spewing from me each time I screamed... thinking of the neighbours, I screamed the loudest into a pillow. By heck was it liberating! I suddenly found myself full of energy and dancing around the room, flipping the bird in all directions, letting out so many years of repression from trying to conform, to family and to societies view of what is normal and acceptable behaviour. Boy, did it feel sooo good to finally let go! By the end of the track I felt much more peaceful and needing a change in tempo... so out came my bellydancing CD's... and started to dance. Though one track in I spotted the photo of my Mum and Dad on the mantelpiece and began to cry, letting out the last of the grief, finally letting them go. Once this was over I dried my tears and heard: time to live your Joy. I let the music surround me, felt it deep within my core... then let my inner Goddess finally show herself, allowing my body to move to the music, without an ounce of repression or self-consciousness. It felt fabulous and not a twinge or ache anywhere throughout... though by the end of the CD I was shattered and ready to sit quietly, so I went outside and sat on the patio, enjoying the quiet of the evening (well, as quiet as it gets round here LOL). As I sat I asked for a sign, so I would know that what I had done was OK and if it would help with my growth on my Spiritual Path. After a few moments I heard: Look up. When I did I saw, right above my head, that the clouds had formed a circle and in the centre of the circle was another cloud formation that looked like both a stylised rose... or a head and wings. I felt Blessed and at peace and thanked the Universe. Then, not long after, I went back inside as it had turned quite cold and settled down in my chair with a herbal tea and some stitching, which is how DH found me when he returned home. He could tell I was feeling a lot happier and calmer. A little later I went to bed and slept deeply, waking up feeling well and refreshed. I haven't seen Janet since, as she's on holiday, but I shall tell her all that happened at my next appointment.... I can recommend this process for anyone wanting to let go of negativity and release blocks. :0)

One of the results from undergoing this releasing process is the realisation that I really do want to take up bellydancing classes. So I stopped the procrastination, contacted the lady who runs sessions in some of the local villages, got the details...... and I go for my first class on Friday 6th May. :0)

Janet had hoped to start a monthly Meditation Group at her Clinic last month but a change in her diabetes meds meant that that had to be put on hold, as it affected her quite badly initially. Thankfully things have settled down enough for her to carry on with her appointments now (they had to be cancelled initially, which she felt awful about) and she's hoping that further improvements will occur so the Group can begin soon.
It will be a small Group of about 5/6 people, quite informal. There'll be Janet, myself, hopefully Aureen will have the time to attend, then there's another of J's clients (a young woman who has been helped greatly by J's acupuncture treatments who is now going on to train as an acupuncturist) and this young woman's Mum, who is a yoga teacher (and I think she does another alternative therapy too) - this lady will initially lead the Meditations, as she has had practice doing this at her Yoga classes, but any one of us can bring in a guided meditation CD we like, or a book with one in, or whatever. It will be good practice for me and another opportunity to be with like-minded people, so am looking forward to it.

The monthly Reiki treatments from Aureen have continued too, as I love these sessions and get a great deal from them. The past three of four months I've been led to take in some of my crystals and that has been interesting too. The first session I did this I could have sworn Aureen had placed the Apophyllite crystal on my solar plexus: I could actually feel the weight of it and it wobble as I breathed, so I refrained fom breathing too deeply, because I was concerned it would wobble off and even when she closed the session I could still feel the weight of it on me, so I had to touch the area to check..... and there was nothing there. Aureen hadn't put anything there.... but someone had. :0) In the latest sessions Kwan Yin has been aiding her with the healing.... each time I know she is there, as I see a mental image of her at some point during the session. I shall take my own Statue of her to one of the sessions soon.
The last couple of month's sessions were really interesting. In the earlier one Aureen wasn't sure what was needed when starting out, so she asked to be guided: she ended up moving around from one bit to another and back over again, zigzagging all the way down my body and back, and told me, at the end of the session, that she was told she needed to clear and balance the Chakras in both my physical and etheric body. I smiled and said "Oh, you're sooo good" - then told her about the dreams I'd been having, which she agreed were all about balancing my male and female energies. More proof that the Universe brings in whatever is needed when it's needed. :0)
Before the latest one I'd had a couple of problems with DH and DS and I stood up for myself but it had left me feeling a bit off, so Aureen concentrated on drawing in power and strength - Kwan Yin was there but not taking part, as she is a gentle and compassionate soul. Even before the session started Aureen touched my left foot and told me to relax: I instantly felt a pull of vertigo/dizziness in the left side of my head - I could feel the energy being pulled through me, at one point it rippled through my body through my Crown Chakra and down to my feet, during the session - she's been pulling out negative stuff. I told her afterwards that I'd almost said "Flippin' heck, Aureen" in reaction to it. During the session she's seen me riding on Wisdom's back (my elephant Power Animal) and he told me he was there to give me strength and power, as well as wisdom. She'd also seen me as an oak tree: I need to be strongly rooted, like an oak tree. The odd thing is: my wedding ring is engraved with acorns and oak leaves and I do like images of the Tree of Life as an oak and love cross stitch designs with acorns and oak leaves on them. I'd also felt an odd pulling sensation when she'd placed her hands over my Third Eye and knew she'd removed a block from it. I came out feeling totally energised and went home to mow the lawn and weed the garden. LOL
My next session is on 7th May - can't wait to see what happens at that one.

I've also attended a few M,B&S events since my last blog post. Some involved retail therapy and absorbing the vibes, others involved attending some of the free workshops that are on offer and one involved bypassing my ususal feelings about preferring healing sessions to be private and undergoing my first ever Crystal Healing session. That was such a good experience: the lady gridded crystals under the bed, for protection, then gave me two clear quartz to hold - they were powerful, as I immediately felt their energies - and set about using various crystals on my Chakras. She unblocked my Third Eye (I knew it was blocked and it was the main reason I was drawn to the healing), "combed" my aura with a specific crystal blade to remove any negativity attached to it, then used another strong crystal to put energy back into my aura and seal any "holes". I thought I would be really self-conscious during the process but it was such a lovely (and fascinating) experience that I laid there enjoying it, even blotting out most of the background noise in the process. It also confirmed for me what I've always felt: I have an affinity to crystals and definitely want to use them in my healing work, perhaps training as a Crystal Healer, providing I can find somewhere fairly local that offers accredited courses.

My usual Tarot reader, Leonie, no longer attends M,B&S events, so when I wanted my yearly reading at the start of this year I had to cast around, to find someone else that I was happy to sit with. It wasn't until the Elsecar event in March that I opted to have a reading done.... odd, as I'd started out the day planning on attending a couple of workshops. I didn't get to either of the workshops.
It was getting towards the end of the day when I felt I wanted to have a reading done by Joylina... but she was busy each time I went to her. In a bit of a panic, thinking I wouldn't have any kind of reading that day, I saw that Janother nearby reader, JoPaz, was available, so I went for a reading with her. I asked about my Spiritual Path and was a little disappointed when I got a general reading that didn't cover anything to do with that side of things... although it was interesting to have it done, as alot of what she told me confirmed quite a few of the things that Leonie had previously given me, so no real surprises with that. It was a good lesson in why I should always go with my initial instinct and not opt for second choice.

As I came away from her I spotted that Joylina was free and headed over. She invited me to choose one of her free Angel cards and I smiled when I read it, as it was quite apt. I then asked her if she was available for a reading and, thankfully, she was. The first thing she said to me was that she knew I was "one of hers" as I had a very strong energy... I've slowly realised this from a couple of things Janet (acupuncturist) has said about how sometimes, when I'm really upset, I can "spark off" energy that affects those around me... some of what she does in treatments is to help me contain that energy in a way that doesn't affect those around me and doesn't "damage" myself. Joylina then went on to explain that she did three kinds of readings and what they were. I opted for the Soul Reading.... a tad expensive but, as I realised afterwards, was sooo worth it!
After choosing some cards from a deck of Angel cards she then gave me a reading from them. Each card had a different Angel on it and a single word at the bottom - it was pleasing to see among them were cards for Healing and Wisdom. :0)
Now this lady had never done a reading for me before and didn't know me from Eve, so had no idea that I wanted to do Healing work and have a "thing" about achieving Wisdom, so it was extremely satisfying to hear her say that my Life's Path involved healing, not just for individuals, but on a Global scale... it also confirmed things that Aureen had told me within Circle and after Reiki sessions that she'd been given by hers and my Guides. She also felt that my healing work would also involve crystals... but more sound healing with crystal bowls, than actual crystal healing, something that had never crossed my mind before. She also said that, at the moment, I was a bit like a flickering light bulb: when the power was fully on things worked fine, but occasionally the flow was interrupted (those times I feel blocked, usually by myself) and the bulb would dim; there will come a point when I will hear the sound of Angel music and everything will change; suddenly, it would be like a dynamo had been switched on and "whoosh!" that lightbulb would be switched on bright and stay on, whether I wanted it to or not - nothing would interfere with it.... and I would be off. Amazing, exciting stuff!
When this part of the reading was over she then had me choose more cards from a second deck. Amongst these cards were Joy and Happiness, along with Healing and Wisdom again, and a few more. She said that the sadness was over and that I was now in the phase where I was to Live my Joy - but that I realised and appreciated that, without that sadness, I wouldn't have reached this point. No more tears, and as I live my Joy it will bring in much happiness (though they sound the same, they're not). There was a lot more concerning my Path and that changes I'd undergone along the way and those that were to come. I came away feeling really optimistic and happy.... and more sure that the direction I'm going in is the right one for me at this time.

Since then my own Tarot cards were telling me of Change and new energies coming in and this has been the case: the cessation of Circle for such a long break; Sh leaving us; the start of attending Spiritualist Church Circle; the decision to start bellydancing classes; setting in motion plans to refurbish the bathroom and kitchen of our home. It did feel a little like things were in limbo for some while, as all this developed and I gradually got my head around what I needed to do to aid the change in energies. I set about altering my daily routines: instead of staying in and doing jobs every Monday, I would go out, either down the street or out in the car somewhere; extending my comfort zone - have now driven to the main Tesco and shopped on my own, to various garden centres around the area, including having the occasional meal out (again on my own); occasionally having acupuncture on a Tuesday, instead of a Thursday; listening to my intuition a whole lot more.... maybe not huge things to a lot of people but for someone recovering from agoraphobia and panic attacks (daily routine was essential to keep me calm) they have been big steps on the road back to being 100% again, which is where things stand now - on the cusp of the old giving way to the new.

And I realise I was going to say that this was all leading to recovering the old me... but it's not what this whole journey is about - it's all about discovering who the real Me is. :0)

An Online Psychic Test

2010-09-14T15:57:00.000-07:00

ACUPUNCTURE - 6TH MAY

2010-06-27T16:21:00.000-07:00

I was relieved when Thursday came around this week as my left knee had played up badly on Wednesday, even making me wonder if it was developing bursitis, just like my right one. It didn't help that, as I was limping badly it also affected the calf muscle, the back of my thigh and even into the small of my back. OK, I didn't do the Shamballah healing Course for nothing, so did some Self-healing on Wednesday night - it did improve by Thursday morning, though far from 100%.

I hobbled down the street to the Clinic and very steadily climbed the stairs and was glad to sit down when I reached the top. Thankfully it wasn't long before Janet called me into the treatment room. I told her what the problem was and also briefly discussed Tuesday night's Circle and those fleeting images during the clairvoyance session. It's so good to know that, unlike with most GP's, Janet fully understands and is happy to treat Spiritual problems, as well as physical ones - the beauty of alternative therapies! :0)

This week I had to take off my jeans, as well as socks and shoes and specs and lay on the treatment bed on my front. When I was ready Janet came back in and proceeded to check the extent of the problem by pressing various areas from the small of my back and down my left leg and her conclusion was that if I'd left it much longer I'd probably go on to develop sciatica. Nope, definitely do NOT want that, so please treat whatever needs treating says I. This led to her applying needles to: the small of back (two or three, can't remember); several down the left buttock; quite a few more dotted along the channels down the thigh and calf; the usual hormone ones in my ankles; the ones in the tops of each foot; also several in my wrists and back of hands and the single one in my third eye Chakra. Did I feel like a rather full pincushion this time around! LOL It was interesting to note that quite a few of the needles barely registered as they went in.... several gave me a pinprick sensation and a couple more gave me a right belt, whilst the third eye one gave me the slightly whoozy "must close my eyes" sensation. I now realise that the ones that give me a right belt are the ones that are needed the most, as the Qi is strongly reacting to the needle - a moment's discomfort for a great deal of benefit, so it's well worth putting up with. But I never know which ones will have the strongest reaction, so it's a bit like playing Russian Roulette... with needles instead of bullets. LOL

I can't remember if I laid on my front or side for this session. I do know that laying on my front isn't comfortable for the full legth of a treatment though and isn't something I'd want to repeat in a hurry... not without some extra padding round the face hole in the bed..... and some for my poor boobs! Laying on my side is better, providing the upper leg is supported by the bolster cushion, otherwise that gets really uncomfortable after a while. Yes, I'm spoilt - I'm used to a comfort foam and sprung mattress that moulds to my body when I lay on my bed.... and there's a lot less extra padding on my bones these days too. Not that I'm complaining about that! LOL The most relaxing treatments are definitely those when I can lay on my back.
When the treatemnt time was up and Janet came in to take out the needles we talked a little about the Shamballah course and I mentioned the feeling of sadness I felt wash over me when I thanked Wayne and hugged him on that final day, just as I was leaving - sometimes being clairsentient has its drawbacks and picking up on other people's emotions can be disturbing when you're unprepared (yes, I should have ensured protection was in place but I was in lovely surroundings and with people I liked, so didn't think it was necessary). On the final day we'd all pulled a card from his Ascended Masters oracle card pack and Janet's had been the "Go Now" card - that had unsettled her (mine had been White Buffalo Calf Woman - again the NA influence creeps in). I guess it's something she needs to look at more deeply and understand why. Once the needles were all out she left me to get dressed again, with the usual admonition to take some sips of water before venturing out of the room.

As I sat up I realised the ache in my back had gone and as I made my way over to my jeans also realised that the knee was hardly bothering me at all and the calf and thigh just had that slightly bruised feeling you get when you've been walking awkwardly to compensate for a gimp knee. Another fab result. As I told G when I went out to reception: I certainly wouldn't be up to doing the hop, skip and jump any time soon but the difference was great - I hobbled in but I'd be walking out. :0)

After thanking Janet again, making my next appointment and paying my dues I headed down the stairs and along the street to my favourite shop once again. There were some more books in there again just begging to come home with me:

I'm looking forward to reading the Jane Boleyn book. She's one of those characters from history that I have mixed feelings about, so it'll be interesting to get another perspective on her and the happenings she was involved with during Henry VIII's fateful marriages to Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard.
Not sure what else I did after this - no notes!

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 4TH MAY

2010-06-27T15:14:00.000-07:00

This week saw me driving to Circle solo for the first time..... and it wasn't as scarey as I thought it would be. :0)

We were a full house this week, all present and correct - and everyone said how glad they were that I'd taken the plunge and driven myself. I was buzzing.... since completing the Healing Course things have started to change even more: I feel I've found that direction and purpose that has been missing for much of my life; I know I am on the right Path and I feel like things are starting to open up... and it's a great feeling. :0)

I'd also remembered to pick up the Melody book on the way out of the door so, when we were all sat I brought it out and asked Aureen whether or not she already had this book and handed it to her. It made me smile to see her avidly riffling through the pages... I think she'd have happily browsed it all night, if we hadn't had the Circle to do. LOL I explained what had happened for me to end up with two copies and, as she hadn't got this one already, told her it was hers - it was lovely to see the smile on her face. :0)

After Aureen had (reluctantly) put the book away she told us that this week we would be doing a special meditation, to go into our heart chakras and go on to meet a Higher Being, where we could ask a question of this Being. This asking questions is OK but it's a beggar to think of something at times! LOL

Once we'd opened the Circle, protected ourselves and opened our Chakras we went straight in to the meditation. After relaxing and settling to the breathing we then had to breathe up Earth energy through our base and into our heart Chakra, followed by breathing down cosmic energy through our Crown and into out heart Chakra. After allowing the energy to mingle we were to expand our heart Chakra (sometimes done as visualising a green flower bud with golden edges opening to a large flower), seeing ourselves and going into the green with gold tinged heart centre. From here we were to walk down our country lane to the gate of our garden and go in, where we met and walked with our Power Animal, allowing all of our senses to open. We were then to notice a shaded area of the garden off to the right, where there were nine steps.... walk up the nine steps and see a crystal building and walk through the door. Inside was a long corridor which we were to walk along, noticing red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet doors: we were to choose one, knock and enter. Inside was a desk, with a chair to one side at the front and behind it was sat an Enlightened Being, surrounded by gold light. We were to approach and sit in the chair, then ask the Being our question and wait for an answer. Afterwards we were to thank them, get up and go to the door - once there we were to look back and see they were gone. We then exited, closing the door behind us, retrace our steps out of the building and back into our garden, where our Power Animal was waiting. We went into our garden and sat communing with our PA for a while. We then has to say goodbye, go back through our garden to the gate and back along the garden gate, back to ourselves.

It's too far back for me to remember what the others saw but my experience was: I raised my arms and just seemed to float into my heart Chakra - no flapping of arms or jumping, just a very gentle float. I saw the country lane and picket gate as still images. When I entered my garden this time I got the impression of more flowers and trees, including trees with blossom on them and, as always, my silver birch tree.

Wisdom the elephant, my PA, was there but I got a little confused as to gender, thinking Wisdom was a she but saying he, so I need to commune more often and sort this out. I saw the steps in the shaded area and the crystal building at the top was a little like the Taj Mahal frontage, but with turrets instead of minarets, then saw the corridor as a still image. When I saw the doors I thought I was going to go through the blue one.... but the image suddenly changed to a green door and I "walked" through that. Inside I had the image of a bank managers type desk in red wood flash through my minds eye and a matching chair with a green "velvet" seat. Behind the desk was golden light with a sparkly area in the centre and from this I got a quick image of a stern-looking middle-aged Native American wearing a cougar/puma headdress.

My question was: What is the next step on my Path? Fully expecting something along the lines of being pointed in the direction of what course to take next or perhaps a relevant book to read, or something similar I was totally unprepared for what I did hear: you must learn to love yourself. It wasn't an order, just a simple statement, and I felt the implication was that to do this would open up everything. I was left feeling very emotional, though managed to thank him and just sat quietly with my PA afterwards, before finishing the rest of the meditation.

When I related this to everyone I got a little tearful... and Aureen beamed at me and said she saw this as a major breakthrough: I actually saw much more through this meditation; the Native American influence seems to be very strong, with this Shamanistic figure; after all the hard work, through Reiki healing and the Circle, the crux of the matter has been reached with this one statement that has been long needed. I said that, now that the Shamballah Course was over, it felt like the right time to have a make-over and that I would like to book S2 to cut my hair and do my eyebrows for me. S2 was pleased and said she would be happy to. Aureen's smile got even wider and she said this was, after going back to driving, the biggest step forward, as it said, more than anything else, "moving on". The girls said they couldn't wait to see what my new look was going to be. :0)

After everyone had revealed what had happened in their meditations (sorry, not even a vague memory is left - it's over a month since this session) Aureen pointed out a rather odd happening: Sh and S2 were sat together one side of the Circle and both had gone through the violet door; G and s1, sat next to each other on the other side of the Circle, both went through the blue door; Aureen and I, sat opposite, had both gone through the green door. How odd was that!

After this we opened for Clairvoyance. Again I've only got the notes in my special book to go on and I always only write down those things which are relevant to me, so they can be referred back to occasionally when I want to redo the meditations or need to check details (such as names) - plus it's only a small book and writing down everything that happens each week would soon fill it! LOL

S2 came straight to me. She'd seen a rather stroppy lady in a tweed type skirt and jacket who had said "At last!" while busily brushing down the front of her skirt. Her message was: tell her she is loved, has always been and always will be. I felt a bit emotional again, though still wondering who this tweedy lady is as it's not the first time she's come through for me. S2 then said that, as a child, whenever she saw a lady she wanted to tell them that they looked beautiful, as that's how she saw them (am thinking she was able to see the inner light/beauty of each soul) and then said that's how she saw me: I was the most beautiful person she'd ever met and that I radiated it, along with love and caring. This deeply moved me and it was all I could do to thank her without blubbing all over the place.

Aureen saw me wearing a pink dress and a magic wand was being waved above me, sending lots of golden sparkles raining down over me - very much a Fairy Godmother and trasformation. I couldn't help but giggle at this, hold my hands towards S2 and say: Meet my Fairy Godmother..... then asked her if she also did the white mice to horses bit as well, which got everyone laughing.

I got lots of fleeting images for G but they had been too quick for me to make out what they were. I also got a really strong smell of baking but had been so busy trying to work out what the images had been that I didn't follow up on this. Sh asked what type of baking smell and I said it was like cakes and all that kind of warm smell of baking goodies - she thought it may have been relevant to her. Aureen said it may have been better to have followed up on the smell, so it's something I need to remember for future reference. It's not often I get this in clairvoyance sessions so it tends to take me by surprise.

After all the messages were given we went on to close down and then close the Circle. I made an appointment with S2 to come and do my make-over on Thursday 13th. As we were wandering towards the door I remembered to tell the girls about the hit Sh had had with Bernard: it turns out he was my Aunty M's brother and best friend of Uncle W (Dad's favourite DBro) and he was Best Man at their wedding. He'd been hit over the head with a glass bottle and that incident totally changed his personality... and, rather sadly, he'd taken his own life (though Aunty was told that he'd had a fit). He'd crossed over when he was 25 years old.... in the same year that I was born. How spooky is that.... and I'd known nothing about this until my DSis checked with Uncle. So Bernard was right.... I did find out. LOL Sh's accuracy with names is really good and each conformation is giving her more confidence. :0)

With this we all said our goodbyes and headed home. Thankfully it was still reasonably light for my solo journey home.... not too many wrong gears either. LOL It was good to get home though, as it had been a much more emotional evening than usual and I was feeling quite tired after it.

ACUPUNCTURE - 29TH APRIL

2010-06-09T15:15:00.000-07:00

Would you believe, I've actually made a few notes on this session, though not about what was treated, which I can't remember.

I do remember that G was on reception. She said that the Shamballah Healing Course, which she'd also been on, had seemed to really boost her energy levels and she'd finally started to tackle the long needed sort out of her box room. She'd been going through many of her books in there and had found some she thought I might be interested in and asked if I would like them:

I don't have them in my collection, so I said I would love to read them... they're certainly something I'm interested in. LOL She didn't want them back and wouldn't take anything for them, so I thanked her hugely... and am so glad I decided to stitch the picture of her Power Animal for her. :0) I promised her that, when I'd read them, I would bring them into Circle to offer up to the others, to see if they would like to read them too.

During the acupuncture treatment (I was laid on my back, so I know the hormones and knees would have needles in them - no idea what else) the name Jean came to me. I asked if it was Joan, as I have an Aunt of that name in Spirit, but no, it was definitely Jean. My next thought was of Janet's Grandma. I also got an image that was possibly of mountains but I wasn't sure, as it wasn't quite clear enough. When Janet came back in at the end of the treatment I asked if the name Jean meant anything to her.... she was a relative of her Grandma's. She thought maybe her Grandma's sister but wasn't really sure... her Grandma had had a falling out with her and others from her family which meant Janet hadn't had anything to do with them, so didn't know much about them. I think she said they lived somewhere in Scotland, hence the mountains. I was quite pleased at this hit, especially as things at Circle had been a bit hit and miss lately! LOL Janet was pleased to know her Grandma had been around again. :0)

After the acupuncture treatment (whatever it was on LOL) I paid my usual visit to the Hospice Bookshop. Yes, I know - had already scored two books but still couldn't resist going looking for more! What can I say.... I'm a bit of a book addict. Here's what I found this time:

Now tell me it wasn't so worth going in there! ROFL I thought I may already have the Melody book but decided to take it anyway... they rarely come up, they cost an arm and a leg to buy at Mind, Body and Spirit events (I've recently seen someone asking £60.00 for a hardback version!), it was a bargain at £3.00... and I knew someone who would love it, if I did already have it.

I asked the lady in there if I could leave the bag of books behind the counter whilst I went to do a little shopping and pick them up on my way home and she said OK. I think I just headed to Wilko's, not bothering with the market, then headed back. It was a relief to get home and drop those bags, I can tell you! LOL

I checked my book stash when I got upstairs and discovered that I did have the Melody book already. No problem.... I plan on taking it to Circle with me next week, to gift to another crystal fan. :0)

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 27TH APRIL

2010-06-09T14:46:00.000-07:00

This week we were to do a basic 3-card tarot spread for ourselves using our own set of cards.

Aureen talked a little about the cards and how to prepare ourselves and the cards for a reading, so we would know what to do should we also wish to give readings to others.... something she said would be good practice for us, if we were given the opportunity. Preparation involved invoking protection, opening our Chakras and meditating, allowing us to hold the cards in our hands and visualise them being washed in white light, thus ridding the cards of any vibration from ourselves or previous clients. She always starts a reading by telling the client that she isn't a fortune teller and that the cards are there as a tool, to show possible paths, and allowing us to make decisions and choices or presenting another view - nothing is set in stone, as we have free will and some things can be changed by this. She would then give the cards to the clinet to shuffle or, if reading for herself, shuffle them herself. When this has been done she takes the top three cards from the deck for a basic three card spread reading. For a bigger reading you can fan the cards in front of you and ask the client (or choose yourself) as many cards are needed for whichever type of reading you are doing.

We then opened up the Circle, protected ourselves, opened our Chakras and meditated: this involved tuning in to our breathing, then focusing on our third eye and throat Chakras (to awaken all psychic senses to receive information from Spirit, as well as from the cards). We had to visualise a triangle, with the point at third eye level, the sides running through our inner ears and the base going through our throat Chakra, then pulling energy into the triangle. This done we then set about cleansing the cards, shuffled them and pulled the top three cards from the deck.

Unfortunately I can't remember the bits I haven't written down. Each of us had a different Tarot deck, so many of the cards had different pictures on them: I don't have their cards to act as a memory jogger and it's hard to show the meaning when I can't post a photo of the exact cards they pulled. I think I'll stick to just posting my own pics when I do posts about the Circle nights that we do Tarot or other card readings. Much easier on my brain! LOL

My own cards were:

I felt The Lord, though he looked a little severe, was strong in his masculine power. His horns represent the Horned God, Cernunnos, Lord of the Hunt. The eagle is a reminder of Cerridwen, the feminine aspect, when she became an eagle to chase Taliesin and force him into transforming, to use his newly gained powers. I felt that it was telling me I was now strong. Some of the girls have seen the eagle in messages for me, symbolising my new-found freedom.
The Eight of Swords shows a woman tied and blindfolded and hemmed in by swords, unsure of where to step. I felt I had been unsure of what step to take next along my Path but felt I did now, as the Shamballah Healing Course was making me realise I do want to develop the healing side..... though was still unsure of the direction to go after the course.
I felt the Four of Wands was a positive and happy card, as the swathes made me think of betrothals and weddings and the hearth and home image is strong - something which features strongly and is important in my life, and always has been. I was unsure of the overall message of the cards though.

Aureen's reading of the cards: I'm now strong and have the energy to do what I want; I need to be aware and looking around, so I can see all the options available - be mindful; good/happy card to finish on, as it represents a positive future/happenings/events.... I'll be happiest when doing Spiritual work. I should always do some kind of Spiritual work but always be open and aware of all the opportunities that are around me.

I felt this went to show that I was now on the right Path.... and that the Eight of Swords was telling me that I can't be open and aware if I allow myself to be hemmed in the house for most of the week..... or allow myself to be hemmed in by certain outdated mindsets that create limitations for myself. An open mind will allow me to fly as free as that eagle! :0)

When each of us had looked at all of our card readings and given our interpretations, then had Aureen's reading of them, we put our cards away and went on to open up for clairvoyance. Again, I can't remember the bulk of this as I've had too many sleeps and lots of other things have happened since. :0)

What I have noted is that Sh said she got the name Bernard for me and when she asked he wouldn't give her any more information and said: Karan will know, she'll find out. I laughed and said: Oh, great - so now I'm getting homework from the Spiritworld! Right... I'll go ask the Uncles again. LOL The girls were laughing at this.

I'm assuming I didn't get anything for anyone, as there are no notes. After all the messages had been given we went through our usual closing procedures.

After driving home, with DH as passenger, I rang DSis and told her about Bernard - the name didn't ring a bell with her but she was seeing one of the Uncle's on her day off and was phoning the other one the following evening, so she said she'd ask...... then said she hoped that, as she was doing my homework for me, that it would gain her brownie points with the Spiritworld. LOL So now I wait for her to let me know what the results of this is.

ACUPUNCTURE 22ND APRIL

2010-06-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid this session is so long ago I haven't a clue what was treated or what was talked about....... but I did call at the Hospice Bookshop afterwards, as I've got the pics to prove it:

Plus I also called at the Post Office to post a package and came out with a magazine and then on to the market, where I bought a couple of peel-off boxes, ready for getting my peel-offs sorted through and organised:

Fingers crossed I've made better notes for successive treatments...... and that I actually manage to catch up with the overdue posts and keep this darned blog up-to-date in future! :0)

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 20TH APRIL

2010-06-07T07:31:00.000-07:00

This week Aureen gave us the news we were all expecting: A isn't rejoining us, as changes in her OH's and ex's shifts have meant neither can babysit for her; she also felt that she'd already missed so much she was far enough behind for it to be a problem, in that she probably wouldn't be able to catch up and she also didn't want to feel like she was holding us back. Such a shame, as she has a natural gift that will only get better with the practice... but I guess it's a case of it not yet being the right time for her. Hopefully that will change in the future and she'll be able to come back to it. :0)

This week we held the Circle sat around the table. After opening the Circle, grounding ourselves and opening our Chakras S1 brought her scarab out of her bag, so we could do psychometry on it. Unfortunately it all happened so long ago I can't remember much of what happened and only have my notes on what I got to go on.

I didn't see anything, just got a sweet, sort of fudgey smell as I held it. S2 picked up a small, cramped workshop, felt it had been a gift rather than having bought it herself and a few other things.
S1 told us that she had been in a shop in the bazaar area where her OH was buying various bits and pieces (he's a bit of a collector, from the sounds of things) when she'd spotted and immediately fell for the scarab. She was going to buy it for herself but the shop owner, as her OH had bought several pieces, decided to give it to "the pretty lady". The shop had been in an area where all kinds of herbs, spices and resins had also been for sale (my sweet, fudgey smell). Not alot for me but it was a hot.... S2, as always, picked up the most and was very accurate. :0)

We were going to them open up for clairvoyance but S2 had thought we were all to bring something to do psychometry on and had brought a flower with her. She asked Aureen if we could do some psychometry on it for her, so there was a slight change of plan to accommodate this.

They were very pretty polyanthus in a reddish orange colour. I think S1 felt they were given as a gift and had a view of S2 as a little girl, very happy and a few other things (can't remember). Can't even remember if G was there - think she was, but if she was I can't remember what she saw. I just got the words: They're for you, Mummy. I took this to mean that her DD had picked them and given them to her..... but it wasn't until later that I realised her DD isn't a little girl but a 17 year old!
Sh saw an elderly gentleman in a garden, S2 as a little girl and several other things I can't remember.
Can't remember what Aureen saw but remember she said that they were tinged with both happiness and sadness.
S2 said that we were all right, in a way, and enlightened us: the elderly gentleman was her Dad. The flowers had been bought and planted in her garden, by her Dad as a thank you for looking after him after her Mum had passed away - tragically, her Dad passed away suddenly, joining her soon after this. The flowers are planted where S2 can see them whenever she looks out of her kitchen window - and every time she sees them she remembers her parent's but they also make her smile, as they are such happy-looking little flowers.

We then opened for clairvoyance. I didn't get anything for anyone during this.
I can't remember what everyone got for everyone else as I only have the notes I made of what was given to me, as a reminder so that I can check relevant details and report back on hits.

