The receptionist, G, was there again so I said I understood from Aureen that she would be joining us next week and she said hopefully so - she was booked to work a little later that night but would hopefully be able to get there in time, providing she went straight from work. I mentioned that Aureen had said we would be doing a meditation to cut ties and release blockages - she said she could definitely do with doing some of that. I said how we were supposed to have been doing a series of meditations to meet our Spirit Guides but that something kept happening, such as members dropiing out or being ill etc, to stop it..... and smiled and said maybe it was because we were waiting for her to join us. :0) By this time Janet came through and took me into treatment room 1.
She asked how I had been doing, both with the flushes and at the Circle. The flushes have their moments, with some days when they are barely noticeable.... then others when they definitely are. As for the Circle: I told her about the voice I'd heard that morning and the outcome,but that, though that had been a success, the evening hadn't been so great. I went on to tell her about the message I'd received from S2 (seeing my garden and all the Spirit people there and my reaction within it) and that I'd concluded that it was telling me I was blocking myself. I told her that as I was thinking about it later and wondering about what the block could be.... I'd remembered an incident from my childhood: I was in Infant School, hanging around with a group of other kids in the playground, when one of the girls (J) started to tell us all about these critturs that lived in the drainholes around the playground - she was (to other small children, including me) totally believable; we started rushing round the playground, peering down the drainhole covers..... totally convinced that we could see those critturs in there; she said that the cracks in the walls in the toilets were also caused by these critturs (though I've since forgotten how or why) - so every time I went to the loo and saw these cracks there was a tiny shiver of fear went through me. It stayed with me and that night I remember being sat up in bed in the darkened bedroom, jamming myself as far back into the corner as I could go, because when I looked across the bedroom I could see shapes of figures stood there and their eyes looking at me.... and being totally afraid to close my eyes, in case they'd come and get me. I don't remember any kind of Angelic intervention, as some very frightened children do, or if I managed to drop off to sleep, but I do remember that I had a raised temperature the following day and Mum had to keep me off school for the day, to recover.
Combine this with another memory: when myself, my DBro and DSis were small there was only one light in the hallway, downstairs, which meant the upstairs landing was always really dark and shadowy... and we had to walk up there to get to the bedrooms, with no light until we switched our bedroom lights on. It always creeped me out big time and, talking to my DBro and DSis about it as adults, it seems they weren't too keen either - my DSis said she always used to shut her eyes on that bit "because she didn't want to see anything".
I felt I was being shown that these incidents, especially the first, had something to do with the current block, especially as I'd started to tense up as I talked about them - and recently I've noticed I'm occasionally tensing up within Circle and have had to make a conscious effort to keep re-relaxing myself.
I then told her about a couple of times, pre-Circle, when I had read something about Spirit Guides and had asked to see mine and, when I was in that half and half state, had seen a male figure stood beside my bed and who inclined his head towards me (a sort of I'm here movement, rather than threatening) and then, on a different night, had heard a voice clearly say Hello K. I'd jumped out of my skin both times, heart thumping, and felt scared - and was really annoyed with myself because I'd asked for these things and had had a reply... and had done the typical Most Haunted/Yvette Fielding thing - but without the screaming. LOL
Janet said that it seemed the childhood incidents had set up something called a conditioned fear response and that that would result in a block. She spoke of the Qi (chee) energy that runs through all things and how that can change, as it had while we were talking. As children we are ultra-sensitive to these changes in atmosphere and energy (Qi) but most gradually build up a kind of resistance (block) to it as we get older but as a clairsentient I have kept this sensitivity/awareness so I react to the changes, with the tensing/fear response. Also our Guides and Spirit don't want to do anything that will make us feel afraid, they want to work with those who are fully happy with what occurs, so they may well be holding back because of these responses, perhaps now introducing things in dribs and drabs to get me used to them, so I can get past the conditioned response. The odd thing is though: all kinds of freaky things can happen during a Reiki session (including feeling more then Aureen's hands working on me) and I'm not afraid at all, just accept it as "normal"; things happen in Circle (seeing movement, sensing Spirit, seeing an aura and getting messages etc) and I don't consciously feel afraid but am usually excited or pleased... except for that occasional tensing. And it's something that I really want to do, so don't want to block it. Frustrating!