S1 saw me walking on a flinty type area up a mountain but couldn't quite get the name, saying that it sounded something like Scarfeld or Scaffold. She said I was really enjoying myself and up ahead, turning back to tell the other people I was with to hurry up and catch up - she said they were amazed and couldn't get over how well I was doing. I asked if the flint could actually be slate and she said yes, something like that, so I said that it could well be Scafell Pike.... we are going to be going on holiday to the Lake District again this year, though I hadn't currently got any plans to do quite such a strenuous walk. LOL

Sh saw me in a kitchen, making a cup of tea, where there was a wooden table. Then there were lots of other people around me, all having cups of tea or coffee, as if it were a coffee morning. She felt that it wasn't so much something I would literally be doing but more representative of how far I'd come. It was something I couldn't have considered before (in my agoraphobic/panic attack state) but was ready for now.
As an aside: I have, kind of, done something similar to this since Sh saw it - a group of us making hot drinks in Jan's kitchen, whilst attending the Shamballah Healing Course, and going to sit at a wooden table... though that was a round one and not square. :0)

Aureen said that she felt I was becoming more confident and really coming into my power now and that, as I realised this and worked with that power, I would work with Spirit fully. They are there, waiting - I just have to ask them to come closer. Meantime I just need to keep on with the practising and meditation.
Some of this is already beginning to happen, as I seem to be getting more things at home at the moment, and I mentioned having especially vivid dreams.... which I've been amking sure I write down in my special notebook. Aureen was pleased with that and said to make sure I carried on with that and that it was also something we should all be doing.

After some chat about what had been received we went on to close down and close the Circle. No idea what happened after that as it was too long ago for me to remember. :0)

REIKI - 17TH APRIL

2010-05-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

I felt well ready for this month's Reiki session. Although I'd felt much calmer on leaving the Clinic after my acupuncture the occasional down session started coming through again on Friday.

Jan was the receptionist today, though I didn't have much time for a natter before Aureen called me into Treatment Room 2. As I was putting my bag down and taking off my coat Aureen asked how I was. I told her about my reaction to G's news, the upset, the acupuncture treatment, the special dates (birthday and anniversary) and how I was feeling then. I was still feeling emotional, as I got upset a bit again, and then a little cross with myself. As I said to her: with my beliefs about the afterlife, and the proof I've had, why am I still grieving? Her answer was simple: because I miss their physical presence. She then explained that hanging on isn't letting them progress to the next level and I said I knew that and it was another cause of frustration and anger with myself, as I don't want to be the cause of holding them back.

Aureen said that she would perform psychic surgery again, as it seemed she hadn't got it all previously.... and perhaps some of it had grown back. With that I had taken off all my jewellery (bar my crystal pieces) shoes, specs and scrunchie and got on the treatment bed, where Aureen covered me up with the blanket.

Soon after starting the treatment Aureen asked me which Chakra it was in and immediately I said heart, as I'd thought this even before she'd asked. She asked what it looked like: a ball of wool, but not the neat and tidy ones you buy from the shop - this was more like those untidy, self-wound balls of yarn that go in all directions. I thought that was it but then said that I felt that some of the tendrils from it were reaching into my throat Chakra too, as I couldn't always talk about some of it (certainly not to my DSis). When she asked me what colour it was I was initially unsure and said so, then I could clearly see it: it was mostly black, but shot through with red and told her that the red was for anger. She said it was OK, to just relax now, as she had called on Archangels Rafael and Michael and they were there helping.

Part way through the session I could feel tears start to trickle down my cheeks and I brushed them away. Aureen stopped long enough to hand me a tissue, then carried on. a while after, when the tears had stopped, I heard Aureen's voice telling me that it was alright and my heart Chakra was being filled with lots of pink light: I knew this, as I could see it swirling behind my eyelids - not the usual vivid pink, a gentler colour, along with lots of spring green (the Chakra colour). I could feel myself become more and more relaxed as the session went on and was almost on the point of zoning out into sleep when it ended.

Aureen gently touched me on the shoulder and asked if I was OK. I said I didn't have that definite feeling of something having been removed, as I did previously, but I did have the same shell-shocked sensation, a sure sign of what she had been doing. She told me that she had removed it, pulling out the tendrils from my throat, and that it had been extremely heavy - this she had passed over the Archangels Michael and Rafael, for them to take up into the Universe and transform it, whilst she then filled everywhere with pink light. I told her about seeing this and also that I had seen my Mum and Dad's faces.... and that I had said goodbye to them. She was pleased this had happened and that I'd been able to do this. She then told me she'd seen my Guide. I told her that I knew he had been there, as I'd seen him too: this time he had been wearing the moccasins and leggings I'd seen him in previously but this time he'd appeared to be bare-chested, apart from a beaded breastplate; I'd seen his face a little more qucily before seeing his dark hair in a single braid; instead of the full eagle feather bonnet on his head there were two feathers.... and as soon as I saw them I heard the words Two Feathers repeated three times. Aureen smiled and said: well now you know his name. So my Spirit Guide is called Two Feathers. :0)

Aureen then told me that she had been really surprised because when she'd seen my Guide he'd spoken to her. He'd said: My daughter is not just grieving for her parent's in this lifetime, my daughter also grieves for her parent's in another lifetime. He then told her that I'd had a previous life as a Native American.... and during that life I'd witnessed my parent's being killed in front of me. I'd carried the trauma of that over with me into this incarnation, so when my Mum and Dad died it had triggered the previous loss and that was why I am grieving so hard.... and why it feels like a part of me died when they did. She told me that, as well as doing the psychic surgery removal she had also rescued that part of me.

As I listened it felt as if several things clicked into place. I told her that it just seemed to make sense, and that it also explained a couple of things from my childhood. Whenever I was swinging on a swing I always imagined myself, and clearly saw the mental image, of myself as a Native American girl galloping on a pinto pony across a wide open plain - I later put this down to a good imagination but now wonder if it had been an actual past life memory. If ever we watched cowboy films and there was an attack on a Native American village I would get really indignant and say it was so wrong... I was always on the side of the NA's. Then there would be the state I would get into if I ever thought about my parent's dying. Yes, children do go through a phase of thinking about this but this was more than that and I would get into a real panic about it..... until I eventually learnt to block it out. It seemed to confirm a few things for Aureen, as she nodded. It also explains why the previous psychic surgeries haven't fully excised everything and why it keeps building up again.

What she said next gave me pause for thought: she would have to perform psychic surgery on me again during my next session. This time she would treat the past life trauma and heal it, as it was still affecting this lifetime, and to ensure that I don't carry it over with me into any future incarnations. OK, I understand the need for this.... but flippin' heck, the psychic surgery I've been through for this lifetime's problems have been pretty heavy - goodness knows what that is going to be like!

By this time I'd had a few sips of water and felt up to moving, so I climbed off the bed and started putting my bits and pieces back on and Aureen recommended that I take it easy for the rest of the day and have a lie down at some point. It was almost time for her next client, so I gathered everything together, thanked her and went out to reception. Jan took me into Treatment Room 1 for a chat. I told her what had been revealed by the session.... and she told me about her own past life memory and how her father from that lifetime had become her Guide. We discussed how the menopause treatment was going and I asked if she could make up some more of the herbal mix for me, as I was finding that the combination of the herbal mix and acupuncture was, in the main, working well together - I get the occasional glitch when I'm not feeling well or if I haven't had soya milk daily... and spicey foods can trigger a few flushes too. As she made up my mix we chatted a little about the upcoming Healing Course and, as it was being held in her home and Jan was feeding us each lunchtime, she double-checked what I could and couldn't eat, so I told her that I was still basically doing the Candida diet, as it suited me so well.

When the mix was ready I made my next appointment and paid my dues, thanked her and left. I didn't bother with anything else but went straight home... to an empty house, as DH and DS were out. After I'd had a quick bite to eat and sat looking through a magazine I soon realised that the recommendation to have a lie down was more of a necessity. Just as I was heading up the stairs my DH arrived home. After a quick hello and chat about what he'd been doing and what had happened with Reiki he soon realised I was struggling, so he helped me upstairs and made sure I settled OK, then left me to sleep..... for two solid hours.

A bit later, as we were sat eating our Saturday night take-out curry, I told DH that, about a month or so after my op, I'd got the sensation of not feeling quite right: beforehand I'd been buzzing with energy, getting lots done and, mostly, quite positive but afterwards.... well, I was certainly more subdued, been taking life really seriously and just didn't quite feel like "me". I felt that hadn't got anything to do with the missing ovaries and lack of monthlies, as I was glad to see them go and stop causing me problems..... I'd been looking forward to menopause and finally embracing my Crone years. Whilst I still didn't quite get the feeling of having had something removed during the psychic surgery I could now sense that something had changed and felt I was more like the real "me". He said that I certainly seemed a lot calmer than recently, though often was after Reiki.

I guess only time will tell as to whether or not it has made a real difference. :0)

ACUPUNCTURE - 15TH APRIL

2010-05-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

This week had been a bit of an up and down one: G's news about her DH on Tuesday night seemed to have triggered quite a few things for me.... added to which was the fact that this month would see my Dad's birthday on the 27th and the anniversary of his passing on the following day. Odd, how you can go along feeling fine and thinking that everything has been dealt with... only to be knocked flat on your ass by something that's happening to someone else.

When I got to the Clinic G was on reception, so I asked her how she was feeling now and her reply was better. We didn't have long to chat though, as Janet was ready for me to go through to the treatment room.

She asked me how things had been going, though I could tell by the beady look she gave me that she had spotted something wrong with my Qi and it was a leading question. LOL I told her about G telling us her news and how it had upset me. It wasn't just for the fact that it had triggered off memories of Dad and what he'd gone through.... having been through the awful time with Dad I knew just what was in store for G and she's such a lovely person that the thought of her going through it was upsetting too. I cried some as I told Janet about it all, then said: But I'd been doing so well.

Janet then said that grief didn't have a set pattern and that it was actually still not all that long a time since I lost my parents, especially my Dad, so it was understandable that G's news would act as a trigger. She also reminded me of the boxes analogy: some issues have obviously been boxed up, rather than dealt with, whilst others have left a residue in my Qi that needs to be moved on and released. She said she would do a treatment that would help this to happen, along with the usual hormonal balancing one.

With that she left the room whilst I took my shoes, socks, cardigan and top off and got laid on the treatment bed. When she came back in I apologised and told her that, in the upset, I'd forgotten to mention that my left knee had been feeling a tad arthritic on and off all week too, sometimes making me limp, so she said she would do something for that too. So this time I had needles in: the left and right sides of my left kneecap (fleshy area); the regular ones around both ankles; in the liver meridians in the top of each foot (ouch! they gave me a big jump this time - a sure sign of the upset); the one in my third eye; one in my right ear; a couple in each hand and extra ones in my upper chest area, between my boobs and a little higher. Some of them made me feel a little woozy when they went in..... another sign that they were moving the energies. After covering me with the turkey roasting blankets, putting the relaxation music on and turning out the light she told me that I was in a totally safe environment and that it was OK to let everything go. I thanked her and she went out.

Well something definitely moved around because as soon as the woozy sensation eased I started to blub again... though it was a gentle release. Unfortunately I couldn't get a tissue out of my pocket because of the needles in my hands. I was glad when Janet popped back in a few minutes later, to see how I was - she gave me a tissue, asked if I was OK and when I said I would be, she left me to go through the rest of the treatment.

Once I'd mopped myself up I started to feel better, began to feel calmer and relaxed and began to drift quite nicely. When Janet came back into the room at the end of the session I almost jumped... as I told her, another five minutes and I'd have been asleep! She seemed quite pleased with that and the fact that I was obviously much calmer. After removing the needles I thanked her and told her that I was feeling much better. She left me to get dressed, reminding me to drink some water before coming out of the treatment room.

After getting up, getting dressed and drinking some water I realised that the ache in my knee had gone and the joint was moving more freely. Another great result! When I was ready I went out to reception to make my next appointment and pay. Once the other client had been taken through to the other treatment room there was a chance to chat with G. She said she felt she was dealing better with the news now, though had felt a little angry after the upset: I said that it was perfectly natural to feel that way, as you go from thinking that there's hope (whilst treatment after the initial diagnosis is ongoing) to having it snatched away when hearing the terminal verdict and that it seems to trigger a kind of grieving process. We chatted for a little longer, then another client came in, so we said our goodbyes until the following Tuesday.

I left pleased that, despite the intial upset before my treatment, that I had been calm enough to be able to talk to G and let her offload a little.... and hoped that some of what we'd talked about had helped her. I know that having someone to talk to who had been there would have helped me through when Dad was having treatment and, ultimately, dying (and probably have helped with the aftermath too) but that opportunity hadn't been there - his MacMillan nurse hadn't been there for him, let alone his family, and there was no one else I knew locally. Knowing you're not alone is so important in these situations.

Afterwards I had a quick look in the Hospice bookshop but I didn't find anything. I decided against going to the market or the shops, in the circumstances, and headed home for a herbal tea and a much-needed chill out.

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 13TH APRIL

2010-05-03T12:39:00.000-07:00

No A again this week but everyone else turned up. I was able to tell everyone that G had had a hit the previous week: my DSis thought that Ted was an old neighbour of our parents, who lived in the house whose garden backed onto theirs. He was a keen gardener and grew lots of beautiful climbing roses on the fence between their gardens. Our Uncle W, when she asked him, also thought that was his name. I can remember the roses but not the neighbour, unfortunately. It's always good to report back on successes. :0)

G then told us that she had something she felt she needed to share with us, as she was feeling a bit emotional and wanted us to know in case she got a bit upset at any point during the evening. Her DH had been having treatment for prostate cancer.... they had just been given the news that day that he was now terminal, as it had gone into his bones. I put my hand on her shoulder, for comfort and support, and quickly sent a plea to Archangel's Rafael and Michael for help for them both - having seen what my Dad, SIL and cousin's wife went through it was awful to think of what they'll both face in the coming months. Life can be so bloody cruel sometimes...... and cancer one of the cruellest damned things of all. Aureen made sure that G and her DH were both in the Healing Book and the prayer was even more heartfelt than usual.

Having checked that G felt OK to go on (she said she felt it would help her) we all took it in turns to read out the pieces we had done on our Power Animals. S1, S2 and G had written poems or poem style pieces on theirs and Sh had written a great piece on her PA's characteristics, turning those negative aspects you associate with a fox (laziness, craftiness etc) into positives in such a good way it had us all laughing. If ever I need a speech doing I shall ask her to write it for me! LOL Aureen also read out a poem she had written some time ago about her first PA, the deer. There is absolutely no way I can remember all of these pieces... though they are personal to each person, so I wouldn't put any details here anyway, as I feel that wouldn't be right. I don't mind sharing my piece though. :0)

I'm no poet and the thought of writing one didn't appeal much. What I did was to keep a piece of paper by my armchair and headed it with the title of: Power Animal - Elephant and, as I pottered around during the day my thoughts were occasionally drawn to my PA and a word would pop into my head... so I'd jot it down on the paper. I also Googled and found an interesting piece about elephants that brought a few more ideas and thoughts to the surface. The words I came up with and the thoughts I subsequently jotted down were:

Matriarch - they live in matriarchal groups, my own family is dotted with strong female characters, to say nothing of my beliefs;
patient; stoical - they make slow and steady progress in all that they do, stoically accepting it all - often plodding on through some horrendous drought conditions to get to another watering hole or better feeding grounds... my old school reports often contained the words: Karan has made slow but steady progress this term... and patience is something I know I need to work on;
defender - usually when threatened, or feel their young are. I would rarely defend myself, even though bullied in every school I ever attended... but if anyone ever hurt my DBro or DSis I wouldn't think twice about wading in;
compassionate; loving - when one of their own dies elephants will often stay around the body for a long time, gently stroking the body with their trunks and actually grieve. It fits. And I've said for some time that I think one of my life lessons to learn this time around is compassion;
long lived; intelligent; gentle; strong; wanderer;
long suffering - they have always been, and continue to be, poached for their ivory tusks;
revered: as the elephant headed Ganesh or Ganesha, a Hindu deity known as the Remover of Obstacles, Deva of Intellect and Wisdom, Patron of Letters. He is associated with the first or base/root chakra and the Aum - the base supports and guides all other Chakras. Aureen, after Reiki sessions, often says that I am firmly grounded in Mother Earth.

It'll be interesting to do further meditations, as I am sure there is much more to be learnt from all of this and more yet to discover.... and it will be lovely to get to know my Power Animal much better. The more I think of it the more I realise that an elephant as a Power Animal is perfect for me. :0)

Next was the meditation to meet our Guides, so we opened the Circle, protected and grounded ourselves, then opened our Chakras and concentrated on our breathing for a while. We then had to pull energy into our heart Chakras by breathing in to it, then imagine a green rose, whose petals were edged with gold, blooming within our heart Chakra and allow it to fill with golden energy. Next was to walk down the country lane to our safe place and, as we walked through it, ensure all our senses were active. From here we had to walk to the far side of the meadow, through the gate (or up and over the wooden stile, in my case), along the path and through the forest to the place we met our Power Animal. When our PA's came to us we were to follow them through to the other side of the forest and out onto a path that took us up the side of a mountain where, after a while, it flattened out to an area that had a natural spring running and we stopped to take a drink and rest a little. Here Aureen told us that if, at any time we were unsure about anything or if we didn't meet our Guides, we were to return to this spot and wait until everyone came back, then journey back with them. From here we carried on up to the top of the mountain, still following our PA. When we reached the top we were to see, off to one side, a mist and in the middle of the mist a bridge - this is where our Guides would walk over from, to meet us.
We had to look down at the ground and notice a pair of feet in front of us, then look up theto the legs, then on up until we could see them. When we could fully see them we had to ask three times: Are you my true Guide? If they left we were to do this bit over again and ask the successive Guide the same question again, three times. If the Guide was still there after the third asking we were to sit down and connect with them and ask any questions we wanted to. If we didn't meet our Guide we were to return to the place where we previously met our Power Animal and there wait until the others returned to that spot, then go back with them.
After a while our Guide would say goodbye and return over the bridge, then we would do the journey back (in reverse order) and slowly come back to ourselves.

Aureen then went around the group, asking each of us what had happened.

S1 had made the journey OK and had seen a Native American but when she asked him was he her true Guide he turned around and went back across the bridge. Unfortunately she didn't see her true Guide and had gone back to wait at the spring. Aureen said not to worry, it obviously wasn't yet time for her to meet hers and suggested that she does more visualisations, working with her Power Animal at home, then try again.

S2 was so happy at finally meeting her Guide, who was called Jacob and was a monk - she could give a vivid description of him. When she sat down with him she received a feeling of overwhelming love. She asked him questions but I can't remember them.

Sh met her Guide too. He was an Egyptian, and said he wasn't a Pharoah or anything like that, an ordinary Egyptian but he looked like he was a guard. She wasn't sure of his name and also received a message (personal) but didn't feel anything.

I met mine! :0) As soon as the feet were mentioned a vivid image of a pair of moccasins appeared immediately in front of me, the legs were clad in buckskin leggings with fringes, the body in a buckskin tunic with fringes and he had the eagle feather bonnet on... though I didn't see his face very clearly. I was also still unsure of his name.... but he was exactly as I had forst seen him during a meditation at home. Aureen asked if I had felt anything and I said it had felt comfortable and right. She then asked if I had asked if he was my true Guide and I replied that I had.

G also met hers: she was a young girl, though she said she seemed an old soul when she looked into her eyes. She said she looked sort of Asian but she didn't think she was Chinese - we threw a few nationalities out and when someone mentioned Tibetan G immediately said yes, that seemed right. She also felt overwhelming love.

Aureen then said that what we should all have felt was overwhelming love coming from our Guides to us. As Sh and myself hadn't felt that she thought that we were both probably blocking ourselves. I know I have a bit of a block going on at the moment, although am not sure why or what is causing it... and Sh said she felt she probably was too. Aureen again said that we should practice more at home, connecting with and speaking to our Guides, and that this would overcome any blocks and allow the love to come through. It was a nice thought. :0)

I'm afraid I can't remember what else happened after this, though I think we closed the Circle soon after, as this had been a long evening after discussing our Power Animal's and doing the Spirit Guide meditation.

The following day I decided to redo the meditation out of curiosity. I barely visualised my safe place and the forest but it didn't matter, as Spirit obviously decided to dispense with formalities because, almost with a Whoosh!, I was suddenly up at the top of the mountain. Within moments my Guide walked towards me and this time it felt like my heart Chakra opened wide, almost as if it was bursting from my chest.... but not in an unpleasant way. Love radiated to and from us..... it was the most amazing feeling and left me feeling slightly dazed. I know I asked some questions and thanked my Guide but when I came back to myself I couldn't for the life of me remember what was said..... but that doesn't bother me, as I feel that on some level I've taken in what was said and I'll remember what was said when the time is right.

Incidentally: I redid the meditation on the New Moon. Better energies, perhaps?

ACUPUNCTURE - 8TH APRIL

2010-05-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I've left writing this post for far too long to remember much detail on what happened.

I did mention to Janet that I seemed to be having a problem with my left leg, finding that in Circle it regularly tenses up, especially during meditations...... though lately I was finding that it would even tense up big time whilst I was just sat at the computer at home. It was obviously becoming a bit of a nuisance. She said that this week she would need me to remove my jeans and lay face down on the bed, so she could treat the back of the leg, as well as using the regular needles around my ankles for the hormonal balancing. She removed the pillow from the treatment bed, ripped a small hole in the covering where there was a hole in the bed, and explained that usually the most comfortable way to be treated this way up was to lay with my face through the hole and then place my arms either down by my sides or curving around my head, whichever I felt happiest doing. She then left the room whilst I got myself ready, laid on the bed and covered myself with the towel.

On returning, and after washing her hands, Janet proceeded to press certain points along the back of my leg and on my left buttock - one particular area on the buttock was definitely sensitive: not painful but certainly not comfortable. Janet said that there was definitely a problem there (she did tell me what and with which muscle but I can't remember the details) and that, if left, it would probably develop into sciatica. OK, I don't want that... treat away. LOL

She then said that she would have to roll my pants down a little so she could place the needles where they needed to be and asked if that was OK and I said yes..... though the thought of someone seeing all that cellulite made me cringe a tad. LOL She then placed needles in the small of my back, in my left buttock where it had been uncomfortable and down my leg along the muscle associated with it, as well as the usual ones around both ankles. If I remember rightly, she also placed the usual ones in my wrists and hands too. She then covered me with the silver thermal blankets (always makes me think of an oven ready turkey! LOL), put on the relaxing music, turned out the light and left me to relax.

Relax? Hhhhmmm, that was a little easier said than done. Laying with my face through the hole put pressure on certain areas on my face after a while and got uncomfortable and having my arms by my side seemed to make it worse.... but then my neck would ache if I propped my head on my arms, then my arms started to ache if I had them above my head for a change. Nope, not the comfiest or most relaxing session I've ever had, by far, and I was relieved when Janet came back in to remove the needles. Despite this something definitely happened to my left leg, as it would occasionally keep tensing up and relaxing through the treatment and it felt much more relaxed afterwards. It barely bothers me now, except when I'm in Circle (will explain that in another post) and I haven't had to have it treated again since. :0)

After removal of the needles Janet left me to get dressed and take the usual sips of water. When I was ready it was out to reception to pay and make my next appointment. I think I made my way straight home after this session, as it was later than usual and the market would have been on the point of closing.

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 6TH APRIL

2010-04-30T13:38:00.000-07:00

This week all but A were present and correct.... it really is looking like A is going to be a permanent drop out from the Circle. :0(

Aureen told us that this week we were to go ahead and do the meditation to meet out Power Animal (not waiting for A is a sure sign that Aureen also thinks she's not going to return). We were all quite excited about this, as it seems to have taken a while to get to this point. :0)

Firstly we passed around the Healing Book, adding names and pouring healing into it for all those named within. Then Aureen asked us if we knew what Power Animal's were and I asked if it was similar to the Native American Totem Animal - it is. She told us more about Power Animal's, their Shamanistic links and their role as Protector's and Guide's and the benefits we will gain from linking and working with them. We then went on to open up the Circle, protect ourselves, then open our Chakras.

The meditation: after grounding and opening our Chakras we began with tuning in to our breathing (in through the nose, out through the mouth) and letting each muscle in our bodies relax. We then had to really open our heart Chakra, then walk along the country lane to our safe place and go in. After walking over to the other side of our safe place we were to find a gate in the boundary and go through it, closing it behind. On the other side we were to visualise a path that led to a forest which we had to walk into and in the forest was a small clearing and to one side of this was a seat (either a fallen tree or log or similar) on which we had to sit. Whilst sitting there we heard rustling in the bushes and from behind the bushes would come our Power Animal: we were to greet him/her, ask their name and any questions we wanted. When we had our answers we were to thank them, say goodbye and watch them return into the forest, then we were to make our way back through the route we had come, slowly returning to our bodies.
When we had all taken sips of our water Aureen asked us how it had gone.
S1 had enjoyed the meditation. Initially she had seen a snake, then a swan and possibly another animal but she knew these weren't her Power Animal and they went away. Finally a deer (likened to Bambi) came towards her and she knew this was the one, though I don't think she discovered its name. She made a couple of other observations but I can't remember what they were now.

Sh had also enjoyed the meditation and had success, meeting a fox called Red. She asked questions and had replies, though some were personal and I can't remember the others.

S2 had really enjoyed this and what had happened to her was really different. When she walked through the gate to go to the forest it was suddenly a wintery snowscape, though she didn't feel cold. In the woods she had spotted a wolf peering from behind the trees but a voice had told her "Not yet", so she'd carried on to the seat. Her Power Animal appeared and he was a polar bear called Great White Spirit. She was delighted and had hugged him and lain on his back. I can't remember what questions she'd asked or her replies.

I was initially thrown with this meditation when, almost immediately the figure of my Dad started to form in front of me.... so thrown that I told him that I couldn't talk now as it wasn't the right time, I had to do the meditation! (I told my DSis and she said: poor Dad, when he'd come all that way! LOL). Why is it that these things happen when they're not supposed to, but when they are... they don't?! I felt awful about doing that and it took me a bit to get into the meditation proper, so the visualisation wasn't that great, mostly quick images and still photographs. The gate at the other side of my safe place wasn't - it was a wooden stile that I climbed over. The path started as a cobbled one (think The Shambles in York) to the edge of the forest, then it was a pine needle strewn one going through the giant redwoods. My seat was a fallen tree, though not a redwood... something much smaller. Whilst waiting for my PA I had a fleeting image of a barn owl but, as I explained to everyone, I have a bit of a thing about owls and barn owls especially, so I thought it could be because of that, so I asked for my PA again. I was a bit stunned at the next image, as it was........ an elephant called Wisdom. The weirdness of seeing an elephant emerging from behind giant redwood trees took some getting over, I can tell you. LOL I felt her name answered my question about what she was there to teach me and what I was to learn from her... I also got a feeling that was a mix of calmness, gentleness, acceptance and stoic resolution...... almost as if the feeling wrapped around me in a gentle hug.

G had also enjoyed the meditation, visualising well and her PA was a tiger. I can't remember if she was given a name or not. She did hesitate with this initially, as she wasn't too sure if some of it was suggestion, after a couple of experiences she'd had on two night's during the previous week: she'd woken up and actually seen a tiger cub, with its front paws on her bed and looking at her. When she asked her PA about it he told her it was the young ones being playful and curious, wanting to meet her. How lovely was that? :0) She immediately said that she thought the tiger was to give her courage.
Aureen regularly works with her Power Animal's. One of hers is a deer - unfortunately I can't remember what she said the other one was.

We then went on to open for a short clairvoyance session. I can't remember the bulk of it now but, as I always do, had jotted down (in my special book) what I'd received and what had been received for me. I'd seen an image of something sparkly and initially couldn't tell if it was either a water fountain or a Christmas tree, so asked for it to be shown more clearly: it was a Christmas tree, with lots of sparkly lights over it. I didn't know what it was about but did feel that it was for Sh. Aureen said that perhaps something is to happen around Christmas time for her.
G saw a man in casual clothes, describing him as not scruffy looking but far from being in his best clothes.... gardening clothes, she felt, as he'd had a pair of secateurs in his hand, and he was in his 70's. I smiled, as I thought it was Dad.... having been turned away by me, now trying to communicate through G. That idea was soon knocked on the head though, as she said she got the name of Ted. It didn't ring any bells, so I said I'd ask my DSis and get her to ask the Uncle's.... the fount of all knowledge on family history.

As we were closing ourselves and the Circle down I got one final image: I saw my Spirit Guide, though this time he was wearing one of those beaded breastplates over his chest. We were given some homework this week: we were to write a poem or piece about our Power Animal, to be read out in Circle the following Tuesday. It was to give us the opportunity to link with and learn more about them, their attributes and what we felt we could learn from those attributes and how they could be of use in our day to day lives, as well as Spiritually. It should prove interesting. :0)

ACUPUNCTURE - 1ST APRIL

2010-04-30T12:32:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid I've left writing about this session for so long that I'm struggling to remember much about it at all. So much for being organised and keeping up-to-date! LOL

I was pleased to report to Janet that I had felt much calmer and the instances of past issue recall had dwindled greatly.... and those things that did occasionally surface weren't upsetting me at all. That was a great improvement. :0)

I had some needles in my belly this time, as well as the usual hormone ones at my ankles and it was a very relaxing session. Afterwards I made an appointment for the following week. By the time I got out and down to the market the bulk of the stalls had already closed, including the craft stall. I didn't hang around but headed home, calling in at a couple of shops on the way back up the High Street.

I did get two good buys though: another Jacky Newcombe book, this time about psychic kids and their Angelic encounters, from the Hospice Bookshop and a scroll frame from the Hospice Charity shop. The frame was only 50p due to having a nut and wingnut bolt missing.... easily replaced, as my DH is sure to have something suitable tucked away in his workshop somewhere. :0)

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 30TH MARCH

2010-04-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

This Tuesday wasn't as quiet as I normally try to keep the day but it's not a complaint, as the disturbance was caused by the delivery of the new furniture and chair for my Craft Room. One large bookcase and filing cabinet are now in place.... and the room seems to have shrunk somewhat now. LOL The chair I'm delighted with, as not only is it fully adjustable (including the arms), it also has lumbar support for my back.... and the colour goes perfectly with the colour scheme. LOL I spent some of the day wiping everything down and cleaning the mucky bootprints off the laminate flooring - rain and men's boots make a right mess, despite them wiping their feet each time they came back into the house. I even put the first couple of folders onto the bookcase, ready to set the level of the first shelf. I shall enjoy getting everything organised so I can start working in there...... hopefully not too long into the future. :0)

DH had a School Governor's meeting to attend this week which made us a little later setting off than usual, though that wasn't a problem - he had decided he was visiting the local chippy again for his tea, so he made up some time on the journey out. That man's stomach definitely rules him! LOL

When I got there S1 was just knocking at the door, so I followed her in to find S2 was also there. I popped up to use the toilet and when I came down Sh had also arrived. There was no sign of the lady who owned the house - she had gone out visiting. We could all tell that the house was now being lived in.... it was a whole lot warmer! For the first time all winter I had to take my coat off. LOL Aureen told us that unfortunately G couldn't come again this week - although she was now better and back at work, she was actually working late. She would be having a word with Jan (she works at the Clinic) to see if she could alter this in future, so she could attend the Circle again. A didn't turn up again and hadn't been in touch with Aureen, so she would be phoning her during this week to see if everything was OK. So no Power Animal meditation once again, for which Aureen apologised - not a problem, as I pointed out.... it just wasn't time yet. With that we went into the other room.

The dining table in there surprised S2, who hadn't known it had been put back into the room, so Aureen explained the reason for it. The spare chair was taken away from the table and we all took our places around it. After we'd sat Aureen told us she had a surprise for us this week, as we couldn't do the meditation. For a change we would be having a go at.... Tarot. She seemed to look at me, to see what my response was. I was delighted - admittedly the delight was tinged with relief that we weren't going to be doing clairvoyance again, but this was something I've wanted to do for a while.

Aureen brought out two of her own Tarot decks to let us have a look at them, explaining that the deck with the rather basic looking images on them was one she had first used but which now sat in a drawer most of the time, whilst the second one was the one she used the most, especially for giving readings. The second, most used deck, had the nicest images and was the one we were all drawn to - partly because of the prettier images but also because we all felt there was more depth to them, thus more information to be gleaned from them.

Aureen then asked, due to what we had all been saying, had we all used or had Tarot card readings before - we had. She asked if we had decks of our own: Sh, S2 and myself do, S1 didn't, though had bought several decks for a friend. She was under the impression that a deck had to be a gift from someone and no one had ever bought her one. Aureen said that there were several things said about this but that she had always found that it was best to buy these things for yourself, so you could look at and handle them and see which you were the most drawn to - so S1 was going to go and look at some with a view to buying one for herself. S2 said that she had heard the same theory about crystal balls (it having to be a gift) but Aureen once again said that she felt it was more a matter of personal taste. Sh wondered how you'd know if it was the right one for you, so I said that it was the same as with any crystal: it was best to handle them, to feel the energies, and you'd know which was yours because it was the one you were most drawn to because it just felt right - that's what I did whenever I bought any kind of crystal.

We talked a little on places to buy crystals, crystal balls and Tarot decks from and that's when I got a bit of a shock: Aureen said that there used to be a place in Market Rasen but her friend had told her that that had closed down. I asked: what, The Rainbow Room? Yes, it has closed. I am guttted, as that is the place I bought most of my crystals and jewellery from, along with some esoteric books and a Tarot deck. S2 mentioned a shop in our town centre, though she couldn't remember its name: it's where she'd spotted a beautiful crystal ball that she coveted and wanted for her Mother's Day gift... but her DD refused to buy it for her. Methinks she'll be going back and buying it for herself now. LOL It's a shop I haven't been to in a very long while, as I hardly ever go into the town centre, but I shall be making a point of visiting it before long now, just to see what it carries.... especially now the Rainbow Room is no longer there. :0( We mentioned the Mind, Body and Spirit events too - I shall have to scan and print the leaflets I have for upcoming events and take them in next week, so they'll know when and where they are on, should they want to visit one or other of them.

Aureen told us a story about her own crystal ball. The first time she'd looked into it all she saw were coffins with lids on, propped up on trestles. She couldn't see if there were any bodies in them - just lots of coffins. Some time later she had been told by a friend who was their boss's secretary, where she used to work, that, although she didn't want to break any confidences, she was looking for another job and thought it would be a good idea if Aureen did so too. Soon after Aureen had had a dream in which she'd seen her friend and herself pull up in their cars at the same place, walk down the road together and into the same place. In there they'd both had interviews, at the same time and by the same person - during the interview someone had been stood leaning against a particular section of the wall. Shortly after this they were looking at jobs in the paper and one at a Funeral Home looked promising for her friend, as it was job share (part time). Her friend suggested that she go for it too, but she needed a full time job. As it panned out, the other person left, so the part-time job now became full time: both Aureen and her friend (at her friend's insistence) went for the interview, and it all unfolded exactly as in her dream, with the person standing up against the wall turning out to be the man's wife. Aureen recognised both the man and his wife, feeling she'd known them in a previous lifetime. When the chap showed her and her friend around the premises he took them into the workshop........ where there were coffins with lids on one trestles, exactly as she'd seen in the crystal ball. It ended happily too: the friend insisted Aureen took the job, as it was full-time and she only wanted part time..... but a little later the chap opened another office and gave her friend a part-time job there. How spooky was that? LOL

On deciding that we all liked the second deck the most Aureen put them to one side of the table and put the others back on a side table, as we wouldn't be using them. We then circulated the Healing Book, so we could all add names and/or send healing into it. We then opened the Circle, protected and grounded ourselves and opened our Chakras. Next was a short meditation, concentrating on fully opening our throat and third eye Chakras, as we would need to use all of our senses for the card reading: clairvoyance; clairsentience; clairaudience, as well as intuition. The meditation: to imagine breathing in through our throat Chakra, then the same with the third eye Chakra; we then had to imagine a triangle, starting from the third eye, the sides intersecting our ears and the base going through the throat Chakra; we then had to imagine breathing (or pulling in) energy through this triangle, then come back to ourselves.

Aureen then went on to explain the type of reading we would be doing and how she prepared things before a reading. We would be doing a basic three-card spread, representing Past, Present and Future and she would firstly do the meditation; then she would cleanse the cards by imagining them being washed in the cleansing waterfall (from a previous meditation); as the person she would be reading for entered the room she would be using all of her senses to "read" the person and their aura; once they were sat she would aske them to shuffle the cards whilst thinking of a specific question they may have; she would then either deal the top three cards from the deck or spread the cards and ask the person to choose three; the cards would be placed in front of her, from left to right, in the order they were dealt/chosen. She would then proceed to do the reading.

S1 was to read for me first. She cleansed the cards and handed them to me, I shuffled them then spread them in front of me and chose three cards I felt drawn to. The three cards I chose were: Past - Knight of Swords; Present - The Empress; Future - Death.

The Knight was in full battle armour, a bloodied sword over his shoulder and a burning, but still standing, tower in front: S1 focused on the tower and that it may be battered but it was still standing strong. I pointed to the bloodied sword, as I felt that was relevant. Though he'd obviously been through a battle he had come out of it the other end still strong and unbowed. The conclusion was that I had been some rough times but had weathered them and come out the other side, still strong.
The Empress: strong, intuitive and the eagle on the shield made her think of the eagle she'd seen clairvoyantly, representing me flying free. The cornucopia was abundance, another positive sign. Conclusion: that a time of abundance was coming, a fruition of plans.
The Death card made S1 suck in her breath so I told her not to think of it as meaning an actual death but as transformation and rebirth, which Aureen agreed with. S1 said that Death himself didn't look too threatening on this card, with his scythe lowered to the ground. Then there was a beautiful white rose in full bloom that she said was certainly positive, as it was a living thing. The conclusion: that there'd be a time of change and transformation for me and that it was all positive.
The overall view was spot on for where I feel I am on my Path at this point.

I read for S1. I cleansed the cards then handed them to her to shuffle and choose three. Her cards were: Past - Five of Staves; Present - Two of Swords; Future - Seven of Pentacles.
Five of Staves: this had different arms, all holding staves that were criss crossed together. I mentioned the arms, especially the one in the foreground, as it was more muscley than the others. Aureen asked if I thought they were friendly or not so friendly. I said they made me think of Morris Men. I thought I wasn't going to get anywhere, as I just couldn't get anything more from this card, except a little voice saying: Fun, fun, fun, fun. I didn't have a clue as to why I kept getting that. Aureem explained that this card usually represents arguments and/or disagreements. I guess if I'd followed the thought I might have picked up on fun and games, and not in a nice way..... Spirit was obviously going to make me work hard tonight. LOL
Two of Swords: showed a blindfolded woman, facing forward, with her arms crossed over her chest and a sword in each hand. I said that as she was blinfolded I would guess that she's not sure about something. I felt the crossed arms looked slightly defensive, though a sword in each hand showed that she had the means to defend herself. Aureen asked if I could get anything else. I gently stroked the card and pointed to the blindfold and said that as she couldn't see she would have to look within for the answer. Good call, as Aureen explained that the card represented a choice, usually between two paths - the crescent moon on the card represented intuition so, yes, she needed to look within and would find the answer after some reflection.
Seven of Pentacles: a side view of a healthy, mustachioed man holding a hoe, with verdant growth. I said that Pentacles usually referred to money and that he was obviously preparing to reap what he'd sown and that it was a good harvest.
S1's question was: should she look for another job? The first card referred more to her previous job, the others to the current. Overall view: that she should trust her intuition, as she knew what to do, and that after some hard work she would reap the rewards.
S2 read for Sh. Her cards were: Eight of Swords; Eight of Cups; Ace of Cups.

Sh read for S2. Her cards were: Eight of Wands; Hierophant; ?

Unfortunately it's been so long since this all happened I really can't remember what was said or what else happened. Writing up a post about Tarot reading when I don't have the identical cards to show (or to act as a memory jogger) is very difficult, so I shall be doing this differently in future.

ACUPUNCTURE - THURSDAY 25TH MARCH

2010-03-30T06:37:00.000-07:00

Another Thursday and time for another acupuncture session. As the appointment was at 12pm I got up a little later than usual and had a late breakfast.... I didn't want to end up getting really hungry part way through the treatment, as it doesn't make for a relaxing session when your stomach keeps making grumbling noises. LOL

When I arrived at the Clinic Jan was on reception again and definitely looking much more happy and relaxed. She asked how I was doing and my reply was: I like my meds... I'm much calmer and more balanced when I'm on my meds & posed, as if I was meditating. She laughed and said does that mean my DH and DS were safe now, so I told her they no longer felt like they were treading on egg shells...... or rushing to hide the knives and heavy based frying pan. ROFL I also reported that the hot flushes were starting to recede again. Janet popped out of Treatment Room 1 and said she would be ready for me soon.... the previous client was just getting himself sorted, then she went into Room 2 to another client. Whilst Jan and I were chatting the chap came out, made his next appointment, paid and left. I got my phone out and showed Jan the pics of my new baby - she liked the car and said that it looked like I would be all set for travelling to the Shamballah Healing Course in May. Yep, though I would get DH to take me out that way beforehand, so I could get the route fixed in my head - it's ages since we've been out towards her village, so it's a struggle to remember which direction it's in at the moment. She told me the quietest route to travel out, ready for the first trial run. :0)

By this time Janet had gone back through to Room 1 and got it ready, then called me in. Whilst I put my bags down and got my coat off she popped out to have a word with Jan, then came back in. After sitting down she looked right at me and said that this week, before we went any further, she needed to have a serious talk with me. Oh heck, that sounded ominous! LOL She said that she had been to the Pagan Conference in Lincoln at the weekend, going to a very interesting talk on Shamanism and generally reconnecting with aspects of her healing, including meditation.... and had since been meditating at home. She had come to realise that, despite usually having a very high success rate treating menopausal symptoms in many clients, she currently had two clients on her books that didn't seem to be responding as well. I was one of them.

She'd meditated on this and had come to realise that it might be because of her: although she had self-treated herself after her own surgically induced menopause onset, and had been successful in most areas, there were two that she still had problems with: hot flushes and dry skin. The two areas that were still troubling myself and the other lady - the main ones I'd been going to her for. She felt it was a case of "Physician, heal thyself" - until she had either found another acupuncturist to treat her (her previous one had had to retire) or was more proactive in self-treatment, she felt, although treatments would continue to help with hormone balance, she wouldn't get any further in treating me for the flushes and dry skin, so it was my decision as to whether I wanted to carry on with the treatments or stop them.

I thanked her for her honesty - there aren't many people who would be so open, when it comes to losing regular business. I said that, although the treatments didn't seem to be helping with the hot flushes and dry skin, I did feel that they had and were helping me in other areas. Janet had also been adapting the treatments to include the Spiritual element and past issues. I asked her if the previous treatments she'd done to help release past issues would bring old memories to the surface and she confirmed that they would. OK, then that's further proof that it's working: I've been recalling all kinds of old memories, some of them from way back in childhhood, that had been upsetting or annoying or some other negative effect on me. I said when this happened it made me think: Whoa, where the heck did that come from? What had really surprised me was the fact that, despite thinking I'd dealt with a lot of these issues, once recalled they still gave me the same reaction... either getting upset or angry or frustrated, whatever.

Janet explained that although I had dealt with some of the issues, she likeened what I had actually done with others to putting them into individual boxes and carrying them around with me deep in my body. Others I had dealt with, but the negative feelings associated with them were still being carried around too. Occasionally they surface or stay internal and impede the energy flow, both of which result in dis-ease.... she felt that this was contributing to my current psychic block. What she said made sense to me on all kinds of levels, so I said I would like to continue with the treatments... as she's been honest with me I said I would trust her judgement on whether this should continue to be weekly, or drop to fortnightly or monthly. She said she would think on that and let me know what she felt at the end of the session.

She said she knew I would understand what she was saying when she explained it how she did.... but she now had to think of a different way of saying the same thing to the other lady. I think that may mean the other lady isn't into the Spiritual side.... though I do wonder if she may be clairsentient and if that had had a part to play in the lack of success in our treatments.

Janet then said that some of the things that needed to be dealt with was really old stuff. Yep, some of what I was remembering was from waaay back, and I then went on to tell her about a couple of incidents that had come back to me that week. The first was when I was back in Nursery School and surfaces every so often: it's a distinct memory of being in the cloakroom; all of the kids and teachers were gathered around a table that had a big bowl of soapy water on it and they were using all kinds of things to blow bubbles; I was sat on one of the benches, away from everyone, really wanting to join in but wanting to keep well away from everyone too; I was upset about something that had happened.... though I don't know what. My Dad discovered, when I'd left there and my DBro was attending, that the teachers had a nasty habit of locking kids in a cupboard as a punishment and Dad had challenged them about it. He reckoned they'd done that to me too, though I don't recall it and don't have claustrophobia as a result, as some people go on to develop after such an incident. Obviously they wouldn't get away with such antics these days but this was in the 1960's. Needless to say, Mum and Dad refused to let my DSis attend the nursery.

The other incident had occured when I was about 12 years old, when a boy my DBro knew said some insulting things about me that upset me..... and the reaction my Dad gave, when I got back home in tears. I'd told my Mum and Dad about it and said something along the lines of the boy making me feel very ugly. Dad was no good at dealing with emotional situations... and reacted angrily and as if it was my fault... and followed it up by agreeing that I was ugly, with Mum protesting in the background. Mum had put up with a lot of emotional abuse throughout her childhood, from her Mum and DSis's, and knew the hurt it caused. That had hurt more than what the boy had said and made me even more upset (I don't remember the outcome of all this).... and it had obviously cut deep, as it set me off crying a little. Janet placed her hand over mine and said it was OK - I muttered something about being menopausal not helping things at all - and that she would help me to bring these things out and finally deal with them so they can be let go. She felt that the Shamballah Healing Course would also be of much benefit too, as we would be doing things on releasing and cutting cords and the like.

With that she took my Chinese pulses, then I had to take my shoes and socks off, plus took off my specs and hair scrunchie, so I could get comfortable on the pillows. Janet then said that this week she needed me to lay slightly to the left of the bed, so I could lay my right arm down flat. That was necessary because she wanted to put a needle in my right arm and once it was in I had to keep the arm as still as possible, to allow the energy to flow freely and let the needle do its thing. Once positioned she started to place the needles: around four in the top of my head; one in either wrist; one in the side of my left hand; several around my ankles; the nasty little bugger in the top of my right foot (yep, it gave me another belt); one in my third eye and the final one in my right forearm. I asked about that one: the one in the top of my foot is for the liver and helps release issues - the forearm one does a similar thing but on a much deeper level, thus it will allow the deeper issues to come up and be released and clear any energy blockages.

Janet then said that I was to know that I was perfectly safe in the room and that I could let go, knowing that it was perfectly safe to do so. As I was feeling somewhat warm and clammy at this point (partly menopause, partly upset, partly the warm room) she said she would come back and check on me in fove minutes, to make sure I was OK. Music on, the light off... she left me to relax.

Oddly enough I did start to relax. As promised she came back to check on me - good job, as my feet had started to get cold and the rest of me was cooling rapidly. Out came the thermal silver thingy and I was soon warm again so off she went, leaving me for another 20 minutes of treatment. It was good to see those Chakra colours back again, swirling behind my eyes. :0) Despite the previous upset the relaxation mode continued - surprising really as, with what Janet had said about letting go, I'd half expected all kinds of memories to start bubbling up to the surface with all the attendant emotions. Nope, just a lovely drifty feeling that almost had me nodding off again, making that 20 minutes go awfully quick. LOL

Once back in the room and the light back on Janet asked how I felt. Fine, relaxed and definitely feeling brighter than beforehand. LOL The needles were soon out and the sites dabbed. Once she'd made sure I was OK and I was sat up, she reminded me to take some sips of water before sorting myself out and getting ready to leave. I thanked her and she went off to deal with her next client. I did this, as well as wrapping myself in white light as protection, then got myself sorted and headed out to reception.

The next appointment made and bill paid I said my goodbyes and headed for the door....... and straight into the Hospice Bookshop. Julie, I don't know if someone is clearing their shelves or if they are delivered from elsewhere (they do take in boxes of books from somewhere else) but they've obviously cottoned on to the fact that there's a lot more interest in this type of book, as there always seem to be something of interest in there each time I go in. Lookit at what was there this time:

I came out a very happy bunny. LOL From there I headed down the street, first calling in at the Wilko's style shop (can never remember it's name) and coming out with a new chopping board for the kitchen and a couple of other bits, then into Wilko's where I got a meeting notepad. I had gone in looking for storage boxes but neither shop had anything suitable. I opted not to go round the market as my stomach was letting me know it was dinnertime, so headed back up the High Street, via Tesco Express for a couple of bits, and then home. Once the shopping was put away the stomach got fed. LOL

I was quite tired by then and eventually ended up having an early night. I did wonder if the memory recall would really kick off this week....... but hardly anything has returned to bother me. A result? I guess we shall see, once my next 28 day cycle is up. In the meantim, I have had a couple of vivid dreams, coinciding with the recent full moon, that have had clear messages for me concerning the block. Am hoping there's a chance to mention them to Aureen at the next Circle, to get her take on them and see if I've understood them correctly. Funnily enough, the main dream concerned me moving from the back seat to the front seat of a car.... though a left hand drive - another sign that the Universe has a sense of humour. ;0)

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 23RD MARCH

2010-03-29T15:13:00.000-07:00

I got to Circle early again this week, all thanks to some mouldy bread. It stopped DH from making himself a sandwich, so he decided to have fish and chips instead.... and he was in a hurry to get me there so he could head off to the chip shop straight after. I didn't complain, as it would give me chance to chat to Aureen again before everyone arrived.

I was able to tell her what I'd forgotten on Saturday: that the spoilt Yorkshire Terrier she'd seen and asked about belonged to my maternal grandparents. She was really pleased about that. We chatted a little more before Sh and S1 arrived, when she told us that the lady who owns the house will be back next week. Aureen had been doing some cleaning to ensure that things were straight before she arrives, as she didn't want the lady to think we weren't looking after the place and thus decide not to allow us to use it any more. The lady doesn't mind us continuing to meet whilst she's home though... she's a Spiritualist, so will probably join us whilst there.

Unfortunately S2 couldn't come again this week (her Uncle is seriously ill) and G is still chesty and hasn't regained her voice yet. Whilst we waited a little longer to see if A would turn up I grabbed some old postcards out of my bag to show Sh. She'd brought out a piece of paper to show something to me and we both said "I've got something to show you" at the same time, followed by Sh saying "You show me yours and I'll show you mine" which made us all laugh. I reminded them about Sh mentioning a Bert the previous week and said that whilst my DSis was having a sort through all the old photographs and memorabilia our Mum had kept she'd come across these postcards, with a decidedly Edwardian look to them (though possible repros), and showed her the back of one of them. It had been signed by a chap called Hubert.... possibly the Bert Sh had mentioned. But we don't have a clue who Hubert was or even who the recipient of the card was. It obviously meant something to Mum, as she'd kept the pair of postcards all these years..... and he wasn't the Bert i thought he was either. So that was another hit for Sh and again went to prove that this isn't all down to minreading or remembering something that had once been said. I also told them both about Aureen's hit with the Yorkie.

Sh then showed me her bit of paper whilst reminding me about the castle I'd seen. She'd been on the internet and found the name of it.... and that it was this castle that Disney based their Sleeping Beauty Castle on. S1 asked her if she had any plans to go to Disneyworld in the US.... or could it be Disneyworld Paris? Sh doesn't have any holiday plans at the moment..... or, maybe, she will be doing something as mundane as watching a Disney movie with one of her young family members? Who knows.... so watch this space. LOL

It became evident that A wasn't coming again so we went through into the other room, removing the spare chair from the Circle before taking our seats. We passed the Healing book round so we could add names and then we took it in turns to hold it and send healing to all those named inside. Although I'm never quite sure if I'm doing this "right" it's done with the best of intentions and I always find it a moving process. Aureen then told us that we would be doing a meditation but not to worry if we couldn't do it, as it was rather a difficult one. We were to know that if at any time we weren't happy with anything that happened within the meditation we could take ourselves back into our garden and stay there until we met up again further along in the meditation.

With that we opened the Circle, then protected and grounded ourselves and opened our Chakras. We then had to concentrate on our breathing and relaxation - the breathing involves taking air in through the nose, holding it for the count of four, then breathing out through our mouths. Once relaxed we were to walk along the country lane to the gate into our garden, enter it and wander around for a little while, opening all our senses and noticing what was there. After a while we were to notice a corner we hadn't seen before: it had a brick wall that had three steps leading down to it and on the wall was a mirror. We had to stand before the mirror and look into it, looking at our reflections, then after a while notice what was going on in the background of the mirror.... and see ourselves changing, noticing what we looked like. After a while we were to see ourselves in the mirror again, walk away and back up the steps, back through the garden and out of the gate and back along the country lane.... then come back to ourselves. Aureen then asked each of us what we had seen.

Sh had had a lovely experience: she had found it a little difficult to find a wall she hadn't noticed before because hers is a walled garden anyway... but she managed to do it. I think she said her mirror was a gold arch and when she looked into it she saw herself all the time.... but the background seemed to be misty, then it cleared and she could see all her loved ones who have passed over. They were so happy that she could see them all at last, as they'd been waiting for a while for this to happen. She was so pleased, saying that she regularly talked to several of them but hadn't been able to see them.... until now. Aureen said she had connected well but in a surprising way to what had been expected, as the meditation was to try and connect with a past life.

Me next. Before we'd begun the meditation I'd felt someone standing behind my left shoulder, and had even glanced over it to see if I could see anything (I hadn't) and had also felt a warmth there, rather than the usual cold spot sensation. I'd even struggled to visualise the bits of my garden I normally manage to see, though had had a really vivid image of sweet peas - not had these in my garden before but I do associate these with my maternal Grandad, as he used to grow them, so wondered if the presence I'd felt stood behind me was him. I'd managed to see the mirror: a fancy gold scollwork frame thing, very much in the Snow White type tradition, though hadn't really been able to see myself in it, let alone anything else. I had been very aware of the cobweb feeling on my face, had felt my hair being touched and my right ear being tickled - so Spirit was definitely around. Aureen mentioned that she had felt a touch on her leg.... and also said not to worry about the meditation, as it is a difficult one to do. Not sure I want to practice this one at home yet: there are enough issues to work through in this life to keep me occupied for a while, without discovering any from a past one. The thought of finding out I used to be a Nazi guard or something equally terrible really is something that, so far, has stopped me from undertaking regression.... and probably contributed to it not working. LOL

Aureen had seen herself quite clearly in a former life.... she was a Viking woman and was stood at the edge of the water, watching as the boat with her loved one's body burnt, before an old woman put an arm around her and drew her away. She recognises that it may be because of this that she was drawn to live in this area, only finding out afterwards that all the village and town names ending in -by meant former Viking occupation.... and wondered if she had lived here in an earlier life. Her ex-husband and current OH both have a Viking look to them - something she hadn't realised until it was pointed out to her by friends. Obviously that lifetime has had a strong influence on some things in this.

We then went on to do some clairvoyance, with Aureen saying to just go to the person we felt most drawn to and try to get one good message, rather than worrying about going to everybody (I know this is mostly for my benefit). She asked if we'd prefer to do this with the light on or off and we all preferred the light off..... for some reason we all felt that it helps. After a while she brought us back to ourselves and turned the light on, then asked each of us in turn what we'd received.

Sh had seen a tiny elderly woman with white hair stood in the centre of the Circle and felt that she was for me - her name was Molly. She'd also seen a man stood between S1 and me and wasn't sure who he was for, though she felt his name was Timothy. Molly didn't ring a bell but, as she was in older style clothing, she could be from the Great's time.... and I don't know much about them. Neither of us could think of a link to Timothy, so Aureen just thanked him for coming. She saw S1 preparing for the party again, with the sherry and Sainsbury's party food shopping.... though S1 still doesn't have or know of any plans for this.

Aureen then asked me if I'd got anything. Not a lot. After the light went off and I'd shut my eyes I was aware of a really bright light on the right side of my inner vision. There is always a brighter spot behind S1, from the kitchen window, but it definitely wasn't that - I've had this before but not as vivid as it became this time: it seemed to build and become more intense, sort of bright light with possibly a little pink, and all the while I kept expecting someone/thing to walk out of it.... or for something to happen. But it just seemed to get so far, then fizzled out and rapidly faded away. I made a joke of just being glad that they didn't want me to go into it, which made them laugh. I turned to Sh and said that I felt Fuschia Man was there again (felt I'd seen some standard fuschia bushes, though they weren't overly clear, so didn't mention them) and apologised for calling him that and hoped he wasn't offended.... but I didn't know what else to call him, yet. She said he would probably laugh.... and that the ear tickling could be him, as he was a bit of a joker.

S1 said what she had seen was for her and was continuing with the fairytale theme that seemed to be popping into things tonight (Sleeping Beauty's castle/Snow White mirror/her witchy self). She'd seen herself as Rapunzel, locked in the tower, but had climbed out herself. There was a little more which I can't remember. Aureen gave her a few insights into what it could mean (personal) and suggested she thought about it and meditated on it at home. The witch thing still seemed to be bothering her a little, so probably had an affect on what she picked up.

Aureen told Sh and S1 what she'd seen for them - one was personal and the other I can't remember. For me (and I always remember these, as I write them down in my book for future reference) she asked who had the link with Churchill, as she'd just got the name. I laughed and said that that would be my DH - not only is he mad on anything to do with Lancaster Bombers, he's also the same about Churchill and has watched programmes about him lots of time, as well as having loads of books about him. She said then the cuckoo clock I saw is for him and asked whose it was. I didn't know - if she'd said Grandfather Clock then I could have said.... but she said no, it was definitely a cuckoo clock as she'd heard the cuckoo noise. So it was one to ask DH later. She then asked if an Easter Bonnet meant anything to me and felt that it was something to do with a school memory. Another laugh: the junior achool I attended used to have bonnet parades at Easter and Christmas, where we all had to make one (supposedly by ourselves, without help - yeah, right! LOL). I'd won a prize one year with a hat made by my maternal Grandma and said that it was one of the few good memories I'd got of the woman. Next she asked who Doris or Dorothy was: Aunty Doris was one of my favourite Aunty's (or, rather Great Aunt). She was married to my Grandma's DBro, both lovely people who didn't have children of their own so always made a fuss of the youngsters within the family. Funnily enough, as I pointed out, DSis and I had been looking at their photos on the Sunday.
My Aunty Dorothy is on this side of life but I forgot to mention that. Aureen then asked who Edward was. Wow, she was red hot! Little Eddie - or Cheeky Charlie as we called him - was my cousin and he'd been knocked down and killed when he was just 8 years old: he was all excited about going on his first Cub camp and had taken his things over to the church hall but had forgotten his permission slip; before anyone could stop him he'd run back towards his home to go and fetch it, across the road and straight into the path of a van. The poor little mite had been killed instantly. His Dad, my Uncle T, was in Hong Kong at the time, waiting to board his ship (he was Chief Engineer of a Merchant Navy vessel) - at the exact moment Eddie died Uncle T heard him shout Daddy. Oddly enough, his Dad has currently got a health issue to do with his diabetes and needs to go for some tests. Aureen said that he'd grown some since then, over in Spirit, so I must have been young at the time.... I was about 19 years old when it happened. I still think about him at times. She said that all the touching and tickling was down to him, playing games, something Spirit children love to do. :0)

S1 had done OK with the garden but had had to hastily improvise with the wall and steps. Her mirror had been a plain one (wood I think) but had made her think of Snow White and the Mirror, Mirror on the wall bit.... and she wasn't sure if that had had something to do with what she saw..... because her face morphed and she could see herself as a witch. It was something she hadn't been overly keen on seeing and wasn't too sure about.... because, as she reached the gate to leave her garden she glanced back and said: And don't follow me! before leaving. She had said it so forcefully that she had almost said it out loud. Aureen asked her if she felt she had seen herself in a former life..... S1 wasn't sure. I looked at her and said what does your gut reaction tell you - and she replied that, yes, she thought it had been herself in a former life... she'd been a witch. She didn't seem at all comfortable with the thought....... I guess that centuries of bad press from the church have coloured that for her. If you go by her obvious psychic skills then a former life as a witch... or wise woman... is almost a given. It made me wonder if that's perhaps why I've always felt like I've seen her some place before. :0)

With this it was time to close down ourselves and the Circle, which we did. Once done we helped Aureen replace the table and chairs into the area we use, turning it back into the dining room it's supposed to be, then put all the glasses away (we always have glasses of water to hand, as it's thirsty work) and made sure everything was tidy. We then headed for the door. As I was leaving I asked Aureen if there was anything I could do to try and improve things: practice was the answer, just keep practising all the techniques. I do.... but it doesn't help that nine times out of ten I keep falling asleep just recently - I could really do with something to stop that from happening. LOL With that we all said our goodbyes and headed home.

DH was waiting outside, quite happy now he'd had his fish and chips and stunk out the car with them. I asked him if he had had a relative with a cuckoo clock - he reckoned he had but couldn't place who it was. I suggested he ask his Dad, next time he rang him for a natter. We decided to have a trip to the main Tesco to do some shopping this week, so I could stock up on some of my special foods and get a few other bits we needed. The cupboards were nicely stocked afterwards but it made it a long night so we were well and truly shattered after we'd got home and put it all away. We were glad to go to bed..... and both slept well.

REIKI - 20TH MARCH

2010-03-22T12:43:00.000-07:00

Saturday started out a little hectic as I'd asked DH if we could go to the Harlequin Office Furniture place in the morning, to see if they had anything suitable for storage in my Craft Room, as they were only open until 12pm. As usual, when we need to be somewhere in a hurry DH continued to operate on a totally different time zone to everyone else. LOL We made it there about 20 minutes before they were about to close. A young chap came to find out what we were looking for and what it was for: some kind of storage unit and a filing cabinet to go in my Craft Room. He showed us various cabinet type units with doors on but they weren't right. He showed us the filing cabinets and explained a bit about each. The budget version looked OK but the drawers were shorter than the cabinet..... what's the point in that? As I pointed out, the room is small and I need to maximise the storage space to make sure I can get everything in there that needs to go in. He showed us a different one, a nice silver colour with 4 full depth drawers - that was definitely the one.... of course it was a bit more expensive than the other one, wasn't it! He then showed us some sturdy bookcases that have adjustable shelves - they stock extra shelves, so I can get more when I decide how many I need. DH wrote down all the measuremenets and other details so we could have a measure up at home and work out where they'll go. The same place can also supply some rubber rollers for my computer chair, which are much quieter and better for rolling on laminate flooring.... much cheaper than buying a new chair and they'll fit them for us if we take the old chair in. The upshot: the items I want are all carried in stock so, once ordered and paid for, they can arrange a delivery slot and they will even put it all up and place it where it's wanted. How good is that? We came away from there quite happy with what we'd seen and found out. :0)

From there we had to go straight home so I could get some dinner and then get ready to go for my Reiki session. Of course the weather was a tad wet when it was time for me to walk down the street - good job I bought a new kagoul last year. LOL

When I arrived at the Clinic it was to find Jan was being the Receptionist. I asked how she was doing - she certainly looked better and seemed far less fraught than last time... and sounded it, too. The move is suiting her very much and she's settling in nicely to her new home. She asked how I'd been doing so I told her that the last few days hadn't been so great: I'd run out of the herbal mix a while ago and had decided to see how I went without it, relying on the acupuncture, rejigging my diet a little and some supplements that included red clover leaf extract capsules I'd bought from Julian Graves some time ago. My 28 day cycle had been on the Thursday: I'd felt great after acupuncture but by the evening I'd felt a tad fraught.... and had felt really fraught Friday and into Saturday. She asked what I meant by fraught: well, don't leave any sharp implements near me... or blunt ones, for that matter - DS had been giving me some attitude Friday night and I told him he had better just shut his mouth or I'd be over to sort him out. If it hadn't been for having my tray on my lap at the time I would probably have been over there and done a laying on of hands.... and it wouldn't have had anything to do with healing. LOL The feisty moods had been interspersed with really low sessions, not helped by the flushes and night sweats being a real bugger. I told her that what I'd been doing just wasn't enough, that I'd felt much more balanced whilst on the herbal med, with the flushes and sweats being barely noticeable...... obviously it was something in the combination of ingredients within the mix that worked for me. It was worth the little experiment, to find out, but I'd had enough - I wanted that balance back. LOL Jan was quite pleased with that and said that she'd love to have some feedback from me, when I am in again next Thursday, on how I am feeling then because, if I have settled down again, it means she might just have found a really good combination that could help some of the other women she's treating for menopausal symptoms. I said I'd let her know. She didn't have time to mix the med then as I was due to go into Treatment Room 1 (where her dispensary is) for Reiki and she had someone booked in for a colonic and they should be arriving shortly. She asked if I could go back at 3.30pm when she would have finished and I said that was fine. As she was going to be busy when I came out the next appointment was arranged and I paid for this session.

Aureen was now ready for me, so off I trotted. Aureen then asked how I'd been doing so I gave her a potted version of what I'd told Jan. I also told her about the postponed pick up of my new car, thanks to DH not getting the insurance sorted in time, and how disappointed I'd been about that and feeling generally fed-up. She said there was obviously a reason the pick up not happening yet. Yep, I know, which is why I didn't get really upset about it, but if it had just been the one thing I'd probably have been fine.... but there have been quite a few niggling things that have all come at once..... and I'm so obviously menopausal at the moment. I didn't need to say more: she knew exactly what was meant, as she's been through it already and hadn't had a good time with it. So, as there was lots of tension and I was feeling out of balance she decided to concentrate on relaxation and easing of the tension during this session. I took off all my jewellery, hair scrunchie, shoes and specs and got onto the bed so the treatment could begin.