I then told her that Aureen would be taking us through a cutting cords and clearing blockages meditation the following week which would hopefully help sort me out. Janet said she could also do something to help too. She took my pulses then immediately sat back, hesitated then said OK. and I got the feeling that she was assessing something she had just picked up. She then said I was OK to keep my jeans on this week and asked me to just take my shoes and socks off and get on the bed, which I duly did. She said she would be doing a slightly different treatment this time - not just the hormonal/flushes thing but also something to help remove any energy blockages. OK, I was up for that - anything that will help is a plus. :0)
So this week I had needles: one in my third eye (that beggar gets me every time, LOL); one in my left ear (and that really flippin' stung); one in either wrist (the heart meridian one stung slightly); the hormonal ones in my ankles (the left one slighly stung); a few extra ones around my ankle area, mostly on the right (these barely registered) and the final one in my crown Chakra. The ear one really throbbed when she first put it in and Janet said she would take it out if it didn't settle down... thankfully it did. As soon as the third eye needle went in I got that slightly disorientated feeling again and as each needle was added there was that subtle movement within my body that I've come to recognise as the Qi energy flowing - Janet was pleased when I mentioned this, as it means the needles are working. She then placed the silver thermal "blanket" over my feet and turned on the relaxation music. She asked if I felt OK and was comfortable and I assured her I was, then she said that I was to know that the room had been properly cleansed (not sure if these products are used, but it goives an idea of what is meant) before I went in, as it always was after each treatment, and that I could relax, as I would be perfectly safe throughout the treatment. I said OK, thanks and felt quite drifty by this time, so she turned the main light out and left me to chill.
Some time later (I really don't know how long - time just seems to drift past) she came back in and when I replied to her query that I was OK she warned me to keep my eyes tightly closed whilst she put the main light back on again. She then asked how it had gone and removed the needles. Well, there were the usual Chakra colours - mostly third eye, Crown and healing purple again - and I don't know if it was due to the music, which had a decidedly Oriental theme at one point, but I got the image of a bonsai tree pop into my mind's eye. Janet said that actually, although acupuncture was initially Chinese, the Japanese also took to and ran with it. I also saw an image of a very pretty little dragon - not the usual Chinese style ones (which, btw, I don't like the look of) - and felt it was a fire image, so Janet said she would check my fire energies next time. I told her that I'd felt I'd also got the answer to the blockage problem, as I'd heard: you need to let go of fear. Yes, I know we'd been talking about fear responses etc but, as I explained to her, this came directly after I'd been wondering about why I was blocked - and in the same inner ear way I've received Spirit messages (my Guide?). It was one of those "Derrrr" moments. It's also a kind of fear that caused the panic attacks and agoraphobia, having me hiding away from the world (the mouse, again).... keeping me from doing the things I should be doing..... and which occasionally rears it's head again from time to time...... so I feel it was an all-encompassing message to make me think and give me this insight: if I let go of fear there are no restrictions, no limiting behaviour, I am capable of doing anything and everything I wish to. :0)
Janet then said I was to take my time, only getting up when I felt OK to do so and to have some sips of water. She then told me she had told her Mum about the song I'd heard and Daniel O' Donnell - it seems he was her grandmother's favourite singer, so my thinking of him in relation to the song had been totally relevant. She told me her Mum said thank you and she thanked me again and said that, as I was starting to receive things outside of the Circle too, I was obviously not fully blocked and was also developing more than I thought. It was a heartening thought.... though I just wish I'd been able to give her more of a message. She then left to go to her next client, waiting in room 2.
After a few minutes I got up and sorted, grabbed a box of tea and headed for reception where DH was waiting for me (he'd taken the day off, with having worked the weekend). I made my next appointment for the following Tuesday, as my DSis has a week's holiday then and I'm going to spend a few days with her again, DH paid and I said goodbye to G and said I would see her then and hopefully at the Circle too. :0)
Outside and we headed to the hairdressers, so DH could make an appointment. Then into the Hospice Bookshop where DH treated himself to some CD's and I found these:
From here we then had a trip to the Post Office, followed by a quick shop in Wilko's, then went over the road to have dinner in one of the newer cafe's. DH and I were quite impressed with what was on offer, especially as they were aware of food allergies/intolerances and were willing to accommodate these.... it was also a nice atmosphere, so we'll go there again. :0)
When we'd finished our meals and drinks we started heading back up the High Street, calling in at the greengrocers, before going home. The weather wasn't that great and a trawl of the market didn't appeal. We also wanted to go and have a look at some cars before DH had to go for his hair appointment and we're fast running out of time.
We managed to look round two different car traders, seeing what was on offer and the prices expected. I didn't see anything that particularly appealed but it was useful as it allowed me to firm up ideas about what the type of car I would feel happy to drive. It also gave me the chance to rule out quite a few makes as unsuitable for my needs. Hopefully we'll get chance to look round again before too much longer - I want that freedom that keeps cropping up in Spirit messages for me. :0)