If I've learnt anything from these Reiki sessions it's that you can never guess how it will develop or what will happen, as no two are ever the same. It took me a little longer to settle into the session this time, mostly due to the inward tension but also because there was quite a bit of noise outside, on the High Street, but thankfully the worst of that soon faded into the background. This time I wasn't really aware of many of the Chakra colours swirling behind my eyes but what I did really notice was the energy from Aureen's hands every time she placed them up near my head: it was much more noticeable than usual and was sort of a cross between a buzz and a tingle, just on the edge of hearing.

At the end of the session she said my name and asked how I felt and had I picked anything up? Chamomile, I said. Towards the end of the session that word came to me and it was so forceful I almost said it out loud. She asked what I thought it meant. Well, I've been feeling fraught and I've got some Chamomile herbal tea at home but hadn't been drinking much of it lately - Doh! Aureen said it seemed like my body was letting me know what it needed - yep, and I shall certainly start drinking it more often.
She asked if I'd been aware of any colours this time, as she'd been really aware of blues and purples, almost sparking from her hands. No, not really, and even though I usually see the Chakra colours quite vividly I hadn't really been aware of those this time either, it seemed more of a sensing/feeling session. I told her about feeling the energy buzz/tingle from her hands very strongly and that I'd also felt slight hot and cold sensations around my body but not like obvious changes in exterior temperature, more subtle and, again, more like energy shifts through my body that felt like something was being gently pulled through it. I'd felt this the most when she worked on my Crown Chakra and compared it to opening my Chakras but in reverse. My feet tingled for a while after the final grounding too.
I'd initially seen Angel images. When I see these in my minds eye they are usually quite basic in shape: a head and neck with a long, thin "gowned" body and swept back wings, usually they are all fractal light (sometimes bright light, sometimes like a stained glass window) - this time I just saw the head and wings shapes in silhouette, enough to make me aware of them and then they were gone. I also saw the head of an old lady who had white curly hair but I didn't see her for long enough to make out more of her facial features - I could only tell Aureen that she wasn't my Mum..... and I didn't know who she was. I got the name George again, which is definitely linked to her, and I saw a man's face: dark hair and a dark moustache... again too fleeting to get much more detail, so I didn't mention him.
Aureen told me that she'd found that both my sacral and solar plexus Chakras had been quite flat when she started working on them but had sorted them out and I told her that could explain why I'd recently been having difficulty visualising the orange of the sacral Chakra - the yellow of the Solar plexus had been a tad insipid too.
From about half way through the session there were times when I just didn't know where Aureen was. Sometimes it was due to my feeling another pair of hands working on me in a different area.... sometimes I couldn't feel her hands at all and I couldn't sense where she was, almost as if I'd been left on my own - that was the weirdest sensation ever. Aureen then told me that part way through the session she had opened her eyes and looked at her hands.... and saw a tiny pair of female hands laid over hers - I said Deidra? But she said no, they were definitely adult hands, just very small and pointed to her middle knuckle area - very small hands, then. Maybe they belonged to the white haired lady whose face I saw?

I sat up and made my way to the chair by the consulting desk so I could start putting my things back on and take some sips of water and where Aureen kept her file (she keeps notes in there - not sure what specifically, though feel it may be similar to the notebook that her Guides told me to keep). Jan tapped at the door and asked if it was OK to come in - her colonic guy hadn't turned up (which she suspected might happen), so she could come and make up my herbal med mix now, rather than having to go back later.

Aureen asked if, when having a Reiki session, I felt I was letting go of things. I can't say as I'd been aware of letting go of anything more than the tension this time.... and compared it to the times when she'd performed psychic surgery - now those times I definitely felt and knew something had gone. I felt this session was more about sorting out the tension and getting me back on an even keel, and I certainly felt much more relaxed than when I'd first walked in.... and we spoke about the chamomile thing coming to me again and how that will help keep me calm. Jan piped up from her dispensing area and said: funnily enough, I'm just adding that to your mix now. LOL

I then asked Jan how the change was suiting her and if she felt a difference in atmosphere between her home and the town. Most definitely and she said said how difficult she'd found it to adjust the first time she'd come back to the Clinic after having some time off during the move and needing to protect herself more thoroughly when coming into the town. I can appreciate that: whenever we've been away on holiday, especially when it's been to the Lake District, it always takes me a while to settle back into my home - I always feel quite jangled, iykwim. We had a bit more chit chat, then Aureen was ready to leave, so I thanked her and said goodbye and see her on Tuesday. As she got to the bottom of the stairs and opened the door we both heard her say Oh! in an odd way and were just about to shout and ask if she was OK when we heard the door close behind her. Once I'd finished the conversation, paid Jan for my med and said goodbye and went to the door I found out why.... it was raining but it was just the tail end of what had been an absolute deluge. There were actual streams running down the gutters and paddling pools worth of puddles all over the place. Yuk!

I decided not to venture further down the street, especially as I was feeling quite tired, so just popped over to Tesco Express (jumping over the gutter streams and dodging the paddling pool puddles) to get a couple of things we needed, then headed home. DH had disappeared off to the Museum while I'd been gone - they are currently running an exhibition on the LTC, as they've just celebrated their 60th Birthday, and DS and a few of the other members had been helping out with the visitor event they were putting on that day. DS and the other members were all in costume from various performances they'd put on. I wouldn't have minded going to see it but the timings were all wrong for that.

After I'd put the shopping away and sat and did a crossword I realised just how tired I felt and started heading upstairs.... just as DH came throught the front door. A quick chat later and I carried on up the stairs, as I was really struggling to concentrate by this time - DH commented on that and said that I actually looked tired too - and went to bed for a couple of hours. It helped and I felt much better after that. I will have to ask Aureen just what she did, when I see her again. Not only because of the tiredness I'd felt.... but also because I've been feeling much brighter since. :0)

ACUPUNCTURE - 18TH MARCH

2010-03-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

I had an 11.30am appointment this week, so I was up and sorted and out of the door by around 11.20, so I could have a steady walk down to the Clinic. It was a reasonable day, too, so it was quite pleasant out... though busy with traffic and people, with it being Market Day.

When I got there this week it was to find Anne in Reception again as G was still poorly and voiceless, Bless her. I had a quick chat with Anne until Janet came through to take me into Treatment Room 2: I needed to rewrite the cheque for the Shamballah Healing Course, as it should have been made out to the chaps business name and not his actual name (quickly sorted). She popped the cheque in the drawer for Jan to collect next time she was in.

Once settled Janet asked how things had been going this week. Not too great, actually: the hot flushes and especially the night flushes were being a bit of a bugger the last few days and I was having a few mood swings/dips.... and explained that my 28 day cycle was up that day, so that might have something to do with it. I said I didn't understand the mood dip otherwise, as I had had a brilliant weekend - she asked what I'd been doing and I told her about putting a deposit on the car and going to the M,B&S event and what Leonie had said about me being a natural and the lift that had given me. I told her I was going to be picking up the car Friday night and was looking forward to that, though a little nervous as it would bring a big change with it - a necessary one, but I can't help but feel nervous about it.

She asked me how Circle went that week One word answer: cr*p. I felt that quite a bit of what I got was a rehashing of things that had come up before. She said that I seemed to be doing OK, mentioning the song from her Grandma and the Deidra things - yes, it seems I'm getting a bit more outside of Circle but I was bothered by the fact that I couldn't seem to give more back to the other girls. She took a few notes as I spoke and then asked: if I had to use one word to describe how I currently felt, what would it be? I thought a little and she said not to think about it, just say the first thing that came into my head. OK, that would be fed-up, then. Yes, I know - not strictly one word.... but it did sum up how I was feeling...... and it was more polite than the one I used earlier. LOL

Whislt Janet took my Chinese pulses I mentioned that we were also going to be visiting to my DSis's on the following Sunday and I was feeling slightly anxious about that and that I felt it was due to my DSis having a lot of bottled up anger, thanks to what had happened at work and the way Human Resources had handled it and how badly they were now dealing with her request for a letter of exoneration to be added to her work record, and I was really picking up on it. She noted my pulse results and said there was definitely some tension in there, though the pulse wasn't nearly as rapid as it had been previously. Whilst I was taking off my shoes and socks, hair scrunchie and specs and prepared to lay on the bed she asked if I had a strong bond with my DSis, then went to close the blind. Yes, despite the fact that when we were kids the three of us often used to try and half kill one another, we are very close. I told her about the morning I was taken into hospital with the severe abdominal pain: all the while I was in pain my DSis kept getting real bad twinges of pain in her stomach that almost had her keeling over (it got her and the staff really worried) then, just as suddenly as her pains had come they went.... right around the time that the morphine jabs had finally kicked in to ease the pain for me. She didn't get the pain again and realised why she had got it when my DH rang her up that night to tell her what had been happening (she has since told me that she's really glad I can't have any more babies..... she really didn't fancy going through labour with me ROFLMAO). Janet's reaction was: Wow, you really have got a link there. I told her my DSis really should be doing Development too, as she actually sees Spirits regularly - she doesn't want to though, as she doesn't want to have any more happening than what does already... it freaks her out, with her being on her own, so she tries to blank it.

Once on the bed she said she would mostly concentrate on the hormonal side and easing the tension. This time she applied needles to: all round my ankles; the ones for my liver, in the tops of my feet (stung again); the ones on either wrist (heart meridian); in the thumb crease and one in my head, about an inch and a half to two inches above my hair line. When I queried the lack of a third eye needle she said she wouldn't put one in there this time, as she felt this may now be over-stimulating my third eye, possible causing some of the Circle problems. She then warned me she was going to adjust a couple of the needles and to say when they "bit". it was the two in the tops of my feet again and they definitely bit. LOL I asked if I could have the silver foil thingy over me this week, in case I got as cold as last time....... she said she could do better than that this time and pulled out a lovely, thick cotton blanket. As I hadn't got any needles in my legs or torso it was possible to have the blanket on my body and legs and have the towel draped over my toes to keep them warm. Perfect! LOL With that she popped on the music, made sure I was settled, switched off the light and left me to relax.

Well, relax was definitely the operative word this week - the tension just seemed to drain away and I got so relaxed I almost fell asleep. In fact, if it hadn't been for someone somewhere in the building dropping something that made a loud clatter which startled me big time (really not good for my heart, that LOL) I reckon I would have nodded off. I don't remember any real revelations this week, just an image of a china cup and saucer for some reason.

It didn't seem two minutes before Janet came back into the room and asked how I felt. I had to give myself a big stretch and consciously engage brain before talking - and told her it was the most relaxing session yet and felt better. I mentioned the china cup and saucer and asked if it could be linked to her Grandmother. Janet said that she used to like to drink out of a proper cup and saucer but no, this was a proper fine china cup and saucer I'd seen. She said her Mum had to have different drinks out of certain types of cups.... then she mentioned that, actually, she had a really pretty china teacup and saucer, decorated with flowers, that was on display in her home. Another one of those random things that come to me... a small hit. :0) Whilst we were talking Janet removed the needles.... and this time there wasn't a problem removing the ones from the tops of my feet, though I defintitely felt a slight "popping" sensation when they came out.

After seeing I was OK and ready to sit up and get myself sorted and checking if I wanted another session the following week, Janet said goodbye and went off to let Anne know and get the other room ready for her next client. I had a few sips of water and put my things back on, then went out to reception. I made my next appointment and paid for the session, then Anne told me that the lady who had been due in for a Reiki session before me on Saturday had rung to cancel - would an earlier appointment be of use to me? I realised I was the last booking of the day, so asked if that meant that Aureen could go home sooner if I did - it did, so I said OK. It didn't make a huge difference to my plans but it would give Aureen chance to do more afterwards. With that I said my goodbyes and headed for the door.

First stop, as usual, was the Hospice Bookshop and this was my find this time:

Past Life Regression is something I am really curious about and have been considering doing at some point.... providing I can find someone I can trust enough to do it. Am hoping the book can answer some of the questions I have about the process.

From there I headed on down to the market. Unfortunately the Craft Stall lady didn't have any more boxes in yet, it would be another couple of weeks before they arrive - time for patience then. I had a quick scoot around the rest of the stalls and got myself a punnet of bargain strawberries at just £1.00. Hunger had started to kick in by now so I started heading back up the High Street, first calling in at the Greengrocers for some diabetic biscuits... and discovered that they now stock some small Nak'd bars, so added a few of those to my basket too. After paying I headed to Tesco Express for a couple more items, then carried on home. Once there I put my buys away, got changed and made myself some lunch.

I thought I was going to have a quiet day after that. Wrong! A knock at the door revealed a chap, friend to Corus Pete next door, enquiring about DS's old Mini - apparently Pete had mentioned it was for sale and his DS had decided he'd like one after seeing the one he'd bought for his DD. I gave him my DS's mobile number as I didn't know any details about what it had failed its MOT on or how much he was asking for it. He promised to phone DS - though I did warn him he may not answer it, with being at work, and if he didn't he would phone him back later. You could have knocked me down with a feather when a second chap knocked within the hour, also enquiring if the Mini was for sale. He gave me his mobile number so DS could phone him later. A third knock around half an hour later had me wondering what was going on.... though this time it was the postie with some packages. If it had been a third enquiry it would have seriously freaked me out. Why? Because only a few days beforehand I'd been thinking that we could really do with selling the Mini, to get it out of the way and make more room, ready for my new baby arriving.... and I'd casually thought (nope, hadn't even said it aloud) that it would be nice if this could happen soon...... and along come these two chaps. :0)

Unfortunately the first chap was only willing to offer silly money and the second chap dropped out after initially saying he would have it (though that wasn't a surprise, to be honest). But along came a phone call from one of DS's work colleagues on Friday (DS had booked the day off) to ask if he could come and view the Mini.... and he offered a more reasonable sum. DS is now thinking about it.... fingers crossed he decides to take the offer, as I don't think he'll get a better one at this point. Meantime I've thanked the Universe for the help. :0)

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 16TH MARCH

2010-03-20T15:14:00.000-07:00

Everything went well this week: a calm, chill-out day; meal cooked and eaten early enough; DH back early enough to eat and be ready on time and setting off with plenty of time to take a nice, steady journey. :0)

I was the first to arrive. Aureen apologised for the coldness of the house, as she'd been a little later than usual setting off, so the heating hadn't been turned up long - she decided to leave the thermostat up a little higher in future, to try and ensure the house doesn't get quite so freezing in future. I said it was OK... I had my thermals on anyway. LOL

As we waited for the others to arrive we chatted and I told her about thinking that Deidra and the young girl that keeps cropping up (even Leonie, my reader, says every time that there's a young girl with me) is for me and explained what had happened since the previous week. We didn't have time to discuss it further as S1 and Sh arrived. When they had sat down she told us that S2 and G couldn't make it this week, as S2 had been at the hospital with a sick relative all night and didn't feel up to coming and poor G was down with a chest infection and had lost her voice. It meant we wouldn't be able to do the Power Animal meditation - disappointing but these things happen.... and there's usually a reason why (such as it not being the right time for one or more of us to do this just yet). We waited a little longer but A didn't turn up either, so we guessed she must have babysitter problems again, as she hadn't texted Aureen to say she wouldn't be coming.

We went through into the other room, taking a chair out of the Circle. Once settled Aureen started to talk to us about Spirit Guides: that we usually have one main Guide, who is with us throughout our lifetime.... and sometimes stays with us through several lifetimes. This Guide may even have been incarnated with us on Earth during a previous lifetime but was more Spiritually developed, so had progressed, but had chosen to come back to help us to progress. Then there were also temporary Guides, who would come to help us over a shorter time and usually for a specific reason or to help us with a particular life lesson. She then told Sh and S1 what I'd said about the young girl and the name Deidra.... and said that she felt Deidra was probably another of my Guides, of the temporary variety, and that perhaps more would be revealed as we eventually undertook the meditation to meet our Spirit Guide...... or it may not become clear yet, as more development would need to be done. Basically, only time will tell.

Aureen then asked us all if we felt that we were learning and developing, which we did, then asked how we felt we were developing/what we were getting out of the Circle. Of course she went and asked me first. Gulp! I said that it was a hard question, as some of it was difficult to put into words, as I felt the differences within. It has helped to open my mind to far more than I expected. I always felt as if I'd missed my way somewhere along the line, not quite fitting in, not knowing what I was supposed to do - just going along with whatever happened (kind of a reactive way rather than proactive, iykwim).... then things happened that led me to this Circle. I likened it to the first time I went to a Mind, Body and Spirit event: when I walked into the hall it was like going home; the atmosphere was lovely - it felt right. And that's how I feel about Circle: it feels right. It's brought focus into my life and I feel that I finally know what I should be doing. (It's also how I felt when I finally realised my true Pagan self - though refrained from saying this). I'm also learning - or trying to learn - some of that much needed patience!
I've thought since then: it's almost as if part of me has been waiting. I've been putting in time, learning various lessons through the years, living and enjoying my life along with my loved ones, growing some....... but still, essentially, waiting. Until now. :0)

Sh and S1 both said that this (Spiritual side) was something they had tended to dip into and out of at various points in their lives.... but that something always seemed to occur that always drew them back to it. Sh told the story of how suddenly becoming aware of a card in a shop window advertising card readings resulated in her booking one, continually forgetting to ask who the reader was, turning up for the session.... to be amazed by meeting up with Aureen again, and that led her to this Circle. S1 had been feeling isolated, somewhat bereft, since her move here... then had decided to go to the Clinic for some herbal medicine to help her stomach problems...... and her talks with Jan had led to an introduction to Aureen and a meeting with me at the Holistic fair... and to the Circle. The Universe seems to have really taken a hand in all of this. :0)

We passed the Healing Book round so we could add names and sent prayers and healing to all named within it. Aureen then said that, as we couldn't do the meditation, we would take the opportunity to do some one-to-one Clairvoyance again as it would be good practice for us. I couldn't help it - my heart dropped into my boots. Cr*p! Despite all my positive thinking and wanting to take things as they came I still reacted negatively..... and that just isn't the way to start one of these sessions. How to block yourself in one easy lesson! LOL So the Circle was opened, protection put in place, grounding done and Chakras opened.

First of all we all concentrated on Aureen. I got a clicking in my right ear initially, then the words Fairy Arch and saw an arch of flowers (very pretty) but no idea as to what it meant. Got the name George again and also saw a pond with lily pads in it. There was also a bunch of flowers. All very random. George keeps coming up for Aureen but I wasn't sure if he came up again because we'd been talking about him earlier. Aureen's left ear had been bothering her.... and as she was sat opposite me it was opposite my right ear. Other than that she couldn't place the other things.

Next we concentrated on Sh. I got Fuschia Man again and had a clicking noise in my left ear and felt a tickling on the left side of my neck (the side Sh was sat) and wanted to laugh. I also felt a quick pain in my left brow. Then I saw what initially looked like a sandcastle but turned into a proper castle - I described it as a well known and much photographed one, standing on a mountainside and surrounded by mountains and somewhere like Bavaria or Germany or the like, as I couldn't then remember more than that it began with an N. (I've since discovered it's called Neucshwanstein Castle and is in Bavaria, as I initially thought).
S1 saw Sh getting dressed up in a proper ballgown and going to a party.... she'd also seen Edinburgh Castle and something or other Mile in Edinburgh.
Aureen mentioned a name and described several things she'd seen and Sh owned them all - unfortunately I can't for the life of me remember what they were now, as the menopausal brain syndrome is really bad at the moment.

Then it was my turn. Sh saw an old man pushing an old handcart down a dirt track and said it looked like a farming type area and felt he was from way back. She got the name Ben/Benjamin and she saw him sat at a kitchen table, eating a solitary meal - she said it was all rather sad and lonely. I couldn't place him but said I'd ask the Uncles if they could - though I do know that there are some sort of farming links on both sides of the family a couple of generations back. She also saw me sipping a glass of sherry or port at some kind of celebration, like an anniversary, though she felt it was someone else's, not mine. She got the name Anita linked with this but the name doesn't bring anyone to mind at the moment.... I wondered if it might be someone to do with the LTC but, again, I don't recall DH or DS having mentioned anyone with that name. Guess I'll have to wait and see. She also said she had got the name Bert too. The only Bert I could think of were neighbours of my Nana and Grandad (Mum's Mum), who used to live across the road, in the corner house, though I didn't know much about them as I was a child at the time.
Aureen said her Guides had told her to tell me to make sure I write everything down, whether it be from within Circle, my dreams or meditations or when I have acupuncture or Reiki. As I seemed to be getting more outside of Circle than in it at the moment I had to especially write those things down. She was told that in the future I would need to be able to go back and check specific details, as it would be important for me. I had already started to do this on a small scale... when I remembered to do so, so Aureen stressed again that I needed to write it all down and make sure that it was all dated too. (I've since started doing this).
She then asked who had had a very spoilt and pampered Yorkshire Terrier. I knew my Nana and Grandad had had a dog when my Mum was a child but thought that had been a Scottie dog/West Highland Terrier (nasty little bugger it was too, from all accounts, prone to biting), then recalled visiting a particular relatives house (Mum's Aunt and Uncle, so my Great's) when I was a small child. They bred dogs and I recall being taken out into some little wooden sheds in their back garden to see some newborn puppies that were under a heat lamp - tiny little things they were, and I wondered if the Yorkie was linked with those. Since then I've chatted to my DSis and it turns out that my Nan and Grandad actually owned an extremely spoilt Yorkie called Mitzi - I'd forgotten all about that! So I'll have to try and remember to tell Aureen at the next Circle.
S1 said she initially saw me in a maze (I smiled because it made me think of walking the labyrinth) but she said I seemed quite panicky, and said it made her think of my agoraphobia and panic attacks, but she said I then stopped panicking and became very calm. Then she heard a voice say: it's OK, Jack will help. I smiled and told them that my Grandad (Dad's Dad) was called Jack - his proper name was John James but everyone called him Jack. I feel this is symbolic: me, currently floundering around and not knowing the way out - though I don't know where my Grandad in Spirit will come in to this - we weren't particularly close in life..... though he was psychic and it did save his life when he was a young man. I'm sure there was something else she got too but I can't remember what it was.

Then we concentrated on S1. First I saw Sydney Opera House, then this was followed by images of an ostrich, a giraffe and a gazelle or antelope - it made me want to ask if she was thinking of or going on safari. Finally I saw a ballet dancer. She has been to Australia and has seen the Opera House and her OH's company has a branch out there and he travels there regularly.... and she would like to go again, so there's a chance of seeing the Opera House again. They have friends living in South Africa and have an open invitation to go and stay.... no plans to, but who knows what the future might hold? She has also been to the ballet and would like to go again some time. I really wasn't sure how much of this I was picking up from Spirit or how much was coming to me from things that had been mentioned previously. I also felt that there was someone stood near her but forgot to mention that at the time.
Aureen had seen a man in a First World War uniform stood near her (so wish I'd remembered and said it!) and I think she said she got the name Stanley linked with him (weird because my Grandad - Mum's Dad - was called that). I can't remember what else came up.
Sh had the name Joan (weird again - same name as my Mum's DSis). The party theme continued, as Sh had seen her attending a party, though more like a party that S1 would be hosting, and that she would enjoy it. She'd also seen her shopping in Sainsbury's for party foods. Nothing planned at the moment but her OH's work sometimes involves social events and putting them on, so something could come up. There was something else as well, I think, but I can't recall what it was.

Time had got away from us again so we then had to do the usual closing down routine. Just after we closed down the Circle Aureen mentioned my stitching and asked if I'd ever thought of selling my stitched pieces. I replied that it wasn't really a feasible thing to do, as if you priced according to the hours spent on a piece people just weren't willing to pay it, and mentioned eBay and how the pieces on there went for peanuts. She asked if I'd ever been commisioned to do a specific piece - no, but I do tend to stitch items to give as gifts, as well as for my home. She then asked if I ever stitched Angels and I smiled at her and said that, actually, I was currently stitching a small Angel (making rough sizing movements with my hands, to show how big the piece was - my Just Nan Flora) that would be going into my Craft Room, once completed, so she could watch over things in there. Aureen smiled back and said: thought so, I saw you stitching an Angel. :0)

We started heading for the door then, as I knew DH would be waiting outside for me by this time. I said goodbye to the girls and thanked Aureen and she once again reminded me about writing everything down, stressing the importance of this, as I left. I forgot to say that I'd see her on Saturday, as I have a Reiki session then.... but am sure she will remember. LOL

DH and I drove home, via a quick detour to Tesco Express for a few bits and pieces, discussing a few things from that night as we travelled. Once again I felt quite tired - I think the smaller group means we each have to feed in more energy than usual, to raise the energy for contacting Spirit, so it seems to be more tiring than usual. I went to bed a little earlier, to compensate.

MIND, BODY & SPIRIT EVENT - 14TH MARCH

2010-03-19T16:00:00.000-07:00

As we missed the first M,B&S event of the year in Grimsby and the next local one (Lincolnshire Showground) isn't until June we decided to head on over to the one being held at Elsecar Heritage Centre. So we were up early, packed lunch made and put into the cool box and the car loaded and journey started. After a niggling start (busy garages making getting diesel a real pain, having to stop to close the bonnet as DH had managed to catch the button when he opened the fuel flap and the satnav detoured us off at Doncaster, just for the hell of it which had DH revising the route) we eventually got there - as it was dinnertime by then we opted to sit in the car and have the packed lunch before going into the venue.

Once we'd eaten and used the facilities we went in. Whilst the Heritage Centre as a whole was a tad busy (it was Mother's Day) the hall itself didn't seem overly crowded, so we were able to get round all the stalls more easily than last time. The first thing I did was to find my regular card reader, Leonie, to book a slot. Someone was just about to sit down at her table, so she booked me in the next slot.... half an hour to kill, so we started wandering round to look at the stalls. First up was the Moonshadow stall which is very Native American based. These were my buys:

The dragonfly on jade piece is beautiful and has a lovely feel to it and the incense will be good to use for Spirit Garden/ Safe Place and Earth oriented meditations. We wandered a little further, looking at several other stalls, then headed for the He Hi She Lo stall, as I wanted a piece of snowflake obsidian to pop into the glovebox of my new car, as it's a good one for protection whilst travelling. Unfortunately he didn't have any but pointed us in the direction of another stall that did but we left that for a little later, as it was then time for ym reading.

DH went for a sit down and cup of tea whilst I had my reading, which was, as always, interesting. At the end she asked if I had any questions. Instant brain blank (as usual) but then I thought of something: I said I didn't want to give too much away initially, but I was doing something at the moment and I wondered if she could tell if I was on the right path. She paused and looked to one side (this I recognise as "talking" with Spirit) then said yes, I definitely was... then asked what it was I was doing. I told her that I'd been going to a Development Circle, to which she instantly warned me not to go paying an arm and a leg for this and I reassured her that I don't. She then said that I didn't really need to go to a Circle as I was a natural at communicating with Spirit and would also be so with healing - that made me really smile, as I hadn't mentioned healing to her. I told her that I was going to attend a healing course in May and she said that that was good..... and also said that in a few years time she could see me sat where she was, doing what she was doing! It certainly gave me a bit of a boost after the poor sessions of Clairvoyance I'd been having recently. LOL I thanked her and rejoined DH, who had finished his drink by now, and headed for the other crystal stall where I found the perfect piece of snowflake obsidian:

A small palmstone sized piece that we both thought would be better than a tumblestone, as it wouldn't rttle around so much in the glovebox. :0)

Next stop was the Magik Thread book stall. No M,B&S event is complete without a good look at the books. :0) I found something of interest once again:

This is jumping up to the top of my To Read list - next one, after I've finished the menopause book and a novel I'm currently reading. I reasoned that, as I'm (trying) to work with Spirit, it's best to gen up on as much information as possible. ;0) There were lots of books that were of interest but remembering all those Hospice Bookshop buys waiting to be read at home made me keep it to one buy. LOL

After wandering a bit further we came across a stall that had Angel bits and pieces on it, called A New Belief. I spotted the Guided Meditation CD's and immediately liked this one:

My Archangel, healing and crystals - definitely one I wanted to try out. I have done since and it was a lovely one to do..... and I'll be listening to it again soon. :0)

We also stopped by another of our favourite stalls: Dragonfly Moon. I'd received their email newsletter earlier in the month and it had the news that Susan's solo CD was now available, so that was a must-buy.

I haven't had the chance to listen to it yet..... but I'll be rectifying that situation shortly. I also asked Susan about a carrying case for my drum and whether it was best to keep it in one all the time, which led to an interesting conversation about various theories on this..... which boiled down to personal preference. Unfortunately they hadn't got any of the right size in stock, though were expecting a delivery soon.... so we said we'd hopefully see her again at the Lincolnshire Showground event.

We stopped off at the Zone of Tranquility for a sit down, to catch our breaths.... and to add a couple of names to the healing curtain. Just five minutes in this little oasis of quiet sets you up for another foray. Soon after we had a stop by the JM Soaps stall, to stock up on a few goodies:

Those bath melts and soap smell divine. The Pine essential oil is for my burner, adding to my little stash of aromatherapy bits. Then we stopped by the Blue Moon Goddess stall. I wanted a sticker for my car that says: Never drive faster than your Angel can fly - they had some but they were bright sparkly ones and I didn't like them, so didn't bother. I spotted these bookmarks instead:

The figure in the one on the left reminds me of myself, walking my Path..... and the saying is to act as a reminder of the truth of that saying whenever I start to get impatient with my slow or lack of progress in Circle. LOL The Celtic Blessing is one I love and it is so beautifully decorated too. I don't intend using them - they are purely decorative reminders. :0) DH made me stay away while he bought some cards - he likes to buy alternative type cards for me (birthday, anniversary etc) as he knows I love the images on them. :0)

Time was marching on by now and most folks had headed for home already, so we went back to a stall we'd had a quick look at earlier: Life's Treasures. This had a selection of cold packs for natural pain relief...... but what first attracted me was the small pack for use to stop snoring. Not for me.... for DH. I decided it was worth a try, as it would be far less damaging than the usual elbow in the ribs...... and would save me from doing time, should I be driven to the final resort: the pillow smothering method. ROFL It was really interesting to talk to the lady and get to handle some of the sample products. Here's what we came away with:

The larger one is for using on neck, shoulder, back, elbows and knees and the smaller is for slotting in the end of DH's pillow. The Biofreeze sachets were freebies for us to try - it's another natural pain relief product and all are safe for diabetics to use, unlike some over-the-counter products. I'll let you know if the stop snoring pack works. LOL

By this time we had about done and the event was winding down for the day. I'd considered having an aura photo taken, to see if there had been any changes due to my attending the Circle, but DH reckoned it would be too soon, so best to leave it until June: I will have been to far more Circle sessions and done many more meditations etc by then, plus had more acupuncture and Reiki, so any changes should be much more noticeable by then. It confirmed some of what I'd been thinking, so we decided to call it a day and head home.

The journey back was uneventful (unlike start of the journey there!) and we were soon home and unloading our bags. We rounded the night off with a take out curry (usually a Saturday night happening but we decided to do it Sunday instead) and an early night, as we were both shattered. It had definitely been a lovely Mother's Day outing. :0)

ACUPUNCTURE - 11TH MARCH

2010-03-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

Back to a Thursday for my regular acupuncture session this week - I am definitely happier with it being on this day, rather than on a Tuesday, as I can take my time.... and it means I get out twice a week. :0)

This week Anne was receptionist and, as Janet was still dealing with a client in Treatment Room 1, she took me into Treatment Room 2 for a natter.... after I handed over a cheque as deposit for the Shamballah Healing Course I'm taking in May. It's always good to chat to her and this time it was really useful, as she gave me her DH's card - he's a joiner who has been in the business for donkey's years.... and it's always useful to know someone in the trade. :0)

Janet came through before we had chance to settle in for a really long chinwag, so Anne went back to reception whilst Janet got my notes, then asked how things had been going. Well, Circle still isn't going well as far as Clairvoyance is going but the meditation side of things does seem to be getting better. I told her about the meditations we'd done: how meeting myself etc had been emotional and that I felt there were still some things to be dealt with there and the very vivid visualisation of my Safe Place. It seems the third eye is beginning to benefit....so I'll happily put up with getting a needle jabbed into it every week. LOL She said that I hadn't been doing so badly with the Clairvoyance and pointed out the "hit" I'd had with her and her grandmother. That was good... but things hadn't gone quite so well since, barely getting much of anything and never really knowing who it's for. She said that that was often the way and that I might find that some messages I get will, invariably, be for myself. I laughed and said that that might be happening already and told her about the young girl and Deirdra. She also thought that it was a message for me and said it would be interesting to see what unfolded. from it.

She asked how my stomach and the anxiety had been. I told her about not having been well, due to some kind of bug kicking off the evening after the session, and having to call off the visit to my DSis's, as I'd spent the best part of two days in bed. She told me that if you have an acupuncture session session early enough when you're coming down with something, it helps to kickstart your immune system into action to fight it. This results in you not feeling very well for a day or two, then being OK....... whereas, if you hadn't have had the acupuncture, you may well end up being ill for one or two weeks. I did seem to get over it a lot quicker than I have done in the past, so feel there's some truth in it. Once I started to feel better my stomach improved and the anxiety soon disappeared. Guess you can call that a goos result. :0)

She then asked how the hot flushes/sweats had been. Reasonable, although I'd had a couple of belters the previous couple of days. I told her about running out of the herbal medicine I'd been taking and going on to take some red clover leaf extract capsules instead, along with a Vitamin C supplement - I was also going to add in a Vitamin E capsule, as that should also help with those. I'm also adjusting my diet slightly, to try and help. I've already done much of what is recommended (cutting out alcohol and caffeine in all forms and generally eating healthier, thanks to the Candida diet I've stayed on) but tweaking the protein (eating less of it) and the carbohydrates (eating a little more) and generally eating more veggies also helps. It's a case of waiting and seeing what affect this has, once my body gets used to it. Janet said she could adapt the treatment to help too.

With this she took my Chinese pulses: they weren't as rapid as they'd been the previous week, which was good, but there was still signs of imbalance there. The upshot was that she would be adapting the treatment to help cool my blood and this should help sort out those tropical moments, these beig extra to the needles that were for the hormonal and Spiritual things. This week I could keep my top on but I would need to roll my sleeves back, so she could get to my elbow area, but I would need to take off my shoes, socks and jeans. The day had been warmer so I wasn't wearing the thermal longjohns this week.... that made things a tad easier. LOL After closing the blinds she left the room while I got myself sorted and settled myself on the treatment bed.

When she came back in she set about inserting the needles: ones in the fleshy areas around my knees, all the ones around my ankles and in the tops of my feet; the heart meridian ones in my wrists; extra ones either sides of the thumb creases in both hands and one in each arm, close to the elbow crook; the final one in my third eye. Again, some of the needles I barely registered whilst others stung quite a bit and I could feel those slight shifts inside my body that tell me the energy is moving.... and I had to consciously make myself relax, as I tensed up a little as it happened. The third eye needle had the usual effect of making me feel slightly whoozy. Once I'd relaxed my muscles Janet adjusted a couple of the needles, after telling me to say when they "bit". Yep, I definitely let her know, as it does give a bit of a belt when she does that. Back to getting my muscles to relax once again and, once this was done, she switched on the CD, adjusting it to a comfortable level, switched off the light and left me to chill out.

Chill out was the operative word..... those blood cooling needles really worked, as I started to feel decidedly chilled some way into the treatment, despite the heater being full on.... and one of the needles in my left hand, close to the thumb crease, really started to bother me. In fact my hand started to ache badly along the palm and up to my little finger, so I had to lay my arm down on the bed, by my side, to give it some ease. I'd not had that happen before and wasn't too sure what to do but, as Janet had gone into the other Treatment Room with another client, I decided to persevere. It was very distracting though, as was feeling so cold, so it was impossible to relax properly and drift with the music as I would have liked to have done. Of course, these days, one of the side effects of feeling chilled is the effect it has on my bladder.... as in, I always desperately need to pee. So it was a definite relief when Janet eventually came back into the room. LOL

She asked how I was so I told her about being chilled, badly needing to pee and the hand hurting. She asked where exactly it was hurting and I showed her and she said that that was exactly where the meridian ran, which was why it hurt there. She did tell me what that needle was treating but I've since forgotten - I do know that as soon as she said it, it explained why it was playing up. She did say that the room did feel a little cold to her, although the heater was on...... but I guess the cooling effect of the needles was most likely the culprit (although I have since wondered if I had also had a "visitor", as it was exactly the same chill effect La and I had felt when a Spirit had been stood behind us both). As I was so desperate for the loo she quickly removed the needles, checked when I wanted to make my next appointment (to let Anne know), said goodbye and left so I could get my gear back on. I didn't hang around - as soon as I'd got my socks, jeans and shoes on I shot out to use the facilities. Boy, was that a relief!

After going back into the room to grab the rest of my stuff I went back out to see Anne.... who was highly amused by all this. I was too, once my bladder was empty! LOL I told her about how chilled I'd been and she said that I should have shouted, as she would have got a blanket to cover me. I said I'd remember that for next time it happened. I booked my next appointment for the following Thursday, got a herbal tea and some Vitamin E capsules and paid my dues, then said my goodbyes and headed for the door.

This week I headed for the Hospice Bookshop again and found these two useful books:

Both will help me gen up in these two areas... and at a £1.00 each they were too good a bargain to miss. :0)

After that I headed for the market.... though I was now feeling quite hungry, so wasn't going to hang around. Unfortunately the craft stall hadn't got any of the boxes left that I wanted, though they did have some peel-off boxes, so I bought one of those, as I knew I could use it for organising other bits for my Craft Room. The stallholder said she would be getting more of the A4 sized ones in shortly, so I said I'd be back again another week. A quick scan round the rest of the market, adding a punnet of strawberries to my haul, then I headed back up the High Street, via the Post Office so I could post a package. I had a quick call in at the Library to ask the Adult Education folks if they still ran Yoga classes, as I feel these would be of benefit to me: apparently not, any more - due to funding restrictions they are now only allowed to offer classes that result in gaining a qualification certificate. How stupid is that? The lasy did suggest that I ask at the Leisure Centre.... but that's in town and I don't go there very often, so I shall have to find the phone number and give them a ring.

Once home I put the shopping away and then made myself some overdue dinner. Once that had been eaten I popped to the nearby Pet and Garden shop to get some wild bird seed, came back and put that in the storage tub, then set about filling the feeders. It seemed very slightly warmer out there than of late, though I didn't hang around for too long. By this time I had begun to feel a bit tired, so I realised it had been another reasonably intensive treatment, so took it easy from then on..... and was relieved not to have to go to Circle afterwards.

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 9TH MARCH

2010-03-11T01:56:00.000-08:00

I had quite a nice chill out day, fitting in a meditation session mid-afternoon, and felt a whole lot more positive this week. The think has done some good and various things have reminded me of L's philosophy: that it isn't always about the end result, sometimes it's more about the journey. Time to stop getting hung up about what's not happening, relax and just enjoy the process. :0)

DH almost wrecked the calmness by not leaving work until the last minute, despite needing to eat before taking me to Circle. He will not be rushed and the more you try to chivvy him the slower he gets... deliberately, to my mind. It's made me even more determined to get a car: that way I won't get fraught because he's late or won't be hurried.... I'll be able to take myself off at a time, and pace, that suits me.

Luckily I calmed down again during the journey... and everyone else seemed to be running a little later than usual, as I ended up being the first to arrive! LOL Aureen and I chatted a little as we waited for the others to arrive: she kept a look out at the window for G and popped out when she saw she'd arrived. G knew the general area to come to but wasn't sure which house, as it was her first time, so Aureen wanted to make sure she found us OK. Everyone arrived very soon after this. Not only did we have a new member but A had sorted out her babysitting problems and was able to make it.... and it was lovely to see her again.

When Sh arrived she sat next to me and I said: remember Mary? She did, so I told her she'd had a direct hit and who she was. She was thrilled and, as Aureen pointed out, it goes to show that, as I didn't know who Mary was, it wasn't a case of picking up on something I'd said or even mind-reading - she'd been given it from Spirit. It was a lovely positive note to start the night on. :0)

We went through to the other room. I was sat between G and A this week, thankfully not with my back to the empty kitchen area, although not far off. For some reason I much prefer to have a wall or the closed patio doors behind me.... not that those things make much difference to Spirit! ROFL Aureen clarified with G how far she had got to during the previous Circle she'd attended and make sure she knew all about protecting herself, the Chakras, grounding etc. It seems she's not far off where we've got up to, especially as she is learning Spiritual Healing. We then passed round the Healing Book so names could be written in there and a prayer said.

This week we were to do two different meditations. The first one would be fairly long, the other shorter and they probably wouldn't leave much time for clairvoyance afterwards but she'd see. She told us more about the meditations and then the Circle was opened and protection put in place.

For the first meditation: we had to open our Chakras, then focus on our breathing for a while, breathing in through our nose, then out through our mouths, then focus on our base Chakra; ground ourselves from our soles and our base Chakra; pull energy up to our base Chakra and imagine its energy reaching every part of our bodies; imagine a column of white light entering our bodies through our crown Chakra and merging with the red pulled up and through our base Chakra; then focus on our heart Chakra next and imagine breathing in love through it and allowing it to reach every part of our body; we then had to sit down and visualise that we were sat opposite ourselves, looking at ourself and noticing facial details etc; we were to send the love from our heart chakra to our other self, then tell her the thing we liked most about her; we then had to see if there was a message from our other self for us; next we had to imagine both our selves standing up and hugging each other, allowing the two to become one. There was then a long list of things we were to recognise, such as accepting love without fear and allowing ourselves to feel whole and happy (very positive things but too many for me to remember). We then had to become aware of ourselves in the room and come back.

Aureen asked us all how we felt and we all agreed it had been a very moving experience. It was also a very personal experience for each of us, so only the basic bits we were able to talk about were discussed. I can't say I had been able to see my other self solidly in front of me but I did feel that I had made a connection and it had brought home a few things to me.... and actually highlighted a few other relevant things that had been on my mind recently and need working on. Aureen asked us how we had felt about hugging ourselves and giving/receiving the love and I (and a couple of the others) admitted that it had felt awkward.... and that had brought its own realisations. She realised that this had affected me quite a bit (she said she could feel the emotion coming off me) and I said that I felt this was a meditation I would need to do again at home so that I could really let myself go, should I feel the need.

One of the main reasons for doing this meditation is to make us realise, especially those who wish to do Healing, that we need to be able to love ourselves, warts and all, before we can open to the loving healing energy and love others enough to aid them. In other words, we need to be whole and healed in heart, as well as in body, before we can hope to help others. It makes me think of the old adage: physician, heal thyself. I took the point: much of what I've been doing this last year and a bit has been mostly to heal my body, with some to heal my heart (grief-wise) but I know I still have some other issues that need to be worked on further. Oddly enough, words that came to me during this meditation were: warts and all. :0)

The second meditation was the first one from the three we are to do to meet our Spirit Guides. Yay! This first one from the three is to go to our Safe Place: a meadow where we know we can return whenever we need to feel safe. Aureen wants us to go here and be able to clearly visualise it because she needs to know that we can do this and be 100% confident that we are safe before taking us on the next two steps: first meeting our Power Animals, then on to meet our Guides. I asked if the Safe Place was different to a Sacred Place and if that was different to our Garden. Aureen said the Safe Place and the Garden are different and that she would class the Garden as our Sacred Place (more on this later).

For this meditation Aureen turned out the light and we had to: begin by concentrating on our breathing, breathing in through our mouths, holding it for the count of four, then breathing out through our mouths - I find concentrating a problem, as it usually sends it out of whack and I spend so much time concentrating on trying to get it right that it becomes a distraction... so after a while I left my breathing to sort itself out and just listened to Aureen's voice guiding us; we then had to walk along our country lane, passing by the gate to our garden and going to another gate, noticing what it looked like; we then had to look over/through the gate and see the meadow beyond, then open the gate and go in, closing the gate behind us; once inside we had to notice the extent of the meadow and what it was edged by (fence, wall, hedge, trees - whatever) and know that nothing could get in there, we were totally alone; we then had to notice what we were or weren't wearing, then look out across the meadow and see what was there and what the whole looked like; next we had to walk to the centre of the meadow and lay down and enjoy the sights, smells and sounds; when we had been there for a while we then had to walk back to the gate, exit and walk back down the lane and come back to ourselves.
Aureen then got us to open for clairvoyance, concentrating on just one person and seeing if we could get a clear message for them. She then put the light back on and went round each of us in turn to see how the meditation had gone and who our message was for.

Here's what I can remember:
Sh: wrought iron gate (I saw this before I saw my own gate!), dry stone wall on three sides and a thicket of trees at the bottom, she wasn't aware of anything beyond it. Hers was a poppy filled meadow and lush green grass.

S2: meadow from her childhood, with cows - one she'd disappeared into when she was three years old (sparking a full-on police search!) and loved - with clouds of gypsophila type white flowers and bluebells. She felt that, although she couldn't see him, her Guide was hovering in the background waiting to meet her but she told him not yet, we're not supposed to yet. Aureen said that was good, as S2 needed to learn to focus, rather than going wandering off on different paths (this has happened during sessions), and it looked like she was doing alright with it. Her message was for Aureen: she mentioned two names (both owned) and described the person both names belonged to. She had also seen the same man she's seen before, and described, who Aureen still can't place. She wondered, as this man gives the impression that he's looking after Aureen and keeping her safe, if he's another Guide she hasn't met yet, or some other Guardian. She received a message from one of the other girls (not sure who) and some of it involved hearing the song "What's it all about, Alfie?" - she took that, as she says whenever psychic things happen she always asks what that's all about?

G: she had seen everything clearly and also enjoyed it - unfortunately I can't remember more. Her message was for Aureen.

When it was my turn I said: I love this meditation - I can DO this one! which made everyone laugh. Up to now visualising my silver birch tree has been the clearest, most vivid mental image I've ever received.... this was even clearer! I saw a large wooden five-bar gate, complete with one of those long metal "arm" type fastenings with a ball on top and I felt like I'd opened the gate, walked in and closed it behind me. My meadow was surrounded by a thick green hawthorn hedge (hawthorn for protection) and there were little critters rustling around in there - it wasn't regimented (as in four sides like a garden) but irregularly shaped. The meadow itself was draped across a slight hillock, and had buttercups, poppies, something like cornflowers (small and blue) and some white flowers (daisies, possibly) and knee length grass, with a few bees around. It was a warm summers day and I was butt naked. That made the girls comment LOL. As I pointed out, I don't usually do naked and can be quite prudish on occasion (eg: despite knowing I was having the op to have my ovaries out I still asked if I could wear some pants! LOL) - I feel the nakedness was to reinforce the knowledge that I felt totally safe and protected in there. Remember when you were a child and you were so full of the joy of living that you would run up a hill, then spin round in circles with your arms raised and drop to the ground? Well that's how I felt and it's what I felt I did - it was amazing! I reluctantly walked back to the gate and felt like I'd put on a blue flowing dress (very similar to one I love to wear in summer) before I left. I said I'd definitely be doing this one again. :0) The clairvoyance hadn't gone well again as I'd initially darted about and struggled to settle on one person - then I got the name Deidra again and felt I'd seen a mirror (oe picture) with a metal or metal-look trim around that had flowers on it - more focus on the frame, though I couldn't say who it was for or what it was about. Aureen said not to worry, as I'd done really well with the meditations. As I said: I'm not going to let this stress me anymore as it adds to the block, I shall concentrate on enjoying the journey. :0)

A: she had struggled with this. She saw the gate (can't remember) but her meadow had been black - can't remember if it was surrounded by barbed wire, or if that was A's or S1's. She flooded it with white light before going in, realising it wasn't normal, and to ensure it was safe, but it stayed the same so she went in anyway, feeling that it was alright. She felt OK and knew she was safe and felt happy enough there, and could see all the details that were there, except for it all being black. As she was going back to her gate she felt a hand on her shoulder, which was non-threatening, and felt it was her Guide, and a voice said: Too Soon. Normally she'd question why etc but she accepted this. Aureen felt that her having missed four weeks was partly the problem, so she asked her to practice this meditation at home through this week, as she needed to be ready to do this for the next stages. Although she did say that we weren't to worry about any of it: we all knew how to go to our Safe Place and knew that we were safe there...... some of us would meet our Guides but it may well be that some may not, despite everything. It couldn't be predicted.

S1: I think hers was a five-bar gate too. Her meadow was full of golden corn, bluebells and poppies and also had cows in there. Aureen made a joke about her borrowing the cows from S2's field - they were sat opposite one another, so there could have been some transference. The difference was that S1 could hear sheep and lambs bleating on the other side of her fence. Her message was for S2.

The time had gone really quickly this week so we had to quickly close down, protect ourselves and close the Circle. Aureen is always conscious that my DH will be waiting outside...... hopefully that won't be a problem for too much longer though. LOL

I said goodbye to the girls and as we were heading for the front door Aureen mentioned something about the Sacred Place/Garden (I guess she realised there was more to my question) so I explained. A couple of weeks ago I was doing a meditation and set off doing one thing (walking through the woods to go to the cleansing waterfall) when I suddenly arrived somewhere else: there were trees all around (not the giant Redwoods I see on the way to the waterfall but a typical British woodland) and in the middle of the trees was a clearing; the clearing was circular and around the edges of it, in front of the surrounding trees, were standing stones - not huge ones, ones about waist height and not quite as wide as a person - and in the middle of the clearing was a fire which was also surrounded by small rocks. I saw this more as still photo images, though there had been movement in the fire. It was all very Pagan and I also felt safe there... I don't remember much else as I got disturbed before it got any further - but I was left with the feeling that something more should/would have happened. Aureen said that this obviously was my Sacred Place, separate to my Garden. There wasn't time for more, as the other girls were lining up behind me ready to leave, so we said goodbye and I left.

DH was waiting patiently, reading his newspaper. He could tell straightaway that I was feeling much brighter and more positive this time around and asked how it went, so I told him a little about the meditations. There was a slight detour via Tesco Express for some shopping on the way home which is always good for bringing me back down to Earth with a bump LOL.

I have since done the meditations at home. The safe place wasn't quite as vivid but I could still see it. :0)
When I tried to redo the "Meet Yourself" one I struggled to remember some of it..... but I had the name Deidra come to me again...... and I went quite deeply at one point and saw a young (pre-pubescent) girl walking towards me: I couldn't see her face very clearly but she had shoulder length fair hair (much fairer than mine has ever been) and she had on what seemed to be a jumper with large blocks or stripes of colour on it. As soon as I became more aware of what was happening the image of her had gone.... before I could try again DH rang and the moment was well and truly shattered. I was chatting to my DSis later in the day and mentioned all of this to her and idly wondered if maybe it was my Angel's name, so she suggested doing an internet search to find out the meaning of the name, as no one was claiming her. Doh! Why didn't I think of that?
One Google later and Deidra is a derivation of Deidre, thought to be of Celtic origin...... and thought to mean "young girl". So one week I see a young girl during a Reiki session, shortly after one was seen by S2 cuddling up to S1's painful leg, I've since had the name Deidra some to me twice during Circle and now at home and I've seen a young girl again during this most recent meditation. Cue the Twilight Zone music. LOL I have no idea what it's about.... yet. Watch this space, as hopefully more will be revealed to me before too much longer.

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - TUESDAY 2ND MARCH

2010-03-09T07:09:00.000-08:00

DH was running a little late again this week so it didn't matter that I had ample time in which to make and eat my meal and get ready.... it still ended up a rush to get out to the village in time. :0( I almost didn't go, as I felt quite tired by this time, my stomach was playing up a little and I felt somewhat out of kilter, though wasn't sure why.

When I arrived Aureen, Sh and S1 were there and I apologised for being late. Aureen then told us that S2 wouldn't be there this week due to car problems (wish I'd known, as we could have detoured to pick her up... then we could both have been late together LOL); A was now over her chest infection but was having babysitter problems again - Sh said she knew someone available locally, if A didn't get sorted and our new Circle member G couldn't make it this week due to working late, which I knew already. So it meant we were a full house with just the four of us.

We went through into the other room, pulling our chairs a little closer together as we sat. Aureen said that this week, as we weren't all there, we would be doing a different meditation.... this one was to enhance our auras, to allow us to be better seen by Spirit, but it was a difficult one so we'd have to really work at it. Difficult wasn't a word I'd been hoping to hear, feeling as I did, but what the heck... I'd give it a go. LOL

The Healing Book was passed round, then the Circle opened and prayers said, protection put in place, grounding done and Chakras opened. For the meditation we had to: listen to our breathing, taking each breath in through our nose and out through our mouth, and go through each part of our body to relax it, ensuring that we were deeply relaxed; we then had to imagine we were breathing in our favourite colour, allowing it to permeate all through our body, whilst breathing out a different colour (best to do the Chakra colours in turn, as it's to enhance our auras); when we were comfortable enough doing this we then had to visualise a sacred space all around ourselves (think slightly expanded aura) and fill this with white light, all the while continuing to visualise the colours going in and out; after a while we then had to imagine a wall of bright blue light around this white light filled space, imagining it glowing and surrounding us.... all the while maintaining the white light and breathing colours bit too. Next we had to imagine that the roof of the house slid back to reveal a beautiful summer sky with fluffy white clouds above us - one of these clouds was "ours" and we were to go to our clouds in whatever way we wished to (fly, climb a ladder or stairs, whatever) and lay on it, imagining the fluffiness etc. We could either be alone or invite someone to join us - if someone joined us we were to ask if they had a message for us and listen to it. After a while we were to come back down from our cloud and become aware of where we were and come back to oursleves.

Aureen asked Sh how she had done and she felt it had gone really well. She was able to see and breathe the colours fine, though seemed to have breathed out black, and had imagined the sacred space as a silhouette all around herself and filled this in with white light. When Aureen said imagine the wall she's seen a brick wall and couldn't get rid of it, so had painted the brick wall blue and that had stayed solid - though she had difficulty imagining it behind her. She'd climbed a golden ladder to her cloud and Archangel Michael had joined her. He gave her a personal message which she'd found very uplifting and comforting. She thanked him, then had climbed back down the ladder afterwards. Sh said she had really enjoyed this meditation and would do it again at home.

Aureen then asked me how it had gone. Well, I felt relaxed so had benefited that way. I had been able to "see" my favourite colour, a lovely turquoisey sea blue/green, and breathed it in and had initially breathed out black, then gone on to do the Chakra colours (though seemed to see particular ones more often). Imagining the sacred space around me and filling it with white light was reasonably OK, though my breathing went off a couple of times. Getting the wall of blue light was OK.... if I forgot about the breathing and white light..... and didn't have to imagine it behind me too. LOL I wasn't sure how I got up to my cloud, though I heard the word fly - I didn't feel myself do that, I just seemed to be on there..... though I couldn't say I'd really seen the cloud (though did feel slightly cushioned during this bit of the meditation), or felt anyone had joined me, especially as I had to keep reminding myself to do the breathing bit. I know women are supposed to be good at multi-tasking but, sheesh!, there are limits! LOL

S1 had done the breathing colours OK and had also initially breathed out black (I guess we all picked up on each other with this). Once she'd realised it should be other colours she went with the Chakra colours, as I did. She had also managed to do the white light bit but had had to continually remind herself about her breathing once the blue wall bit came in. She went up to her cloud via a staircase (I think) and had been there alone. She hadn't wanted anyone else to be there and had been OK with that initially but had then felt quite lonely and a little sad, so felt she hadn't really enjoyed the meditation. There is obviously a message in there for her that she needs to look at more closely, though Aureen didn't comment - I guess she wants us to think about and work out some of these things for ourselves. :0)

Aureen herself said she doesn't find this meditation overly easy and she'd been practising it for a while now. I can't remember if she told us what she had seen. She did say that she would like us to regularly practise this over the next week. The whole point of it is to build up our auras, making them as bright and strong as we can so that they can be clearly seen by Spirit - the brighter and stronger the aura the more it is attractive to them. It all helps in the work we wish to do. :0)

Next we had to open ourselves for clairvoyance. I couldn't help it... I mentally cringed and my confidence dropped straight into my shoes. This bit hasn't been going well for me already and now I was feeling really tired and my stomach was gurgling a lot, making me feel self-conscious and distracted. Again I thought I'd just give it my best shot. During this bit the time seems to drag in one way but go too quick in another.

Aureen turned the light back on and asked us, in turn, what we had received.

Sh had seen Mary and described her - she seems to be a regular for me and has even visited me in a dream and given me a message for my Uncle. (I have since discovered that she was my Step-Great Grandmother). There was a bit more for me and messages for S1 and Aureen but I can't remember them.

I just got the words Fuschia Man again, which was for Sh, the name George, something else I couldn't remember initially but later recalled was the name Deidra (didn't mean anything to anyone) and heard my name being called. Aureen asked "Your name" and I said yes, and that I also get that alot at home too.... but when I try to get more information on who's calling and why I don't get anything else and I find it really frustrating. I rubbed my face at this point and said I'm just not getting anywhere with it. To be honest, having this happen week after week is starting to get a little soul destroying - I get a great deal of comfort from the messages I am given and would love to be able to reciprocate, as I know the others feel the same when they receive messages, and I feel awful that I seem unable to do this. :0(

For me Aureen saw: a little white-haired old lady called Martha - I couldn't place her. She asked if archery meant anything to me, as she'd seen a proper bow and arrow and the arrow hitting the bullseye, though wasn't sure if this was actual or symbolic. I told her it was actual as we go to an Activity Centre whilst on holiday in the Lake District and I got to try out Archery, something I've always wanted to do.... and I plan on having another go this year. I'd actually love to take it up as a hobby. She also asked if I was going to be busy planting seeds in the garden - no, although I had some seeds from Dad's garden that he collected for me in the summer of the year before he passed and I'd been thinking that I really ought to scatter them soon. No, these were actual seeds being planted. No plans like that but I've since wondered if this was symbolic as, in the Pagan Year, this is the time of year for the seeds of new plans and projects to be planted, ready for harvesting later in the year.

I'm afraid I don't remember much else than this. I came away from the session feeling quite down, which DH immediately picked up on, and also very tired. I admit to asking myself if this really was for me, that's how low I felt. We went home and it wasn't long before I went to bed. It soon became apparent as to why I had been feeling so tired and out of kilter: during the night I started to get choking sensations, as I got a cold that ran down my throat (sorry - least gross way I could think of to put it! LOL) and my throat niggled and woke up with a sinus headache and generally feeling unwell. I had some breakfast, rang my DSis to let her know that I wasn't well and wouldn't be able to go over to stay, and went back to sleep. I spent the best part of two days sleeping, and gradually felt better. Perhaps the intensive acupuncture treatment brought out the bug somehow, in an effort to try and rebalance my system - something to ask Janet next time.

Since this I have been thinking much about the Circle and what I would like to get out of it/give back to it and my attitude towards it. I know I am trying too hard and that, in itself, can act as a block - but who doesn't want to do things to the best of their abilities? Realisation has come that, when I first joined the Circle, it was mostly because I wanted to see if I had any talents as a Healer and develop them..... discovering that we were to "talk to dead people" initially made me a little uncomfortable - I hadn't realised we would be doing this and my first reaction was that it wasn't really what I wanted to do, but that I would "give it a go". The successes I have had were a confidence boost and I thought the "issues" had been dealt with... OK, you can fool yourself but you certainly can't fool Spirit. The block has been subconscious but it's a block nonetheless and is one that I've come to realise, deep down, is based on fear. As I've discovered, Spirit won't force you to do something you're really not comfortable with or are afraid of...... so, as the message I received during an acupuncture session told me: I need to let go of fear. And the past few days the words "Perfect Love and Perfect Trust" keep coming into my head each time I think about these things and I also keep on drawing Angel cards with messages that are so relevant to this. So now I'm trying to let go of the fear and to do that I need to fully understand Perfect Love and Perfect Trust - to Trust in Spirit and know that it is Love that causes us and those who have crossed over to want to continue that contact...... and Love is nothing to be afraid of. :0)

ACUPUNCTURE - TUESDAY 2ND MARCH

2010-03-04T09:23:00.000-08:00

I changed my appointment back to Tuesday this week, as the intention is to go and spend a few days with my DSis this week. Luckily the appointment was for 1.30pm, making it slightly less of a rush for me to have my evening meal and get ready for Circle afterwards.

When I arrived this time it was to find Jan back in the receptionist's chair. I gave her a cheery greeting and asked how the move had gone.... not well, judging by the hassles that occurred on the day. It seems to have had a knock on effect, as she was obviously not having a very good day and was quite fraught. I was glad I'd put up quite a good psychic barrier before leaving the house, otherwise it would have really affected me.... as it was I just felt a little tense, nothing more. Jan then asked if it was OK to move my next appointment from a morning session to an afternoon one - I was the first in and the session was to have been in Treatment Room 2 but that would be needed for a colonic for the next session in there, which would mean the colonic machine would be whirring and buzzing away. I didn't really fancy the distraction of that, as I find the ticking clock in there a bit of a niggle anyway (I can't stand hearing ticking clocks and refuse to have any in the house). The appointment won't be until 3pm, so it will give us chance to do a few things beforehand. Then she told me that the Shamballah Healing workshop was now being held a weekend later than previously planned, as a couple of people couldn't make the first proposed weekend. It doesn't make any difference to me - we aren't going away on our regular May holiday with my DSis this year, so it's not a problem. The workshop is getting close now, so she asked if I could take my deposit cheque in next week. I so hope I do better at this than I've been doing at Circle just lately! All the other attendees are already qualified healers of some kind... I'm the only newbie at this. It's still being held in Jan's new home - I told her it would be lovely to see it in person, after seeing the estate agent pics she showed me. :0)

Janet was ready by this time so she showed me through to Treatment Room 2 (minus colonic machine noises today LOL). She sat down and asked me how I'd been. Well, from around Sunday my stomach had kicked off again, complete with the anxiety sensations that always seem to accompany it and I explained what had been happening. I told her I was supposed to be going to my DSis's home to stay with her for a few days, from Wednesday until the weekend, something I'd done before and thoroughly enjoyed, so couldn't understand why I should get these feelings when I'm going to be doing something I've been looking forward to. It's not only perplexing but also frustrating. There were also a couple of current things that seem to be getting to me more than usual.... so much so that my DS's response was to ask me what bug had crawled up my ass. Charming!

Janet is the first person who has told me that she wasn't surprised I was getting the anxiety sensations along with the stomach problems and told me that they are energetically linked. She asked me where the anxiety sits and I placed a clenched fist around my solar plexus Chakra area, as it's a good way of showing what it feels like too. She said I wasn't the only person that she's treating who also has these anxiety feelings attached to stomach problems, though with the other lady (no names or particular circumstances mentioned) the anxiety was lower in her stomach and she usually also had pain with hers. I don't get pain, just niggles and general discomfort.... and that bloody awful anxious feeling. She asked me a few more questions and I answered her, then she took my Chinese pulses and wrote the results down.

She turned to me and said OK, your pulse is a little raised - nothing to worry about but it was in keeping with what was going on with my Qi energy at the moment, showing that it was out of balance. I wasn't surprised it was out of balance, as I told her I felt a little out of kilter (not as badly as I've felt at other times but enough to let me know something isn't right). She said that although the current things were bothering me they were actually acting more like a trigger to the older stuff that was in there. She likened it to having a pressure cooker sat inside my body... everything was OK whilst the lid was fastened tight but occasionally, as was the case now, the lid slightly pops and lets a burst of emotional "steam" out from these previous issues. Instead of being contained within the heart meridian, the proper channel for emotional issues, mine had burst out into other areas.... affecting the liver and gall bladder and hormonal channels (explaining why the hot flushes were becoming a bit more noticeable again). She explained that it didn't mean that I hadn't been addressing these older issues (I've been doing a lot of releasing and cutting cords during Reiki sessions, with Aureen's help) but that it points to the fact that though I've been letting go of a lot it has left some residual energy in place.... and that is what is affecting me and it takes a while to disperse it. She didn't need to know what the issues were - just asked if she was right. It fits and I told her so and, thinking about it later, felt she couldn't have picked a better analogy; although I've done a lot of letting go it does still feel like thoughts from the past just bubble up out of nowhere at times.

Janet said not to worry and that she would do some work to help with this which would complement what Aureen is doing within the Reiki sessions. This week I would need to take my shoes and socks off, leave my jeans on but take my top off, as she would need to place some needles along the upper body meridians. OK, you're gonna see my rolls - hope you're prepared for that, says I. LOL She closed the shutter, then left the room whilst I got myself ready and laid on the treatment bed.

When she came back and had washed her hands she started to place the needles. This week there were the usual ones around my ankle areas, one in the top of either foot (liver), one either side of my belly button (compared to the blood thinning jabs I had in hospital these were nothing LOL), several up the centre of my body, including under and just above my breastbone, the regular ones in either wrist, one in my right ear and the usual one in my third eye Chakra. Most barely registered when they were put in: minor twangs from the wrist (way better than the first time), minor from the ear one (definitely way less than the left ear!), a couple of good belts from the liver ones in the tops of my feet and the third eye one, once again, made me feel slightly woozy as soon as it went in. I mentioned that I'd tensed up a little once the needles were in place and wasn't sure why. She came to my head and applied gentle pressure to several points on my face and head and then whispered to me that whilst I was in the room having treatment I was to know that I was perfectly safe and nothing could harm me - any tension from outside the room couldn't enter, so I was OK to relax, which I did. She said that when I had completed the treatment I would be left more open than usual, so she recommended that I take time to sit and drink a little water, then visualise myself being filled and surrounded by white light energy and, when I felt this process was completed, I was to surround myself with a strong psychic protection barrier, so the fraught feelings wouldn't affect me when I came out. I'd planned on putting up protection anyway, so this confirmed what I'd been thinking. After making sure I felt OK she checked the liver needles and said that she was just going to adjust them and that I was to let her know when they surged - she tweaked them and I let her know, as I got quite a strong belt from each. It's not pleasant but it does let her know when the needles are working well. With that she turned on the music, a New Age Peruvian blend that I like, and left me to relax for twenty minutes.

This time I didn't feel I really got anything psychically - no mental pictures or particular thoughts or messages - but what I did get was a much more relaxing sensation and feelings of calm and peace, which were more in line with what I get from a Reiki session. Unexpected, as I hadn't really felt this before, but certainly very welcome. :0)

I was surprised when Janet came back in and said that it hadn't felt like twenty minutes at all... a sure sign of how relaxed I felt. I told her that if she'd left me much longer I reckoned she might just have come back in and found me asleep. LOL She was pleased as this showed her that the treatment had worked well. She set about removing the needles and all was fine until she came to the liver one in my right foot: it twinged a little and she immediately let it go, saying that it was still working so she would leave it be for a while. I asked her how she knew/what the difference was: apparently when the needles have done their work they "pop" out easily but when they are still working they have a different feel to them, as they resist the pull out, gently pulling the skin up to a peak around them. She tried to show me but I didn't have my specs on and couldn't see that far away without them (I'm very short-sighted) but I could feel the pull on my skin. A few seconds later she tried again and I felt it pop out. Again it's a good sign that the treatment is working, as it shows that my Qi is pulling in what it needs and is trying to balance itself.

Once the needles were out Janet made sure I was OK then reminded me about taking my time and doing the protection before leaving. She asked about next weeks appintment and I said I'd like to move it back to Thursday again, as I would be back from my DSis by then, so she said goodbye and went to tell Jan. I sat up carefully and made sure I felt OK before I stood up as, being that relaxed, it can make me a bit wobbly on my pins sometimes. All was OK so I got my bits of clothing back on, then sat in the chair and drank some water from my bottle. After a few moments I did the white light visualisation and protection, as advised. When I felt all was properly in place I gathered my coat and bags and headed out to reception. Jan seemed a little more relaxed, though still not back to her usual self. I made my next appointment and paid my dues, mentioning about looking for a car at the weekend and she asked if I'd had any success - none, but at least I'd got a better idea of which cars I didn't like and which ones I'd feel OK to drive... and the search was still on. With that I said my goodbyes and headed for the door.... just as Gail, the receptionist, opened it. She waited until I came down and told me that, unfortunately, she couldn't make it to Circle that night as she was working late - she would let Aureen know. I said it was a shame but she said she would be able to make it the following week, so I told her I was pleased and would see her then.

This week I headed straight home, partly because I wanted to chill a little before it was time to make my evening meal but also because a touch of tiredness had crept in - the treatment had been, as Janet explained, an intensive one, and I was beginning to feel it.

ACUPUNCTURE - THURSDAY 25TH FEBRUARY

2010-02-26T09:48:00.000-08:00

Time for another pincushion session , so off I trotted down the street to the Clinic, to arrive in plenty of time for my 10am appointment.

The receptionist, G, was there again so I said I understood from Aureen that she would be joining us next week and she said hopefully so - she was booked to work a little later that night but would hopefully be able to get there in time, providing she went straight from work. I mentioned that Aureen had said we would be doing a meditation to cut ties and release blockages - she said she could definitely do with doing some of that. I said how we were supposed to have been doing a series of meditations to meet our Spirit Guides but that something kept happening, such as members dropiing out or being ill etc, to stop it..... and smiled and said maybe it was because we were waiting for her to join us. :0) By this time Janet came through and took me into treatment room 1.

She asked how I had been doing, both with the flushes and at the Circle. The flushes have their moments, with some days when they are barely noticeable.... then others when they definitely are. As for the Circle: I told her about the voice I'd heard that morning and the outcome,but that, though that had been a success, the evening hadn't been so great. I went on to tell her about the message I'd received from S2 (seeing my garden and all the Spirit people there and my reaction within it) and that I'd concluded that it was telling me I was blocking myself. I told her that as I was thinking about it later and wondering about what the block could be.... I'd remembered an incident from my childhood: I was in Infant School, hanging around with a group of other kids in the playground, when one of the girls (J) started to tell us all about these critturs that lived in the drainholes around the playground - she was (to other small children, including me) totally believable; we started rushing round the playground, peering down the drainhole covers..... totally convinced that we could see those critturs in there; she said that the cracks in the walls in the toilets were also caused by these critturs (though I've since forgotten how or why) - so every time I went to the loo and saw these cracks there was a tiny shiver of fear went through me. It stayed with me and that night I remember being sat up in bed in the darkened bedroom, jamming myself as far back into the corner as I could go, because when I looked across the bedroom I could see shapes of figures stood there and their eyes looking at me.... and being totally afraid to close my eyes, in case they'd come and get me. I don't remember any kind of Angelic intervention, as some very frightened children do, or if I managed to drop off to sleep, but I do remember that I had a raised temperature the following day and Mum had to keep me off school for the day, to recover.
Combine this with another memory: when myself, my DBro and DSis were small there was only one light in the hallway, downstairs, which meant the upstairs landing was always really dark and shadowy... and we had to walk up there to get to the bedrooms, with no light until we switched our bedroom lights on. It always creeped me out big time and, talking to my DBro and DSis about it as adults, it seems they weren't too keen either - my DSis said she always used to shut her eyes on that bit "because she didn't want to see anything".
I felt I was being shown that these incidents, especially the first, had something to do with the current block, especially as I'd started to tense up as I talked about them - and recently I've noticed I'm occasionally tensing up within Circle and have had to make a conscious effort to keep re-relaxing myself.

I then told her about a couple of times, pre-Circle, when I had read something about Spirit Guides and had asked to see mine and, when I was in that half and half state, had seen a male figure stood beside my bed and who inclined his head towards me (a sort of I'm here movement, rather than threatening) and then, on a different night, had heard a voice clearly say Hello K. I'd jumped out of my skin both times, heart thumping, and felt scared - and was really annoyed with myself because I'd asked for these things and had had a reply... and had done the typical Most Haunted/Yvette Fielding thing - but without the screaming. LOL

Janet said that it seemed the childhood incidents had set up something called a conditioned fear response and that that would result in a block. She spoke of the Qi (chee) energy that runs through all things and how that can change, as it had while we were talking. As children we are ultra-sensitive to these changes in atmosphere and energy (Qi) but most gradually build up a kind of resistance (block) to it as we get older but as a clairsentient I have kept this sensitivity/awareness so I react to the changes, with the tensing/fear response. Also our Guides and Spirit don't want to do anything that will make us feel afraid, they want to work with those who are fully happy with what occurs, so they may well be holding back because of these responses, perhaps now introducing things in dribs and drabs to get me used to them, so I can get past the conditioned response. The odd thing is though: all kinds of freaky things can happen during a Reiki session (including feeling more then Aureen's hands working on me) and I'm not afraid at all, just accept it as "normal"; things happen in Circle (seeing movement, sensing Spirit, seeing an aura and getting messages etc) and I don't consciously feel afraid but am usually excited or pleased... except for that occasional tensing. And it's something that I really want to do, so don't want to block it. Frustrating!

I then told her that Aureen would be taking us through a cutting cords and clearing blockages meditation the following week which would hopefully help sort me out. Janet said she could also do something to help too. She took my pulses then immediately sat back, hesitated then said OK. and I got the feeling that she was assessing something she had just picked up. She then said I was OK to keep my jeans on this week and asked me to just take my shoes and socks off and get on the bed, which I duly did. She said she would be doing a slightly different treatment this time - not just the hormonal/flushes thing but also something to help remove any energy blockages. OK, I was up for that - anything that will help is a plus. :0)

So this week I had needles: one in my third eye (that beggar gets me every time, LOL); one in my left ear (and that really flippin' stung); one in either wrist (the heart meridian one stung slightly); the hormonal ones in my ankles (the left one slighly stung); a few extra ones around my ankle area, mostly on the right (these barely registered) and the final one in my crown Chakra. The ear one really throbbed when she first put it in and Janet said she would take it out if it didn't settle down... thankfully it did. As soon as the third eye needle went in I got that slightly disorientated feeling again and as each needle was added there was that subtle movement within my body that I've come to recognise as the Qi energy flowing - Janet was pleased when I mentioned this, as it means the needles are working. She then placed the silver thermal "blanket" over my feet and turned on the relaxation music. She asked if I felt OK and was comfortable and I assured her I was, then she said that I was to know that the room had been properly cleansed (not sure if these products are used, but it goives an idea of what is meant) before I went in, as it always was after each treatment, and that I could relax, as I would be perfectly safe throughout the treatment. I said OK, thanks and felt quite drifty by this time, so she turned the main light out and left me to chill.

Some time later (I really don't know how long - time just seems to drift past) she came back in and when I replied to her query that I was OK she warned me to keep my eyes tightly closed whilst she put the main light back on again. She then asked how it had gone and removed the needles. Well, there were the usual Chakra colours - mostly third eye, Crown and healing purple again - and I don't know if it was due to the music, which had a decidedly Oriental theme at one point, but I got the image of a bonsai tree pop into my mind's eye. Janet said that actually, although acupuncture was initially Chinese, the Japanese also took to and ran with it. I also saw an image of a very pretty little dragon - not the usual Chinese style ones (which, btw, I don't like the look of) - and felt it was a fire image, so Janet said she would check my fire energies next time. I told her that I'd felt I'd also got the answer to the blockage problem, as I'd heard: you need to let go of fear. Yes, I know we'd been talking about fear responses etc but, as I explained to her, this came directly after I'd been wondering about why I was blocked - and in the same inner ear way I've received Spirit messages (my Guide?). It was one of those "Derrrr" moments. It's also a kind of fear that caused the panic attacks and agoraphobia, having me hiding away from the world (the mouse, again).... keeping me from doing the things I should be doing..... and which occasionally rears it's head again from time to time...... so I feel it was an all-encompassing message to make me think and give me this insight: if I let go of fear there are no restrictions, no limiting behaviour, I am capable of doing anything and everything I wish to. :0)

Janet then said I was to take my time, only getting up when I felt OK to do so and to have some sips of water. She then told me she had told her Mum about the song I'd heard and Daniel O' Donnell - it seems he was her grandmother's favourite singer, so my thinking of him in relation to the song had been totally relevant. She told me her Mum said thank you and she thanked me again and said that, as I was starting to receive things outside of the Circle too, I was obviously not fully blocked and was also developing more than I thought. It was a heartening thought.... though I just wish I'd been able to give her more of a message. She then left to go to her next client, waiting in room 2.

After a few minutes I got up and sorted, grabbed a box of tea and headed for reception where DH was waiting for me (he'd taken the day off, with having worked the weekend). I made my next appointment for the following Tuesday, as my DSis has a week's holiday then and I'm going to spend a few days with her again, DH paid and I said goodbye to G and said I would see her then and hopefully at the Circle too. :0)

Outside and we headed to the hairdressers, so DH could make an appointment. Then into the Hospice Bookshop where DH treated himself to some CD's and I found these:

Quite a nice range today. Jane: the one on the end is the updated version of the one I mentioned earlier, so watch out for that rather than the other one. I intend reading both versions to see what the differences are.
From here we then had a trip to the Post Office, followed by a quick shop in Wilko's, then went over the road to have dinner in one of the newer cafe's. DH and I were quite impressed with what was on offer, especially as they were aware of food allergies/intolerances and were willing to accommodate these.... it was also a nice atmosphere, so we'll go there again. :0)

When we'd finished our meals and drinks we started heading back up the High Street, calling in at the greengrocers, before going home. The weather wasn't that great and a trawl of the market didn't appeal. We also wanted to go and have a look at some cars before DH had to go for his hair appointment and we're fast running out of time.

We managed to look round two different car traders, seeing what was on offer and the prices expected. I didn't see anything that particularly appealed but it was useful as it allowed me to firm up ideas about what the type of car I would feel happy to drive. It also gave me the chance to rule out quite a few makes as unsuitable for my needs. Hopefully we'll get chance to look round again before too much longer - I want that freedom that keeps cropping up in Spirit messages for me. :0)

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 23RD FEBRUARY

2010-02-25T13:23:00.002-08:00

Well this Tuesday certainly got off to an odd start! I was laying in bed and in that lovely half asleep/awake, drowsy mode, vaguely wondering if I should make the effort to pull round and get up but being far too warm and comfy to want to bother, when I clearly heard a voice say: Ken got sick. To say I jumped would be an understatement.... I was lucky I didn't have to change the flippin' bedding! LOL I tried to relax and see if I could get any more than this (who it was, what it was about etc) but it was too late - I was wide awake and unable to relax enough to do it. Plus the fact that I hadn't been aware of being open and it happening outside of the Circle had left me feeling slightly freaked by it. So I made a mental note to ask the girls if it meant anything to them.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, apart from DH leaving it right until the last minute to get in from work, but a quick text to Aureen to warn her that I was running late ensured that she knew I would be there, so she said they would wait for me. :0) Luckily DH made up some of the time on the journey (thank goodness there weren't any traffic cops around, is all I can say! LOL) and I got there just seconds after Sh had arrived..... but it did leave me feeling totally unrelaxed by the time he dropped me off. LOL He went off to visit the local fish and chip shop.

When I got there and had greeted everyone I asked them if Ken meant anything to any of them and there was a general shake of heads from all bar Aureen: she asked why, so I told her what I'd heard and the circumstances it was in. She queried how I'd heard it, so I told her it was one of those inner ear things, rather than with my "proper" ears, but definitely heard. She asked what time it had happened.... well, I couldn't say what time exactly but some time between 9.30 and 10am, give or take a few minutes. She then told me that she used to have a neighbour called Ken, a lovely man who lived across the road, and he used to pop over regularly just to have a wander round her garden or a check of her greenhouse or a chat but had recently sadly passed away and his wife had since had to go into a nursing home. That morning, when opening her bedroom curtains, she had looked over at the house and thought about him and how much she missed him since he'd "got sick" and died. The spooky thing being that she had been thinking this around the same time as I'd heard the words. OK, some might call it a coincidence.... but I don't know any Ken's (which is why it didn't make any sense to me) and I don't know where Aureen lives or anything about her life, outside the few things we've discussed within Circle and before/after Reiki sessions - and that hadn't been one of them.
I've made sure I've noted this in a special book, a kind of Spiritual journal, that I've started to keep, in which I jot down any relevant happenings (such as this). I also jot down notes about specific meditations I do at home and anything that comes through whilst I'm doing them, as well as particular messages the girls have given me etc, leaving a space after each....... I then go back through them occasionally and note anything that has happened since, confirmations received or a fulfilment of what has been seen. It's a good aide memoire..... and it allows me to gauge how my skills, and which ones, are developing.

A didn't turn up again, so Aureen is going to either phone or text her to see if she is OK. She did say that we would hopefully have someone new joining us next week: G, the receptionist at the Clinic, whom I'd been talking to about our group, piquing her interest. Aureen had rung her and had a chat. :0) Time to go through into the other room. Before opening the Circle Aureen took out the Healing Book and read out a few names that had been added (first names only) and their health problems - the most recent ones were people with various forms of cancer, Bless them - then we all prayed for all who needed healing (within the book and all around the world) whilst passing the book around to physically pour healing into it, adding names if we needed to.

Aureen then mentioned the questions we'd asked from the previous week and said that what she tells us is the truth as she is given it and how she sees it, though she doesn't expect us to take it as absolute truth because what is right for her may not be right for us. What we could accept is that she would speak to us in total honesty and it was up to us to do what we wished with it - we should always question and look for our own Spiritual truth. She then told us about a question she'd felt compelled to ask herself some years ago and asked it of us: did we know the difference between Spirit and Soul? None of us did.... but it's one of those questions that make you feel like you should, at some deep inner level, know the answer to. She told us how she asked her earthly teachers (reply: they are the same) and friends (some didn't know, some said the same) and not being satisfied with them. So she then thought to ask her Spirit Guide. Her Guide: they are the same and yet they are not, then used the anology of an apple: look at one and you think of it as a whole, and it is, but look deeper and it is actually made up of parts: the core, the seeds, the flesh and the peel. The seeds are the aspects of a person, each separate but part of and contained by the whole. The core is the soul. The flesh is the Spirit. The peel is the body that contains all, as well as the whole that contains all that is. It was very deep and she did go into more detail but much happened after that so I am struggling to remember it all, unfortunately. It did make us all think and also made a difficult concept much easier to grasp. She had her answer and was satisfied.

Then she came to the questions we had asked the previous week and gave us the answers we had received. I think I'll do a separate post on those though, or this is going to turn into a mega post.

We then went on to open the Circle etc and then, as time was a little short, we went straight into doing Clairvoyance to see what we would all receive, first concentrating on our breathing, then calling our Guides to us and asking him/her to help us receive messages clearly.

When Aureen called us back and turned on the light I had to quickly dig into my pocket and fish out a tissue to wipe my eyes which had everyone concerned. Aureen asked if I was OK and I said yes, it was just that my eyes felt so flippin' irritated it just wasn't funny. She looked and they must have looked it because she looked concerned and said that when things like that happened I had to ask for it to be taken off me. I said I had remembered to do that and had also done the waterfall cleansing thing too and they were just starting to ease off. Because of this Aureen decided to ask me what I'd received. Well not a lot really: initially I'd seen what was either a lotus or pond lily - it made me think lotus, so I thought I was with S1 and into the whole Egyptian thing again.... but then my eyes had started to really bother me and once they had started not a lot of anything else came through. I said that as it was my eyes affected again, and going on the last time that had happened, I would say that Aureen's Mum was there again. She said she was. I had also gone absolutely freezing around my knees, as if something was there, but I couldn't say what - though S1 said she had felt it too, in the same area. Unfortunately I couldn't say any more than that. Sheesh! I seem to be getting worse at this, rather than better. LOL Aureen said not to worry and that it would come.

Aureen had seen the traffic lights for me again.... but this time it was a big green light, for go - that it would be a new beginning and there would so much freedom for me. I know this is referring to my decision to look for a car so I can start driving again, so it was nice to receive this. There was an older Spirit woman with a round, stern face and a slightly heavy (chunky) build who was there pushing me on (basically, go on and get on with it). There was also a male Spirit there for me, a large man and kindly, who passed away in his 50's (too soon) and he showed her a bag of concrete.
I said the woman could fit several of the female relatives on both sides of my family and for several generations back, including the Grandma's. Aureen felt that it probably was one of them (rather than my Mum or further back). The male immediately made me think of my Uncle Bill (or, rather, great-uncle - he was my Grandma's brother) - he died when I was a child and I think he was in his 50's at the time... a sudden heart attack, so definitely too soon. I referred to him as a gentle giant of a man and Aureen said that was a good description of him - I also often think of him, which fits with her saying that he is often around me. I couldn't relate to the concrete, but then I don't know what his job was, so I said I would ask my Uncle T.

S2 next: for S1 she saw something I can't remember, then her in bed and feeling a little sad and fed-up because her leg was bothering her and painful - and she saw a child, not sure about sex but thought it was a girl, about knee height, leaning on her to comfort her, as she didn't want her to be sad. S1 could take the leg business - it had been bothering her and her back had also gone earlier in the week, on the same side, so she had been in pain and fed-up with it all. Not sure about the child, even when I said it was a Spirit child - I wondered if it was a past life child, possibly to do with the Egyptian lifetime.... but no, that had been a baby. The jury is still out on that one.
For me: she saw me in a conservatory type place, full of plants and I wanted to take her out to show her my garden and she was all excited about seeing it. I laughed and said she'd be really disappointed if she actually saw it, which made everyone laugh. She said that I took her out and showed her my garden and it was beautiful, full of all kinds of flowers and a water feature and lots of trees and she was really impressed and kept saying, Wow K, this is fabulous - but I didn't seem to be bothered. She said there were loads of Spirit people there, all around, as if waiting for me and she was really amazed by it all and I said I'll just stop here but when she tried to tell me (sort of trying to encourage or gee me up) I shrugged her off and said: When I'm ready, and again: In my own time.
I said I had a feeling I knew what that was trying to tell me and looked at Aureen and said: that's my Spirit Garden, isn't it? She said it was. And those Spirit people are there, ready and waiting to communicate but for some reason, although I'm aware, I'm not ready - I'll do it in my own time. I said to Aureen that there's obviously some kind of block there... and I wish I knew what it was that I was doing to block it so I could stop. Again she said not to worry and that everything was in place, it would happen.
For Sh: saw her as an elegant and well presented person IRL but she saw an image of her looking a little tousled, in a sunny place, described her costume, and on a lounger and said that by Easter everything would be much better (new beginning, I think). Sh could take Easter and said she only looked like that abroad - nothing like that planned at the moment... but who knows.
For Aureen: saw her Mum again (which confirmed my eye sensations), again with a china cup and saucer in her hand. Brought a gentleman through with her and described him - Aureen wasn't sure who he was, maybe one of her Great's from either side of the family, and asked that if he came through again in the future that S2 try to get more information so she could pinpoint him. He was a jolly man and S2 said he made a joke about her Mum still asking lots of questions, which made her smile.
Aureen saw: lots of fairies around S2 and they weren't going to go away until they'd made her more aware of them - she felt S2 would develop this link and be more aware of them. She also saw a man and described him..... and he was S2's Dad. A photo was described and S2 confirmed she had one just like it.
Sh next: for S1 a cottage in the country, somewhere in Derbyshire, perhaps. A short break or similar.
For me: seemed to go whooshing off across the country, over the white cliffs and over to Austria - mountains. Felt I would be doing lots of walking and enjoying myself but to be careful of doing too much, as she felt something was wrong with a knee as she saw limping. Oddly enough: I had my first ever case of bursitis in my right knee a couple of years ago... whilst on holiday in the Lake District and it has flared up a little since; the previous night DH, DS and I were discussing and finalising our holiday date for this year, with the intention of..... booking the same cottage we stayed in last year, in the Langdale Valley in the Lake District. Sh then wondered if, perhaps, the cottage had been for me too. Either way - I was to beware of over-doing things.
For S2: she saw a large snake which quickly changed into a slippery eel which slipped into a river. Along came S2, walking along the river bank, picking flowers and unaware of the slippery eel, in the water, and following her. Sh felt it was a warning about someone not being quite what they seemed, but it wasn't about anyone in the group... rather she felt it was someone at work. S2 could take it, as she'd had a conversation earlier in the day, at work, about just this thing and she always held back from being totally open with a particular colleague.
For Aureen: lots of daffodils. There was more but I can't remember what it was.
Aureen for her: I can't remember, though it was positive.

S1 next. For me: bird wings which developed into birds, then to huge birds swooping through the sky and one word: freedom. It seems to be the theme for the messages I'm getting lately, along with new beginnings - all very positive and in keeping with the way things are developing in my life at the moment. :0)
She then saw something else (can't remember) then her Dad came to her and he said: Don't. It was a message for either Aureen or S2 (she wasn't sure.... maybe it could have been both): don't go into work tomorrow. Why? Someone was coming down with the flu. S2's reaction was Oh not again! She's already had two bouts of ill health, thanks to colleagues passing their lergy on. I gave her a big grin and said you'll have to wear a mask. I guess it'll be a case of finding out next week.
I'm not sure if she got anything for Sh or not - another one I can't remember. Aureen gave her a message but I can't remember it properly.... the gist was to do with her skills and development, very positive.

Aureen then said she wanted us to close down and close the Circle as she had something to show us, which we duly did. She then went to get an envelope and told us about a trip she had had with friends (somewhere in Yorkshire, I think) where they'd come across an old abandoned Victorian-looking building and gone for a nosey. They'd been joking about buying it and renovating it for them all to live in and had taken some photos of it. Back home and they'd uploaded them to the computer and viewed them and found something unusual in one. She'd brought the blown-up image to show us and ask us what we thought. The photo was of an upstairs window with four panes, two small windows at the top and two larger ones below - the left hand larger one was clearly broken and the darker interior could be seen behind. But it was the other one that was of interest because the grey shadowy image of a man with a moustache could be seen behind it. Then we had a look again.... and images could also be seen through the broken window too. It was a seriously spooky thing to see. It turned out the building used to be an old asylum. It certainly triggered some interesting chat, though I must admit I wouldn't be tempted to buy and renovate it! ROFL

A little more chatting whilst Aureen gave us our print outs for this week and we gathered our things together, then we all started heading for the door. I remembered to tell Aureen about seeing her aura the previous week - the something else I'd wanted to tell her at Reiki but hadn't been able to remember - and described it to her. She seemed quite pleased. We then said our goodbyes and left.

We went home, via Tesco Express for a few bits of shopping. We were both tired, DH particularly so after working the weekend and having a run of 13 hour days, so we soon called it a night.

Angels Watching Over Me - Jacky Newcomb

2010-02-23T10:01:00.001-08:00

This book includes miraculous and uplifting stories of real-life contact from our loved ones and Angels on the "other side" of life, as well as a fascinating investigation into the secrets of afterlife communication.

Read afterlife stories about the British royal family, presidents, prime ministers and Hollywood stars!
The grandma who pushed her granddaughter back into her body because it wasn't her time
The mysterious cat who "gate-crashed" a funeral
The Angel Dad who saved his daughter and her friends from a head-on crash by using "missing time"
The grandmother who was escorted to heaven by the spirit of her late husband carrying a bunch of flowers!

Read these and more amazing real-life stories from all over the world. Learn simple and safe ways to reach out to your own family of heavenly Angels. These messages will bring comfort and healing to anyone who has lost someone.

If you ignore the slightly sensationalistic approach of the synopsis what you get is actually another collection of heartwarming stories of after-life communication from ordinary people around the world.

Unlike the other books I've read by this author this one looks more at the after-life, touching on issues such as grief, suggestions for celebrating a loved ones life, connecting to the Other Realms yourself and more besides, all illustrated by stories collated from people who have contacted Jacky about their own experiences.

As someone who is deeply interested in all things esoteric I feel the subjects really deserve a much more in-depth approach than that given but, as Jacky herself states, that just wasn't possible in such a small book. However, if you're new to the whole Angels and after-life phenomena then this book would be a nice starting point.

REIKI - 20TH FEBRUARY

2010-02-23T10:01:00.000-08:00

I wasn't actually due to go for my next Reiki session until Monday but a phone call from Jan first thing Saturday morning changed all that - she'd had a cancellation and the 12pm slot was now available. Needless to say, I snapped it up. I hurriedly got myself showered, hair washed and sorted and a meal eaten. By the time I'd done everything needed to be done to be ready to leave the time had disappeared on me and I made it out of the door with just five minutes to go.

When I arrived at the Clinic Jan was there as Receptionist and her and Aureen were chatting. They asked how I was doing - great, though in a bit of a whirl and thinking the Universe had had a hand in how things had worked out. When I'd seen Aureen at the last Circle I'd said how odd it would feel to have Reiki on the Monday (it has always fallen on a Saturday previously); DH and I were supposed to have been going off to a Mind, Body and Spirit event in Newark that day but the night before there had been a fire on the steelworks and he'd been called into work to deal with the aftermath, which left me free to take up the cancellation slot. So things had worked out perfectly! LOL

Jan then mentioned the Shamballah Healing Course that I'd expressed an interest in attending. The dates have been changed to April, to the two weekends following on after Easter, and will be held at her new home, which is out in one of the villages. I said I'd definitely need to be mobile by then which made both her and Aureen look startled and ask if that meant I was going to start driving again. So I reminded Aureen about the amber traffic lights and Ready, Go that she'd mentioned at the last Circle: I said that as well as having a set of lights outside my drive there was also something I hadn't mentioned, in the hopes that someone might pick it up - that the weekend before DH and I had actually been to a garage to have a look at a couple of cars that were for sale. The prompt for that was DH telling me that, as he was now Stage Manager for the Blackadder performance in May, he wouldn't be available to take me to Circle on Tuesday night.... and neither would DS, as he's in the performance - my reaction being: OK, then I really need to be mobile by then, don't I? So I'm currently looking for a female instructor I can go to for refresher lessons and on the look-out for a nice little run-around. They both said what a huge step forward that was and that it showed just how much I'd improved. Definitely: I now feel, despite the occasional glitch, a totally different person to the one who first walked into the Clinic back in November 2008. :0)

I made a note of the dates for the course and told Jan to let me know when she needed the deposit for it. She then told me that around the end of March/beginning of April (depending on when she was fully settled in) she was also going to set up a women's group in her home - very informal, it would touch on all kinds of Spiritual things.... the kind of group where we chat and swap ideas, each learning from the others experiences. Hot drinks, cold drinks and snacks would be on offer too. It's just the kind of thing I would love to be involved in, meeting more like-minded people, so I smiled and said that I definitely need to be mobile then! LOL

With that it was time to go through for my session with Aureen. This time we were to be in the other Treatment room, which is usually referred to as the Colonic room as that's where they are given. It had been re-jigged especially and the treatment bed had been moved away from the side wall and placed in the centre of the room. As I took off my rings, brooch, belt etc Aureen and I chatted. I mentioned about being a little disheartened after the last session but realised that it was down to me, having had a Spiritual hand slap (You get out what you put in) and she said that Spirit was testing me. I had a feeling they were and said that I'd always felt that I would need to work a little harder to prove myself to Spirit after having given up meditation previously.... and though I had felt a little disheartened I certainly wasn't going to give up. I explained about struggling to fit things in, as the days just seem to get away from me quite often and, before I know it, my DS is back from work and it's time to prepare tea and then I have no chance to practice. Aureen said that things got like that for her too, so she tended to do some of her meditations etc when she first goes to bed. I've tried that but usually end up falling asleep.... Aureen said that sometimes happens to her too but it isn't anything to worry about - at least I'd be getting some practice in. So I'll be trying that more often from now on.

I then told her about some research I'd been doing. Since she gave me the message about the holiday in the USA and going to visit Sioux land, every time I thought about it I kept getting the word Oglala. As well as that, whenever I think of my Spirit Guide now I associate him with the name Red Cloud. This week I had a nosey around on the internet and made some discoveries: within the Sioux Nation there are different tribes.... and one of those tribes is called the Oglala Sioux, now living on a reservation in South Dakota; further Googling revealed that there was a Chief of the Oglala tribe called Red Cloud during the 1800's during the wars with the settler's and American Army. It was one of those amazing, jaw dropping moments when I saw all this, as I hadn't had the foggiest idea beforehand. Aureen said it would be interesting to see what happens when we do the Spirit Guide meditations. So hope we are able to do these soon. :0)

I laid on the bed, was covered with the fleecy blanket, the CD turned on and the session begun. I wasn't sure how it would go this week with it being in a different room, and the sun was shining brightly through the blind and right onto my face, making me turn my face to the left slightly to avoid it. I needn't have been concerned though, as I soon settled down and relaxed into it.

At the end of the session Aureen gently called my name and asked how I was and if I felt relaxed, as I'd seemed very much so to her. I did feel relaxed, though not to the extent where it felt like I was going to fall asleep. It had been very good though. I lifted up my right hand to check and it was curled up, though hadn't been aware of it happening at the time, and I said it had felt like someone had been holding my hand - Aureen's reply was that probably someone had been. She then asked what I'd seen. Well, the Chakra colours were there, especially yellow and Spring green when she had her hands over my ears, though I wondered if that was because of the sun shining on me. I'd actually seen my garden - much better than when we'd done the meditation too, as I'd seen flowers. She was pleased because that is what she had started visualising for me at the start of the session and she asked what colours the flowers were. I couldn't say for certain as, although there were flowers and lots of them, I'd seen them more as an after-image than a clear, colour one. She said there were lots of lilacs, purples and lavender colours - with lilac and lots of lavender plants, as well as lots of herbs, along with my fruit trees. I forgot to mention that I'd seen the fairy I should have seen in a previous meditation... or that my reaction had been: fine, so now you show up! LOL

I'd seen quite a few people too: fleeting images of faces and some full figures, male and female, but too quick to say who they were; only two came through clearly, a little girl, stood in front of me and to the left, turned slightly towards but facing away from me, and a man. The man was stood in front and to my right, facing towards me, and I described him as a typical Moses type figure, with long white hair and beard, stood tall and with a staff of some kind in his right hand. Aureen had seen him too and said she'd initially thought he was a shepherd holding a crook but felt my description fitted him better. Not too sure who he was or where he fits into things.... but I guess that might come up at some point in the future.

There were times when I couldn't tell where Aureen was - she'd have her hands on certain areas, move.... but hands were still there and at one point she was stood to the right of my head and it also felt like there was someone stood at the left side too, and for quite a while. I also saw Angels in my minds eye. I didn't see them the same as I'd seen the figures though, which had been distinctly figures, albeit fleeting. The Angels had the general swept up wings and long gowns shape that is reminiscent of the "people with wings" ornaments you can buy but were totally made up of light, sort of prismatic, radiating from the centre of their "bodies" outward. I didn't see them for long, just enough to know they were there.

Aureen smiled and said that was good, as when she'd placed her hands over my eyes she had felt hands placed over the top of hers, assisting in the healing. And this time she'd called on Archangels Michael, Chamuel and Rafael to help her in the healing. She'd been working on remaining grief - as she pulled out the cords Archangel Michael cut them. I told her that, funnily enough, twice I'd caught myself thinking about my Dad - definitely Dad, rather than Mum - though not in an upset way. He'd also been on my mind a bit this week too.... and I was finding that I could think about both of them without the instant wanting to burst into tears feeling I used to get. Another sign of improvement that Aureen was pleased about and said that what she was doing was, basically, mopping up the residual stuff which would help bring about further improvements.

By this time I felt OK to sit up and started to sip some water. She then said that I was deeply grounded at the moment as my Root Chakra was showing vibrantly red and, going back to my garden, that I needed to do the Meet Your Goddess meditation again soon, as she felt that my Goddess had something to say to me and that I needed to hear it. I said I would make time to do this soon.

We then chatted a little about the group and I said that I was so glad that S2 had brought her Mum through for her on Tuesday and hoped it had helped. She said it had and she was really pleased and had a big smile on her face (yes, Julie - I do feel that her faith in Spirit does help her a lot). I said that I found S2 amazing in her accuracy - Aureen said she had high hopes for her, that she had for us all, but that S2 was a special case. Definitely: if ever you've seen Colin Fry or John Edwards bringing messages through..... believe me, S2 should be right up there with them. :0)

As we were chatting I was gradually putting my rings etc back on and remembered to mention to her about my chat with the receptionist, Gail, on Thursday and the fact that she'd expressed an interest in attending a Circle again. Aureen said what I had felt whilst chatting to Gail - that she was a really nice person and would fit in perfectly with the existing group. So Aureen is going to ring her soon.... fingers crossed for a positive outcome. :0)

By this time I was ready so we walked back through to the reception area, where Aureen's next client was waiting. I thanked Aureen and told the lady to blame me for keeping her waiting, as I'd been chatting to Aureen. With that I paid Anne, who had taken over as receptionist so Jan could go home and carry on packing. As I hadn't seen Anne for quite some time we ended up going into the other room for a bit of a chat, so we wouldn't disturb the lady's treatment. The chat was a good one that resulted in some useful information for me, as she had had a total hysterectomy some years ago and was coming out the other side of the menopause. She also told me that her DH is about to start a new job as a UPVC window repairer..... so I've asked if I can have his details, so I can arrange for him to come and give us a price for replacing the old, rotted seals on our front windows and door. A little more chat and I suddenly realised just how hungry i was feeling, so we said goodbye and I headed for home.

The day might not have gone to the original plan but it had definitely worked out much better than hoped for. :0)

ACUPUNCTURE - 18TH FEBRUARY

2010-02-23T08:07:00.000-08:00

Well going to acupuncture on a different day to Circle certainly makes a difference to my stress levels - much less rushing around, trying to fit things in a limited time, makes for a much calmer and happier me! LOL It was nice to get up and sorted and have a wander down the street to the Clinic with time to spare, knowing that there wouldn't be a mad rush back home afterwards but plenty of time to amble round the shops instead. :0)

When I arrived today Janet and a "new" receptionist were in Treatment room 1 making themselves a drink. I say "new" because Gail may be new to me but she is actually the "old" receptionist at the Clinic - she used to work there when the Clinic first opened up, went off to do some new things (including studying to become an alternative health practitioner herself) and has now come back to work there a couple of days a week. Janet called me into the room and told me to get myself comfortable whilst they just took their drinks out into reception - she would be drinking hers later, when it had had time to cool down.

I dropped my bags by the chair, took my coat off and hung it up, then sat down. Janet was back within a short time, my paperwork in hand. She asked how things had been so I told: I hadn't dropped like a stone after the last treatment, as I had after the first, but had found that I did feel tired later that night and definitely for a day or so afterwards. But the night flushes do make for a broken nights sleep and I don't do well on broken nights and never have.... and I'm having a tendency to feel better on certain days so have a flurry of activity to make the most of it and that means I'm overdoing things and paying for it too. She said it was perfectly natural to keep feeling like that after my type of operation (and full hysterectomies) and there tends to be watershed moments: I'll feel better at the three month watershed and then again when I reach the six months one, in the meantime I should try and work at reaching a balance in the activities I do by spreading things out over a few days, rather than trying to get them all done in one. I can see the sense in that and am going to try and do that from now on.

I mentioned that I felt I'd struggled a bit at the Circle that week, though hadn't been the only one, and that I didn't know if it was anything to do with all the needles she'd put in my crown but my Crown Chakra had been tingling on and off ever since, so she made a note of that. I also told her about asking the girls if the song One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus had meant anything and that it hadn't, so I felt that it really had been for her and that it was probably her way of letting Janet know she was around. She was quite pleased and thanked me, then said that her Mum was currently up here visiting and that she would tell her that her Mum had been around and that she would be happy to know that too. It meant a lot to Janet because she hadn't been able to sense her grandmother since she'd passed away.

Janet asked a few more relevant health questions, jotting down notes as we went, then asked if I'd had any kind of bleeding since my op: only the one monthly I couldn't avoid but nothing since. This was because this time she wanted to treat the meridians that dealt with cooling and thinning my blood, to help calm the flushes - something she didn't do during the first two sessions as she felt it was too soon. She then took the pulses in both my wrists, Chinese style, and jotted those down... and from all of this she decided on the best treatment for me.

This week I had to remove my jeans, as that's where the blood and liver meridians are, and also the thermal longjohns I was also wearing. She closed the window blind and left the room whilst I got myself ready, weighed myself and laid on the bed. I'd asked about getting myself weighed the previous week and the scales had been put in the room ready for me so, after peeling those layers off (every little helps, after all! LOL) I got on them: no loss... but then again, no gain either, as the pointer was rock steady at 11 and a half stone again. It's good to know that I can at least maintain my weight..... though it did make me wonder if I would be losing too much weight if I didn't have that tortilla chip and rice flake pudding habit going on during this cold weather. I got on the bed and pulled the large towel over me and called to Janet that I was ready, as instructed.

This time I had needles in my third eye Chakra (to help spiritually), one in the heart meridian again (thankfully it didn't bother me as much as it had the previous week), one in my left wrist area (more to the back, than inner) which she did say what it was for but I've since forgotten, one in either ankle again (glad to say that though the hormone one pricked a tad going in it was much less painful) and several up my inner thighs on both legs which barely registered when they went in. Whilst she was doing this she said she would leave me for a longer treatment this time but I was to shout her if I at all felt sick or uncomfortable in any way, which I promised to do, then covered me back up again, put the relaxation CD on, switched off the light and left the room.

It really is an odd sensation when the needles go in and it's nothing to do with whether or not they prickle and make me catch my breath. There is a definite change, or subtle movement, that I feel instantly. Sometimes it's very mildly disorientating but, so far, it hasn't been unpleasant. I still remain more aware of background noises than I do during a Reiki session but it's not a problem (it doesn't bug me, like some noises can when I'm at home) and I don't get as deeply relaxed as Reiki makes me but there's a definite sense that somewhere, on some level, something is happening, something is altering. The relaxation music was pleasant to listen to too and the gentle bird song among the music made me think of my garden (the meditation garden we go to in Circle), which was pleasant.

Janet came back in some time later (no idea how long I was there for - could have been anything from ten minutes to half an hour) and told me to keep my eyes shut whilst she turned the main light back on. That's when I realised I shouldn't really put my hands up to cover my eyes when there's an acupuncture needle in my third eye Chakra. It wasn't overly painful, just more made me jump.... but definitely something to avoid in future. LOL. She asked how I felt. OK. Though the heart meridian needle had initially prickled it had settled down to a slight itchiness - she said that was really good. The hormonal one had also initially prickled then hadn't bothered me at all - whereas the previous week she'd had to take it out after barely a minute - and this again was good. No botheration from the other sites at all. Once the needles were removed and dabbed she helped me to sit up, ensuring I kept my dignity by keeping the towel over my bare legs whilst doing so. I gathered that, from my responses, she was pleased with how the treatment had gone and that it was giving her a better sense of which way to take further treatments.

It wasn't until this point that I remembered I was supposed to have mentioned my back problems again. Never mind, that'll keep until next time..... though, funnily enough, it has eased right off since this treatment.

As I was obviously OK she left me to get dressed, saying she would tell Gail that I would be making an appointment for the following week, as I was happy to do so, and that she would see me then. She went to her next client. It took me a bit to get my gear on as I felt slightly uncoordinated... which made me realise that I was more relaxed than I'd initially thought. Once I was decent again and got my things together I went out to reception, made my next appointment and paid my dues. Gail and I started chatting and I don't quite know how it happened but I told her about that state I was in when I first came to the Clinic (the weight and blood pressure and the health warning etc) and what Jan and Aureen had done for me, and now Janet. I don't usually open up like that to someone I've just met (it's usually the other way around, with complete strangers telling me their life stories!) but there was something about her that made me feel comfortable.

The chat went on to cover Aureen's Development Circle evenings... turns out that Gail used to attend but had stopped going as she felt she hadn't been ready then. Hearing me talk about the Circle and the members dropping out and that Aureen was looking for new people to join triggered her interest though and she said she must ring Aureen as she felt she was ready now. Remember what Aureen had said about people turning up at the right time? Well I think it may have just happened. LOL Fingers crossed she does ring, as I get the feeling she will fit in perfectly. :0)

With that I said my goodbyes and made my way out.... and into the Hospice Bookshop. Somehow a trip down the High Street just doesn't seem complete without a nosey in there. ROFL I found a couple more books of interest:

Another book on the menopause - yes, I intend to be very well read on the subject... and it's always useful to have differing points of view on any given subject so you can cherry pick the best/most relevant ideas to you. The Native American legends book is for my eclectic collection.... and one that was quite probably prompted by my Spirit Guide. :0)

After that I ventured further down the street.... despite the fact that it was half term and therefore far busier than usual. It's not so very long ago that this would have had me turning round and heading home fast - I just reinforced my psychic protection and carried on. I had a look in the carpet shop for a rug but no joy there, then on to Wilko's for some bits and pieces, then on down to the local market. It is still sadly deteriorated, compared to what it used to be like when I first moved here, but it did come up trumps today: I found the perfect rug for my Craft Room and at only £2.00 it was a bargain. I wandered round, getting some tomatoes and vegetables from one stall, some birthday wrapping paper from another and some double-sided sticky tape from the cardmaking stall... and saw some A4 sized storage boxes that will be useful for the Craft Room too. I was fairly loaded up and running out of cash by this time so I said I'd be back another week to get some of those. I was also ready for my dinner too, so headed home.

I was a little tired by this time but eating soon improved that...... though I did go tired again later in the evening. Thankfully it wasn't that awful dropping like a stone feeling I had the first week, so I guess that could be a sign the treatments are beginning to kick in and level things off some. :0)

Jane: just a few random things that may be of use to you, in response to your comment. :0)

Drinking soya milk is beneficial as it has a good dose of plant oestrogens in it. Eating very healthily also helps, as does avoiding caffeine and cutting out as much sugar as possible (think low GI). The Candida diet, which I've stayed on, has been great for this. :0)

There are three herbs that I've heard of as being rated for being good at helping with menopausal symptoms and which are easily available from most Health Food and Herbalist shops, either in tablet or capsule form. There's Evening Primrose Oil and Black Cohosh but I can't comment on either of these as I haven't tried them. Then there's Red Clover - which is currently in my mix and seems to be helping to keep those tropical moments down to a bare minimum and the night sweats bearable. There are probably more so it's worth doing further research. :0)

When I had a discussion with my Herbalist about different herbs that are written about in magazines as being helpful in menopause (I'd just read something about black cohosh) her response was that those articles usually did more harm than good to the herbal profession. Women tend to read the articles and go try the herbs expecting a miracle cure all: some are lucky and they do work to some degree but for others they don't and they walk away thinking that herbal treatments are a load of rubbish. What you get from a Herbalist is a tailor-made mixture specific for the individual because all aspects of that woman's health and mental attitude have been taken into consideration - not just treating the symptoms but being Holistic and treating the whole person.

So, although I have red clover in my mix, I also have a variety of other herbs: some that aid kidney and liver function, something for energy, some for blood pressure, some for mood, something for stress, etc etc..... so it's the addition of the red clover to the whole mix that has made the difference, whereas taking it on it's own may not have the same result for me. Hope you know what I mean and it makes sense to you. :0)

Another alternative is going to see a Health Nutritionist. Eating healthily does wonders and it's now known that various foods (or avoidance of certain foods) can have a direct effect on health. (eg tomatoes help fight cancer - but the same thing that helps in that respect actually worsens the pain in arthritic conditions).

I've just started reading a book: Natural Alternatives to HRT by Marilyn Glenville. It covers all aspects of the menopause and various ways to help with the symptoms. I like her approach, as she states that the menopause is not an illness to be treated or cured but a natural part of the life cycle. Some of it is preaching to the converted (myself) but I'm also discovering quite a bit I didn't know - and I would certainly recommend it as a must-read to any woman who is about to or is going through the menopause. HTH. :0

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 16TH FEBRUARY

2010-02-23T06:21:00.000-08:00

This time around S2 was already there when I arrived and had been chatting with Aureen. It wasn't long before Sh and S1 arrived. I asked about La and Aureen said she had texted her and read out her reply: basically, life was somewhat hectic now and due to the pressures she'd decided not to come to the Circle for now... almost word for word what her Mum, L, had said when she exited. So she's definitely not coming back and I don't think any of us were surprised - rather had been expecting it. It's a shame but these things do happen, as Aureen told us..... though she said she will be looking to find someone else to join us, as we needed to ensure there were enough of us to make the group viable, considering illness and holidays. She said she had always found that the right person or people usually come along just as they are needed. :0)

We went through into the other room and Aureen talked more about the different planes of existence and raising our vibration and awarenes to contact the higher levels and the lower levels and the kinds of Spirits that gravitate there and why - a subject she had touched on the week when there was just S1 and myself who turned up. It was interesting, thought-provoking - some of the things I had read about before and it was good to get a different "take" on it.
Whilst she was talking I saw the glow of her aura gradually build up around her. I've had this happen slightly before but this time it was much more definite and clear: it was a golden light all around her which was interspersed with other brilliant Chakra colours, a little like a prism, initially only about an inch above her physical body but gradually expanding to about four inches away all round....... though the more I concentrated on it the less distinct it became. I guess the knack is to concentrate on what is being said and only have half a mind on the aura, and to stay relaxed throughout. Hope that happens again as it was a beautiful thing to see. :0)

As we discussed Karma and how that affected a souls progression S2 asked a question, linked to something in her past, and how she couldn't forgive the person involved (she didn't go into details). Forgiveness is about one of the hardest things we have to learn to do and one of the main things that can affect our development, for good or ill depending on if we can or can't forgive someone. Not being able to let go of the hurt and forgive someone for what they have done can link us to the person/soul through successive lifetimes, destined to continue what can be a negative cycle, until we can learn the lesson and forgive, allowing us to grow and move on. S2 said she understood what Aureen was saying but she really wasn't sure she could do it. I remembered what I had said to my DSis during her recent problems at work, caused by a particular person - that though she couldn't forgive him for his sake, then do it for her own sake - and said this to S2. Whatever happened has left some very deep scars though...... she would try but didn't sound overly optimistic at this stage. I wanted to hug her.

This week, after we opened the Circle, we added names to the healing book and put much healing into it. As A wasn't here, so we couldn't do the Spirit Guide meditation, we were to do another garden meditation... this time to meet a fairy/elemental or similar.

The meditation: we had to protect ourselves, open our Chakras, ground ourselves then slow our breathing, listening for our sound. We then had to walk down the country lane to the gate, open it and enter in. First we walked around out garden, noticing sights, sounds and smells, then we were to notice a seat ( a bench or similar) and go over and sit down. As we sat we were to become aware of an orb of light coming towards us, noticing it's colour. As it came to rest in front of us a being would come out of it - a fairy, gnome, Elemental or similar - and we were to greet it and ask it's name and then ask it if it had a message for us. Once we had the message we were to thank it and say goodbye, get up and take a final wander around the garden, then exit the gate and walk back down the country lane. Then back to awareness of the room.

Aureen then went to each of us in turn to see what we had seen and what message we had been given.

Sh was right there in her garden again and the birds were singing and the butterflies back again. She described the orb as purples and the fairy was called Amethyst (funnily enough I'd been drawn to wearing all amethyst jewellery that night - weird, or what? LOL). She was given a lovely message (can't remember all of it - but it was personal so I wouldn't put it here anyway).
S2 said she struggled to get into the whole fairy thing, despite having a pretty fairy ornament in her real garden, and is more drawn to and connects with Angels...... so it was an Angel she saw and spoke to (personal). Aureen said that she did have a strong connection to the Angelic realm but not to neglect the other realms, as she would benefit from that contact too and gain much from it. Something for her to practice at home.
I saw some elements of my garden and was drawn to sit on the ground under my silver birch tree. I saw an orb of different blues but I didn't see the fairy that clearly, though felt I got her name (either Llira or Llyria) but had struggled from then on and didn't feel I'd received a message. Aureen said she was surprised as she'd expected, with my beliefs, that I would strongly connect with this meditation. I think part of the problem is that I haven't been able to get outside into my real garden for months now, so am feeling disconnected from that side of things... because when I am out there I do get the corner of the eye glimmer thing and often get the feeling that I'm not alone out there, as well as having been told in the past that fairies etc are drawn to me. I feel this is another meditation that I need to do out in my real garden, once the weather has warmed up, so I can feel the Earth with my bare feet and connect more deeply.
S1 saw herself in her garden and this time there were lots of roses (though she felt they were only there because they seemed fairly easy to look after LOL). She freely admits she's no gardener and only goes out there to sit and read and catch some rays. I can't remember what else she saw and I can't remember what Aureen told us she'd seen.

Next it was time to open for Clairvoyance.

Sh saw a piece of amber for Aureen but wasn't sure of the relevance of this and said I probably would, being into crystals etc. I know it's considered to be the Witch's Stone and is worn for protection (though didn't say that) but couldn't remember the healing properties of it offhand - Aureen seemed quite happy with it though, as she also loves her crystals and stones. Sh also saw the black cat for me again, this time it was sat on my knee and I was stroking it - I said now I knew it was my cat. No mallen streak but the vet once told us that it was a sign of scarring on her body, due to an impact or operation (we couldn't say: she was a rescue cat and we didn't know her history), so I guess it's her way of letting me know she's fully healed now. I can't remember what she was for S1 and S2.

From Aureen: when she came to me she said she'd seen an amber traffic light and heard the words get ready. Sh said she had picked up on the traffic lights, thinking that's what she'd seen for Aureen initially, but it had then become the amber stone. I said that we had a set of traffic lights right outside our driveway and smiled - what I didn't say, because I wanted to see if anyone would pick it up at some point, was that my DH and I had been to look at a couple of cars at the weekend. Yes, I am finally getting my act together, ready to start driving again! :0) She said she had also seen a vicar stood behind me all night and I laughed and said I wasn't sure why...... though refrained from making a joke about him probably trying to save my Pagan soul! LOL As far as I'm aware there weren't any vicars in either family so Aureen said it probably meant that a church event was coming up, either a wedding, funeral or christening. There's nothing on the cards at the moment... but I sincerely hope that it's one of the happy events, as there have been enough sad ones already in recent years to last me a very long time. Again I can't remember what else Aureen had seen for the others.

S2: I can't remember what she saw for me, Sh or S1 but for Aureen she saw an old lady. She described her white hair, facial features and even the dress she was wearing and said that she was sat at a round table and was holding a china teacup and saucer - there were people gathered behind her but she couldn't see them distinctly, just their shapes. I got goosebumps and said: it's your Mum Aureen. It was lovely to see the huge beaming smile on her face as she said that yes, it was. S2 had described her perfectly, the dress was the one she had been buried in and she had also loved to drink tea out of a proper china cup and saucer... and the kitchen table is round. What a lovely way for her Mum to let her know that she had arrived safely in the Otherworld and was with all her loved ones already over there. And how amazing S2's skills are! :0)

I had struggled again. I "saw" definite movement in front of me, as if someone had walked from the left of the Circle to stand in the middle of it, and then saw lot's of fuschia's. That was all. I said I didn't know if it was male or female (but then felt it was a man as I said it) or who it was for. Aureen said that I needed to ask and I said that I had done but just didn't seem to get anywhere with it. I thought it was a bit too vague but Sh claimed it - one of her loved ones (not sure she said who but he was male) used to grow prize fuschias. I do feel frustrated when these things come through and I don't know who they are for, especially when the other girls have given me such lovely messages - I know how much comfort they give me, so I'd like to reciprocate. Aureen said not to worry and that it will come.

S1 felt she had struggled again, hadn't really got much of anything for anyone, and felt frustrated and a bit down about it, though felt it was partly her fault - she hadn't been practising as much as she should, due to time constraints. Aureen said that we can't expect to be on form every week and mentioned again that this kind of thing would happen occasionally, as Spirit will test us.... it's up to us to persevere. I've since asked Aureen if it was possible for S1 and I to be picking up on one another and she felt that we probably were - I shall have to be careful in future not to get too frustrated within the Circle as I don't want to be the cause of others having problems.

At the end of the session, after closing down ourselves and the Circle, Aureen said her Guide had said that if we had any questions about anything we could ask them and they would be answered next week. Initially, as always, as soon as anyone asks if we have any questions.... our minds went blank and we couldn't think of anything. But as we chatted a little Sh said she had one: if souls go on to develop to different levels, moving onto those levels when we cross over, will we still be able to meet up with all our loved ones in Spirit?
S2: also asked a question but I can't remember what it was.
Me: When people have different beliefs to their loved ones - with some believing in Summerlands, others in Heaven, others in Nirvana etc etc - do we go to those different places or are they actually all the same?
S1 said she couldn't think of a question to ask.

Aureen said they were all good questions and would give her some work to do...... and rolled her eyes upwards and said Thank you very much to her Guide. She jotted then down quickly, so she wouldn't forget. As she was doing this Sh mentioned that she had had the cobwebs feeling all night and asked if I had. I hadn't been aware of it, to be honest - though I wasn't surprised when she said this, as I had seen movement behind her earlier in the session (not a shadow - I checked). The penny dropped later: I'd seen movement behind Sh, then when we opened for Clairvoyance I'd seen movement again...... coming from her direction to the centre of the Circle. It was her loved one I'd seen coming forward..... and if I'd put those two things together earlier I would have known the fuschias were for her. Sheesh - hindsight is a pain in the butt!

After Aureen handed out the sheets for this week we wandered through into the kitchen area, chatting. Sh asked if any of us had ever seen Sally Morgan perform. I hadn't seen her live but am currently watching her series on TV and was quite impressed with her accuracy. Sh said that yes, she was good... but she had found her voice very annoying and was well ready to leave by the end of the performance - I know what she meant and at least I have an off button on the TV remote! LOL Someone then mentioned going to see Ian Lawman and asked if I'd seen him perform. I have seen him live, several times, at the Pink Pig Psychic Evenings, and the last time he'd brought through messages from our Dad only a few weeks after he'd passed and had been spot on. A little more chat and we all headed for the door, saying our goodbyes.

I always look forward to the Circle evenings but am really loking forward to next week and finsing out what replies Aureen's Guide has given to our questions. :0)

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 9TH FEBRUARY

2010-02-22T12:25:00.000-08:00

Boy, did it feel rushed getting to Circle - so glad I've changed the day for acupuncture to Thursday from next week!

This week there was Aureen, Sh, S2 and me. S1 had texted Aureen to say that she couldn't make it, A had let her know she was ill. Unfortunately no word from La again... it isn't looking promising for seeing her again. :0(

Whilst chatting I asked the girls if the One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus song, a la Daniel O' Donnell style, meant anything to them - Sh said Daniel O'Donnell did but not that song specifically. I said it was OK, it was definitely that song though not necessarily D O'D - that was just who it made me think of, so I guess it was for Janet the acupuncturist after all. Will tell her when I see her again next week.

Once we'd given La more than enough time to arrive and realised she wasn't coming again we went through into the other room to make a start. As we couldn't do the Spirit Guide meditation Aureen told us we would be doing a guided meditation to meet our Goddess this week instead and then proceeded to open the Circle etc.

For the meditation we had to do the usual relaxing (breathing/sound) then walk along the country lane to our garden gate and enter. We then had to walk around the garden, noticing the sights, sounds and smells. When we were comfortable with this we then saw a small summerhouse in a corner, with three steps up to it - we had to walk up the steps and go inside. Inside we were to visualise a chair and go and sit in it, noticing there was another chair opposite. Our Goddess then came in and sat in the vacant chair - we could then ask her any question/s we wanted and see what reply/ies we got. After a while we then thanked her and left, walking back through the garden, out of the gate and back up the country lane. We then had to slowly come back to ourselves.

Aureen then asked each of us, in turn, how we had done visualising our garden.
Sh had done very well, seeing herself there and had even seen and heard butterflies and bees for the first time.
S2 again has no problem with the visualisation.
For some reason I had struggled: a few images and not very clear, though I did feel I'd heard birds singing this time.
Aureen, needless to say, has no problems with her visualisations. :0)

Next we talked about our Goddess, the question/s we had asked and the reply/ies we had had.
Sh: I can't remember if she had seen a specific Goddess but she did see her, asked a personal question and had a lovely reply. She was very comforted by it. :0)
S2 struggled to see a Goddess as she believes in a genderless Creator. She asked her question/s and received her replies.
I had clearly seen the armchair - a green, old-fashioned armchair (think horsehair stuffing and rough fabric finish). I had expected Isis but felt it was Kwan Yin who entered. After initially struggling to find something to ask I then got greedy and asked three questions. Will I be a healer, or, rather, do I have the potential to be a healer? I suddenly got extremely hot hands and the area between and including my solar plexus and heart Chakras also felt hot, almost as if they were glowing. I then asked if my DS would meet the love of his life soon...... I received the image of a large, two handled silver trophy (which I have problems with, as who wants to think of a person as a prize?) Then I asked, thinking of the current state of the world, what hope there would be for Peace amongst us - I had this strong urge to push all the energy/heat in my hands and solar plexus/heart Chakras down into Mother Earth. In fact it was such a strong urge I wanted to actually bend down and put my hands on the floor to do it.... though stopped myself, as I didn't want to freak everyone out. Aureen said that although I hadn't felt as if I'd directly spoken to my Goddess I had obviously received my replies in the images received and in what I'd felt. I realise it's the same old problem: I still need to stop expecting things to go in a particular direction and trust in and go with the flow of what I do receive.

Next we were to sit in the dark and open ourselves to messages from Spirit.
I've had a few sleeps and another Circle, plus acupuncture and Reiki since, so I am struggling to remember much of this but but here's what I can:

I saw a beautiful Queen Bee on flowers and thought it was for Aureen, but then got a strong smell of hairspray and went to S2 (she works in a hairdressers) and got an impression of willow and catkins; turned to Sh and just the word Grandfather for her. Aureen asked what I thought the bee represented - Queen of all she surveys? That seemed a bit negative to me and that wasn't how it came across. I think of bees as busy and industrious and said so and also mentioned that the bee was connected with a specific Goddess, though I couldn't (and still can't!) remember which one. I also now think my first thought was right and that this image was for Aureen and not S2. As for the willow and catkins: S2 (like myself) used to play under a huge weeping willow when she was a child, likening it to a big green tent (just how I thought of it). Sh didn't really know either of her grandfathers as they'd both passed while she was little, though Aureen felt that it probably meant that one/both of them were just letting her know they were around.

Sh saw a black cat walking in front of me, very happy to be there. That made me sit up and smile... though she said that there wasn't any other colour on it and felt that it was a symbol: lucky black cat. I didn't mention my Sally cat, who crossed over the Rainbow Bridge in 2006 - all black, except for a Mallen streak on her flank. From S2: she saw me balanced on an edge, in shall I/shan't I mode and says she sees me like that quite often. Now, as always, there was a woman, surrounded by bright light, stood to my right - I said that wouldn't surprise me, as often when I'm meditating, or even just on the edge of sleep, I am aware of a bright light to my right - so bright it sometimes makes me open my eyes to check a light hasn't been turned on. The woman was there, finger extended and poking me to push me over but not in a nasty way - more as encouragement, as it would mean the start of a whole new me. Aureen: asked if I was afraid of flying. Yes, I'd only done it once and wasn't overly keen and have actively avoided it for years (even before the agoraphobia/panic attacks). She said that I would need to tame the fear, as I would be going on a trip to Sioux Land USA - she couldn't say what area, as she didn't know the USA well, but it was where the Sioux are based. She then asked if I had crystal books. Yes, quite a few actually - she said it would be an idea to get my books out and gen up on crystals, as she felt that may have something to do with it. She said it would all suit me well and, again, mean a whole new me. I must admit I was a bit stunned by this and said that going to the USA had never really figured on my list of places to visit: Egypt, New Zealand and Australia, and in that order of preference, would be the ones I would aim for should I ever go in an aeroplane again.

Sh, S2 and Aureen all had messages for each other too but I really can't remember them. Infuture I shall make sure I either write these things up quicker... or jot down some crib notes! LOL

As we closed our Chakras and closed the Circle I was feeling a little grumpy about not getting clearer messages through and I got a distinct message came through to me: you get out what you put in. When the Circle was closed I told the others what had happened and that I understood what it was telling me. I hadn't been practising the meditations and techniques as much as I should have been doing, as I find that the days sometimes get away from me and I don't manage to sit and do them - I don't so them.... I won't be as open to Spirit as I should be. OK, message received loud and clear! LOL

Once again I felt quite tired by the end of the session. I really need to try and get into a better sleep pattern.... though the disturbed nights, thanks to the flushes, really aren't helping there and there's not much more I can do about them.... it's a case of waiting until the effects of the acupuncture treatments start to kick in.
DH was waiting for me when we left the house... we went straight home and it wasn't long before I went to bed.

ACUPUNCTURE - TUESDAY 9TH FEBRUARY

2010-02-17T14:35:00.000-08:00

Time for my second session of acupuncture and I was really curious to see how things went this time, compared to the first session. I set off 10 minutes beforehand so I would have plenty of time to take a steady walk and have time to settle down before going in for the session.

I had a surprise this week when I saw Anne on reception. It was nice to see her and have chance for a quick natter. She seems to have recovered well from her knee surgery and had a new hair cut and colour which suits her well.

Janet (the acupuncturist) saw her previous client out to reception then, after saying goodbye to her, took me into the treatment room. First thing she did was to ask me how I'd been since my first session. Well... I'd been OK up until about 5pm when I suddenly dropped like a stone and all I wanted to do was to go to bed but I had the Development Circle to go to. I told her about finding the Circle a bit of a struggle to do (probably also not helped by there only being the three of us there) and of S1 asking if I was tired, as I looked it. Janet said that it was perfectly normal and was actually a good sign, although it may not have felt like it at the time. It meant that my body had taken to the treatment and that the Qi was being pulled around it as my body carried on with self-healing: it didn't always happen but was quite typical of sensitives like us (she also has a heightened degree of clairsentience). As I have more sessions and my body gets used to the Qi energy flowing it will settle down and become more balanced, so the sudden tiredness won't happen anymore. It was good to know. I did ask, though, if she minded if I moved future appointments to another day, even though the tiredness should improve - it's mostly because I'm finding it a bit of a rush to have a treatment, get back home and then organise myself for going to Circle. I prefer a much quieter day so I can stay chilled and get myself in the right frame of mind for it. She told me she was in on Thursday's too, so to just mention it to Anne when I went out and she would sort it for me. :0)

I also asked why the needle in my heart meridian had irritated so much. Again it's all part of a good reaction to the needles. Whilst Reiki works on the Chakras and aura, acupuncture is much more direct, because the needles go through the energy meridians and deep into the body, and irritation shows a strong response to this. She gave me an example of how she and fellow complimentary therapists she works on (those who work with energy/light) often feel itchy after a treatment, especially one particular lady who is left with red blobs at all the acupuncture sites. These are nothing to worry about and they soon fade, as does the itching. I thought it through and said now I understood, and it made sense, as to why the heart meridian site bothered me and left me with a raised bleb: it's not just due to grief related issues but because I'm mainly clairsentient - that means I work with feelings/emotions a lot which involves mostly using my heart Chakra.

Some of the things we have in common, as clairsentients: neither of us like being in overly busy places, especially pubs. Janet can't abide being around drunks and the vibes they give off, especially when they are in pubs and nightclubs, and tries to avoid them as much as possible. I don't go to lively pubs in an evening: if we go to a pub these days it's usually for a meal and I always ask for a quiet corner, away from noisier folks. I don't do parties if I can avoid them. I especially don't do busy supermarkets at Christmas, as the vibes given off then are really unpleasant. There are some days I really don't like the feeling in the air that is around here, likening it to "as if something is about to kick off", so I avoid going out then - Janet also feels that there have been some weird vibes about around here for several years now and she also finds it unpleasant..... one of the reasons she lives out in one of the villages, rather than in the town. It's good to know that it "isn't just me", iykwim. As we were chatting I also mentioned that I would have to ask the girls at the Circle about a tune that had been going around my head ever since I'd woken up: One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus (as in, sung by Daniel O'Donnell song). Now as a Pagan this isn't the usual kind of song I'm drawn to, so it's a tad unusual LOL. Janet then told me that the song was played at her Grandmother's funeral, the one they play when everyone is leaving the service.... only someone had forgotten to unlock the exit door so they were all stuck there having to listen to it. LOL I will still ask the girls if it means anything to them... but it looks like it may well have been for Janet. How weird is that?

This time I remembered to mention that I have a bit of a problem with my back: back when I used to go to the gym, to do fitness training, whilst on one of the old machines (one where you push against pads with your forearms and bring them together in front of you) the instructor got me to use it the other way around, as it helped to tone up a different set of arm muscles (help make those "wings" disappear!). Only when I tried it something in my spine, just below my shoulder blades level, "crunched" and gave me a right belt of pain that made me cry out. After resting it seemed fine so I carried on training (though the right way round on that machine from then on!). It wasn't until I stopped doing the fitness training a while later that I started getting some problems with intermittent back pain.... right where it had "crunched". It seems to aggravate when I do alot of computer mousework and stitching, making a muscle across my back ache which bothers my neck/shoulder and usually triggers a bit of a headache. It was bothering me today and I'd got a bit of a headache so Janet said she would do something to help that.

After she took my pulses and closed the blind I took off my shoes and socks and went to lie down on the treatment bed. This time she used two Western needles, one in either temple, which was to relieve the headache... and it was very effective for that. Then she placed five needles in the crown of my head (they barely registered, just felt like a little pressure being applied) then a needle in the inner ankle area. The one in my left foot pricked like hell when it went in and bothered me immediately and, as it continued to bother me, Janet took it out. This one was in the hormonal area and had reacted because the Qi energy had immediately rushed to, then up the needle and pulled down what it needed very quickly. Instantaneous reaction meant it had worked straightaway, no need to leave it in. :0)

When Janet had made sure I was comfortable she turned off the light and went off to leave me to relax. I had a similar reaction as last time: an odd shifting movement in my body and the need to close my eyes. This time I could see particular upper Chakra colours whirling behind my eyelids: Spring Green (heart); not much blue (throat); lots of indigo (brow/third eye); lots of violet (crown) and lots of lovely healing purple. If my feet had been a little warmer I could have been tempted to drop off to sleep. LOL Except occasionally it felt like the treatment bed moved a little, which I've also occasionally experienced during Reiki sessions - whilst the times during Reiki didn't bother me I found this mildly disconcerting. My mind just free-wheeled throughout the session and fleeting images kept coming and going, too quickly to really see what they were. Towards the end of the session I was really aware of the chit-chat in the other room and at reception and of the traffic outside so I was ready for Janet coming back in minutes later.

Janet asked how I was and I said fine and she quickly removed the needles, once again dabbing the puncture sites. I carefully sat up but there wasn't really any feeling of disorientation or anything. Once thing that was immediately self-evident though: that niggling headache had gone! Janet just smiled when I told her - and she told me to remind her about the back next time and she would see what she could do for it. If it's as effective as the headache needles I'm up for it! LOL I told her about the Chakra colours and other things, chatted about a few other inconsequential things, thanked her and then she went out to see her next client.

By this time I'd had some sips of water and put my socks and shoes back on. I felt OK, so I didn't wait around long after Janet had left the room. Anne booked my next appointment for the morning of the following Thursday - the beauty of that being that it's market day, so I'll be able to pop down there for a nosey afterwards, should the fancy take me. I paid my dues and was just gathering my things together when Jan arrived. It was basically a hello/goodbye though, as she was obviously wanting to get on.

When I left the Clinic I decided to pop into my favourite place...... yes, the Hospice Bookshop. This time I did find something I wanted:

I reckoned that menopause book would be interesting reading.... if only to help me gather enough information together so I can go back to see my GP with a shed load of questions that I didn't have chance to ask at the hospital. LOL I decided to grab the other one because I part saw the film The Celestine Prophecy the other week which has made me want to read the books..... and once I've read those, then I already have this one to look at things more in-depth. :0)

From there I popped over the road to the greengrocers to get some diabetic biscuits for DH, then to Tesco Express for a little shopping, then home. By the time I put things away and got changed it was time to get my meal sorted, to make sure I'd eaten a couple of hours before the Circle was due to start. The time just shot past. See what I mean about it all being rushed? LOL

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - TUESDAY 2ND FEBRUARY

2010-02-16T08:29:00.000-08:00

Well I seemed to be doing OK after my first acupuncture session, getting changed as soon as I got home and going on to cook my meal.... but by about 5pm I suddenly dropped like a stone and all I wanted to do was go to bed! Not good when there was a Circle to go to!

I persevered and went anyway, arriving shortly before S1. Aureen said she hadn't heard anything from La or A but Sh had texted to let her know that she wouldn't be coming as she was unwell. We chatted as we waited for a while, acupuncture being one of the subjects, but no one else turned up and Aureen said that if she had known there were only going to be the three of us she would have cancelled the session, though we'd go ahead now anyway and see what happened as sometimes the smaller groups could be surprising.

Once in the other room we settled into the approximation of a Circle. As we weren't a full house we obviously couldn't do the meditation to meet our Spirit Guides so Aureen decided to do what she called the Rainbow Meditation, followed by clairvoyance afterwards.

We opened our small Circle, protected and grounded ourselves then went into the guided meditation. For the meditation we had to slow our breathing and relax into listening to our heartbeats and sound, really chilling down, then had to imagine our roots as tree roots, going deeply and firmly into Mother Earth, seeing ourselves as trees with our branches going high into the air on a bright, sunny day. Then we had to take our time on opening each Chakra at a time, imagining each colour in turn and as strongly as we could. We then had to imagine drawing a rainbow, one colour at a time, drawing it from under and up from our left foot to our crown on the in breath and down from the crown to under our right foot. When we had done this we then had to do it all again but this time doing it from front to back, imagining ourselves surrounded by the rainbow light and gathering any impressions we received. We then allowed the energy to flow away and came back to being aware of ourselves sat on our chairs and the room around us.

Aureen and S1 felt a little dizzy initially so had to ground themselves again. I felt OK. We talked through what had happened.

S1 had seen twisty curly roots which she felt had been unusual (I didn't say anything but that's how I always see my roots going into the Earth!) and her tree had been a big oak tree. She'd seen the Chakra colours and made several remarks on how these had seemed but I can't remember them (I really must write these posts up immediately, while everything is still reasonably fresh!). The rainbow was clear and she'd really enjoyed the meditation.

Initially I saw brown bark and thought of and saw an oak tree, so I said I felt I'd picked up on S1's oak tree, but that quickly went, to be replaced by an extremely clear image of a silver birch tree..... and not one of the wispy ones but a beautiful, well established tree with a large trunk, high and strong branches and lots of leaves. Even before Aureen mentioned it being sunny I saw it in bright light - it was the clearest and strongest image I've received so far. S1 then said she had initially seen a silver birch but that had quickly gone and been replaced by her oak tree - it looks like we were picking up on each other quite well! I saw able to see the Chakra colours well and, once I'd got the hang of the in and out breaths, had been able to draw the rainbow quite well. It was a wonderful meditation and I'd thoroughly enjoyed it and felt really relaxed and peaceful after it.

Aureen said that this was a really good one to do at home, to help develop our skills and told us that Sh had loved this meditation when she had done it at her previous Circle and practised it regularly and had felt that it had helped her a lot.

Unfortunately I can't remember what Aureen's tree had been.

Next we were to open for clairvoyance, concentrating on one person at a time - that person had to sit and send out positive energy whilst it was going on and concentrate on anything in particular that they wanted picking up.

As I didn't get to have this done last time I was first up and it was a bit weird sitting there trying to think of something, especially as I was feeling tired - the old brain was flitting about like a butterfly! LOL
S1 had seen me dressed in walking clothes and boots with a rucksack on my back, striding out on my own and very happy. I used to do an awful lot of proper hill walking, pre-bad health/weight gain/agoraphobia etc, but last year, after getting myself sorted out, I finally got my walking gear on for the first time in years and did some walking in the Lake District while we were on holiday there ( a 4 mile walk initially, then a 6 mile walk another day). I felt this was a symbolic image too, with me being alone: me, striding out into the future with confidence and enjoyment, unafraid...... finally being the otter and not the mouse. A lovely feeling and thought. :0)
Unfortunately I can't remember what Aureen saw for me.

For Aureen I had the Beatles song I Wanna Hold Your Hand go through my head two separate times; saw an amethyst geode and something else that I just can't remember now. The song itself wasn't one that meant anything specific to her but she said that perhaps someone from Spirit wanted to hold her hand (it has been only a short time since her Mum passed away); she would love an amethyst geode but can't afford one, as they are really expensive; can't remember this bit because I can't remember the relevant thing I received.
S1 saw Aureen sat at a round kitchen table and reading a particular story in a broadsheet newspaper, naming it. It was absolutely spot on. There were some other things I can't now remember.
S1's jaw almost dropped and she looked at me and said she felt a bit stunned. I smiled at her and nodded and said I know, despite the fact that we know we are there to develop these skills when we get direct hits it still freaks you out a bit.

For S1 I got Egyptian images coming through again, this time a definite image of a Horus statue and also a view of either a Pharoah or one of the gods with staff in hand, again more of a statue then a wall image, then the image of a baby surrounded by white light. Aureen said she wasn't surprised that I was picking up on this again as this was a very strong lifetime for S1 but I said I'd been frustrated with it as I felt it was just re-hashing what I'd got last time... but realised afterwards that, as the images were different, I should probably have opened to it more and see if more came up. (Since then every time I think of this the words Temple at Edfu keep coming up - need to do a little research!).
Unfortunately I can't remember all of what Aureen got for S1 and what I can remember was quite personal.

Not long after we closed ourselves down and closed the Circle. We chatted a little afterwards and S1's throat problems were mentioned again, so I asked her if she tended to bottles things up. She said she does and I mentioned how I recognised it after having throat problems in my 30's which resulted in having my tonsils out, though in hindsight now recognised that it probably had more to do with the throat Chakra being blocked due to my bottling things up. I said she shouldn't be afraid and to speak her truth more often... and Aureen promptly said: see, you are getting things. LOL

As we were heading for the door S1 asked me if I was tired, which I admitted to, and she said that I looked quite drawn. I said I had a feeling that it was something to do with the acupuncture but that I would see how it went the following week, though I was going to ask to change the day anyway - doing both on the same day was making things too rushed and I preferred to have a quieter day, to stay nice and chilled before the Circle, so I was in the right frame of mind when I got there.

With that we said our goodbyes and left. Needless to say I asked DH to take us straight home and I had an early night.

ACUPUNCTURE - TUESDAY 2ND FEBRUARY

2010-02-16T06:25:00.000-08:00

It was with a little trpidation that I set off down the street to the Clinic on Tuesday for my first ever acupuncture session. I don't particularly have a needle phobia (I only object to the dental needles in my gums and am not so keen on seeing my blood being taken) it was more the not knowing what to expect and wondering about what effects it would/wouldn't have.

On arriving at the Clinic I had a quick chat with Jan about the last lot of herbal mix she'd made for me: the red clover she'd put in seemed to have really helped settle down those tropical moments so I wondered if she felt it was worthwhile continuing to take it for a while, just while the acupuncture kicks in. She was happy enough for me to do this and informed Janet, the acupuncturist, of what she had used to help in her assessment and treatment of me. Unfortunately I forgot to grab the opportunity to be weighed so currently have no idea if I had lost weight during my recent stomach bout.

As I'd arrived early we managed a bit longer chat and she told me she had now bought a house in the same village as Janet. I got to see pics and it looks fabulous: all old cottage exterior and well decorated, modern refurbished interior.... she can move straight in and do nothing more than clean and cleanse it. She moves later this month. I was glad to hear that she is going to be keeping the Clinic in Ashby for at least another year to 18 months...... it will give me plenty of time to have some refresher driving lessons and find a car! LOL

With that Jan popped in to make up my medicine, then it was time for me to go through to the treatment room. Once settled in our chairs Janet proceeded to tell me some basics about acupuncture: what it is, what it does and the principles it uses and Qi (prounounced chee) energy. She also showed me some diagrams on the wall that showed the meridians running through the body and the acupuncture points:

She then went on to take my details, chat about my current health status and the main things I would like to be treated for: mostly the menopausal symptoms. There were questions about my skin, hair, nails symptoms and all kinds of things - she warned me that some questions may not seem relevant but that they all had a bearing on the state of my Qi energy and that would help her assess what areas needed to be worked on to help bring it into balance, to be healthy and, basically, firing on all cylinders.

It was quite interesting and we also touched on my past problems with agoraphobia and panic attacks and how I'd tackled them, the relevance of my being clairsentient as a contributory factor (she is also clairsentient and can't abide being around drunks or going into pubs and clubs where lots of drunken and negative behaviour has taken place), how going to a Development Circle had helped me - especially in teaching me how to psychically protect myself from negative energies/people, the occasional stress related stomach bouts, the grief issues and how Reiki had helped me with much of those and my recent operation and how that had affected me (positively, I have to say).

She felt that though I'd dealt with some of the grief issues there was still some repression going on, causing an imbalance, and that various bits would need work as they were also unbalanced. It was also possible to use the treatments to aid in my Spiritual development which I found fascinating.

Next Janet asked if she could take my pulses, explaining that Chinese pulse taking was slightly different to how a nurse or doctor would take one: instead of just feeling for the pulse in one area of the wrist there are three that are taken and each one is relevant to something.... I didn't have time to ask questions about this, as time was getting on, so I hope I can remember to ask another time as I'm finding it all fascinating and want to learn more.

With this she put a lamp on ready, then closed the blind whilst I took my shoes and socks off and went to lie down on the treatment bed for a short five minute treatment. The first treatment is mainly used to assess how the needles affect me, not only at the time of treatment but in between too. Janet then explained that she would only use six needles this time, to see how things went: I was to tell her if I got any irritation from them and that there was a possibility I may even feel itchy and would be left with a slight blemish at the needle sites but it was nothing to worry about the itchiness was a sign they were working and any blemishes would soon fade. She raised the head end slightly and placed a bolster pillow beneath my knees. With that she went on to apply the needles: one in my Crown Chakra (slight pressure as she put it in, nothing more); another in my third eye Chakra (a sharp pricking sting, nothing more); one in each inner wrist (the right one pricked and bothered me and left a blemish) and one in the top area each foot (slight pricking and minor bothering in the left one that soon eased). After making sure I was OK she told me to just let myself relax, turned off the main light and left me to chill in the lamp lit room.

I have to say that it was a really odd sensation, difficult to describe. I had to close my eyes and I felt a bit drifty but it was different to the sensation I get whilst having Reiki. With that I often feel quite definite movements or surges of energy - there was a definite change but this was more subtle and I could tell that it was involving more than just my Chakras, though I did have Chakra colours swirling behind my eyelids for some of the time. I felt relaxed but not in the deep "I'd really like to fall asleep now" kind of way that Reiki gives. All I can say is that something moved, something changed..... and it wasn't unpleasant, just different.

Janet came back in after the five minutes were up and asked how I felt and removed the needles, dabbing each entry point with an antiseptic swab. I felt OK, and I explained the sensations I'd had. She said she wasn't surprised that the right wrist needle had bothered me, as that is the heart meridian. I had to take my time getting up (you can occasionally experience disorientation or dizziness after treatment) and sip water. We both felt that the session had gone well and I was happy to go back for further treatment, initially on a weekly basis whilst it starts to have the desired effect, then going on to what she referred to as a monthly top-up.

As her next client had arrived in reception she wished me luck for the evening's Circle and went to take them through to the other treatment room, leaving me to gather myself together and go to reception when I felt ready. I felt OK so didn't hang around long, soon going to pay Jan, make my next appointment and collect my medicine. With that I thanked her and left.

I had a quick nosey in the Hospice Bookshop but there wasn't anything in there that appealed this time.... I'd been looking for specific Angel books but there were none to be seen. I then realised the time and headed home.... I had to get on and cook my evening meal so I'd be ready to go to the Circle in the evening.

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE - 26TH JANUARY

2010-02-15T16:16:00.000-08:00

A bit more disorganised me this week but it actually worked in my favour as far as mealtimes went, which actually helped, as in: I got up late so had to have a quick breakfast of puffed rice around 11.30am (too hungry to not have anything) before hitting the shower around 12pm; by the time I was sorted from that I wasn't hungry enough to have lunch straightaway and eating later would make it too close to my needing to have an early evening meal; I opted to go with an apple, a diabetic biscuit and herbal teas to keep me going through the afternoon so I'd be OK for the earlier evening meal prior to going to the Circle. It worked out well...... and even better when DH got in early, due to having to pick DS up from work, so he could have his meal, a little relaxation and get ready with time to spare.

I was the first to arrive again and it was good to see that Aureen looked much more like her usual self this week, as it had been awful to see her looking so drawn and so obviously tired on Saturday, when she'd had to give some of my treatment whilst sitting down.

We chatted a little whilst Sh, A and S1 arrived, then went through to start. This week we did a Spring Cleaning meditation: the usual opening of Chakras and going into relaxation mode by listening to our heartbeats and trying to hear our sound followed by imagining that we were going to go into a particular room - a loft or basement, or any room that called to us. We had to see a door, noting the colour, then unlock it and walk in. Inside we had to take note of what was in there and proceed to sort through and then clear out the clutter, whatever it was, then clean the room. Finally we had to look back it it as we walked back through the door, then close it. We then came back to ourselves and each talk about what we had seen and done.

It proved an interesting one.
Sh: had seen a proper loft door and had cleared her actual loft of all the old bank statements/receipts and other accumulated stuff via a builders chute; she then came down and set about sorting/shredding/throwing out etc; back up to vacuum it out, then set about boarding it out properly then putting back those things she wanted to keep. She did a job that actually needs doing in her home.

I had to be a little different but that seems par for the course! LOL Initially what I got was a little disjointed as I jumped from room to room in my home - yes, there's still clutter in them that needs sorting but my mind didn't seem to want to settle on any one of them. I then saw a black door and on the other side was a dark room with a quick flash of turquoise colour. Next I saw the sepia photo that my Uncle T had loaned us, so I could make copies, of Mum, her DBro Uncle T and Sis Aunty J as children - my eyes zoomed in on Aunty and I kept seeing her as that child, with only one quick image of her as an adult later. This then went and when cleaning the room was mentioned I had an image of a besom or old fashioned broom (a witch's broom, as some would call it) which was used to clean the room. When I first saw the besom I thought it would lead to the whole smudge stick cleansing ritual but what I saw next was a lit white candle sat on the floor in the centre of the room. As I went to leave I saw an image of a big bunch of lavender and when I left I closed and firmly locked the door. I explained that I'd had issues about Aunty as she'd done and said some awful things whilst my siblings and I were growing up - to us and to our parents, especially our Mum - and I felt I'd let something go that needed to go, a de-cluttering but of the emotional kind. Aureen smiled and explained that the white candle represented forgiveness, so that was good. I needed to work out what the lavender meant: later I found that, in the language of flowers it stands for deceitfulness. Well Aunty was certainly that! I thought it may have been Dad's way of saying that all was OK with them now, as he had given me several lavender plants for my garden in the year before he passed, but a friend has reminded me that lavender was a strewing herb in medieval times, used as part of the cleansing process so I now feel that it was probably reinforcing the cleansing and letting go.

A: her home is mostly tidy and she felt it didn't need de-cluttering but she was in the process of re-decorating her living room - she saw it done in a different scheme to the one planned and said she would probably now go ahead and do that instead, as she liked it better than what had been planned She also saw someone she spoke to and who had a personal message for her.

S1: saw a bright green door, then walked through it into her actual loft, full of all the accumulated stuff that had moved home with her several times. Much of it was receipts and old bills etc but there were also lots of photos from her first marriage. She went through it all, discarding a lot, then went on to clean out and paint the loft, then hung some pictures her and her DH bought together. She realised what this was telling her but it was quite personal.

Next we opened for Clairvoyance to see what messages we would receive for each other.
For S1: Sh saw a fair little girl, dressed for party, big balloon; not happy at being left - she felt it was her DD as a child. I saw a shawl and then Egyptian hieroglyphs and then a temple wall full of the carved imagery - Aureen said that was good and that it linked with what she had seen and would explain after A had spoken. A saw: S1 choosing a potted rosebush in a garden centre and chatting to someone who didn't seem that interested - S1 felt it was telling her to take more of an interest in the garden. Aureen saw S1 in an Egyptian past life, very vivid which was why she wasn't surprised that I had picked up on this. She gave her much more detail about it.
For A: Sh saw her and a chap abroad, in a small boat, going in and out of little coves - this turned out to be a mix of a previous Greek holiday with the boat from Phantom of the Opera, something A and herchap had seen. Me: it was really random/weird, as I got a tingling sensation on the top of my forehead, just in the browline, which I described as like a shingles sensation; I then got one word: Tesco. A wasn't sure about the head thing, though she does get tingling in various parts of her face when Spirit is about, but her chap goes off to Tesco at weird times due to odd working hours. I did get something else but I used discretion and didn't mention it - something Aureen said we would need to do at times. I can't remember what Aureen saw for her.

Unfortunately we ran out of time for me and Sh but Aureen said we would do it next time. Before closing the Circle I had to ask Aureen if someone was stood behind me, as I kept getting tingles on the back of my head, as if something had gently touched me. She said she thought it was my Mum and that she was peobablythere to let me know she was around during the recent stress. We then closed the Circle but then Aureen turned to Sh and asked if she had a big sparkly brooch because she'd just had a message from Spirit to tell her they really liked it - Sh had received one as a Christmas gift from her niece, chosen by her specially, and had just started to wear it. How cool was that? :0)

We then had a bit of a chat, when S1 told us a little more about her 1st DH, his recent passing and the knock on effects for her DD as she deals with Post Natal Depression. It's quite sad but hopefully things will start to improve.

Aureen then said that if we had full numbers next week we would be doing the first of three meditation sessions to meet our Spirit Guides. She had planned on doing it this time around but couldn't with having missing members. I said it had probably happened this way for a reason and Aureen agreed, saying that perhaps someone wasn't quite ready yet (probably me, with the recent stress and ill health!) and with that we said our goodbyes and headed for the door.

The chauffeur (my patient DH) was waiting to take us home. I'm really looking forward to next time!

REIKI SESSION - JANUARY

2010-01-27T04:26:00.000-08:00

On chatting with Aureen I'd asked her how she was doing. She didn't look as drawn as she had done on the Tuesday night but was obviously still feeling tired, as she was sitting down as much as she could. I told her about not having been well since I'd last seen her and the incident at my DSis's work that was causing some upset at the moment and how worried my DSis was (the added stress). I said I was looking on the bright side and doing my best to keep my DSis positive too: we'd all called on the Angels for help and when, later in the week, I thought of her and pulled an Angel card it was the All is Well card. This indicates that although it may not seem like it at the moment, whatever is unfolding will have a positive outcome with unforeseen benefits. I then had to pop out with Jan to pay - she then stayed at the reception desk to await her next client.

When I went back in the room I took off my rings, scrunchie and shoes and went to sit on the treatment bed. Aureen asked if I was feeling stressed and I admitted I was, though was doing my best to stay calm and help my DSis stay positive, plus I was also feeling the lack of a session in December. So she told me she would do a gentle treatment this time to try and help me with relaxation.

I laid down and mentioned how odd it felt not being in the other room, as I loved the feel of it in there. Aureen said she knew what I meant and said it probably had something to do with all the positive healing energy having built up in there. Well, whoever gets to use that room next will surely benefit from it. So I settled down under the fleecy blanket, the relaxation CD started and the session began.

There were no swirling colours or revelations, as such, this time.... it was every bit as gentle as Aureen had said she would make it. She didn't so any Chakra work, just concentrated on grounding me and working on my head area. When she first touched my head I had a fleeting image of the head and shoulders and swept back wings of an Angel, very similar to the new Angel ornament my DH bought me just before the festive season. When she placed her hands over my third eye I saw the caduceus and when she placed one hand on my third eye and one on my heart Chakras for some reason my saliva glands kicked in my mouth began to water a bit.... it had been quite dry up until then. I also felt the knot in my stomach unravel and go and I became more and more relaxed.

Before I knew it the session came to an end. Aureen gently touched my shoulder and said my name and asked if I was OK. I sighed and stretched slowly and said: I'm fine, you can just leave me here, as I could quite happily nod off now. She said not to worry if I ever did do so - apparently others had done so during treatments. LOL I told her that it had been a lovely session and I'd been pleasantly surprised: I'd been a little concerned at how things would go since the move into the front room, with it being closer to the road, but I needn't have. I'd been aware of it initially but as the treatment progressed it faded into the background and hadn't bothered or concerned me at all. Aureen said that showed a real improvement and I realised that it also held true at the latest Circle sessions too: noises that used to distract me previously now, in the main, fade like that.

I told her about the knot disappearing and how much of a relief that was. The Angel was expected, it being Angelic Reiki. When I told her about seeing the caduceus I said: that's the doctor's sign, isn't it? thinking it represented healing but she smiled and said that it was very good to see, as it meant kundalini energy had been rising. I said I hadn't felt any sudden surges or anything like that during the session, which is what I thought would happen with that, only deep relaxation. She didn't say anymore on it, just smiled at me. She also told me that my Guide had been present again and that he wanted me to be aware that he was there to help me through the stressful time. I hadn't really been aware of him during the session but there had been times duing the previous few days when I would suddenly think of him and felt it was because he was there. It's a comforting thought: no matter what is going on in your life and no matter how much you think you're on your own..... you're not, because your Guide and your Angel are there, ever present and ever willing to help. :0)

She asked me if I'd had any problems with my right arm. I said I do have occasional aches, mainly in my shoulder and up my neck, that was probably aggravated by repetitive movement from stitching and computer mousework. But no, not there and she pointed to the elbow area. Nope... at least not at the moment, so she said just to watch for it as it had come on her and she knew it wasn't associated with her. OK, will keep that in mind. Funnily enough, at the end of the session, I'd felt an uncomfortable sensation in my right foot that I didn't think was me but forgot to mention it (one to ask on Tuesday night).

By this time I could sit up and started sipping the water Aureen handed to me. We began to talk about the Circle and some of the events there and I told her that I thought I'd improved recently because I'd sussed out that I worked differently to the others which had stopped me worrying that I might be doing something wrong and explained why I thought that (mentioned in other posts). She said that everyone worked differenlty and picked things up in their own way, using one or more methods and to a greater or lesser degree. It looks like I am predominantly clairsentient, though this doesn't mean that I can't/won't develop further with the clairvoyance or clairaudience. Since I'd realised this it made me aware that those times I said I hadn't got anything I probably had, I just hadn't realised it because I hadn't gone with what I'd felt at the time - the change is that now I do. My poor Guide: he must have been banging his head on a Spiritual brickwall up until then! LOL

As we carried on chatting I started donning my scrunchie, specs, rings, shoes and coat. When I was ready Aureen mentioned again that she planned on doing the clearing the clutter meditation at our next Circle meeting - I was looking forward to it. With that we said our goodbyes and I walked home.... on my own.... and it felt good to get through tht barrier again. :0)

Later in the afternoon I ended up grabbing the fleecy blanket and laying under it on the settee and promptly fell asleep for about an hour and a half and felt very refreshed when I woke and still minus the stomach knot. That was a truly lovely session. :0)

HERBALIST - JANUARY TAKE TWO

2010-01-26T16:22:00.000-08:00

Saturday 23rd was the date for my next visit to see Jan and I was ready to see her: the previous week hadn't been a good one at all, as the nausea I'd been feeling developed into something of a stomach upset and I was struggling to eat (not like me, since the op). On top of this was some added stress that wasn't helping at all. So DH got ready and saw me safely into the Clinic, before he carried on down the High Street to do some shopping and then head home.

When I got upstairs Jan took me into what is usually the Colonic treatment room for our consultation, as Aureen was in the other room with her client. I handed over my food diary sheets and her first words were that she didn't think there was any reason for me to continue to take them in. I guess I am sticking to the healthy eating OK........ and it'll save some paper, as well as printer and pen ink. LOL

She asked how things had been going since my last visit. I told her about the nauseous feeling I'd had from the Sunday and the stomach upset it triggered and the anxiety feelings this always seems to trigger, then told her a little about the added stress that wasn't helping. She asked if I was sure that I wasn't actually causing the anxiety reaction myself. No, my stomach had already been feeling off before the added stress and I was doing my best to stay calm..... and on comparing symptoms with DH and DS it pointed to my having a variation of the bug that they had had. I'd also thought that taking one of the vitamins with my evening meal hadn't been helping (maybe giving it a bit too much to do) and I wasn't too keen on the fact that it gave me bright yellow pee. The latter was a sign that it was working but my stomach had felt better since I stopped taking it, so I'd prefer to leave it out until it was back to normal. I'd felt so crap I'd got to the point that I would have tried anything to feel better.

We chatted about a couple of other things, then she said that she felt that we had probably gone as far as we could with the herbal side and that, at this point, I would probably benefit more with a course of acupuncture instead.... and that would certainly help with the nausea. How did I feel about that? I said I'd seen the needles used when I'd spoken to the acupuncturist at the Holistic Fair she'd held last year and they didn't bother me - I don't have a needle phobia and it was only when having blood taken that I didn't like to see what was happening.

So the upshot of this was that I am now booked in for my first acupuncture session on the 2nd February - it would have been this Friday (29th January), except that I am going to stay with my DSis for the rest of this week, so won't be here.

In the meantime Jan altered the herbal mix slightly by taking out the liquorice and adding red clover instead and also added echinacae, to help me fight the bug I've had. She would just make me a weeks worth, to see me through until the acupuncture appointment. I forgot all about asking her to weigh me, so have no idea if I've lost anything but with the loss of appetite I've had I reckon I should have...... I'll just have to see if I can be weighed at my next visit instead. :0)
Aureen had finished with her client by this time, so Jan took us through so she could mix my medicine and I could chat with Aureen. When it was ready I added some herbal teas, a couple of snacks and Osteoguard tablets and went to pay - Jan would be in with another client when my Reiki treatment would be finished, so she wanted to get it done beforehand. Whilst I was paying she mentioned that she'd sold her house, though the timing wasn't great: she's currently rebranding the Clinic, preparing a brochure for publication and generally got a lot on, so the last thing she wanted was a house move on top but the Universe has decided to pile on the pressure. She has to be packed up and out part way through February.... and currently doesn't have anywhere to go to. I wished her Luck and hoped all went well.

I then went back into the treatment/dispensary room for my Reiki session.